Sabotage To Self-Leadership And Mastering Your Emotions
Written by: Sharleen Beaumont, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
If you have lived long enough, you have encountered some hard times. In these moments, it’s not uncommon for our emotions to take over; we find ourselves reacting to external conditions, which can result in poor decision-making.
When life gives us what we don’t want, it seems natural to look at what we don’t have, how we can’t change it, or the people around us. We focus on what is out of our control and ask ourselves, whom can I blame?
The self-talk is draining and self-sabotaging. Negative self-talk hinders our ability to self-manage and can send us on a downward spiral. Often at the root of this conversation is some underlying pain from buried emotions from our past and not feeling good enough.
We can, however, change the narrative. We all know Brave people who have gone through challenging experiences and come out wiser, stronger, and more resilient.
Psychological resilience is the ability to mentally or emotionally cope with a crisis or return to pre-crisis status quickly. Resilience exists when the person uses mental processes and behaviours to protect themselves from potential negative effects.
To lessen our reaction, we want to be aware of our emotions and dive deeper into the feelings below the surface, be curious as to why they are showing up and what they are trying to tell us.
Self-leaders are conscious of emotions that have kept them anchored to the past. Just because an emotion or reaction has served you previously doesn’t mean it will help you in the present or future.
Ask yourself. What do I want and not want in my life? What is no longer serving my highest good?
In self-leadership, we want to expose the discomfort; one way we can do this is through self-examination.
Is this mine?
Does it feel familiar?
When was the first time I felt like this?
What was the incident, and how did I handle it then?
How would I like to handle it moving forward?
Self-leaders make good choices ahead of time. Visualization is effective in priming the brain for what you do want. Decide what behaviours would demonstrate the person you want to be ahead of time. Then rehearse them in your mind.
I have worked with many clients who want to create change in their life; however, they are unaware of the steps to take to get there. I often suggest getting aligned with our true selves. We feel misaligned with integrity when we are not operating in a way that feels good to us.
We can change our pain to power by acknowledging and naming the emotion. We do this by being curious about why the feeling is showing up. Undoubtedly it has come up before, and as leaders, we want to get to the root of it. Emotions are on a logarithmic scale. We want to move up the scale to feel what most people ultimately desire; happiness or joy.
Letting go
Unresolved Emotions will always rise. It’s easy to say ‘Let it go’ as the song plays in our heads. Yet, what does that mean? We tell ourselves we will let it go, and in an attempt, we try to control or change our external environment. We do this to avoid the root cause of our pain. We resist looking at difficult emotions and the part we played. The result is that they continue to reveal themselves again and again when triggered by something external. Rather than admit what has genuinely transpired, we place blame.
What needs to happen is sitting with the emotion, acknowledging and recognizing where it came from, the stories behind them, and healing. Only then do we no longer carry the emotional charge into other areas of life. The caveat; they may rise, yet since we have done the work, we are ready and able to recognize and quickly process them.
We can start this process by regularly observing ourselves and taking the 30,000-foot view. What are you feeling? What is the emotion behind it? Don’t resist, argue or suppress it. Sit with the feeling in silence rather than fill the void with something (business, excessive workouts, alcohol, food). Just observe. Healing and surrendering can take grit and endurance. Although going through the pain is not easy, and self-love is required, it is worth it in the long term; stay focused on the desired result. Avoid falling into the comparison trap. We all have some mess! Behind a persona on social media is a person with emotions that they are trying to work through!
Start Processing Your Emotions today!
Practice deep belly breaths (breathing in, putting your hand below your navel, and breathing in, feeling your stomach expand).
Journal or meditate to help acknowledge and surrender.
I am feeling_________ (be specific) the emotion(s) is_________.
Am I expanding or contracting?
Where do I feel it in my body?
When have I felt this before?
What are the beliefs or attachments I have?
Am I ready to release the past and future (anxiety, anger, fear, guilt, victimhood)?
The opposite of letting go is effort. It’s not until we have done the work that we realize it takes more effort to carry these emotions with us than it ever did to let them go.
Are you ready to surrender to the past and create your desired life?
Sharleen Beaumont, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sharleen Beaumont is an EQ Master Empowerment Coach and Founder of Brave New Ending.
She helps clients get unstuck from their stories and manage their emotions. Her clients re-imagine their life, connect with their highest self utilizing the foundation of all change; emotions!
After graduating from University, Sharleen's career began in Victim Services. She then became a Certified Mediator, and Mediated for her Community and Courts. Her career moved to Corporate Communications and Consulting, working globally. Next, she stepped into an Entrepreneurial life, helping take a new company to the multi-million dollar level. Deciding to live life on purpose, she received her Master Empowerment Coach certification and started Brave New Ending.
Brave- a strength of character, courageous, faces fear, determined, passionate, on purpose.
New Ending-keeps the end goal in mind to write their next chapter and life story.
