Are You a Nice Person? What if You Could Be Kind Instead?
- Nov 12, 2025
- 5 min read
Written by Dr. Dain Heer, Speaker and Author
Dr. Dain Heer is an avid explorer of possibilities and an internationally recognized author and speaker. As the founder of the annual International Being You Day and Co-creator of Access Consciousness, one of the largest personal development movements practiced in 176 countries, Dain serves as a catalyst for empowering individuals to realize they can change anything in their lives. For over 30 years, he has encouraged people to view their differences as strengths, amplify their uniqueness, and fully embrace their greatness!
Are you a nice person? If yes, how is that working out for you? It sounds lovely, right? Keep the peace. Don’t upset anyone. Being sweet and agreeable, always putting others first. But let’s be honest, how often does that leave you exhausted, resentful, and wondering why everyone else seems to get what they want?
As we celebrate World Kindness Day, I’d like to offer you a radical idea. What if being nice isn’t the same as being kind? What if what most of us think is kindness is actually its sneaky, draining cousin, niceness? And what if I told you that true kindness is one of the most potent, most overlooked superpowers you possess, and it includes the willingness to say a powerful, earth-shaking 'no'?
The niceness trap: Are you a doormat in disguise?
Being “nice” means living by invisible rules, never doing anything that could potentially upset another person, and always appeasing and placating others. It's a constant dance of trying to keep everyone happy, often at the expense of your own joy, your own desires, and your energetic well-being. It's like becoming a doormat for everyone else to walk all over, believing it's the "right thing" to do.
People who function from “nice” often have little personal power. Why? Because they’re operating from fear, fear of not being liked, of upsetting someone, of not being seen as “good.” But when you’re caught in that loop, you’re not truly aware of what others require, you’re just projecting what you think they want, hoping for approval.
You might think, “There are worse things to be than nice.” True. But consider how limiting it is. Niceness robs you of your power, your creativity, and your ability to create a different reality for yourself and others.
Niceness is a counterfeit version of kindness. It looks shiny on the surface, but it’s heavy underneath. It’s the thief that takes up the space where real kindness could thrive.
True kindness: Your energetic superpower
Kindness isn’t about being liked. It’s about being aware.
True kindness is an energy, an energetic superpower, rooted in presence and allowance. It’s the willingness to see someone fully, without judgment or the need to fix them. To truly honor another person’s choices, even if you wouldn’t make the same ones.
Sometimes kindness is soft. Sometimes it’s fierce. It is the willingness to look into somebody's world, see what they require to create more, and then to offer or deliver that, no holds barred! This might mean delivering a question that blows their mind, inspiring them, having a hard conversation, and saying what they require to hear, or even giving a warning if they're in danger. Are you willing to be that kind?
Because here’s the tricky part, kindness often won’t be perceived as kindness by others. That doesn’t make it wrong. Kindness is about creation, not approval. When you start believing you’re wrong because someone doesn’t appreciate your kindness, you stop being kind and start being nice. Don’t fall for that trap.
Kindness is your willingness to always engage with what will create the most, come what may! And that's why it's an energetic superpower. So, are you ready to unleash it? And what if you start with you?
The fierce side of kindness
To be truly kind, you have to be willing to include all of you, even the parts that don’t look “nice.” That means being aware of meanness, manipulation, or judgment without pretending they don’t exist. It means you don’t cut off your awareness of the hard stuff just to keep the peace. Kindness isn’t weakness. Niceness is weakness.
Real kindness requires strength, the willingness to be the energy of “No.” To stand so powerfully in your awareness that it becomes self-evident. This. Stops. Now.
That’s what I call killing energy. It’s not violence. It's the presence. It’s the energy of “No, you don’t.” This is not happening to me! It’s the energy that stops abuse, disrespect, or manipulation in its tracks. This is why kindness, plus presence and caring, threatens abusive people. Have you noticed that people are meanest to the kindest people? They are scared because it cannot be controlled. It intimidates people who control and have power over others.
Will you claim the killing energy that is required for your kindness, and you, not just to survive but to thrive?
When you embody it, you don’t need to explain, justify, or defend. People just know not to mess with that boundary.
The space of caring
The deeper truth is that kindness comes from the immense caring you naturally are. Think about a baby or a puppy, notice how your heart softens? That’s you tapping into your natural state of caring.
Caring is your nature. But when you cut off your power to protect that caring, when you only allow the “nice” version, you end up shrinking your entire being.
True kindness is the full spectrum, the soft, the strong, the tender, the fierce. It’s the willingness to say yes when it expands your world, and no when it doesn’t. It’s being kind to you first, because if you leave yourself out of your own kindness, it’s not kindness at all.
So here’s the invitation:
What if you stopped trying to be “nice”?
What if you unleashed your true kindness, the potent, world-shifting energy that can melt barriers, change lives, and stop abuse in its tracks?
What if the greatest act of kindness you could commit right now is to finally acknowledge all of you, the soft, the strong, the wildly caring, the unapologetically alive you?
What will you choose?
Read more from Dr. Dain Heer
Dr. Dain Heer, Speaker and Author
Having grown up in a challenging environment in Los Angeles, Dain faced constant adversity but chose resilience over victimhood. His determination to create positive change has fueled every aspect of his work, from facilitating global classes to authoring books and developing business ventures embodying benevolent capitalism principles.
Dain draws from his personal experience to inspire individuals from all walks of life to create the money, happiness, and life they truly desire. In his talks and workshops, he offers a set of tools and step-by-step energetic processes that help people break free from limiting conclusions and judgments, guiding them toward a place of choice and transformative change.
As a conscious and innovative business leader, Dain’s passion for possibilities and creating a better planet fuels all of his projects, including Castello di Casalborgone, a luxurious castle in Italy restored to its former glory, a thriving ranch in Houston, and EL Lugar, a fully sustainable eco-retreat in Costa Rica, designed in harmony with the earth.
