Let's Stop Ranking Trauma – Why It's Time to Rethink "Big T" and "little t" Labels
Written by Daniela D Sota, Registered Psychotherapist
Daniela Sota is a psychotherapist in Toronto, Canada. She has been working in mental health for 20 years and primarily uses EMDR as a therapeutic modality.
For a long time, when people heard the word trauma, they thought of war zones, car crashes, or acts of violence. Trauma was something catastrophic, reserved for what some would call "capital-T Trauma." But as conversations around mental health have evolved, so has our understanding of what trauma actually is, and how deeply it can affect all of us, even without a dramatic backstory.
To help people grasp that trauma comes in many forms, the mental health field introduced terms like "Big T" and "little t" trauma. "Big T" referred to the large, undeniable events like natural disasters, sexual assault, and combat. "Little t" pointed to more subtle but still painful experiences, like emotional neglect, chronic criticism, or experiencing a loss. This language helped expand awareness and gave more people permission to see their experiences as valid.
But as we move into 2025, we're beginning to see the limitations, and even the harm, of dividing trauma into categories. The time has come to retire these labels and embrace a more compassionate, inclusive understanding of pain.
The problem with ranking trauma
Trauma isn't something we can, or should, measure by size. It's not a competition. Pain isn't a race. You don't need a dramatic story for your feelings to be valid. If something hurt you, if it changed how you see yourself, how you connect with others, or how safe you feel in the world, it matters.
Labelling trauma as "big" or "small" creates an invisible hierarchy of suffering. And that often leads to self-doubt. People begin telling themselves things like:
"It wasn't that bad."
"Other people have had it worse."
"I should be over this by now."
This kind of inner dialogue doesn't just silence pain, it buries it. It keeps some from seeking support, from sharing their stories, and even from acknowledging to themselves that they were even hurt at all. You don't have to compare your experience to someone else's to deserve care or healing. The moment we stop minimizing our pain is the moment we begin healing it.
And here's the truth: if something left a mark on you, it matters. Trauma isn't defined by how dramatic it looks from the outside; it's defined by how it felt on the inside and how it continues to show up in your body, your thoughts, and your relationships.
What trauma really is (and isn't)
Dr. Gabor Maté, a leading voice in trauma research, offers a powerful reframe: "Trauma is not what happens to you. It's what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you." This is why we need to rethink the way we talk about trauma. It's not about the event. It's about its impact. And trauma can change the brain, no matter how "big" or "small" the cause may seem.
Here's how:
The amygdala, our brain's alarm center, becomes overly sensitive, so we react with fear or anxiety even in safe situations.
The hippocampus, which helps process memories, can get overwhelmed, making traumatic memories feel jumbled or "stuck" in the present.
The prefrontal cortex, our thinking and reasoning center, becomes less effective when we're triggered, making it hard to stay calm, think clearly, or make good decisions.
In short, trauma permanently rewires the brain into survival mode. But the good news? Our brains are neuroplastic; we can transform them. With the right support, whether through EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) or other healing practices, the brain can unlearn this hyper-alert state and find safety again.
Why this shift in trauma language matters
The shift away from comparing trauma can be life-changing.
It helps someone finally understand why they feel anxious, even when "nothing terrible happened."
It helps to explain why you keep doing the same things we know don't work over and over.
It gives a voice to people who've carried invisible pain for years, silently wondering if they even deserve support.
When we stop asking, "Was it traumatic enough?" and start asking, "How did it affect you?" we create space for all stories to matter.
We all carry something
Being human means being shaped by experience. Many of us are walking around with unspoken hurts:
A breakup that left us doubting our worth
A workplace that made us feel unsafe or small
Constant criticism
Feeling invisible in your family
Growing up without affection
A parent who couldn't show up for us
Being shamed for who you are
Losing trust in someone you counted on
These moments don't always look like "trauma," but they matter. They influence how we move forward in the world, how we connect, and how we navigate stress.
This isn't about labelling every life difficulty as trauma, it's about allowing people to acknowledge what hurt them without shame. For people to understand that hurt actually changes their brain, because healing can only happen when we're allowed to tell the truth about what happened to us.
All pain is worthy of attention
Whether your wounds are loud or quiet, visible or hidden, they matter. You don't need a disaster or diagnosis to deserve support. If it hurt you, and it's still echoing in your thoughts, your body, or your relationships, it's real. It's valid. And it's worthy of care. Let's stop asking, "Was it bad enough?" and start asking, "How did it shape you?" Because when we stop measuring trauma by how it looks, we can finally begin healing what it did.
What this mean for you
If you've ever told yourself your pain wasn't "traumatic enough," or that it "didn't matter," consider this your invitation to reconsider. You don't need permission to feel what you feel. And you don't have to meet some imaginary threshold of suffering to seek healing.
As Gabor Maté says, "Trauma is the invisible force that shapes our lives." It's behind the anxiety we can't explain, the relationships that keep repeating, the shame we carry quietly. It influences our decisions, our relationships, and our behaviours. And when we name it and understand it, we can begin to loosen its grip.
In closing: Let's retire the labels
Yes, the "Big T/little t" framework helped open the door. But now it's time to walk through it, into a more nuanced, compassionate, and empowering way of thinking about pain. Because healing doesn't start by comparing stories, it starts with compassion for others and for ourselves. And no matter the shape your pain takes, it's real, it's valid, it changes you. And it's worthy of healing.
If it hurt you, and it's still echoing in your thoughts, your body, or your relationships, would you like to begin healing? Visit here to learn more about how EMDR can help you.
Read more from Daniela D Sota
Daniela D Sota, Registered Psychotherapist
Daniela Sota is a passionate advocate for mental health, championing the idea that mental health IS health. With over 20 years of experience, she works with clients to bridge the gap between where they are and where they want to be, whether struggling, stuck, or thriving. Daniela’s extensive training in various psychotherapeutic modalities led her to Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), a neuroscience-based psychotherapeutic modality that has transformed her approach. She uses EMDR to help clients overcome many diverse issues, including trauma, anxiety, negative self-talk, relationship issues, and repetitive patterns, as well as to enhance performance in business, arts, and sports.
