The Power of Dissonance and Why Inner Conflict is Vital in the Migrant Identity Journey
- 3 days ago
- 6 min read
Written by Lindy Lelij, Founder of Mpowerme Coaching
Lindy Lelij is the founder of Mpowerme Coaching. With more than 30 years of leadership and international experience, she helps people navigate migration, cultural transitions, and identity to thrive personally and professionally.
Cognitive dissonance is the uncomfortable tension we feel when holding conflicting beliefs, values, or behaviors, and it is often treated as a discomfort to be eliminated.
Yet, for migrants, this tension often carries a deeper meaning. It is an essential part of identity development and learning to live across more than one cultural world.
Rather than simply a problem to fix, cognitive dissonance can be understood as information, a sign that something important is being negotiated internally. At the same time, it is not automatically helpful. Dissonance can also feel confusing, exhausting, or destabilizing. Recognizing both sides allows migrants to move through the experience with greater awareness and support.
In this article, we’ll explore why dissonance is particularly meaningful in the migrant experience, how it manifests in daily life, and what it reveals about identity transformation.
Understanding cognitive dissonance
The concept of cognitive dissonance was first described by social psychologist Leon Festinger, who observed that people experience discomfort when beliefs and behaviors do not align.
Imagine knowing smoking is harmful but continuing to smoke anyway. The resulting tension often motivates us to change our behavior or adjust our beliefs to restore internal harmony.
In everyday life, most people encounter dissonance in contained areas, a difficult decision, a value they struggle to live by, or a behavior they want to change. For migrants, however, dissonance is often broader and more enduring.
Migration introduces a new cultural environment while existing ways of thinking, relating, and understanding oneself remain present. The tension is rarely about one isolated issue. Instead, it touches deeper questions of identity, belonging, and orientation.
Why migration amplifies dissonance
Migrants often find themselves navigating two sets of cultural expectations at once:
The culture they come from, with its familiar norms, values, communication styles, and family expectations.
The culture they have entered, with its own social rules, professional expectations, and communication standards.
This experience can feel like living between worlds. Not fully who you were before, yet not entirely who you are becoming.
As a result, dissonance may appear across many areas of life, work, family, friendships, communication, and self-expression. Unlike many coaching challenges that arise in specific domains, migration-related dissonance can be ongoing and interconnected, reflecting the continuous process of identity adaptation.
An experienced technologist in transition
Amina, a software engineer from Kenya, arrived in Canada with over a decade of experience and recognition as a technical leader. Yet, after migrating, she struggled to find work at her previous level. Employers suggested entry-level roles or additional certification.
Her internal conflict:
Belief: She knew herself as an experienced professional.
Reality: Her environment treated her as someone starting over.
This tension created frustration, self-doubt, and a sense of invisibility. It was not a challenge that could be resolved with a single decision. Instead, it required time, reflection, and adjustment.
Gradually, Amina began to describe herself differently, not as someone who had lost status, but as an experienced technologist in transition. While pursuing certification, she stayed connected to professional communities. The dissonance did not disappear, but it helped her clarify what mattered and guided her next steps without losing her identity.
Creating a hybrid model
Luis migrated with his family from Guatemala to New Zealand and soon encountered dissonance in family roles. In his culture of origin, males were typically primary providers, while females managed the household. In New Zealand, shared parenting and domestic responsibilities are more common.
His internal conflict:
Belief: “A good father leads and provides.”
Reality: His wife was now the primary earner and expected shared responsibility in household and childcare tasks.
The tension challenged his understanding of masculinity, authority, and identity. Over time, he developed a hybrid model: maintaining leadership in decision-making while embracing collaboration and nurturing roles at home.
This was not simply a practical adjustment but an identity negotiation shaped by cultural context. His experience illustrates how migration-related dissonance often invites people to create something new rather than choose one framework over another.
Balancing the positive and the challenging
While dissonance can point toward growth, it can also come with real challenges.
Potential for stress and overwhelm
Prolonged tension may lead to emotional fatigue as migrants continuously monitor how they speak, behave, or present themselves. For example, a newcomer might replay conversations, wondering whether they were too direct or too reserved, gradually withdrawing due to mental exhaustion rather than lack of confidence.
Risk of superficial adaptation
Some migrants respond by distancing themselves from aspects of their culture of origin. For example, a young migrant professional who deliberately avoids speaking their first language in public to "fit in" at work. While this may temporarily ease workplace dissonance, it can later lead to feelings of disconnection from heritage and family identity.
Cultural nuances
Cultural context also shapes how dissonance is experienced. In some cultures, inner conflict is explored individually; in others, it is worked through in relationship with family or community. The tension remains, yet it is navigated collectively rather than privately. For example, a migrant from a collectivist background might experience conflict between personal aspirations and family expectations but refrains from expressing it directly, framing the tension instead as responsibility or duty.
Need for practical action
Importantly, reflection alone cannot resolve structural realities. Questions of employment, housing, or legal status require practical action alongside identity work.
Acknowledging these challenges prevents dissonance from being romanticized. Growth does not come from discomfort itself, but from the support and meaning-making that surround it.
Working with dissonance in migration
When approached with curiosity rather than resistance, dissonance can become a useful companion in migration.
The process often begins by simply noticing the tension, recognizing where expectations, behaviors, or self-perceptions feel misaligned. Naming the experience brings clarity to what might otherwise feel like vague unease.
Exploring the values beneath each side of the tension often reveals what is truly important. By examining the values connected to each side of the tension, migrants discover what they are trying to protect, preserve, or achieve.
Understanding the cultural roots of expectations can also be relieving. Recognizing that different norms are operating allows individuals to step back from self-judgment and view the experience within a broader context.
Reframing the narrative is another powerful step. Instead of interpreting dissonance as evidence of inadequacy, migrants can begin to see themselves as learning to hold multiple perspectives simultaneously.
Over time, this work supports identity integration. This does not require choosing one cultural identity over another, but rather cultivating a hybrid identity that can move fluidly across cultural contexts while remaining grounded in personal values.
Why this matters for migrants
Discomfort appears in many coaching conversations, yet migration-related dissonance carries a distinctive weight. It engages questions that sit at the heart of human experience: Who am I becoming? Where do I belong? How do I adapt without losing myself?
For migrants, dissonance often:
Touches core identity rather than isolated behavior
Appears across multiple areas of life simultaneously
Invites the creation of a more complex, layered sense of self
Working with migrants is therefore less about solving problems and more about accompanying transformation. It resembles walking beside someone at dusk, when familiar shapes fade and new outlines slowly emerge. The role is not to provide certainty, but to help them recognize that even in the half-light, movement is happening.
Taking the next step
If you are navigating the tension of living between cultures, you don’t need to do it alone. Through my Cultural Compass Program and personalized cultural integration coaching, I help clients:
Understand and normalize cognitive dissonance
Navigate identity tensions without losing self
Integrate home and host cultural norms
Build confidence in professional, social, and family life
Whether you’re early in your migration journey or already settled but feeling torn between worlds, coaching can turn tension into clarity, orientation, and purposeful growth.
Reach out to me at Lindy@MpowerMe.nz explore how to navigate your cultural journey with intention, integrate your identity across contexts, and move forward with confidence and authenticity.
Read more from Lindy Lelij
Lindy Lelij, Founder of Mpowerme Coaching
With Māori and European heritage, Lindy knows firsthand what it means to live between cultures. She spent over four decades abroad before returning “home” to Aotearoa New Zealand.
Today, as founder of Mpowerme Coaching, Lindy helps people navigate migration, cultural transition, and identity. Through positive psychology, deep journaling, energetic tuning, and narrative reframing, Lindy offers clients practical tools for growth and resilience.
Backed by more than 30 years of leadership, governance, and business experience across Health, governance, and international trade, she brings both professional expertise and lived wisdom to her work.
