How Imposter Syndrome Hits Women in Their 30s and What to Do About It
- 9 hours ago
- 10 min read
Written by Constanze Zientek, Women‘s Coach
Constanze Zientek is a women's coach who works with highly sensitive women in their thirties, helping them to cultivate inner strength, embrace embodied leadership, and build an authentic, aligned life. Her approach blends emotional depth, clarity, and self-trust.
Maybe you have already read that imposter syndrome statistically hits 7 out of 10 women at some point in their lives. Even though imposter syndrome has no age limit and can impact men as deeply as women, the thirties period in the life of a woman is probably the most fertile ground for imposter syndrome to grow on. Even in today’s modern world, no time period in life is as controversial as the thirties. For women across all cultural backgrounds, the thirties period of life can feel especially challenging, since there are many very different pressure points that can affect them. If you are affected by self-doubt in your thirties, know that you are not alone and that there are effective strategies to navigate all of them.
What is imposter syndrome?
Imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern where people doubt their capabilities, talent, and worthiness of success overall, despite other people believing in them or their already accomplished achievements. People experiencing imposter syndrome think that they are underqualified or that they simply don‘t deserve the opportunities they are being given. Imposter syndrome is especially prevalent in high-achieving professional fields. Unlike a common belief, imposter syndrome cannot only be experienced regarding career-related topics, but also in all other areas of life. In its worst form, it can make the individual think that they don’t deserve high-quality opportunities, success, recognition, or relationships, and it can lead to perfectionism, exhaustion, burnout, anxiety, or depression.
Why do 7 out of 10 women experience imposter syndrome?
According to KPMG‘s report "Advancing the future of women in business: A report from the women‘s leadership summit" from 2020, up to 75% of all interviewed women executives admitted having experienced symptoms of imposter syndrome at some point in their careers.
One could question whether the reason for that could be a different general upbringing of young boys (more focused on having courage and repressing emotion) and of young girls (often taught to care for others and to be more receptive to people’s emotional needs and less to ego-based behavior). Therefore, women would just be less conditioned to naturally bet on themselves. However, this might be way too generic, since there are many other factors to consider in a person’s upbringing. Also, it might not be the case at all, since other studies have shown instead that men tend to suffer from imposter syndrome just as much as women (after all, showing insecurity is still hardly accepted in male behavior in almost every culture). Therefore, this article is not alleging that women are generally hit harder by imposter syndrome, but that they are hit differently.
For women, there are often specific factors that cause imposter syndrome, which often start to affect them deeply in their thirties. Knowing them can make it a lot less personal and easier to deal with imposter syndrome during that stage of life.
Why are women in their thirties prone to imposter syndrome?
As just mentioned, imposter syndrome can hit everyone at all stages of their lives, especially when we are diving into unknown territory. But for women in their thirties, it can be extra intense for the following reasons:
The societal narrative changes: Until thirty, society allows women to "figure it out". Not only on a professional level, but on a personal level as well. Many women are still told that they need to pursue private goals like marriage and starting a family within a very specific time frame. Because the biological clock is ticking. And with that, big expectations of clarity, direction, and stability arise. This puts pressure on the conscious and subconscious mind, "If the expectations don’t work out, does this mean that I’m not worthy and capable?"
Bigger contrast: Many people feel debilitated when they see their old friends change in different ways. Some years ago, they were all at the same point. Now, one moves abroad to pursue his career, another one gets married and has two kids, and the next friend still parties until 5 am in the morning, while another one is now running marathons every single weekend. Suddenly, everyone has to decide if what they are doing feels right to them individually. And making decisions for one’s own sake can feel frightening and impossible at first. Many women struggle with that and try to find comfort in this phase through the guidance of a partner. But if that doesn‘t work out, it can cause frustration and even desperation.
Conflict of self-image with growing responsibilities: Our thirties can quickly bring in rapid changes in all areas of life, and often for the first time. While many changes, for instance, a promotion or the birth of a child, can be deeply exciting, they can bring up new levels of stress and insecurities that have never been felt before. And many times, the self-image can not catch up with the speed of these outer developments, so self-doubt kicks in.
Because competence becomes visible: Many women are asked to take the center stage in the workplace for the first time, because they have great skills. But that also means that there will be older, more secure-looking colleagues/clients judging their work. Many women panic in their heads about this multiple times, because they carry a deeply ingrained narrative in their belief system, "I‘m just a girl."
The relationship with oneself: It takes a very deep relationship with oneself to act calmly and with self-trust. For many women in their thirties, that is not the case, because they have never been taught how to build that. The thirties are often the time period when a woman questions the dynamics of her childhood upbringing for the first time. But that alone doesn’t build self-trust. Just because she’s starting to notice what hasn’t been working, that doesn’t mean that she suddenly knows exactly what does work for her. That process takes time and practice.
Why these thoughts seem to be so real (but aren’t)
Because many times, these thoughts are not rooted in reality, but in the body. Phases of transition, responsibility, visibility, or evaluation alarm the nervous system. The imposter thoughts of "I‘m not good enough," or "I don’t deserve this," are the brain’s attempt to explain the bodily reaction to the unknown. The brain confuses emotions with facts. It takes the intensity as proof of truth. The stronger the emotion of fear, the more the brain relies on it. Imposter thoughts can also be very familiar to what many of us have been told. Sentences like "Stay in your lane." suggest that there is a limit to what one can or should actually accomplish. For many women, thoughts like "That‘s a man‘s job," or "I need someone strong for this, I can’t handle that by myself," are still such a big part of their conscious and subconscious programming. These thoughts get activated and emphasized whenever the body shows a physical reaction to uncertainty.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way. There are remedies to lessen the impact of the imposter thoughts and to actually use them to your advantage.
Related article: 8 Clues You Might Have Imposter Syndrome
10 steps to transform the effect of imposter syndrome
1. Call out the state
Like all thoughts, imposter thoughts can only work in a detrimental way if they are allowed to run the show on a subconscious level. Once you start feeling nervous, ask yourself what the feeling wants to protect you from. Identify the thoughts that are running in your head. Making it clear to yourself that imposter syndrome is just knocking at the door again brings awareness, and with that, you can get behind the wheel of your thoughts again. Instead of saying “I can’t do this”, ask yourself, “Where am I being challenged right now?”
2. Separate feelings from facts
After identifying your thoughts, ask yourself if what you think is really true. Not through the lens of your emotions, but on a level where you ask yourself if these thoughts could actually serve as proof in court. Many false beliefs disqualify themselves if they’re examined through the lens of fact-proofreading.
Then identify the persistent thoughts and softly start to reshape them. It is important that your new thoughts still sound somewhat believable to you. But try to experiment with how your body responds if you just consciously express different thoughts about the circumstances. Repeat these new thoughts as often as possible, until they start sticking with you.
Related article: Building self-compassion & self-love in 5 easy steps
3. Dismantle comparison
If comparison hits, take a close look at who you are comparing yourself to. Why did you compare yourself to them? Then, take your journal and start reflecting. Find at least three reasons why you cannot compare your situation to theirs. If you come up with more, don’t stop yourself, but find at least three good reasons and repeat them to yourself every time that thought comes up. It can be as simple as, "My intuition is telling me that I can‘t compare my becoming to anyone else, because what is meant for me is deeply unique to me."
4. Name your own goals and values
Many women in their thirties get stressed about what they think they should want or do, according to social norms (get married/have a family/excel in their career). They are unsure about what they even want for themselves. They are in fear if they can ever fulfill the roles that they are or feel asked to fulfill. What they don‘t know, instead, are their own goals and values.
Roy E. Disney, nephew of Walt Disney and executive for the Walt Disney Company, once said the quote, “When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier”. The same goes for imposter thoughts. If you can recall "why" exactly you wanted to go after a certain achievement in the first place, it becomes easier to get there.
Also, knowing your values functions like a GPS for decision-making. It can deeply support your why. If you recall that something is important to you, because it really connects to one of your core values, that "why" becomes deeply personal and therefore gains momentum. If it doesn’t, that’s important feedback for you, too.
5. Check in with the body
When it’s really agitated, the nervous system can take over the show in such a strong way that rational thinking becomes impossible. In these moments, it’s very important not to force the thinking process too much, since the body doesn’t have the capacity for it. Instead, focus on your breathing. Pause after breathing in and count to 7, then take long breaths out, counting at least to 7 or longer. Put one hand on your heart and one on your belly. Go outside if you can and walk some steps. Or simply focus on your feet on the ground. Bringing yourself back to the body is the first step to getting out of the spiral.
6. Acknowledge baby steps
Change needs time. Don’t get mad at yourself if you feel like you are not making enough progress. Focus on how you have already shifted. What has improved? Making a list of your achievements and regularly reading them out loud to yourself can work wonders. Every minor detail counts.
7. See your thoughts as a sign
If you can’t abandon your imposter thoughts completely, simply change your relationship with them. Imposter thoughts often occur in phases of growth, when a new identity has not taken shape yet. You need repetition. And many times, that takes a lot longer than expected. Impatience can be directly tied to imposter syndrome, especially in highly ambitious people. If you feel like you aren’t mastering your field, even after many attempts, don’t lose hope. See it as a sign that you are learning to excel at something outstanding. You are cultivating remarkable skills here.
Related article: 7 tips to step out of your comfort zone
8. Let them work for you
Once you‘ve started to change your relationship with your imposter thoughts, take it one step further, make them work for you. Imposter thoughts want to keep you in safe waters. They actually want to care for you. They are also a sign that you are heading into new territory. Ask yourself regularly what you are learning from your imposter thoughts. How will you feel, once the imposter thought, like a machine in the gym, will have stretched your self-trust muscle?
9. Look for evidence
Get very honest with yourself. When in your life have you been faced with a challenge that you really thought was too difficult for yourself to handle, but you managed to do so, anyway? Everything counts. It’s about the mechanism, not about the area of life. Write down how you felt overwhelmed and incapable, and how the situation turned out in the end. Recall the good feelings that you got as a reward from that and how you became more secure. If you can do it once, you can do it again.
10. Reward yourself
Imposter thoughts make the inner critic run wild in your head. After reframing your thoughts and recentering, reward yourself for making it through the moment of tension. You don’t have to wait until the circumstance that is causing your imposter syndrome is over, that’s not what the reward is for. Your reward is for coming eye to eye with your imposter thoughts and seeing them for what they are, but not letting them run the show. To acknowledge their purpose, without letting them command. And that is really something to be proud of.
How to work with this even deeper
Imposter Syndrome can sabotage your professional life, your overall life goals, and even your dating life. But the good thing is, you are not alone in this at all. Over half of the population is dealing with imposter syndrome sooner or later in their lives. Doing the work alone is possible, but as humans, we grow the fastest when we get the right support from someone qualified whom we trust. If you're ready to really transform your relationship with your imposter thoughts or just get rid of them completely, book a coaching call today. Let's work together to overcome your imposter syndrome and help you step into your full potential.
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Read more from Constanze Zientek
Constanze Zientek, Women‘s Coach
Constanze Zientek is a women's coach working with highly sensitive women in their thirties. She supports them in cultivating inner strength, embodied leadership, and an authentic, aligned life. Her approach blends emotional depth, clarity, and self-trust. She furthermore practices as a lawyer with over ten years of work experience, specializing in inheritance law. Her work with clients in emotionally complex transitions, combined with her own journey through her thirties, led her to coaching. Today, she integrates structure and intuition to offer clear, deeply human guidance.
