That Sucked, Now What? How You Can Find Message In Your Mess
- Mar 13, 2023
- 6 min read
Written by: Shreesha Khare, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
To say that her courage has impressed me would be an understatement. Her tenacity and iron-like power to shine like the northern lights had brought me to tears totally. Her higher self was directing her, though, and existing being used this experience in the real world as fuel to fly onward and be born again, turning her entire existence around as if she had never been drowned by strong tidal waves.
I am talking about Dr Neeta Bhushan author of ‘That Sucked, Now What? which is an award-winning bestseller book. She is a former cosmetic dentist turned best-selling author, host of one of the top podcasts, the Bravetable Podcast, and co-founder of the Dharma Coaching Institute. She lost her parents and brother within a few years, only to find herself in a toxic marriage. She was highly successful professionally, but she hit rock bottom when she found herself in divorce court. Her inner child and present self were in a state of wonder at how she allowed herself to go through that physically abusive situation.
Today, she helps other women find their truth and find power in the path they are walking. She is bold, sassy, and filled with divine light to show a person like me who is going through the suckiest moments that breakdown can be breakthrough and we can embrace the suck moments with grace. Going through her book, I also realized that we could start things from scratch.
As Dr Neeta explains in her book that embracing the suck is the ultimate spiral, let me share personal encounter.
Sucky Moment of ‘Situationship’ and How I found the Message in that Mess?
The moon has gone through different phases, and now it is shining in the sky with a blank slate to start something new, which we call the "New Moon," a completely fresh lunar cycle. However, I was about to run in a spiral. I was thinking about starting new things and was about to plant the next level of seeds with someone whom I believed to be my evolutionary partner. However, I found him way too immature, despite being a grown man, when he responded to my question,
Hey Love! You know what? I feel so blessed to have been with you all these years; you are like a manifestation blessing. In all these eight years, we have come stronger every single time. I was thinking, "How about putting a ring on it?
Give me your hand. You are a blessing in my life. Do you know that? Our friendship is the foundation of everything, and I don’t want to lose it. We will always be friends. And currently, I don’t have emotional bandwidth, he said.
I found myself in the murkiest water, completely submerged in it, and I found no space to go; everywhere I was thinking to go, there was only dirt. The chest was full of constriction, and a feeling of breathlessness overtook it. I called for help, but I was only found in a bad situation. I had no choice but to choose to experience the suckiness that has taken over it.
I felt luminaries were asking me to dive into this murky shadow work, and in this dirt, I must start digging through the hidden desires buried beneath the surface of this "situationship," which the universe thought I was bypassing.
To my utmost avoidance, I must feel the suckiness of the suck. My inner child was so confused—what have I done to deserve this? My ego was not ready to accept the fact that he didn’t even take seconds to discard me like I was nothing to him. With all my commitment and loyalty towards him, I am just a ‘friend’ to him. With all the craziness I had been through, it was disappointing to hear that ‘I never showed consistency'. I could not even throw a pity party or call a friend. I was all alone in this murkiness.
As the seasons passed, the mess inside of me was getting messier, and I was unable to maintain the cleanliness I was showing to people around me. It was time to meet the sucker as a friend without judgement. I opened all my audio diaries about him, which I had recorded, and my journal notes and started listening and reading from top to bottom, which was eye opening for me.
What happens when you fly a kite in the sky and try to control it as you want, going against the wind direction, is that you get hurt. I was doing exactly that; my bond was always hurtful, dramatic, and unsettling. I was so sucked up into the drama of his life because he was never shy about making sure his needs were met.
When we make intimate relationships our whole world, we face deep cuts, and this all roots back to our sucky situations in childhood. Unconsciously, I carried the behaviour of being fearful and overly cautious when bonding, which was a response to my upbringing or a difficult relationship with a parent.
The reason I was experiencing this was because I was looking for a sense of self-worth and wholeness in a partner, as during my childhood, authority figures abandoned me or made me do something that made me believe that without another person, I would always be incomplete. The fear of abandonment was making me stay in bond despite all omens saying that I am trying to flee from my own destiny and deciding not to take any decision.
Whenever we find ourselves in tough moments, the first thing we think is to run away from the environment so that we can bring change into our lives. We can still change, though, by tuning out the outside noise and focusing on the depth of our inner understanding. This is done by recognizing and releasing the restriction where we are. The constriction of my inner child wants to release me from the walls I have built around me because I am getting tired and cannot handle the pain whose wounds have become my characteristics.
With all the map work I did, I noticed the urge that was banging up again and again was that I had been awakened from deep conscious sleep through this relationship. It was indeed a most painful journey. I should better let go of what no longer serves me and stop playing the victim card as it is so easy to blame. I had waited too long to be in this mess; the relationship served its spiritual purpose of awakening me and helping me meet my gifts and dreams.
I felt that someone had kept a heavy stone on my heart. I cried on top of my voice; the mess inside of me was reflecting outside of me. I said to myself that I would turn all this suckiness into something powerful, and for me, that something powerful was writing poetry.
As I was alchemically dissolving, I weaved my sucky feelings into words of wisdom rather than staying stuck in that feeling. For 2 months, I productively expressed my emotions through art. This way, I also came to know that I carry the gift of healing through words in the form of poetry and published my first ever poetry book; maybe it can be helpful to someone else while they navigate the deep waters of sucking.
Dr Neeta Bhushan book really showed me wings in my sucky moments.
"When found in sour moments, believe that it is an omen of transition and transformation."
Namaste!
Shreesha Khare, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Shreesha Khare is an author and an inspirational thought leader, aka a leading luminary. She is walking on the path of "Self-Illumination" to be more of her true self, share more of her personal experiences, and change the lives of others through her own journey of personal transformation. There is a deep internal desire in her to take all of what she has learned and help others along their path. She believes that suffering is the key to unlocking our greatest gifts. She is the Founder and Chief humanitarian Being at S&S Co-Space for Humanity, a boutique where you will be served with coaching and guidance of self-love and self-actualization, is like taking a journey into the inner cosmic world.
