Written by: Natasha Stephens, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
"I can't win for losing" is a catchphrase that means that losing keeps you from winning; you can't win because things keep going wrong. People would say it when something unexpected or a bit of bad luck spoiled their plans. But what if I told you those losses are necessary and shaping you for your win? Yeah, I know, it doesn't feel like it because you seem to be moving backwards instead of forward. if we had it our way, everything would go perfectly, we'd never have to lose anything, and we would win at all times.
“All I do is win, win, win, no matter what…” Though dated, this popular track can still be heard blaring from sports stadiums and arenas to nightclubs, or from the occasional passing car of the local high school neighborhood teenager. It is evident we all love the idea of winning. Understandably, because it gives one a sense of accomplishment, success and/or exclusivity. It is evidence that whatever you are doing to reach your endeavors is working.
Winning actually has a biological effect as it increases testosterone that elevates dopamine, the neurotransmitter that gives us feelings of pleasure and satisfaction. The same chemical released during sex. Unarguably, the sense of winning is addictive. Psychologists suggest that winning is the single most important thing in shaping people’s lives. They say those who win have improved mental function, health, and mood. Case and point, in Hollywood, it is proven that Academy Award-winners live on average, four years longer than other actors. Wow! There’s a lot to be said about how much the sense of winning impacts how long we live and the quality of those years lived. Now that’s a win win! Pardon the pun.
As a society, we are more inclined to celebrate winners without considering what it took to get them there. How many losses did it take them to finally win? What sacrifices did they have to make? How many things went wrong before they could celebrate a win? Well, I’d venture to say more than we know. Losing or loss plays an integral role in our wins in life, a lot more than we want to admit because what’s glamorous about losing or sacrificing?
Remember, everything is about perspective. If we want to change our reality, we must first change our perception of our reality. I may have already lost the attention of some with the title but for those still reading, if we look at loss as gain this just might keep your attention. Let’s be honest, we all hate giving up something to get something, even if the latter is greater than the former, mainly because most of us are surrendered to the moment. We bow to the god of convenience and comfort never discovering the greater world that exists outside of our comfort zones. The uncertainty of when and if the greater ever comes makes sacrificing what we possess now, less appealing.
We automatically assume something is wrong with us if we lose a relationship, job, or friendship. Other instances can be popularity, or esteem for simply thinking outside of the box and speaking a truth that may not be popular opinion.
Rule of thumb: in life, you can’t lose what is meant for you. Therefore, if you lose something either it wasn’t right for you, the timing isn’t right, or you’ve held on to it for so long it has expired and no longer serves a purpose. Whatever the case, it must be released to create space for something new, to gain that which is better suited for you. How do we do this? In three ways:
1. Visualize what you really want, then write it down. What is winning to you? You have to perceive it before it becomes tangible. This can be a reminder of your “why” when losing YOUR way to find THE way gets uncomfortable and doesn’t seem to make sense.
“Write the vision and make it plain, that he may run that readeth it.” Habakkuk 2:2 KJV
2. Trust the process. Trust and develop faith in a vision that still remains aloof.
“For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.” Habakkuk 2:3
Don’t trust your feelings at first glance. When seeing loss as a necessity in our process, our feelings will then align with this truth making our journey a little easier. If you let it go, it will return if it is meant for you. The best part about this is you don’t have to make the decision. Just don’t prevent it and the process will do it for you.
3. Realizing that you have to lose what isn’t working to win what will, then you will understand that a loss always precedes a win. Another food for thought, since the loss is a necessary part of gaining, then the loss is considered gain. I can guarantee this perspective will give you a better grasp on life. Lastly, It’s what we focus on that is magnified. Focusing on what we will gain in the long run overshadows the losses it takes to get us there.
I will end with this quote,
“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.” – Jim Elliott Missionary/Martyr.
Be wise my friends. You have a date with destiny, make sure you’re on time!
Natasha Stephens, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Natasha, a retired dental hygienist turned entrepreneur as owner of Transformational Coaching with Natasha and a women's athleisure clothing brand, Ripped and Restored, is committed to the transformational journey as she discovers new ways of being and higher than realized levels of existence through the power of pain and using it to her advantage as a springboard to create an ideal life for herself. Along the way, she answered the call to empower others with this revelation. She is dedicated, with fiery passion and authentic advocacy to revolutionize mental health and fitness by embracing the pain of conflict and resistance in whatever form, as a weapon for good. Realizing that thoughts shape reality, Natasha's coaching model is built around mindset shifts resulting in realized potential. In her spare time she loves to volunteer in local and global dental missions, physical exercise, and travel.
