The Story We Tell Ourselves and Understanding Identity, Perception, and the Business of Being You
- Jul 22, 2025
- 4 min read
Vince Morales is a mindset, self-image, and resilience coach. In addition, he is skilled in leadership consultation and development. From April 2016 to June 2017, Vince was a homeless veteran in San Diego, CA. While homeless he made a powerful decision to change his thinking and mindset launching into life coaching.
Here’s the thing: who you think you are shapes what you see, what you tolerate, and what you chase. That story you’ve been telling yourself about who you are either unlocks growth or keeps you boxed in. Identity isn’t just a philosophical concept; it’s the engine behind your habits, your leadership, your decisions, and your career trajectory.
If you’ve ever felt stuck, misaligned, or like you’re living a role that no longer fits, you’re not alone. Identity is powerful. More importantly, it’s adjustable.
How identity is formed
In his book Psycho-Cybernetics, American cosmetic surgeon Maxwell Maltz writes, “The self-image is the key to human personality and human behavior. Change the self-image and you change the personality and the behavior.” (Maltz, 1960)
We construct identity from three places:
Past experiences: Wins, failures, trauma, and praise all shape what we believe about ourselves.
Cultural narratives: Family expectations, societal roles, and even job titles contribute to our internal self-labeling.
Perception and mental models: What we perceive becomes our truth, even if it’s distorted.
We tell ourselves things like, “I’m not good with numbers,” or “I’ve always been the support role, not the leader.” Those aren’t facts. They’re conclusions we’ve drawn and repeated until they calcify into identity.
Why do we cling to false identities
Even when an identity no longer fits, like the overachieving employee who’s burned out or the former Marine struggling to adapt to civilian life, we often resist letting go. As a young person who went into the military and took on an identity someone else built for them (screaming drill instructor), we may not know what our next identity is supposed to be or what that looks like. In that instance, it would be “identity foreclosure,” as brilliantly laid out by Erik Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development (1950s) or James Marcia’s Four Identity Statuses (1966, 1980). But why do we cling to false identities?
Certainty feels safer than truth. Familiarity, even if painful, feels secure.
Ego protection. Letting go of an identity can feel like a failure, especially when that identity once served you well.
Lack of an alternative vision. Most people don’t let go of one identity until they see a better one.
You can delve much deeper into those reasons (or the topic) with extensive research.
Identity and career performance
Let’s get practical. In business, identity drives everything from leadership style to risk tolerance. Here are some common ways it shows up:
“Imposter syndrome” is just an identity lag. Your role has outgrown your belief.
Burnout often signals an identity conflict, performing a version of yourself that’s no longer sustainable.
Growth ceilings appear when your current identity doesn’t allow for expansion.
And if you’re leading others? Your perception of their identities will shape how you manage them, often more than their actual performance.
Transitioning identity: A process, not a flip switch
You don’t “find” a new identity. You build it. That requires intentionally rewiring your mental models and consistently adopting behavior that aligns with your desired self.
Here’s a simple model for identity transition:
Awareness: Name the identity you’ve been operating from. Ask: Who did I have to be to survive? Who am I now trying to become?
Disruption: Interrupt the behaviors and thought patterns associated with the old identity. Start catching the “I’m not good at this” narratives.
Construction: Define the new self with clarity. Not just vague affirmations—actual traits, habits, and decisions.
Repetition: Identity hardens through repeated action. The goal isn’t to feel confident; it’s to act in alignment until it feels normal.
James Clear writes in Atomic Habits (2018): “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.” I couldn’t agree more.
Your identity is not fixed; it’s formed. And that means it can be reformed. If it’s constructed, it can be deconstructed. When deconstructed, it can be reconstructed. The truth is, your life will rise or fall to meet the image you hold of yourself. If your career, business, or leadership feels like it’s plateaued, ask yourself these questions: Have I outgrown the identity I’m still clinging to? Who do I need to be that I’ve never been before? What do I need to do that I’ve never done before, so I can go where I’ve never been before?
“You’ll never outperform your self-image.” – Maxwell Maltz, Psycho-Cybernetics
You’re not here to play a role someone else cast. You’re here to own your story, reconstruct your self-image, and lead from a place of clarity and alignment. Identity is never just about who you are; it’s also about what you do with it.
For more info, follow me on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, and visit my website!
Vince Morales, Mindset Mastery Coach & Leadership Consultant
Vince Morales is a mindset, self-image, and resilience coach. In addition, he is skilled in leadership consultation and development. From April 2016 to June 2017, Vince was a homeless veteran in San Diego, CA. While homeless he made a powerful decision to change his thinking and mindset that led to him launching into professional coaching. He developed his niche for resilience and mindset coaching. The growth of his business ultimately led to the end of his homelessness. Vince is the Founder of Validus Coaching and Consulting, formerly Zoe Transformation. His story has been featured in online articles and online news outlets all over the U.S. He is a certified John Maxwell Team Coach, Trainer, & Speaker as well as a motivational speaker. In 2021, Vince earned his Master's degree in Psychology of Leadership from Penn State University and recently completed a second Master’s degree in Executive Coaching and Consulting from the Townsend Institute, Concordia University-Irvine. He is a 2020 inductee in The National Society of Leadership and Success, 2021/2023 Brainz 500 Global Award recipient, 2022 SUCCESS Magazine 125 honoree, and is the 2024 IAOTP Top Coach and Consultant of the Year.
References:
Clear, J. (2018). Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. Avery.
Erikson, E. H. (1950). Childhood and society. W. W. Norton & Company.
Maltz, M. (1960). Psycho-Cybernetics. Prentice-Hall.
Marcia, J. E. (1966). Development and validation of ego-identity status. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 3(5), 551–558.
