Why 68% of Divorces Are Preventable – The Hidden Cost Couples Don’t See Coming
- Brainz Magazine
- 2 hours ago
- 5 min read
Austin and Benetta are recognized for their work in modern relationship coaching. They are the founders of Elevated Life Coaching, creators of The Connection Reset Program, and authors of a growing series of books designed to support couples on their journey to stronger, healthier relationships.
Divorce often feels like the doorway to relief, clarity, or a long-awaited fresh start. But for many couples, the reality becomes far more complicated, emotionally, financially, and generationally. While leaving an abusive or unsafe relationship is an act of strength, thousands of couples end marriages that could have been repaired, rebuilt, and even transformed. This article reveals why many relationships fail prematurely and why understanding the natural phases of love can make a significant difference.
What does research actually say about divorce?
Research from several long-term relationship studies shows that many couples who eventually divorce later believe their marriage was repairable with the right guidance, emotional tools, and communication support. In most cases, they didn’t lack compatibility. They lacked clarity and the skills needed to navigate the natural phases of a relationship.
One of the strongest findings comes from the University of Chicago research study, which tracked married couples over twelve years. The study found that a substantial portion of couples who began the study unhappy later reported significantly higher levels of marital satisfaction when they stayed together and worked through their challenges, compared to those who divorced.
Supporting this, the National Institutes of Health research study found that long-term relationship success is closely linked to emotional connection, healthy communication patterns, and the ability to navigate predictable developmental phases, far more than chemistry or personality compatibility alone.
For couples leaving non-abusive relationships, divorce often leads to multiple unintended costs:
Emotional toll: grief, loneliness, identity loss
Financial strain: legal fees, relocation, lifestyle changes
Generational impact: children internalizing conflict, instability, or guilt
Relational patterns: repeating the same dynamics in the next relationship
And this leads to a harsh truth many people don’t expect: The next relationship isn’t automatically better.
Why do so many people believe their next relationship will be better?
One of the biggest relationship myths is the assumption that a fresh partner will create a fresh dynamic. But unresolved patterns follow us. Most couples don’t break up because they chose the wrong person. They break up because they never learned the skills, phases, and emotional development patterns necessary for a long-term partnership. This is why so many people say, “I left for a better life… but I ended up in the same cycle with someone new.”
We were never taught how relationships work
In school, we study math, science, history but no one teaches:
How attachment styles shape communication
How conflict actually deepens intimacy
How relationship phases evolve
What “normal” emotional change looks like
How to navigate differences without disconnecting
As a result, people assume: “If it feels different, something must be wrong.” When in reality, the shift is normal, predictable, and part of every long-term relationship.
What really happens after the first 12 months of a relationship?
The first year of a relationship, the honeymoon phase, is filled with novelty, excitement, chemistry, and mystery. It is powerful, emotionally consuming, and driven by dopamine and oxytocin. But here’s the truth majority of people don’t understand: The honeymoon phase is temporary… and it’s supposed to be. It’s not proof of “soulmate love.” It’s not proof of “permanent compatibility.” It’s a biological attachment starter phase. After 12-18 months, the chemistry naturally changes. And from here, the relationship doesn’t stay the same, it either grows deeper or begins to decline. This is where many couples panic.
They interpret:
Neutrality as loss of love
Predictability as boredom
Disagreements as incompatibility
Comfort as emotional distance
When in reality, they have simply entered the development phase, the phase that determines whether a relationship will mature or crumble.
Why do couples drift apart after the honeymoon stage?
When two people first meet, they are essentially strangers to each other. There is mystery, curiosity, and a flood of unconscious assumptions. People “fill in the blanks” with the best possible version of who they imagine the other person to be.
But over time:
Real traits replace imagined ones
Habits replace assumptions
Patterns replace fantasies
Needs become clearer
Differences become visible
This transition marks the beginning of emotional distance or deeper closeness. This is the moment marriages are made or broken. Not because couples are incompatible, but because they don’t understand the psychological shift happening underneath.
To further illustrate this point, research from the Gottman Institute reveals that successful couples do not avoid conflict, they repair after conflict, utilizing emotional attunement and healthy communication. Without understanding this, many couples misinterpret normal tension as a sign that their relationship is failing.
The core truth most couples don’t know
Most marriages don’t fail because of:
Lack of love
Incompatibility
Age differences
Personality clashes
They fail because the couple never learned how to:
Navigate developmental phases
Repair ruptures
Regulate emotions during conflict
Communicate in attachment-friendly ways
Rebuild the connection after misunderstandings
Update expectations as the relationship evolves
Divorce becomes the solution when tools and understanding are missing, not when love is gone. And that’s why so many people regret leaving a repairable relationship.
So, can relationships truly be repaired before divorce?
In many cases, yes, absolutely. With the right education, emotional insight, and structured intervention, couples can:
Rediscover connection
Repair emotional wounds
Develop healthier patterns
Restore intimacy
Build new relational agreements
Understand each other’s emotional blueprint
Long-term love isn’t about finding the perfect person. It’s about learning how to build a relationship that can last.
Start your relationship reset today
If you’re questioning your relationship, feeling disconnected, or wondering whether things can change, don’t wait for resentment to take root. Guidance at the right time can save years of emotional pain and prevent avoidable separation. If you’re ready to understand your relationship through a completely new lens, begin your journey with us.
Book a Relationship Reset Session and learn the tools that help couples rebuild, not break apart.
Austin Costantini & Benetta Mathew, Relationship Coaches
Austin and Benetta are a powerful coaching duo specializing in helping couples prevent unnecessary divorce. Coming from polar opposite backgrounds and having each lived through profound grief and heartbreak, they developed a deep understanding of the patterns that quietly destroy relationships. Their experiences inspired them to create practical, structured strategies that help couples communicate better, rebuild trust, and restore the emotional closeness they previously shared. Today, they guide partners through their toughest seasons with clarity, compassion, and proven methodology. As founders of Elevated Life Coaching, they equip couples with the tools to reconnect and thrive. Their mission: Stronger relationships, stronger families.
