Written by: Sharna Southan, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
How can there be any meaning in your challenges or losses… right?
Life is happening to us, and it is just unfair!
If someone said there was meaning within my pregnancy loss after I had experienced it (which I’m pretty sure they did), It would have hurt like hell!
“Why would they say something so insensitive?”
In this article, I want to say, Society & External Triggers are inevitable.
We cannot control what other people do or say to us. It is entirely up to us to control our reaction to the said trigger.
It's important to note as well that life is not happening to you, it is happening for you. Our life's journey is already predetermined before birth & our challenges the hardships are an opportunity for you to grow your soul. To grow into the person, you are destined to be.
There are a few things to consider when dealing with our emotions after loss (and triggers come under that emotional umbrella).
I want you first to consider where you are within your grieving.
There are 7-Stages to the Grieving Cycle. Can you place where you are within the Kubler-Ross 7-Stages of the Grieving Cycle?
There are multiple & different ways grief can be felt. Are you aware there are 18 Types of Grief?
An important thing to note here while we are on the topic of grief is that it does not come in the set stages. You will experience grief in all its stages at different times throughout your life. And grief does not just go away. You learn to live with & understand that grief & joy can coexist in your life.
Grief is love & through understanding grief, you can understand joy so much deeper.
Now you are aware of how you are grieving; the next step is to understand how your emotions are presenting and what you are doing when they do.
It is oh so easy to sweep them to the side and say they are too uncomfortable to deal with when they come up.
Although everything in our body is energy, all our cells are energy & our emotions are energy.
Not everything we feel will be positive, and that's okay.
When we can acknowledge the light & dark within ourselves, then & only then are we living in our Wholeness, in our oneness.
The light in us is when we can invite positive experiences & emotions, feelings into our lives.
The dark in us is the uncomfortable, the pain & the negative emotions, or feelings, although these are to be invited in as well.
And I say to invite the ‘Positive’ & ‘Negative’ because even in saying ‘negative’ emotions, they are not negative. They are coming to show you something. They are coming to be acknowledged and want to be released. It is only our perception of them that is ‘Negative.’
But for the sake of this article, I will refer to them as positive & negative emotions.
It is super important to understand this duality within us & be able to acknowledge both sides.
So your emotions are just energy. They may be uncomfortable to feel, but they are necessary for your emotional, mental & physical health.
We cannot ignore one part of us and expect to be authentically & wholly ourselves. To ignore one part of us is to ignore our whole self.
Instead of trying to resist the dark & strive for the light, coming to a place of neutrality within our days allows us to experience life more harmoniously. Acknowledging all aspects and finding a way to work together, so it’s not one huge rollercoaster of emotions, with high highs & low lows.
Emotions that are not felt, acknowledged, and released will become stuck within the body & will present as a physical ailment or illness.
When we experience ‘positive’ emotions, to release we rarely give them a second thought. We are happy, we are blissful, soaking them up & life in all its glory!
But when we experience ‘negative’ emotions, we want to push them aside or rush through them. We don’t want to feel them or soak them up.
This is to our detriment!
Ways you can start to acknowledge the hard & painful emotions:
Name your emotion. It is really easy to ignore it and not look at it because it is too painful, but as I said, to heal it, you must first feel it. And to feel it, you must know what it is that is coming to you.
So in a journal or just a piece of paper, what is it that you are feeling? Know what is an emotion & what is a reaction. So your emotions could be hatred, fear, sadness, jealousy, worry, anxiety, shame, or on the other end of the scale, they can be joy, enthusiasm, happiness, hopefulness, appreciation.
2. What does it mean to you? Give yourself time & space with this to really understand
what it means.
Now you know your emotion, what is that emotion coming to you for? What triggered it? Was it something said or done? What do you feel it means to you?
When you feel like you have got out a response, I want you to ask yourself “what else” and just wait for what comes to you. Your initial response will be from your Conscious mind & it’ll be your surface reaction “Because they said something horrible!”
So asking “what else” is going to trigger the subconscious mind. This will start to uncover what that emotion is trying to show you to be released.
3. Show it compassion & release it. Show your emotion, compassion & kindness. It is, after
all, part of you, so you are ultimately showing yourself compassion by loving on this emotion. Acknowledge this emotion, thank it for coming to you today & release it.
It will present itself again, but the next time it does, you will be much better equipped to process it & it won’t be all-consuming. It won’t knock you off your feet & you will have internal tools to cope.
When you can embrace the painful emotions, you will feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders & a massive shift in how you perceive yourself & your life.
Moving through your emotions isn’t easy, but it will allow you to release the heavy emotions and receive beautiful experiences & emotions in your life. When you release what isn't serving you, you make room for what can serve you.
When you can acknowledge & process your emotions, you will start to experience a mindset shift; life won’t be so dark and gloomy & full of intense emotions of grief & sadness.
You can start to come to a place of acceptance within your story, create peace in your heart and find some meaning within it too.
Your external environment reflects your internal environment. Shift your internal environment & your external will shift as well by default.
So it’s not as simple as someone saying, “There is meaning within your adversity” or “Everything happens for a reason,” and you’re just meant to be ok with it. These will not be helpful to you at all until you can start to process your emotions. Until you can reestablish a connection back to yourself, your identity & what you value in your life.
Then you will see for yourself that it didn't happen to you; it is happening for you.
At every given moment, you have an opportunity to grow through what you are going through or stay frozen at that moment in time.
Choose growth & your life will start to change. Your life will blossom like a flower in the spring.
You will never forget your baby by processing your thoughts & emotions. By choosing that, life does go on. It will always be written in the chapters of your life. It is your time now to start doing something for yourself.
As a good book goes, you cannot have the chapters not follow from before. Your loss is part of your book, which will create the content of the chapters to follow it.
The rest of your book will depend on how you chose to move through your experience.
A more empowered & awakened You? Or one that wants to stay frozen in time?
In the end, it’s your choice, and we all have a choice!
Sharna Southan, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sharna is an ICF-certified Coach & Self Healing Spiral Practitioner. After her experience with Grief through the Loss of her Dad & a Miscarriage, Sharna knew this was an opportunity to grow her soul & designed ways to heal through the different types of grief.
Sharna saw the need for more support in the Pregnancy Loss space. She Founded 'The Institute of Healing through Pregnancy Loss' & became a Business Mentor for women who have experienced Pregnancy or Infant loss & had an inner knowing they are destined for more.
So women can uncover their purpose (soul's blueprint), step into their power, create values & soul-aligned business & live a life true to their heart & higher calling in life.
Sharna has designed a method to uncovering your purpose & teaches her signature healing through a loss framework alongside a business model to monetize your purpose.
Teaching a values-aligned business model & signature healing framework create more empowered women leaders who can provide a safe space for women to reconnect to their divine self & start their healing after Pregnancy or Infant loss.
Her mission is to create more accessible support for women to heal specific to pregnancy or infant loss.