Why the Old Model of Masculinity is Failing Families
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 31
- 6 min read
Written by Sharon Medina, Conscious Parent coach
Sharon Medina is a CPCM Conscious Parent coach, Founder of Reach Through Education, a teen mentorship dedicated to guiding teens in culturally responsive life skills. With over 10 years of experience, she specializes in parent coaching, inner-child healing, somatic regulation, and helping parents thrive through meaningful connections with their children.
There’s a shift happening in our homes. More men are beginning to question what they were taught about masculinity, power, and fatherhood. They're moving away from dominance and disconnection and toward something many were never shown: presence, emotional safety, and family-centered leadership.
In this article, we’ll explore why men are turning away from toxic ideologies and reclaiming their role in parenting from a place of love and inner strength. This isn’t weakness; it’s evolution, and it’s changing families from the inside out.
Something isn’t working
I've spent years working with parents, mothers, fathers, and caregivers, and the deeper I go, the clearer it becomes: the old blueprint for masculinity is crumbling. And with it, families are quietly rebuilding.
When I first began teaching nervous system regulation and somatic healing to parents, the mothers usually showed up first. But in the last few years, more men have been reaching out. Fathers, uncles, grandfathers, and partners sit in my Zoom call, discomforted by everything they were taught masculinity was supposed to be. And sitting there, they’re admitting something that’s rarely said out loud by men: “I’m not okay.”
They're tired of being told they’re missing out on their children’s childhood or being too distant. Tired of pretending to be the strong one when, inside, their shield is slowly crushing them. And even more tired of not knowing how to show up for their families.
But what inspires me the most is that these men aren’t walking away from fatherhood. They’re walking toward it, with more awareness, honesty, and heart than we’ve seen in generations.
Masculinity isn’t the problem but the conditioning around it is
Across the world, men are in crisis. And it’s not because they’re failing. It’s because they were handed a script that no longer fits the reality of modern family life.
According to the World Health Organization, men die by suicide at more than twice the rate of women globally. In Australia, it's more than three times. In the United States, men make up 79% of all suicides. In Japan, male suicide has risen sharply in the last two years. In the UK, suicide remains the leading cause of death among men under 50. These are not just stats; they’re sons, brothers, fathers, friends.
And what’s often overlooked is how this mental health crisis intersects with the pressure to “man up” and keep pushing through. The traditional masculine ideal, to be stoic, to be strong, never show feelings that are seen as weakness, was never built to hold the emotional weight that real life brings, especially in parenting.
We teach our daughters to feel and speak up about their feelings. But our sons? They're told “boys don’t cry” or to “toughen up.”That emotional shutdown doesn’t disappear in adulthood. It morphs into overwork, emotional distance, reactivity, aggression, and, in many cases, internalized shame.
And when that shame meets the unpredictable chaos of raising children, it becomes a ticking time bomb.
Related guide: 5 Steps To Connection In Parenting
Ready to practice these strategies with guidance from a Certified Coach? Book a 1:1 clarity call today.
The emotional cost of silence
One father I worked with told me he always thought he had to be the “rock” in the family: “Strong, silent, unfazed.” But when his daughter began having emotional outbursts, he found himself trying to make her stop, yelling, mentally clocking out, and then feeling immense guilt.“
I didn’t know how to deal with her feelings; they were just too much,” he said.
That stuck with me.
He wasn’t the first father to say something like this, and he won’t be the last.
Many fathers are grieving the connection they wish they had growing up. They want to be emotionally present but have no roadmap to follow. And often, they don’t realize that their nervous system is still wired for survival, to fight, to flee, or to freeze, not for connection.
The inability to emotionally regulate doesn’t just affect men’s health; it affects their families. It fuels reactive parenting, emotional distance in their relationships with their spouses or partners, and a culture of suppression that keeps children from developing emotional intelligence.
And the cycle continues.
What families need from men today
Families aren’t asking men to be perfect. They’re asking for presence and emotional safety.
Today’s families need fathers who can regulate themselves instead of stepping in to control a situation through fear, a loud voice, or punishments. Fathers who can enter a situation with curiosity, asking questions before yelling. Fathers who can own their part when they mess up. Fathers who can apologize without feeling shame and reassure their family that they will change old habits little by little.
This doesn’t mean abandoning masculinity; it means redefining it.
This isn’t a trend, it’s a return to wholeness
Across platforms, we’re seeing more men speak up. Creators like @thetireddad, @the_indomitable_blackman, and happy.human.life are reshaping what fatherhood looks like. They're proving that being a dad isn’t about power and control; it’s about partnership.
In cultures across the globe, from Indigenous communities to Eastern traditions, masculinity was never about dominance. It was about care, service, wisdom, and spiritual maturity.
Somewhere along the way, we lost that. But many fathers today are finding their way back.
This movement isn’t loud; it’s quiet, tender, and steady. And it’s happening in living rooms, kitchens, school pick-up lines, therapy offices, and somatic coaching sessions.
It’s men sitting with discomfort rather than lashing out. It’s fathers choosing to break generational pain, not by force, but by learning to soothe that little boy in them who just wants to be heard, seen, and cared for.
The future of masculinity is family-centered
Let’s be clear: when men heal, families thrive.
Children raised by emotionally attuned fathers have better outcomes in almost every area: academic performance, emotional regulation, social skills, and mental health. Studies from the University of Oxford, Harvard, and UNICEF all show the same pattern: active, emotionally present fathers positively impact their children's development.
This isn’t just a personal issue; it’s a global one. When boys are taught to suppress, entire communities suffer.
When men are taught to feel, entire generations heal.
Want to break the cycle of self-criticism and raise more confident kids? Schedule a one-on-one coaching call today and start building a stronger, more compassionate foundation for your family.
A call to the men who are ready
To the fathers reading this: this is your permission to feel. This is your permission to cry. This is your permission to get it wrong because, even though you don’t need to hear it from me, YOU are allowed to begin again.
Your worth isn’t measured by how much you control or how much money you make. It’s measured by how deeply you connect.
If the old model is breaking, it’s because something more honest is emerging. And you get to be a part of that change.
You don’t have to do it alone.
Book a coaching call. Reach out to a friend. Join a fatherhood group. Explore somatic practices. Breathe. Move. Learn. Unlearn. Stay curious.
Because your family doesn’t need a perfect man. They need you to be aware, healing, and human.
If you're ready to begin this journey of inner healing and conscious connection, book a coaching call today. Let's walk together toward the kind of parent and person you were always meant to be.
Read more from Sharon Medina
Sharon Medina, Conscious Parent coach
Sharon Medina is a leader in conscious parenting and self-growth coaching. Raised between Colombia and the United States, she experienced firsthand the struggles of navigating generational trauma as a first-generation immigrant. With over 10 years of experience in education, mindfulness, and trauma-informed coaching, Sharon empowers parents to heal, reconnect with the child within them, and create safe, authentic relationships with their children. She is the founder of The Connected Tribe, a coaching platform dedicated to transforming families from the inside out, and Reach Through Education, a teen mentorship program based in Houston. Her mission: Break generation trauma, come back home to your heart.
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