How to Recognize and Let Go of High Expectations for Inner Freedom
Silke Tsafrir is the founder of her studio "Matte&Stuhl" – a space for stress management, mindfulness, and soul growth in Stuttgart. Silke's heartfelt mission is to holistically support women and inspire them through her training and coaching to respect their own needs more and more and to live a stress-free and self-determined life.
Maybe this sounds familiar: you wake up in the morning, and before the day has even truly begun, a mental list is already running of everything that “needs” to be accomplished today. Ideally, perfectly. And with a smile. You want to be a good mother, a reliable partner, shine at work, live mindfully, eat healthily, exercise, and somehow remain pleasant and calm through it all. Sound familiar?
High expectations, especially those we place on ourselves, are like invisible drivers. They can motivate and push us to great achievements. But often, they tip into something harmful, we feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and dissatisfied because the bar we set for ourselves is often far higher than what others would ever demand of us.
Where do these high expectations come from?
Our internal standards don’t appear out of nowhere. They are often rooted in our childhood, shaped by family, school, or society. Maybe you learned early on: “If I perform well, I receive recognition.” Or, “I have to be strong. I can’t make mistakes.” These beliefs run in the background like well-worn software, often unconsciously.
Today’s world also plays a huge role. Social media shows us, day after day, how effortlessly others seem to manage their lives. Comparison is just one click away, and it feeds the feeling of not being enough.
Signs your expectations might be too high
Often, it’s not the outer demands that stress us the most, but our own inner voices. Here are a few typical signs:
You often feel dissatisfied, even when you’ve achieved a lot.
You’re very hard on yourself, especially when things don’t go as planned.
You fear making mistakes or disappointing others.
You rarely allow yourself breaks or “off days.”
You feel drained often, even though you seem to have everything under control.
If this resonates with you, don’t take it as a reason for more self-criticism. Take it as a gentle signal: it’s time to pause and look within.
The first step: Understand what’s driving you
Questioning your own expectations takes courage. They’re often deeply intertwined with our sense of identity. Who am I if I’m no longer “the strong one,” “the perfectionist,” or “the reliable one”?
A helpful starting point is to ask yourself:
What do I really expect of myself, and why?
Would I expect the same from my best friend?
What would happen if I lowered my standards just a little?
This simple act of pausing and asking honestly can open a small window and let in some light. Many of our inner standards only hold up because we haven’t consciously looked at them.
Letting go doesn’t mean giving up
You might be afraid that without high expectations, you’ll lose focus, achieve less, or become “lazy.” But letting go doesn’t mean giving up; it means releasing the constant pressure to be perfect.
You are allowed to be human. Imperfect. With edges and softness. And most importantly, with needs.
Imagine turning your inner critic into a supportive coach, someone who encourages you with love instead of pushing you out of fear. It’s possible. And it begins with self-compassion.
Small steps toward freedom
Here are a few ideas to begin letting go of high expectations:
Practice mindfulness: Take a short moment regularly to check in: How am I feeling? What do I need?
Daily reflection: In the evening, ask not “What did I achieve today?” but “What felt good today?”
Welcome mistakes: They’re not failures; they’re part of growing.
Stop comparing: When you notice yourself doing it, take a deep breath and return your focus inward.
Cultivate compassion: Speak to yourself the way you would to someone you love.
You are enough, just as you are.
Read more from Silke Tsafrir
Silke Tsafrir, MBSR, Mindfulness Teacher & Life Coach
Silke Tsafrir is an MBSR (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction) teacher, mindfulness trainer, and life coach. After experiencing a severe personal tragedy, she was first introduced to the MBSR program, coaching, and meditation. She was so fascinated and convinced by the effectiveness of mindfulness practice that she completed training in MBSR and became a certified life coach. In 2019, she founded her studio "Matte&Stuhl" in the west of Stuttgart, where she offers mindfulness training and coaching both on-site and online as well as Yoga and Reiki treatments and retreats. Her mission is to guide women on their path to a mindful and self-determined life.
