The Internal Dialogue of Your Inner Villain and Your Inner Valiant
Bilyana Wharton is an integrative psychotherapist and hypnotherapist specialising in trauma recovery and relationship therapy. She works with adult survivors of childhood adversities, abuse, and relational trauma using the T.I.M.E. model of psychotherapy. Her mission is to change the world, one person at a time.
As humans, our instinct to adapt and make sense of the world has shaped our evolution and our survival. On a smaller scale, each of us goes through our own personal evolution throughout life. A key part of this process is our internal dialogue, the ongoing conversation we have with ourselves as we evaluate, reason, and make decisions.
We naturally “talk things through” in our minds to understand, choose, or resolve. When we pay attention to the tone and quality of these inner voices, we notice a clear polarity. The Valiant represents courage, dignity, and determination, while the Villain embodies harmful, destructive, or self-sabotaging tendencies.
This inner conversation has long been portrayed in stories and art as the Angel and the Devil on each shoulder, one offering compassion and wisdom, the other whispering doubt or temptation. In therapeutic language, these voices are often referred to as the Inner Hero and the Inner Critic. Whatever names we use, they reflect the tension between our positive and negative attitudes toward ourselves, others, and life’s challenges.
The story of the two wolves
An old tale beautifully describes this inner conflict. A grandmother tells her grandson that two wolves live inside each of us, locked in constant battle. One wolf is dark, destructive, and mistrustful. It sees the world as hostile and people as dangerous. It acts through anger, arrogance, greed, and cruelty.
The other wolf is bright, hopeful, and kind. It sees goodness in people and beauty in the world. It acts through generosity, love, joy, and integrity. The grandson asks, “Which wolf will win?” The grandmother replies, “The one you feed, my son. The one you feed.”
The observing self
The part of us that listens to both wolves, and chooses which one to feed, is the Observing Self. This function resides in the prefrontal cortex, the brain area responsible for reflection, decision-making, and self-regulation.
Many factors influence how this part of us operates:
Internal psychological processes, our thoughts, emotions, perceptions, and interpretations.
Environmental circumstances, the safety of our surroundings, the quality of our relationships, and the presence of stress.
Past experiences, childhood and adolescent events, family dynamics, successes, challenges, and meaningful moments that have shaped us.
Belief systems, the assumptions and convictions we hold about ourselves, others, and the world.
Personality traits, the stable patterns in how we think, feel, and behave, shaped by genetics, environment, and relationships.
Three steps to strengthening your inner Valiant
Recognise the voice of your Inner Villain. It often echoes the critical or harmful messages you heard growing up. If you experienced mistreatment or adversity, these messages may be false, internalised beliefs that never belonged to you.
Choose who you want to be. Notice the thoughts and feelings that align with your values and your sense of what is right. These form the voice of your Inner Valiant, your authentic, congruent self.
Stop abandoning your own needs. Constantly putting yourself last weakens your inner strength. Prioritising your own wellbeing nurtures growth, resilience, and the ability to thrive instead of merely survive.
We may never fully understand every layer of our complex inner world, but pursuing self-understanding brings us closer to a life that is balanced, meaningful, and genuinely our own.
Read more from Bilyana Wharton
Bilyana Wharton, Integrative Psychotherapist and Hypnotherapist
Bilyana Wharton is an experienced psychotherapist assisting clients to overcome the aftermath of trauma and abuse. Her therapy work encompasses conditions such as C-PTSD, Anxiety Disorders, Depression, and Relationship Issues.
True to her instinctive and artistic nature, she has transitioned from a career in music and teaching to training as an integrative psychotherapist and hypnotherapist. Studying at Chrysalis Courses UK sparked an interest in the multi-model integrative therapy. Using the T.I.M.E. model, Bilyana utilises strategies and modalities of different therapy schools and theories, including CBT, Gestalt, Transactional Analysis, Attachment Theory, Parts Therapy, Relational Therapy, and Hypnotherapy.
