What is Wrong With Me?
Donna Reynolds empowers clients to build confidence, understanding it as the foundation for achieving personal goals. With experience working with people of all ages, her Confidence is Key approach helps foster a positive mindset, enabling individuals to move forward with clarity, self-assurance, and resilience.
As a therapist, one of the most common questions I hear is, “What is wrong with me?” Before diving into this topic, let me clarify something: if someone were a sociopath or a psychopath, they would never ask this question. These individuals genuinely believe there is nothing wrong with them, and they fall outside my remit for clinical therapy. For more insight into this subject, I highly recommend the book The Psychopath Whisperer by Kent Kiehl.
Now, setting that aside, let’s return to the heart of the matter.
When a client asks, “What is wrong with me?” my immediate response is, “Why do you ask that?” or “Why do you feel there is something ‘wrong’ with you?”
Although they may not realize it at the time, asking this question is actually a positive step. It shows self-awareness and a willingness to seek help. It means they are ready to move forward and, most importantly, that they have hope.
When training as a therapist, I was taught to foster hope in my clients. But when a client asks this question, it tells me they already have hope, and that is a great place to start.
The truth: There is nothing wrong with you
My general response to this question is:
“There is nothing wrong with you.”
Let’s unpack this for a moment.
We are all products of our past experiences. When a client tells me they suffer from anxiety or depression, the first step toward healing is understanding why. Once they begin to recognize that there is nothing inherently wrong with them—that their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors have been shaped by their life experiences—they can start to break free from limiting patterns.
So, the question becomes:
“What happened to you?”
And then:
“Now that you have this information, how do you want to move forward?”
Shifting the focus: What do you want your life to look like?
Almost all of my clients respond with, “I want to be free from depression and anxiety.”
When they realize that this is truly possible, because there is nothing wrong with them, that is when real transformation begins. This moment marks a turning point, allowing us to work together to help them move forward in their lives.
As a therapist, these are the most invigorating moments. It is in these instances that I am reminded why I chose this path. I love what I do.
The power of core beliefs
In my experience, when clients ask, “What is wrong with me?” it often reflects a deeply rooted belief about themselves, shaped by past experiences. Shifting the question from “What is wrong with me?” to “What happened to you?” creates an opportunity for deeper understanding and compassion. This concept is explored beautifully in the book What Happened to You by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey.
When I respond with, “There is nothing wrong with you. Why do you think that?” it can be a transformative moment. Clients start to recognize that they have carried a belief their entire lives, something imposed on them by someone else’s words or actions. Over time, this belief became ingrained, profoundly influencing how they perceive themselves.
And as we know, these beliefs are rarely positive. Otherwise, they would not find themselves in therapy, questioning their worth and asking, “What is wrong with me?”
Labels in mental health
As I work with clients, many tell me, “I’ve been diagnosed with…” often listing multiple conditions. I’m frequently struck by how many labels people are given, as though their struggles can only be understood through a medical diagnosis.
Have we, as a society, become so fixated on labeling everything, especially when it comes to mental health? This trend is particularly evident in younger generations.
While labels can offer clarity and validation, overusing them can turn them into limitations, defining people by their struggles rather than their strengths. Perhaps it is time we rethink our approach to mental health, focusing less on labels and more on understanding, growth, and resilience.
This is where my work begins. I view each person as an individual with unique circumstances. By accepting them as they are, without judgment, I provide what they need most: a safe space to heal.
Together, we form an alliance to help them move beyond past experiences toward a future filled with self-acceptance.
Through this process, they come to realize that they deserve happiness, not because someone else gives them permission to feel it, but because they are inherently worthy of it.
Walking into the future with newfound freedom and a deeper understanding of yourself can be incredibly empowering. So, let go of the labels, stop questioning yourself, and set yourself free. You may be surprised by the transformation that awaits when you do.
Read more from Donna Kirsten Reynolds
Donna Kirsten Reynolds, Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist
Donna Reynolds discovered her passion for mental health and personal growth while living abroad and navigating her own challenges. After experiencing a sudden divorce that mirrored the struggles of many women around her, Donna sought to understand why such upheavals were so common. This quest led her to study mental health and behavior, ultimately guiding her to Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy. She believes that by changing our thoughts, we can overcome any barriers and create meaningful, lasting change in our lives.
