7 Ways to Navigate Christmas When Divorce Is Around the Corner in January
- Brainz Magazine
- 6 hours ago
- 6 min read
Jennie Sutton is passionate when it comes to Divorce! She is the founder of the online platform, untyingtheknot.me. Here, she offers a one-stop shop for women as an accredited finance, divorce, and domestic abuse coach and in-person court coach, assisting women in rebuilding their lives with confidence.
Most people experience Christmas as a time of comfort because they enjoy the holiday's traditional elements and familiar sounds. The knowledge that your relationship will end in January creates a sense of emotional distress during Christmas celebrations. The outside world shows no signs of trouble. The inside world becomes completely overwhelming because you are carrying this emotional load.
I remember that Christmas holiday because it was the holiday before I requested a divorce. I sat at the dinner table watching our family members laugh while my entire body suffered from the knowledge that the upcoming year would bring a completely different reality. The reason I did not show my feelings was because I had spent multiple years disappearing inside a marriage that no longer suited me. I kept my secret hidden. I needed additional time to achieve clarity, establish safety, and find some breathing space.
The current situation in my work with clients who are deciding about divorce brings back memories of that December. The approaching January brings both the end of something and the start of something new.
The following seven ways will enable you to survive Christmas without letting guilt, fear or emotional exhaustion consume you.
1. Accept two opposing emotions that exist within you
The experience of being in two different worlds at once becomes one of the most confusing aspects of facing your last Christmas together. You follow the usual family routines while participating in traditional activities and maintaining regular family conversations. Your body, however, is experiencing loss. Your mind prepares for change, and your body readies itself for what is to come. Your dual state of being does not indicate any deception or cruelty toward others, you are in a state of protection for both yourself and others during the festive times.
You can join in the holiday activities while respecting your inner understanding that your life will transform soon. The process of surviving a major life change requires more understanding than most people recognise. Accept this dual existence between your outer self and inner self without judgment or criticism.
2. Let go of your need to create an ideal Christmas celebration
People who face divorce often approach their situation by adding more to their lives. More presents bought, more cooking and baking goodies made, and they force themselves to smile more. It is an attempt to hide the problem and the reality through the need to give and provide more.
Your attempt to achieve a flawless Christmas while dealing with the emotional burden of an upcoming divorce will only lead to exhaustion. Christmas exists to bring people together rather than to achieve perfection.
The true essence of Christmas emerges from the authentic moments that occur in everyday situations, the sharing of laughter, food, and Christmas games. At these times, take brief moments of silence and breathe to recalibrate.
Share tasks with others. Keep things basic. This is acceptable, and you do not need to compensate for something that is going to land in January. The upcoming year will bring new experiences, although there will always be the family connection. It will simply be different.
3. Stay focused on the current week instead of worrying about future years
Your mind starts to function as a prediction machine when you understand that your relationship will end soon. Your mind may start to wonder about the following questions:
How will I reveal the divorce news to our children?
What will become of our family home?
How will we handle our financial situation?
Will friends, work, and society criticise my decisions?
Your mind spends excessive time travelling through the “what ifs,” which only results in mental exhaustion and your body becoming hypervigilant.
STOP. Focus on one thing at a time.
Your needs. Looking after you as you build your resilience and self-reliance for the week ahead.
The programme “Maybe to Clarity” enables clients to stop grappling with their future and stand in the power of now and their current reality. Clarity develops best when people remain calm, not when their minds become active in worst-case scenarios.
4. Establish emotional limits
People exhaust themselves more from pretending to stay the same. The process of maintaining a false appearance proves to be more exhausting than the actual situation. You do not need to disclose what is happening to others, just be true to yourself.
The following actions assist with emotional boundaries:
Stay away from social events that create excessive overwhelm
Have an exit plan whenever you feel it is getting too much
Stay away from meaningless conversations about marital matters or experiences
Take your time, breathe, journal, and be outside
These boundaries function as a temporary support toolkit, which will enable you to handle your life transformation and the journey ahead.
5. Keep small grounding rituals
The uncertainty of emotions makes people seek comfort in small rituals that serve as anchor points. The end of my marriage brought me stability through two everyday activities. I started each day by lighting a candle, and I took my dog for walks during rain and snow while I ran along familiar paths.
The practices I followed did not solve my problems, yet they helped me remember to fill my cup with self-care, compassion, and my right to experience my emotions.
Select two personal rituals that will enable you to find your inner self:
A slow coffee alone
A quiet bath
A short walk
A piece of music that resonates with you currently
These practices enable you to discover yourself, your core being, and your truth.
6. Seasonal feelings and your mental and physical wellness
The holiday season creates an illusion that can distort your perception of reality. The combination of family obligations and personal nostalgia creates doubts about your current situation. You may start to talk yourself out of taking action, saying to yourself, “The situation is not as bad as I think it is.”
Let me reassure you. Your inner clarity took months or years to get to this stage. Your decision, your truth, is to remain untouched by the brief holiday emotions. The festive decorations should not alter your personal reality.
The programme “I’ve Come to a Decision” helps clients build and hold on to this inner clarity. It assists in remaining strong against seasonal emotions and family influences. Your truth needs absolute protection instead of any form of compromise.
7. January serves as a transition point
The “divorce month” label of January hides the fact that people spent many months facing solitude and inner emotional battles before making their decision to end their marriage. The termination of a marriage represents your truth, a decision that naturally advances personal development, dignity, safety, and self-respect.
Your relationship will end soon because you have already completed the challenging process of internal change that leads to action. You have reached a threshold. Your decision to face Christmas with self-compassion stands as one of your most courageous actions to date.
A message for anyone who stands at the starting line of their next chapter. The current holiday season creates a temporary state between your current existence and your future self. It is a period of waiting between two lives. Hold on to your respect and your authentic self through these seven peaceful and gentle methods.
You do not need to face this situation by yourself. My two programmes, “Maybe to Clarity” and “I’ve Come to a Decision,” enable clients to face their marriage decisions and move forward respectfully. The programmes emerged from my dual experience of ending a 30-year marriage and my work with clients who have stepped into similar shoes as your own in their relationship choices.
Your destiny exists independently of January’s arrival. It is waiting for you. Your future self will welcome you when you are ready, with open arms of endless possibilities.
Read more from Jennie Sutton
Jennie Sutton, Accredited Women's Divorce & Court Coach
Having experienced her own 30-year marriage end in divorce, Jennie turned her experience into a mission to support other women. As an accredited divorce and family court coach, she supports women who are faced with the additional challenges of domestic abuse. With twenty years as a coach and firsthand insight, she provides reassurance and guidance every step of the way. To Jennie, untying the knot is about finding the end to make a new beginning.
