Nancy J. McKay is a Certified Wayfinder Life Coach and a Certified Equus Coach® who helps women stop over-drinking. Her mantra that created her new career was “I didn’t get sober and survive cancer to be miserable.” Nancy founded Amazing Outlook Coaching, LLC in 2018 at the age of 61.
She works with women virtually, and with the help of horses, to help them uncover the limiting beliefs that are keeping them stuck in the f*ing muck. As a result, they create a life they love, free of alcohol and filled with joy and purpose.
Nancy J. McKay, Certified Life & Equus Coach
Who is Nancy? (Introduce yourself. Personal life, where do you live, family, any pets? ;) you get the picture).
I live in Lakewood, Colorado with my husband Jimmy, and our two rescued Westies, Tommy, and Maggie.
I grew up in Denver in a household of highly functional alcoholics. I was spunky when I was little until it was scolded out of me. I was always trying to be and do whatever my parents and my brother wanted of me. I was walking on eggshells, trying not to disappoint, trying to feel valued, enough, loved. My childhood created a woman who has spent most of her life coping with trauma in unhealthy ways.
My first coping tool was alcohol. I started drinking in high school with my friends. It made me feel accepted and even liked.
Two weeks before I left home for college, I met a cute guy. He was older, and I asked my parents for permission to date him – I don’t recall why I felt like I needed permission, except that I may have had the sense that it was a bad idea. My dad was not in favor, and I said “well, I’m not going to marry the guy!” We saw each other a lot and then he drove me to school on the other side of the state and helped me get settled. The next day asked me to marry him. Because my belief at the time was “this is the only chance you’ll ever get” I said yes. We were divorced by the time I was twenty-one.
I was transferred to the Pacific Northwest for my job when I was thirty. When the plane landed, I felt like I was home for the first time in my life. I swore I’d never move back to Colorado. When my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer, I experienced a tug-of-war; wanting to be close to my family and still wanting to live my life away from them. I was torn, and yet the need to feel needed won out. I moved back to Colorado and have been here for the last 30 years.
My father committed suicide in 2007 and the guilt and grief drove my heavy drinking into very abusive/alcoholic drinking. Everything still looked okay on the outside, but inside I was slowly dying. Then on Friday the 13th of March 2009, after “happy hour” and an argument with my husband, and thinking that everyone would be better off without me, I took matters into my own hand. Fortunately, when I put the gun to my head, I didn’t realize the safety was on. The only thing that got shot was an innocent pillow on the bed. I was standing at the intersection of desperation and grace. I haven’t had a drink since.
Six years later, I was diagnosed with early-stage ovarian cancer on my 58th birthday. I hesitatingly underwent chemotherapy, and once complete, I noticed my perspective on my life began to change. I was doing work that was not aligned with my values. Don’t get me wrong, I worked for a great company, with great people and fabulous benefits. For me that was not enough. I dove into the self-development pool and began training to become a life coach in 2017 when I was sixty. I launched my business in 2018 and I retired from my corporate job in 2019. I am thrilled to finally be doing my soul’s work.
What is it that you do for your clients?
I work with my clients virtually, and with the help of horses, to uncover the beliefs that cause over-drinking or really, any other unhealthy behaviors. How we learned to survive may not be the way we want to continue to live our lives. This is certainly true for me, and I believe it is for most of us.
I help my clients see where their thoughts are getting in their way. I use my own experience of getting sober and surviving cancer, along with a large variety of coaching tools that are effective in personal transformation.
My favorite coaching model is Equus Coaching®. Horses, along with a skilled Equus Coach, can help uncover patterns in behaviors, limiting beliefs and can shift those in the present moment. Horses are extremely intuitive and mirror back to us the energy we put out into the world. They won’t connect with us if they sense incongruity because it makes them feel unsafe. For many of my clients, working with horses is where true understanding and transformation begin.
Who should hire/work with you?
I love working with high achievers who want to accomplish more in their lives, only their drinking is getting in the way. They have a growth mindset and a desire to explore and uncover who they are and what is possible for them when they change their relationship with drinking. They are ready to take ownership and make the necessary changes to live a more fulfilling life.
What is your big goal? Where do you see yourself in 10 years from now?
My business is a movement.
My passion is to normalize not drinking alcohol.
To smash the stigma of addiction and alcoholism.
I believe that when more people share their own stories of recovery and living without alcohol, not drinking will become normalized. In our culture, alcohol is the only drug that we have to justify not taking.
Ten years from now I certainly hope to still be working. I honestly believe that if you are doing your soul’s work, it doesn’t feel like work, it’s just what you love doing.
I want to be the person that I needed when I was struggling. I want my clients to know they are not alone. Stopping drinking can be a struggle, and I coach them through those struggles. I’ve created a community for women to feel safe with sharing, and I want that community to grow. I know the pandemic has been hard on a lot of people for so many varied reasons – especially working women, working moms. And if alcohol was a solution, it doesn’t need to be anymore.
I want to be the voice of “No means no” when it comes to alcohol.
