How to Engage When Someone Openly Disagrees with You
Dr. Donya Ball is a renowned leadership expert, keynote speaker, author, executive coach, and professor specializing in organizational development. She captivates audiences and readers around the world with her thought leadership, including her TEDx Talk, "We are facing a leadership crisis. Here's the cure."
Disagreement has been confused with disrespect in our minds. They are not the same. In leadership, business, education, healthcare, construction, boardrooms, and family dinner tables, disagreement is inevitable. Division is a choice. The real leadership test isn’t whether everyone agrees with you, it’s whether you can stay steady when they don’t. If someone openly disagrees with you, here’s how to engage without losing credibility, clarity, or connection.
The difference between disagreement and disrespect
Disagreement challenges ideas, disrespect attacks identity. Strong leaders protect that distinction. Not all conflict is unhealthy. Conflict in teams has different dimensions, task conflict, which focuses on ideas and objectives, and relationship conflict, which involves personal clashes unrelated to work. Leaders who can manage this difference maintain effectiveness, whereas unmanaged relational conflict harms collaboration and can damage decision quality.
Why we react before we reflect
When someone disagrees with you publicly, your nervous system often reacts first, and your logic catches up later. That’s because leaders instinctively interpret disagreement as a social threat. It feels like a loss of authority or control. But research shows that leadership behavior, including emotional regulation, significantly influences whether teams feel safe to speak up.[1] Responding with statements like, “Tell me more,” “Help me understand your concern,” and “What outcome matters most to you?” signals steadiness. Steadiness builds credibility and fosters healthy disagreement rather than creating division.
Curiosity is a leadership strategy
If the goal is to win, you’ve already lost. Instead of shutting down opposing viewpoints, great leaders ask questions based on authentic curiosity that invite dialogue. When teams feel safe to voice concerns without fear of repercussions, psychological safety rises.[2] With that, innovation and engagement follow. Curiosity isn’t compromise, it’s strategic exploration.
How to hold your ground without hardening
Engaging with someone who disagrees does not automatically mean surrendering your viewpoint. Leadership styles that promote psychological safety, including empathy and conflict-management skills, help teams disagree constructively without devolving into personal tension.[3] You can say, “I still see this differently,” and “And I value your perspective.” Strength without hostility. Clarity without contempt.
When to lean in and when to let go
Not every disagreement deserves prolonged engagement. Leaders must assess:
Is this about impact or ego?
Is the relationship strategic?
Does this promote better decisions?
Some disagreements advance understanding, while others drain energy. Knowing the difference is leadership.
The leadership reality
Disagreement is not the enemy, avoidance is. Suppressing dissent leads to stagnation. Teams that allow open, honest dialogue while maintaining respect and psychological safety perform better and innovate more. The most dangerous room is not the loud one, it’s the one where everyone nods. The real question is not, “Do we agree?” It’s, “Can we remain steady, respectful, and purposeful when we don’t?” Leadership is revealed not in applause but in opposition. And that is where credibility is built.
Dr. Donya Ball, Leadership Expert, Keynote Speaker, Best Selling Author
Dr. Donya Ball is a renowned keynote speaker, transformative superintendent, and passionate author. With over two decades of experience, she also serves as a professor and executive coach, mentoring and guiding aspiring and seasoned leaders. She has authored two impactful books, Adjusting the Sails (2022) and Against the Wind (2023), which address real-world leadership challenges. Her expertise has garnered national attention from media outlets like USA Today and MSN. Dr. Ball’s TEDxTalk, "We are facing a leadership crisis. Here’s the cure," further highlights her thought leadership.
References:
[1] Loignon and Wormington, 2024
[2] Yousif, Dartnell, May & Knarr, 2024
[3] Bano, Li & Imran, 2024
