Escaping Expectation and Living Authentically
- Brainz Magazine
- Nov 23, 2020
- 4 min read
Written by: Gabby Cole, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Each morning, Expectation wakes up and puts on her corporate mask. She slips into her carefully crafted mold of who she should be—of who everyone wants her to be—and leaves her true self and her own aspirations in a crumpled pile under the bed.
At work, she is successful. She loves her work, and her coworkers love her. She has climbed the ranks and is checking off all the boxes of a list written for her by her mate, Society. Still, Expectation is starting to get uncomfortable. The mold is fitting tighter and the work is becoming less satisfying. A voice in the back of her head says something is missing. Something important.
She tries to share it with her colleague, Fear, but Fear just says to stay under the radar. “You’re safe where you are. No one is questioning you. No one is judging you. You are not failing her. What more do you want?”
For a long time in my life, I felt like this character of Expectation, and I think many other women have, too. The weight of opinions on what to do, how many children to have, how to raise them, what job to have, what to wear, what success should mean—it gets heavy. Despite having been able to find success in my career, there is always something pulling at the back of my mind telling me I am so close but not quite there.
After the birth of my twins, I realized what I was seeking was authenticity. Yes, I wanted to be good at my job, but I also wanted to be a present mom that my girls could be proud of. I wanted to be true to myself first, and see how the rest of my life fell into place.
Much like in the story above, Fear stood in my way at first. What would my coworkers think? What would the other moms think? What if bucking the status quo drew too much attention to me? Should I even rock the boat at all?
Luckily for me, my heart would not quit. For me, there came the point where the feeling of wanting more out of life was so strong it was actually overwhelming. But it wasn’t overnight—in fact, it took eight years before I really started down the path towards authenticity.
If you’re still reading, maybe it’s because you feel this way, too. Just by acknowledging you want change in your life, you’ve already taken the first step: Discovery. You’ve said (even if it’s only been to yourself in the quiet of your mind) that something is missing. This is the point where you have to make a decision. Now is the time to take control and redirect your trajectory.
Become louder than the fear. I grew my self-assurance, and I finally found my purpose after accepting a sales position with a new company and then realizing that I had changed companies seven times in eight years. I had to pause to ask myself, “What am I truly looking for.”
You may be asking, where do I begin?
Know your worth So much easier said than done, but find things that bring you joy and fulfillment, and recognize that you were designed to be that happy all the time. You are worthy of enthusiasm, satisfaction, and love. Try journaling about what you love about yourself. What you’re good at, what you get excited about, and as you get to know yourself, treat yourself like your own best friend. Say only good things, and believe it.
Surround yourself with people who know your worth There are enough nay-sayers in this world. If you have people who tell you it’s not worth it or you can’t do what you set your mind to—cut them out! Make your circle one of the people who love you for everything you are, and don’t focus on who you aren’t. And make sure you do the same for others.
Live your truth every day Once you determine what your truth is, set out to do as many things as possible in service of that each day. If you want to start a business, spend an hour a day planning it out. If you want to spend more time with your family, set aside time for a special activity. Don’t let anything get in the way of what truly makes you happy.
After a long eight years of struggling to figure out what it was I really wanted, I now have direction, drive, energy and purpose. Purpose, I discovered, was looking for all along. Knowing my purpose gave me the peace to pursue the path to peace in who I am.
Wherever you are in your journey as a mom, in business, or as a woman just seeking herself, know that the first step towards becoming who you want to be is as simple as saying it out loud. Be okay with saying, “I don’t think I’m happy. I want a change.” The power to become your most authentic self is within your control.
Are you ready to take that first step?
Gabby Cole, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
I am Gabby Cole—Founder/CEO; mother of twin girls; and advocate for moms everywhere. I was married in 2011 and by 2012, I was a mother to twin girls. I have an established career in pharmaceutical sales, as well as pursuing my dreams of becoming a “Mompreneur.” It is my hope that I can dedicate my life to helping women like me find their purpose and become the woman and mother they want to be.
