Written by: Jennifer Wert, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Being a dad of a daughter is a unique gift. It’s different than parenting boys, in that it calls upon a dad’s more sensitive nature. Men clients often share just how much consciousness it takes. Whether we like it or not, we know how different boys and girls are, as well as men and women. Dads wanting to connect with their daughters have to be curious, intuitive and patient. They look to their female friends, wives and sisters for insight. And they work on paying attention to the details.
One father reflects, “My past use of sports analogies for everything has given way to nature. To help my daughters work through their challenges, I gravitate toward images of winds, storms and waves. They’re fierce, unrelenting at times, and can knock us over, yet they’re always shifting. Winds die down, change direction; waves have big troughs ahead and behind … ”
Being a dad, you’re your daughter’s very first experience of ‘man’. If thought about in this way, the role becomes that much more significant. How you listen and value her voice, the way in which you attend to her needs and believe in her capabilities — all of this is what she’ll expect of other men in the world around her. Teaching our kids to have respect for themselves is part of our job as conscious parents. As research shows, girls’ confidence steadily declines from fifth grade on, so with girls, there’s the added layer of learning to raise daughters who’re self-assured. Girls need to know that feeling their feelings is okay and that their worth is not based on what others think of them.
Constant, implicit societal messages deny this, and instead suggest a girl's worth is based on looks (or likes) and on acting in a non-disruptive, feminine way. In addition, subtle harassment is often an ignored undercurrent in their lives. Dads mindful of these truths, who do their best to experience the world through their daughters’ eyes will find a fresh perspective. By opening up to interacting and conversing from this place, fathers will find themselves more understanding and present with their girls.
Instead of having a more linear, task-oriented mindset like them, they’ll discover their daughters to be more relationally driven. Conscious fathers talk to me about how rewarding (and new) it is to allow space for just being together without an agenda. How different it is to purposefully set aside the instinct to solve, fix or focus on the end game. Many father-son conversations are based around sports, activities, projects, tools, politics, etc. With daughters, often they tend to be more quiet, earnest and (hopefully) openly emotional. For dads to be a reliable, strong figure in their girls’ lives as they grow up, slowing down and being more thoughtful in their example, and in their communication, will go a long way.
It’s hard work to see through a different lens than our own and yet when it means connecting more deeply to your girl, it's incredibly rewarding, life-giving and life-changing. Remember, differences are opportunities and when it comes to father-daughter relationships, it's where the gold lies.
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Jennifer Wert, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Professional Parent Coach, Jenn Wert, serves parents of young children around the globe who are looking for support in their conscious parenting. With a Master’s in Education, educator, and doula experience along with post-graduate social-emotional training, Jenn knows how to counsel parents who want to authentically communicate with their children. After decades of her own therapy, while concurrently working with many different family types, she brings honesty to her conversations and discernment to her listening that allows clients to grow. Jenn inspires parenting that is nurturing, true and transformative.
