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Triggering Heartbreak — How Continuing To Wound Other Souls Enables Distress & Blocks Self-Healing

Written by: Serena A. Carbonell, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.


On our sacred journey in life, triggering heartbreak is often the catalyst for wounding other souls. This type of action may be found in any relationship, especially those that are intimate and defined by the force of a deep, powerful connection — with a soul love, friend, or family relation as an example.

Hands with broken heart

When one inflicts harm, pain, and discomfort in a loving partnership the soul(s) on the receiving end is often the one scratching their head wondering why they are going through this toxic and unhealthy experience.

The "wounder" may be choosing to initiate, what I call, emotional drama recycled (EDR) due to their inner suffering, inner turmoil, and sadness. Lack of self-love. Deep-rooted insecurities. Living in fear. Childhood trauma. Addictive personality.

Suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or perhaps questioning their self-identity. The ones, ironically, who are sadly actually wounded.

The wounder may also not even be aware of their behavior due to repressed negative emotions that have been living in their subconscious or have an underlying mental and physical or genetic health condition.

Then there are those who may have a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) that requires remarkable tactics and a methodical delivery of many motives — from lying to cheating to gaslighting to love-bombing to manipulating to ghosting (the list goes on) — to glorify their ego and celebrate an internal sense of control, protection, and power. Lacking empathy and dehumanizing other souls for their selfish benefit in feeding their supply. All a charming facade, scary as f%@k and very holistically disheartening. For I sure have been there!

Most importantly, it takes two to tango — right? So whatever is being brought to the energy of the relationship — both parties are involved in the dynamic. No one is perfect. We are only human, as I always say. I, too, have certainly had my share of emotional hardships during my sacred journey (as I am sure there will be more to come), and I have thus learned how to channel the Heavenly Road to Recovery (which I will touch upon in closing).

From experience in the past, as the receiver, taking full responsibility for my actions that were not always gracious yet genuinely came from my heart and meant well is considered a normal reaction. A natural defense mechanism in trying to maintain stability. I repeat, a NORMAL REACTION!

This overall “push and pull” between the wounder and the receiver ultimately enables distress.

Enabling Distress

Most souls (well, I would hope ALL souls) want to have free-spirited, honest, and beautiful happy relationships where we sign up to be loved and give love — not to be hurt, abused, and taken advantage of. Sadly, this is not always the way.

On a spiritual plane, this could derive from a past-life karmic connection, a weak destined soulmate union, unsound divine timing, and even an astrological mismatch in natal birth chart comparison. Yes — a unique language that is true to its accurate meaning.

On a more earthly plane, we may, as previously noted, look at the make-up of the wounder — where their internal pain lies and how their psyche may be contributing to making dysfunctional decisions — creating and causing “drama” and delivering discomfort to other souls.

Not all souls are meant for one another — not compatible, period. In essence, many relationships do not last or work out and are not a good fit. I also believe you do not always have to be friends with all of your ex-soul loves, souls in your communal circle, or certain family members. And that is okay. On this same token, I feel that maintaining a sense of ease with these souls, if able, is most important and valuable for sustaining a positive attitude. It's called — keeping the peace! When this incompatibility, however, is not accepted — abusive behavior kicks in. The EDR of the wounder starts to become conflicted, especially when they begin to feel the lack of connection with their respective soul partner(s).

Instead of being mindful in trying to either work on their relationship issues in an HONEST light or ending the relationship(s) in its entirety, the wounder ultimately establishes a volatile environment that is very debilitating for the receiver. A fierce brutal cycle.

The receiver is subjected to being triggered — even by the subtlest actions initiated by the wounder — which may be a mere glance, a devilish smirk, or perhaps a form of abusive verbal body language that can be downright cruel and mean. The receiver then, most likely, kicks into defensive mode. So now, sadly, both parties are trapped in this vicious pattern of a shit storm, living in an unkind and depressive space which in turn blocks self-healing. Lacking complete trust.

As the unfortunate emotional rollercoaster continues echoing in the background is Haddaway’s riveting true-to-life lyrics for all types of toxic loving relationships — “What is love? Oh, baby, don't hurt me. Don’t hurt me. No more.”

Blocked Self-Healing

Whether we have short or long-term relationships with souls, having TRUST is extremely important and significant in understanding how the connection flows and, once again, where commitment and compatibility lie. Trust is the foundation for a successful holistic rapport — no matter the partnership. WE ALL KNOW THIS! (Yet do we practice it is the question).

When a soul friend “burns you” in some way, for example, by not keeping a sacred secret or spreading false rumors, you question their authenticity. This royally sucks! You most likely want to give your soul friend the benefit of the doubt by asking for and accepting their apology, forgiving, and hoping they never repeat their disloyal actions.

So...the suffering and anxiety will continue.

When trust is not well-established, broken, or unable to grow, believing in the relationship is non-existent. A relationship will also not withstand if trust is not a focal point in the healing process. When confronted, the wounder — ultimately the one in pain and subconsciously starving to be “cured” — may choose to not take responsibility for their actions. Refusing to face their fears and encourage change. My eternal motto!

The wounder will also NEVER acquiesce until they have no choice. As my dear soul sister of a bestie, Lizzie will tell you — “a leopard doesn’t change its spots.” It is generally always the receiver who is the one who makes the final decision on the trajectory of the relationship — I need a break, we need a break, our relationship is over.

Blocked self-healing may also be initiated by priorities. It all comes down to priorities! They set the intention for love, set the intention for respect, set the intention for boundaries, and set the intention for compatibility. If you have priorities that are not aligned, perhaps revisiting the relationship as a whole is key.

There is no right or wrong with priorities — a personal choice with numerous circumstances involved. The most valuable aspect is knowing what YOUR priorities are now — not what they may be in the future. This is paramount, especially when you are, say, the one “in charge” — like serving as a mother or father — where you have chosen to have a child. Your priorities must change, and your role in life will evolve in a different direction. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent and struggles with rearing a family — losing sight of the value and importance of prioritizing, checking their ego, and being mindful of their service to their familial beloveds.

Lastly, you may not be channeling your intuition — that “gut” feeling that is usually always spot on — and not practicing integrity. Lying is potentially one of the unhealthiest, if not THE unhealthiest, harmful contributions to a partnership. If you lie, you might as well forget about reading this entire article.

Heavenly Road to Recovery

AAAHHH! Now to finding peace and happiness. Woohoo!

In order for souls to heal from being wounded, the wounder AND the receiver (as both are involved) must be willing, ready, and able to focus on diving deep and owning their truths and their actions. Explore triggers and declare integrity while developing trust.

If you are in a relationship that you wish to continue, find a way to work together as ONE while also making time for your own personal spirit and soul to reset, recover and recharge.

And if you are in a relationship that serves no holistic purpose and merely causes heartache — find the courage to end it. Breaks-ups of any sort are never easy and are, of course, very painful. Moving on, in hindsight, will be a blessing for all parties involved. Release the toxic energy that is holding you back.

Safety-first. If you also have to cut off ties completely — then do so. Remember to keep the peace with the former soul connection(s) — even if strictly internally. This may seem wonky though TRUST me — forgiveness is a virtue.

Now on to our beloved THERAPY! Find a healer, a life coach, a mentor, a counselor, a psychiatrist, a psychologist, an art therapist, a dear soul friend or confidant — you name it. A musical artist even! Such enlightened practitioners and talented persons exist for a cathartic and emotional release reason. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel anger. Let it out!

As already touched upon, priorities are truly unique for us all — and when we connect with another soul who aligns with our priorities, there is a grander fit. We are individual souls who need to do we, and sacrifices do need to be appreciated. Honor yourself. Know your priorities. Be respectful, and value boundaries.

Warn others! Yes, if you find that some souls in your energy field may be wreaking havoc on your other intimate relationships — let those in your inner circle, whom you trust, know. That is your golden opportunity to protect those who are nearest and dearest and be in a secure social haven. And then there is always the classic NPD soul love warning song from our empowering Carly Pearce — whose beautiful melodic harmonic rhapsody, “Next Girl,” says it ALL!

On a daily basis, practice aligning your chakras — our ayurveda body energies based on Eastern Indian medicine — and set intentions that enable you to radiate positivity. Build strength so you may heal, transform and protect your well-being. You will feel blissfully at ease when finding balance and clarity, following your intuition, and truly letting go.

Astrologically — have your natal birth chart done (Astrodienst). There is amazing in-depth insight, truths, and discoveries in knowing your zodiac details. This knowledge will also benefit in learning whether you and other intimate souls are compatible. Quite extraordinary, awesomely accurate, and has helped me understand my relations with others. Fun fact — the ceiling of Grand Central Terminal in New York City is a landscape of 6 of our 12 astrological star constellations — Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Aquarius, and Pisces. Super cool! So if you are ever there catching a train or two or enjoying the splendors of all else the terminal has to offer, don't forget to look up!

And if you are familiar with my sacred mantras — never forget — time is your soul friend. Be patient and know that the universe is your divine light. We are always a work in progress. Celebrating life with compassion and unconditional love is the ultimate.

Remember — you are blessed, gifted, and beautiful & the magic awaits!

Follow me on LinkedIn, Twitter and visit my website for more info!


Serena A. Carbonell, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Serena is the founder of Spiritual Living with Serena (SLS) ‒ a holistic intuitive healing coaching & spiritual advisor service providing a simple approach for high performers in achieving happiness. Her name is pronounced akin to "Serenity" with a short second e. Serena utilizes her expansive certified therapeutic background to serve those who strive for excellence and have the challenge of living a more stress-free, rewarding, meaningful and holistic soulful life. She typically works with high-level executives, professional athletic coaches and successful competitive athletes. Always celebrating with a positive, loving zest for life, Serena is eternally in touch with her healing spirit: body, mind & soul.



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