The Mechanisms Behind Love And Relationships Part 2 (And Why Cheating Really Happens)
- Brainz Magazine
- Feb 10, 2022
- 5 min read
Written by: McKing Lee, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Welcome back and this is Part 2 of How Our Mind Works (according to a hypnotist).
Now if you haven’t already, please go on ahead to read Part 1.
Because if you continue, I’m going to assume you already have the understanding laid out.
I can wait you know…
Alright, I assume you have read it 😊
Now considering its February and therefore, Valentine’s Day~
Love is in the air and what not.
So I decided to breakdown the mechanisms behind love and relationship for Part 2 in understanding how our minds work.
I’m also going to share how cheating happens, and why it happens, because it is definitely not what you think!
Regarding Love and Relationships
Now, this is closely linked to what I shared previously in Part 1.
Essentially, boys tend to follow their fathers in developing their behaviors, personality and characters, and find someone similar to their mothers as a partner.
And vice versa for the girls. Now to add on more details to this basic understanding. It’s not 100%. And what I mean by that is that because we are all human, we cannot be learning 100% of each trait from that specific parent. Like, I’m the eldest of 3 boys, and perhaps I am learning from my dad about 80% of his traits while I learn 20% of my mom’s traits. My 2nd brother could be learning 50% from each parent, while my 3rd brother could be learning a different 70% traits from my dad and 30% from my mom.
This is especially so because of what each parent is going through in their own lives, such as job, finance, health etc. As well as how much time the parents (or lack thereof) spend with the child. However, having this concept or understanding will make a huge difference in you understanding yourself! Or understanding your spouse or partner, children, friend etc.
Now one of my clients, a girl about 20 at that time, after sharing the above with her, she said this “McKing, I get where you are coming from. But here’s the thing, I realize that I learnt 100% traits from my dad, and nothing from my mom. What does that mean?”
“Ok now if you (since you are a girl) really did learn 100% traits from your dad and nothing from your mom, then you will likely find a guy who is similar to your mom OR you will find a girl who is similar to your mom… not that I’m saying you are lesbian”
“Cough cough ahem… I like both…”, she said shyly…
“Haha then you know what I’m saying is correct”
Of course, this seems to suggest that our sexuality can be nurtured and not just based on nature!
Honestly, I think it could be a factor of both, but without going into that topic for now…
What Does This Mean For You?
Now because of such a trend that we may have learnt growing up. This means that there is a higher chance you will find someone attractive based on specific patterns. And that is dependent on how your parents interact with each other. Sad but true.
If they are lovey dovey and have good positive interactions with each other, then more likely you will experience the same type of relationships. If there are cold to each other, don’t communicate at all, or argue all the time, then you might experience more of such relationships in the future too.
Now I want to share some good stuff with you!
Here’s a little exercise that is helpful for both singles (and looking for love) and couples alike!
Big Question: What is important to you about relationship?
And I don’t mean what are you looking for in a lover, I mean in the relationship itself.
Ideally, get about 5-7 values or answers (the more the merrier).
And I want you to write them down, don’t just do in your head.
Next, we are going to order the list.
Comparing Question: Between Value A and Value B, which is more important to you?
Now let’s say someone wrote down the following 4 answers, “communication, affection, fun, sex”
And that person will compare between “communication” and “affection” to have a sense or a feel of which is more important.
Let’s say “affection” is more important to this person, and so they switch places on the list. Hence this question will put the list in the right order of importance. This is key so do the same for the rest of the list.
Top Question: For the first value, if you have nothing else but this, is that enough?
This is a question to find your ultimate number 1 value for love and relationship!
Let’s use the above example again. However, when this person ask themselves if they have nothing else except “communication” and whether it is enough, let’s say he/she has a feeling the answer is a “no”.
What does this mean?
It means that the true number 1 value hasn’t been found or not in the right place yet. It could be number 10 for example and we need to find it! Once you found the true number 1, number 2, and so on.
Your love life will definitely be enhanced!!
This is because you have a better and truer understanding of yourself and your values of love.
But Wait, What About Cheating?
Yes yes I’m going to share on that now~
I have a number of clients who cheated or were cheated upon and when I interviewed them in order to help them, I discovered something peculiar. About half of them have had a parent who cheated before, which isn’t surprisingly. If the parent has cheated before, there is a chance the child of the same gender might cheat too.
The surprise is that other half didn’t have cheating parents, but they have something in common. They were adopted (or the parent of the same gender was adopted).
Huh?!
What I realized is that the unconscious mind of the fetus is already active and learning!
And it has learnt details about the mother, the fetus can hear the mother’s voice and recognize it! However, when the child is given away for adoption, the baby’s unconscious mind will question… why?
And it may develop a few possible thought patterns.
Such as…
“I’m unwanted”
“I’m unloved”
“I cannot find love in this family so I must seek love outside the family”
Among other possibilities.
The first two might cause the child to develop tendencies of a rebellious nature (which you might hear of adopted children raised in good adoptive families yet unappreciative of their families). Of course, some may end up in a terrible adoptive family too.
The third thought pattern is the pattern that causes cheating to occur. Because when they get married, the outsider who is the boyfriend/girlfriend, is now the spouse or family! So the pattern get triggered and the person will cheat – to seek love outside the family! This is the true unconscious reason which people don’t realize.
On the surface, more often people will say it is due to incompatibility, not sexually satisfied etc
Bizarre, isn’t it?!
If you enjoy reading such weird stuff, check out more on my blog.
Thank you for reading and I’ll see you next time! :D
McKing Lee, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
McKing Lee is a conversational hypnotist, NLP Practitioner, and a student of life. After nearly dying in his sleep when his lung burst for no reason, McKing develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and fell into depression. He subsequently sought his own recovery through learning NLP and hypnosis. Having a unique understanding of how the mind works, he has helped many people with mental and psychological issues, relationship and emotional issues, and interestingly enough, sometimes physical ailments too. McKing was recognized and won APAC SEA Business Awards Hypnotist of the Year 2020, and has been featured in local and overseas media over the years. He aims to help people as effectively as possible, through sharing of knowledge and with the right application of skills.
