Written by: Krisztina Konya, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Forgiveness is medicine for soul.
Why should I forgive someone who hurt me? What should I forgive someone who caused me pain?
The questions are legitimate. Because sometimes the hurt caused is intense – our inner world, thoughts and feelings turned upside down – we find it very difficult to concentrate on anything other than the turmoil or pain. And we find ourselves holding onto the hurt, shame, guilt, anxiety, and stress; consciously or unconsciously, we get so familiar with it that it becomes part of us. Yet, by forgiving, we allow ourselves to move on to live a life of compassion and understanding, in harmony with ourselves and others.
I know that forgiving – especially when life hits us hard – may be difficult, but nothing works better than forgiveness in healing our deep wounds. Many people, unfortunately, have a misconception about what forgiveness is; some others may want to forgive but have doubts about if they honestly can. I would love to highlight one important thing here – forgiving doesn't mean forgetting or denying what happened to you or finding excuses for the offence.
The power of forgiveness lies in understanding what happened to you, acknowledging the feelings and emotions attached to it, and working through the hurt and shame, anger, or guilt. It won't happen overnight; no one wakes up in the morning after years and years of silent suffering, stating that starting from today, I forgive everyone and everything that happened to me. Forgiveness is a process, and you must allow yourself to walk through all the stages of it – it might not come easy, but the result will be the peace of mind, acceptance, and anger free life.
Become aware that you hold onto something that happened to you in the past, and you cannot change it.
We might think that the person who hurt us they don't "deserve" to be forgiven – but we must understand that forgiving is not about them – it is all about us. Acknowledging what happened to us is the first step on the path of forgiveness. Think about these questions: who did it to me and why? When did this happen? How long ago? Why am I still holding onto it? How does it affect my life in the present? What negative feelings have I acquired and keep them spiralling into my life?
We know ourselves better than anyone else. So, be honest with yourself; examine why you are still holding onto something that happened to you in the past?
What aspect of you is leading your life now?
We have many aspects of us – our distinctive way of feeling, thinking, and acting. It requires true courage, self-awareness, and knowing oneself to recognize out of our many faces which one is leading our lives now. For example, when living in fear, anger, and not being able to forgive the other person – ask yourself, what aspect of me is leading? The victim, the child, the insecure part of me, the hurt, or the angry part of me? If that's the case, recognize that these feelings and emotions – these aspects of you – are on a low energy frequency, at the very bottom of the spiral. These will always hold you down and will keep you stuck, not able to move forward to living an extraordinary life with peace of mind. Ask yourself the question: why I would do this to myself?
Sometimes pride and the false sense of power can substantially weaken our ability to forgive – our Ego will make us feel entitled to be angry, hurt, and hang onto resentment because it has become so familiar. Self-awareness is vital – recognize when you are led by your Ego, not by your heart. It might be difficult at the beginning – because you were holding onto hurt for so long. But when you allow yourself to go into your heart space and start forgiving others and yourself, you will come from a place of love, understanding, and compassion – the energy level will increase to the highest possible levels.
Sometimes people are just hanging on to their personal history – where they encountered hurt, harm, and abuse – to justify their actions in the present; they are holding on to the "poor me" status without being aware that they are preventing themselves from healing.
Embrace your inner child – address and heal your pain
When in the process of forgiveness, close your eyes and open your heart just for a second. Go back to what happened in the past, but don't be in it, don't dwell on it, be an observer. Watch it as you would watch a movie. As an adult, being an observer, things might seem different if you look at them from this perspective. See that child in the past; see that young adult and embrace them; tell them that they are brave, and you are so proud of them for showing courage. All the harm caused you in the past can be healed through forgiveness. You can let go of all emotional pain: depression, anger, low self-esteem, lack of confidence – by addressing the pain and healing it. Every healing is self-healing. No one can do it for you. And the more hurt you have incurred in the past, the most important it is to forgive for your peace of mind and emotional well-being. Please make an effort, do yourself a favour and remove layer by layer all the labels you've placed on yourself; they are not serving your spiritual growth.
When you find it very hard to forgive – call upon your other strengths
Some people refuse to use the word forgiveness because it makes them so angry. Yes, I get it, and it is ok. We are on a different path with our rhythm, lessons that need to be learned, milestones crossed, and timelines to function.
If you find it hard to forgive – it's ok, don't be harsh on yourself, and don't be judgmental with yourself. Learn self-awareness, start living a mindful life, and embrace and love yourself before anything and anyone else. We all have many beautiful qualities and unique abilities; build your life on them. Remember that you are a beautiful soul having a human experience, and whatever happened to you in the past, in this lifetime, was there for you to learn a lesson. It is up to you how you take it. Every experience you encountered happened with a reason – for some, it might be hard to understand or accept this. Surround yourself with people who support you and have the patience to walk along with you on your path.
Forgive yourself
Walking on the path of spirituality, the process of forgiving yourself, is a huge step. Being able to forgive yourself might be challenging initially; it requires compassion toward yourself, understanding and kindness. We must remember that forgiveness – like anything else – is a choice. Everything that happens to us in our lives is in one way or another connected to our spiritual growth – whether we recognize it or not. In moments of silence and stillness, when we are present in the moment, focusing solely on our breath and embracing all that we are, we will find love. Recognizing that anger, guilt, and resentment cause us more harm than those who hurt us, forgiveness might be one of the best ways out.
Be kind to yourself, stop judging yourself and love yourself unconditionally and unapologetically. Why should you forgive yourself and others? For your peace of mind. Every moment of your life is precious; it will never return. So why not make the best out of it?
In the 5th century BC, Heraclitus said – and I am leaving you with this quote:
"You can never step into the same river twice. Because neither the river nor you are the same."
Krisztina Konya, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Krisztina is deeply a passionate person, who believes that we are all destined for greatness. The first step in achieving success is to unleash the power of self-love and to know ourselves well. From here we can build up successful businesses from the heart and live a happy and joyful life. Krisztina is success & authentic leadership coach, company owner and author. She has a solid academic background with a Degree in Business Management, and she is a Spiritual Life coach. Her mission is to encourage women to find their path towards empowerment, to hold the space for them to achieve this by giving them some of the most valuable and practical tools.
