Written by: Eunice Cheung, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Context matters. Because without it, we are lost. Life has so many conflicting truths, we rarely know which one to listen to.
Taking one in and seeing it as the absolute truth would be stupid. Because every advice has context. Every situation has context. This is the issue with human psychology, there is no one size fits all solution and it drives people crazy. Especially for those who are grounded in absolute truths.
The danger here is that anything that challenges “your absolute truths” becomes a threat to your identity, which closes your mind to conflicting truths as a way of self-preservation. Life is full of conflicting truths because of the lens you see it in and the meaning you assign to it.
Both Sides of a Coin (aka the advice you receive)
“Go big or go home” may be useful advice if you are an athlete trying to win a gold medal in a competition. But not so useful if you’re a uni student feeling overwhelmed and depleted with an assignment where you feel like there is no point if you don’t put in 100%, so you think to yourself, “if it’s not perfect then why bother?”. Because the result is nothing would ever be done.
Also known as the All or Nothing thinking, the Black and White mindset. “Something is better than nothing” is useful in most situations because it gets you to take action to build momentum with small gradual actionable steps. But if you apply this advice to a presentation that you have to pitch to investors to keep your company alive, then it will bring disastrous results because you can lose them with your incompetence.
Therefore...
Without context, nothing matters.
Pick your poison…accordingly. Because without context, you are falling into the trap of the one size fits all quick fix bullshit that you see all around you. There is so much advice on social media, so it’s easy to fall into the trap of looking for one and thinking you can apply it to everything. But you are forgetting an important piece of the puzzle here, the context of YOUR unique situation.
Chase the problem back to its roots. It is society's conditioning that has conditioned all of us to think in black and white lens, seeing options and solutions in mutually exclusive terms. But not everything is mutually exclusive. We forget that there are infinite possibilities and middle grounds that can be explored if we open our minds and zoom out of our own lenses.
The Takeaway Here Is This
Not all advice applies to your situation. You have to pay attention to who is guiding you and teaching you. You have to pay attention to what you are reading. Pay attention to what advice you are listening to. And which to filter out. Everything has context, advice from people who are 10 steps ahead of you will only overwhelm you. Seek for advice and knowledge that are more aligned with closer to where you are at. Filter everything you see with an open mind.
Integrate more than you categorize.
Integrate your knowledge and experiences together rather than view them as separate events. Think of it like mental legos, building blocks stacked together to form a path or a staircase to lead you to your path. Be critical and holistic in the way you sync information together because the world is interconnected.
Life is a Series of Choices
Life is a series of choices.
Buttons to press.
Paths to take.
Directions to follow.
Create your own directions.
The choices you make have huge consequences to how your life will turn out. There will be many truths thrown at you and at times you will feel confused as to which truth to follow. The bravest thing you can do for yourself is to…
Follow your truth.
Honor your truth.
Whatever it is, whatever it feels like and looks like for you. Follow it.
The Illusion of Absolute Truths
Sometimes you don’t have the answers and you have to sit with the emotions that uncertainty brings. Fear, nervousness, panic, unsettled. They are normal and valid. Society often pressures us into thinking we need absolute certainty and clarity. But life doesn’t work that way. If life has taught me anything, there are many situations in life that doesn’t provide you with 100% certainty. So stop chasing for absolute truths and absolute certainty. You will only cause more pain for yourself. Facing uncertainty is excruciating but will teach you more than certainty ever will.
Learning to sit with the unknown is one of the most valuable lessons I’ve ever learnt in life. So learn to accept uncertainty and ride the waves. I’m a true believer that time will shine the light to your path and bring you clarity. Not all the time. But in some cases, it does, like now. This is one conflicting truth I’ve had to learn for myself.
Acceptance vs. Reality
I recently said to a client,“There is a difference between accepting things vs. witnessing it in real life”. Why? Because acceptance it is a form of letting go. But witnessing what you have convinced yourself to accept brings back the pain associated with letting go. It makes it real. The ideas we have in our heads vs what actually happens in real life is often two very different realities.
The conflicting truth here is that healing and acceptance isn’t a linear path.
There are bound to be moments where you “relapse” back into the pain. What matters most is knowing you can get through it and that it doesn’t mean you have lost your progress. This is one of the lessons that I keep going back to as I slowly reach my late 20s. It’s funny how you don’t learn about acceptance (letting go) until you are forced to face it straight in the eye.
The takeaway here is… It’s okay if you have moments where it feels like you are reverting back to your old self, your old triggers. It doesn’t discount all the progress you have made so far.
Acceptance. Letting Go. Heartache. Loss. Pain. Challenges. It comes and goes.
It is bound to haunt us in our most vulnerable, challenging moments. But know that you are loved, you are safe and you have what it takes to stand back up. If you look back to just a year ago, that version of you would be so proud of what you’ve done up to this point. So, be proud of yourself, celebrate the little wins. Make your inner child, your younger self proud. That’s it for this newsletter. I appreciate you being here on this journey with me as I reflect weekly on life’s lessons and wisdom as I go through them. I would love it if you left comments down below to let me know your thoughts and feedback. I am always open to have more in-depth discussions about life, personal growth, business and writing. My personal philosophy is to strive to always improve and better myself, even if it’s hard.
Thank you. Have a lovely day no matter where you are based.
How I Can Help You When You Are Ready
If you are interested in understanding how your upbringing has affected you today and how it holds you back in achieving what you want in life, you can book a therapy session with me Here.
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Eunice Cheung, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Eunice Cheung is a Psychotherapist. Moving between cities growing up made it difficult for her to fit in with peers which made her question her identity. Since studying Psychology in International Baccalaureate (IB) and in university, she has built her online practice to help others question their limiting self-beliefs and understand the roots of how our conditioning through culture, upbringing can hold us back in life. One of her main focus is on Asian Culture, along with Fear of Failure, Perfectionism, Imposter Syndrome, Relationships & Identity. Eunice is a passionate and ambitious therapist, her mission is to inspire the next generation of Asians to excel, innovate and rise up to their full potential.
