Before You Decide to Become a Mom, Read This
- Brainz Magazine
- 6 hours ago
- 5 min read
Parveer is a Clinical Counsellor who integrates life coaching into her work with clients. She is the founder of Parveer Brar Counselling. Alongside her private practice, Parveer works as an Instructor for a Counselling Program.
Motherhood is beautiful, meaningful, and transformative. But it can also be overwhelming, unexpected, and isolating. As a clinician and a mother of two, I’ve seen firsthand how often women step into motherhood without the insight and preparation they deserve.
1. The pregnancy, reality check
Many women have smooth, pleasant pregnancies, and because of that, there’s a misconception that all pregnancies feel that way. Some enjoy smooth, nausea-free pregnancies and stay active throughout. Others struggle with symptoms from day one, nausea that lasts all nine months, exhaustion, discomfort, or unexpected complications.
Pregnancy is the first moment many women feel their bodies shifting out of their control. Hormones surge, symptoms evolve, and no two pregnancies are alike, not even from one child to the next within the same mother.
The takeaway: Be open to your pregnancy experience, not the one your mom, sister, or best friend had.
2. Sleep: The first major shock
Sleep is one of the earliest and biggest challenges of motherhood, long before the baby even arrives. Pregnancy can disrupt sleep through nausea or discomfort, and once the baby is born, nighttime feedings and broken sleep become the new norm. Be prepared for a lack of sleep and understand how deeply this affects your nervous system.
Most babies wake throughout the night in their early months. This fragmented sleep can leave you disoriented, exhausted, and emotionally strained. Over time, you’ll settle into a rhythm, and some parents choose to sleep train when they feel ready.
Remember: A rested mom is a healthier, more present mom. Once your baby is in their own room, even a few quiet minutes in the morning with a warm cup of coffee can feel like gold, an extremely rare luxury in early motherhood.
3. It truly takes a village
Modern society has made parenting more isolated than ever, and the loss of community support impacts mothers deeply. Historically, postpartum care involved an entire village nurturing the mother as much as the baby. Mom rested, recovered, and was supported physically and emotionally.
Before entering motherhood, reflect on who your “village” is. Who can you call when you need 20 minutes to shower, nap, or simply breathe? Support isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a protective factor for your mental and physical well-being.
4. The hormonal roller coaster
From conception through postpartum, your hormones shift dramatically. These changes influence mood, energy, sleep, and emotional resilience. Many doctors hesitate to test postpartum hormone levels, but it’s worth advocating for yourself. Around one year postpartum, consider having your hormones checked to understand how your body is recovering.
Your emotional health matters, and you deserve to feel balanced. If your doctor is unwilling to test, a naturopath can often provide this support.
5. The physical toll no one talks about
You might expect physical changes during pregnancy and assume you’ll “bounce back” over time. But the physical demands of caring for a baby often catch moms off guard.
Feeding positions, constantly holding your baby, lifting them in and out of the crib, carrying them throughout the day, these repetitive movements add up. Poor posture, lack of support pillows, and minimal stretching can lead to long-term discomfort or injury. Physiotherapy, stretching, mindful posture, and strengthening exercises can make a significant difference.
Your baby won’t be little forever, but your body is with you for life. Tuning in, stretching, and caring for your physical health is essential, not optional.
6. Your identity and routine will shift, deeply
Becoming a mom shifts your identity to the core. Things you once did without thinking, grabbing coffee, running errands, taking a moment for yourself, suddenly require planning around someone else’s needs.
This shift is natural, but without small, intentional acts of self-care early on, many moms lose sight of their individuality. This is why small acts of self-care early on are crucial. Even tiny routines, five minutes of mindfulness, a short walk, getting dressed for you, help you maintain a sense of self. Over time, you’ll slowly integrate “mom” into your authentic identity instead of losing yourself in the role.
This step connects beautifully with the idea of support. Let someone hold the baby while you move your body, get your hair done, do your nails, or simply breathe. Early motherhood can feel isolating, so getting out of the house can be incredibly grounding.
7. Don’t forget to have fun as a mom
Routine is necessary, but it can quickly become limiting. Motherhood can feel repetitive, even mundane, if joy isn’t intentionally woven in.
Make joy a daily goal, even in small ways. A video call that makes you laugh, lunch with a friend, a favorite hobby, or a short solo walk can help you reconnect with the version of yourself that existed before becoming a mom.
You’re a whole person, and fun should be part of your daily life, not something left behind.
8. Your relationship needs attention too
This one is big. Relationships often fall to the back burner without anyone realizing it’s happening. Your baby becomes the center of your world, and suddenly weeks or months go by without meaningful connection with your partner.
The key is intentionality.
Plan date nights and put them in the calendar. This doesn’t always mean going out, it might be takeout on the couch, a movie night, or a quiet conversation once the baby is asleep.
And remember, family time is not a date. You need time as a couple to reconnect and check in with each other’s worlds.
I’ve worked with many couples who come to therapy years later saying, “We stopped connecting. Everything became about the kids.” Don’t wait until the kids are grown to rediscover each other. Keep the connection alive now.
Final thoughts
This article isn’t meant to discourage you from becoming a mother. Motherhood is beautiful, fulfilling, and transformative in ways you can’t imagine until you experience it. But going in prepared makes the experience healthier and more fulfilling.
Share this with anyone who might benefit from an honest, supportive look at what becoming a mom truly involves. Empowered mothers create empowered families, and it starts with conversations like these.
Disclaimer: This article is not here to diminish the joys of motherhood. Instead, think of it as the candid conversation many of us wish we’d had before becoming moms, a conversation meant to prepare rather than scare.
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Parveer Brar, Clinical Counsellor & Life Coach
Parveer Brar is a dedicated therapist committed to empowering individuals on their journey toward healing and self-discovery. With a diverse background as a therapist, group facilitator, youth and child care worker, life coach, and instructor, she brings a wealth of experience and a unique perspective to her practice. Parveer specializes in creating strong, supportive connections with her clients, fostering a safe space where true healing can unfold. Her mission is to guide individuals in uncovering their authentic selves and building the resilience needed to thrive.
