Shedding the Armour and Embracing Vulnerability and Healing in a Harsh World
- Brainz Magazine
- May 6
- 6 min read
Written by Sandi James, Psychologist
Sandi James is a psychologist who finds ways to help people with individualised and person-centred care. She is also a PhD candidate in Australia. Her specialties include long-standing eating disorders, addiction, and trauma and she is researching the harms that can happen during treatment for mental health challenges.
In a world that often feels demanding and unforgiving, the instinct to protect ourselves is deeply ingrained and sometimes essential. We build walls, erect defences, and cultivate an outward appearance of strength, which could be called our "suits of armour." While these protective layers might offer some sense of safety, they can inadvertently hinder genuine healing and perpetuate a cycle of superficial well-being.
This concept of a protective "suit of armour" extends beyond individual experiences and resonates deeply within the broader spectrum of mental health challenges. When individuals navigate difficult life experiences, their psychological systems often respond by developing these layers as a form of self-preservation. These layers, initially intended to shield against further pain, can become rigid and prevent authentic engagement with oneself and the world.
The pursuit of recovery, particularly for mental health, can inadvertently reinforce the construction or reinforcement of this armour. The pressure to present a certain image of "wellness," to adhere to expected behaviours, and to say the "right" things can mean people might perform recovery rather than truly embrace it. This kind of engagement might involve turning up to treatment and saying it is helping, saying what we think is expected without feeling any of it, or using all our energy to maintain a facade of normalcy. Feelings of being a failure or of treatment not being helpful can follow. In reality, we don’t address the underlying causes and maintainers of distress, leaving individuals feeling unseen and untreatable, disconnected from their true selves in pursuit of an externally defined "recovery."
This describes the experiences of countless individuals navigating mental health challenges. The internal pressure to appear "okay," even when grappling with significant emotional turmoil, can be immense. This pressure often stems from a fear of judgment, a desire to avoid burdening others, or a societal expectation to project strength and resilience. Consequently, individuals may conceal their true feelings, leading to a superficial compliance with treatment that lacks genuine understanding or motivation. The constant effort required to maintain this facade can be emotionally and mentally exhausting, further depleting the very resources needed for genuine healing. This disconnect between the internal reality and the external presentation fosters a profound sense of inauthenticity, hindering the journey towards true recovery.
The critical need for a more compassionate, nuanced, and person-centred approach to mental health care becomes strikingly clear. An approach that validates the complexities of individual experiences, acknowledges underlying vulnerabilities, and moves beyond rigid expectations of what "recovery" should look like is essential. True healing necessitates creating environments where individuals feel safe enough to shed their armour and be seen authentically. It requires a redefinition of "recovery" that embraces individual journeys, acknowledges setbacks as part of the process, and allows progress to occur in a non-linear fashion.
To foster such environments and redefine recovery, we must consider several crucial aspects:
Cultivating safety and trust
Creating environments where individuals feel safe enough is paramount. This involves the clinician demonstrating transparency, trust, compassion, empathy, and non-judgment. Within therapeutic settings, this means practitioners cultivating a space where vulnerability is welcomed and explored without criticism or dismissal. It also extends to broader social contexts, encouraging communities to become more understanding and supportive of mental health challenges, because it happens to all of us at some stage. When individuals feel safe enough to express their true feelings and experiences without fear of negative consequences, the need for protective armour diminishes. This sense of safety can allow for exploration of difficult emotions and processing of traumatic experiences in ways that foster genuine healing rather than superficial compliance.
Embracing individual journeys
The path to healing is rarely linear. It is filled with ups and downs, moments of progress, and setbacks. A more compassionate approach to recovery acknowledges this ‘normal’ process of change and growth. Instead of adhering to rigid timelines and expectations, the focus shifts to supporting the individual's unique journey at their own pace. This involves recognising that what constitutes "progress" can vary significantly from person to person. For some, it might be the ability to articulate a difficult emotion. It might be engaging in a previously avoided activity or social situation, and for others, it may be taking a shower or eating some food. Celebrating small victories and acknowledging the courage it takes to navigate the complexities of mental health are crucial.
Redefining "recovery"
The traditional definition of ‘recovery’ often emphasises the absence of symptoms and a return to a pre-illness way of functioning. For many, this definition feels invalidating, unachievable, or even undesirable. A more holistic and empowering definition of recovery focuses on the individual's ability to live a meaningful and fulfilling life alongside ongoing struggles and challenges. This involves fostering resilience, building mastery, developing coping skills, and cultivating a sense of hope and agency. It acknowledges that healing is not about becoming "fixed," because we are not broken. It is about learning to live well with one's experiences. This redefinition shifts the focus from external markers of success to internal well-being and self-acceptance.
Validating vulnerability
Our society often equates vulnerability with weakness, with not being “strong enough,” or with being “too needy.” However, true strength lies in the courage to be open and authentic, even in the face of adversity. A person-centred approach to mental health actively validates vulnerability as an essential aspect of the human experience and as a catalyst for genuine connection and healing. When individuals feel seen and accepted, the need to maintain a protective facade diminishes. This allows for deeper exploration of emotions, fosters self-compassion, and strengthens interpersonal relationships, all of which are vital for long-term well-being.
Moving beyond superficial compliance
Real and lasting recovery requires more than simply complying with treatment protocols. Genuine engagement is needed, a willingness to begin to explore difficult emotions, and a desire for change and self-discovery. Mental health care needs to slowly move towards building intrinsic motivation and empowering individuals to take an active role in their healing process. This involves creating collaborative relationships between practitioners and individuals, where the individual's experiences, perspectives, and goals are central to the treatment plan. When individuals feel heard, understood, and empowered, they are more likely to engage authentically in their recovery journey.
Challenging societal expectations
The pressure to present masks of strength and resilience often stems from what we think others expect or want us to be. We believe that our own needs are less important, and we will get to them later. We usually don’t hold others to this standard though; we want them to be able to have and express their feelings and to be supported through that. Challenging these norms and fostering a more open and accepting dialogue about mental health is crucial. This involves destigmatising mental illness, promoting empathy and understanding, and recognising that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. When society embraces vulnerability and acknowledges the universality of human suffering, individuals will feel less pressure to maintain their protective armour.
While the instinct to build protective layers in a challenging world is understandable, these "suits of armour" can ultimately impede genuine healing and perpetuate ‘masking’ and a cycle of superficial well-being. By creating environments of safety and trust, embracing individual journeys, redefining "recovery," validating vulnerability, moving beyond superficial compliance, and challenging societal expectations, we can create a more compassionate and effective approach to mental health care. It is in shedding the armour, embracing our authentic selves, and connecting with others in our vulnerability that true and lasting healing can begin. The journey may be challenging, but the potential for genuine well-being lies in the courage to be seen, truly seen, without the need for a protective facade.
Read more from Sandi James
Sandi James, Psychologist
Sandi James is a psychologist who finds ways to help people with individualised and person-centred care. She is also a PhD candidate in Australia. Her specialties include long-standing eating disorders, addiction, and trauma. She is currently doing her PhD researching harms and adverse events that can happen during treatment for mental health challenges.
