The Story Does Not End When Someone Dies – An Interview with Lauren Seeley
- Jul 23
- 5 min read
Updated: 6 days ago
Lauren Seeley is a Death & Grief Doula and a Creative Grief Workshop facilitator in the NYC area. She works with both animals and humans in the end-of-life and funeral space and is a death educator as well as a spiritual practitioner using creativity, art, ritual, ceremony, and Reiki as forms of healing in bereavement and loss. She is the facilitator of two mortality-based book clubs in NYC: Silent Book Club of Death NYC and Ahhsweetdeath Book Club. She partners with historical institutions such as The Met Cloisters, Green-Wood Cemetery, and Morbid Anatomy for her events.
In this interview, Lauren shares the way that she incorporates art, play and creativity into death and grief spaces, why discussions about mortality and grief are important, how we can continue to connect and honor our beloved persons and pets after loss, build stronger communities and understanding around mortality discussions, and live more fulfilling lives around death acceptance.
Lauren Seeley, Grief & Death Doula, Educator, Artist
What first drew you to combine grief support, death education, and art into the work you do today?
I have a degree and background in design, and have been a practicing artist my entire life. In my own grief, I have found the incorporation of creativity and play to be quite beneficial in how I sit with and process grief. When I began working in the death & end of life space four years ago, I found that others could also benefit from the way that I have when a loss occurs, and they too could turn to play, creativity, and community grief environments. The personalization of memorialization is another important element of bereavement and storytelling, as it gives families and loved ones a way to venerate and honor the spirit of who their beloved was after they are no longer alive.
How has working with both human and companion animal loss shaped your understanding of grief?
When we lose a loved one, whether animal or person, we are left with a hole that cannot be filled with anything else. Society has given us linear guidelines on the stages and duration of grief, but it’s just not the reality of it. No two losses will fit the same mold, nor will they feel the same. I see no difference between the loss of a person or pet, and while societally there is much more recognition around the loss of a person, there is less around the loss of a pet. Time is the answer to learning to live with our grief, but what do we do in the interim? We continue the relationship. We tell their story. We say their name. We create, cry, craft, memorialize, and we do it with others if we can. The love continues, and we continue to honor them.
What have you learned about the difference a personalized memorial can make for a grieving family?
In the last 150 years or so, the way we care for our dead has changed dramatically in the US. While we have the advantage here to let death professionals care for our beloved, there are less conversations about how the family can still be a part of this process. I am grateful for this opportunity to hand the care to those who are educated to do so, but I love the idea of still being able to include the family in the care of their loved one. As a mentor with Continuing Vision, I have the opportunity to teach funeral directors both locally and remotely how to incorporate more personalized practices into the funeral and memorial, as well as aftercare. What I have found in my experience is that families really do benefit from the personalization of memorials, because they get to be included in the care and they get to help tell the story better than I, a stranger, ever could. It’s an opportunity to show them how much more meaningful the story of their loved one could be if they are bringing objects, collections, smells, and more of what they loved into view.
Why do you think conversations about death are still so difficult, even though loss touches everyone?
Death is a scary topic. A lot of people are afraid of having these conversations because confronting fears of mortality feels scary. Yes, death touches us all, and we will all die someday. What most people don’t realize is that by talking about death, we are addressing the elephant in the room and making friends with it. We are acknowledging it, respecting it and in turn are able to fully live knowing it will be there waiting for us when we are ready. As those of us in the death space know, life is precious. We aren’t promised tomorrow, and we must live for today. Memento Mori: remember you must die.
How have your book clubs and public discussions changed the way people approach mortality and grief?
Holding public conversations addressing mortality are so, so important. I know to those who haven’t experienced them yet, they can seem scary and morbid. What I love about my two book clubs- Silent Book Club of Death NYC (in person) and Ahhsweetdeath Book Club & Author discussions (online) is that they give everyone an equal opportunity to show up as they are and to either participate or merely observe. No one is ever obligated to share or discuss, though I’ve yet to have someone attend who doesn’t want to join the discussion. These events, and all of the conversations that I have around death, are a no-pressure opportunity to at least have the chance to. As we know, we can’t always speak openly about grief or death without freaking people out. This is a space where you can share, cry, grieve, ask morbidly curious questions, talk about your dead pets and how much you miss the smell of your dead grandmother’s cookies and not feel judged.
What is one meaningful way someone can honor a loved one beyond a traditional funeral?
Create an altar! Donate to their favorite charity. Cook their favorite food. Dance to their favorite song. Visit their favorite nature spots. Venerate them. Tell their stories. Say their name. There are so many meaningful ways that you can memorialize your loved one beyond and after the funeral.
For someone supporting a grieving friend or family member, what simple actions are often the most comforting?
Don’t ask them what you can do: show up for them. Clean their house. Help them with errands. Have groceries delivered. Take them out for a coffee and let them cry. I think people mean well when trying to support someone who is suffering a loss, but they aren’t usually going to call, text, or tell you what they need. Just do it. Please don’t say to them, “They are in a better place now.”
You often describe memorialization as storytelling. What does that idea mean to you?
Memorialization is the way in which our beloved is immortalized after death. Traditionally, we think of interment, gravestones, etc. The way that I see it, the story doesn’t have to end there. We can continue to honor them long after they are gone from this earthly plane, long after they’ve shed their mortal coil. We keep them alive through storytelling, and this isn’t limited to verbal conversation. We can continue to tell their story in the acts of love and veneration we carry out in their honor.
If you could leave readers with one idea that would help them build a healthier relationship with grief, what would it be?
Whatever you are feeling, however your grief shows up, it is valid and it is normal. There is no right way to grieve. If you find that you are unable to complete daily tasks and activities: give yourself grace, but don’t be afraid to reach out for spiritual or professional support if it drags on or feels too heavy. Don’t be afraid to lean on your people, and please, be gentle with yourself.
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