One Woman's Path from Survival to Healing – An Interview with Colette Duvall Pondella

Colette Duvall Pondella’s work begins where many traditional recovery spaces cannot reach, in the quiet, instinctive connection between humans and wolves. As a recovery advocate, spiritual educator, and co-founder of Shadowland Foundation and Wolf Wisdom Healing, she has spent years helping Veterans, First Responders, Indigenous communities, and others reconnect with trust, belonging, and the parts of themselves shaped by pain.

At Freedom Ranch in the Angeles Crest Mountains, ambassador wolves are not treated as symbols, but as teachers whose presence can soften fear, open emotional barriers, and remind people what it means to be part of a pack.

In this interview, Colette shares how her own healing journey led her to this work, what wolves reveal about emotional pain and authenticity, and why recovering ourselves may begin with remembering the wisdom we have forgotten.

Colette Duvall Pondella, Author, Executive Director, Co-founder of Shadowland Foundation

What first showed you that wolves could help people heal in ways traditional recovery methods often cannot?

Before I met Paul, my husband and our founder, wolves were not on my radar. I vaguely remember hearing about the reintroduction of wolves into Yellowstone National Park in the 1990’s, other than that, I knew nothing. Part of their socialization was going out in public. People would stop us and ask to meet Shadow and Alaska. Many would pet them and weep. Just moved to tears by the connection. They would proceed to share stories of their dogs or times they encountered them in the wild or how much they love wolves and have pictures of them all over their walls. After establishing the nonprofit, Veterans and Indigenous Americans sought us out to just sit with them before we even had a program. One gentleman, both Indigenous and a Vet, would play his flute and spend hours with the wolves and came back once a week just to “be” with them.

Eye contact with the wild moves us. It activates a remembrance inside us. A feeling about ourselves we have been searching for; a level of trust that eludes us between each other. People who are deathly afraid of dogs have visited and, within minutes, relax and beg for more contact. Visitors are met with wolf noses in their faces. Eye to eye with them. They kiss you, turn their bodies against yours, step on your feet and claim you before moving on to another. It's a demonstration of unconditional love and acceptance that some people never receive in a lifetime and the wolves give it in mere seconds. They touch hearts without having to earn it.

How did your own healing journey shape the way you guide others today?

Since I was three years old, I knew on every level I was on my own in this world. That soul decision kept me alive and made me a survivor, but also left me living in a constant state of wariness. In my mid-twenties, I had to address my eating disorder head-on, face the shame of exposure and do what had to be done to have even the possibility of a happy life. The hardest part was asking for help. I did many forms of therapy – 12 Step, individual and group therapy, acting classes, NLP, EMDR, hypnosis, weekend empowerment workshops, meditation, and reading books. All of it worked, except I still felt completely alone in the world. Then I met Shadow. Shortly after, I met my husband, Paul, who introduced me to his motherless female wolves, Shadow and Alaska. I spent the night. In the morning, as I awoke and sat up, Shadow and I were eye to eye. She jumped onto the bed, and this 110-pound black wolf put her forehead against mine, pushed me down onto my pillow, and held me there for what seemed like forever. When she released, she smiled and ran off to play with Alaska. Paul was standing in the doorway with a cup of coffee. I asked, "What was that?" He said, "She just made you part of the pack." I was initiated. That's when I realized: recovering alone rarely works.

What do wolves reveal about emotional pain that humans often hide from each other?

It's not that they reveal the emotional pain – they alleviate it for the time you spend with them. You feel joy, peace, acceptance, love, a lower heart rate, contact with true power and authenticity. In a short time, you experience emotions and create new neural pathways unfamiliar to people living in constant pain. The wolves sense out the needs, their outreach is energetic, emanating from their hearts, which is the first place we instruct people to touch them. Once there, they’ve got you.

One cold afternoon, being outside with the wolves was too dismal. There was a 92-year-old gentleman visiting who got down on the floor face-to-face with our Takoda for nearly an hour. I don’t know what they were giving and getting from each other, I just know that it couldn’t have happened elsewhere. We had a dear friend who was dying of terminal cancer who never revealed his diagnosis with us. The last time he visited, he did the same. Got down on the floor eye to eye with Takoda, surrounded by Alaska and some of their adult pups. All we know is that on some level, the wolves know what you’re going through, and they offer what comfort they can give.

Why do you think so many people feel disconnected from themselves despite having more access to wellness resources than ever before?

We have learned through our families and everyday lives that people cannot be trusted with our deepest selves. Our worst traumas have often come from those who were supposed to love us most, whether intentional or not. The Indigenous People of the Americas believed that if you hurt a child, you injure seven generations and beyond. The legacy of that wound touches everyone. We all experience loss, grief, abandonment, betrayal, shunning, and shame before we ever graduate elementary school. The disconnection becomes a kind of homeostasis, established in childhood.

Just because we have more resources and information than ever before doesn't mean the barriers have fallen. Help still comes at a cost to reputations and livelihoods. For example, we have the great honor to assist First Responders. A first responder or veteran diagnosed with PTS and self-medicating can ask for help – but risks being relieved of duty or involuntarily retired, so they suffer in silence.

Suicide rates in these populations are increasing exponentially. We know PTS and addiction are not curable, but they are treatable. The real question is: would you rather have a police officer carrying a gun on the streets who is drunk and hiding their condition, or one who is present, accountable, and getting better every day? This applies to the truck driver, the ER nurse or the CEO alike. Even with the massive funding, we are failing each other by pretending we are addressing mental health. We are not.

In simplistic terms, trauma splits a part of your brain away from your conscious mind. Stuck in a part of your brain inaccessible to your conscious mind, it activates involuntarily in unhealthy ways when triggered. Knowing and addressing the triggered responses is where evidence-based therapeutic techniques must be embraced to reclaim yourself. The brokenness individuals feel gets alleviated by participating in a session with the wolves during our Wolf Wisdom Healing program.

What are the biggest misconceptions people still have about wolves and their emotional intelligence?

It's interesting that we were just discussing childhood imprints and how difficult it is to confront ourselves with gentleness. The story of Little Red Riding Hood dates all the way back to 1697, and parents still read it to children today – creating an imprint of the big, bad, grandmother-eating, child-devouring wolf.

Those imprints defy all logic and reasoning, which is exactly why changing hearts changes minds.

It is getting easier, though. New archaeological findings reveal how wolves taught early humans to hunt and to refrigerate food in cold pools of water. They lived in ordered communities where everyone ate and was protected by the pack, led by a bonded male and female pair, with the female protected at all costs. They are literally giddy at the arrival of a new litter of pups, with every member of the pack responsible for raising them. Brutality is not tolerated. Wolves know what we humans have forgotten.

How do pack dynamics influence the way you teach trust, belonging, and recovery?

The wolves themselves break the trust barrier. Belonging grows gradually as the experience of knowing yourself as a whole becomes stronger than your dissociative self. Still flawed, still with more to learn – but gifted and uniquely deserving of the life given to you at birth.

Rudyard Kipling wrote, "The strength of the wolf is the pack, and the strength of the pack is the wolf." It's masterful because each wolf's role is vital to the survival of the whole. Every rank carries a special talent, honored and protected. Pack members move to defend rather than attack. Losing one compromises the success of all. The necessary prescription for recovery mirrors this truth: recover yourself by discovering that you matter to your pack – your family and for us as humans, to the entire world.

Observing our pack, visitors seems to relate to one wolf or another. They recognize themselves in the wolf they gravitate to the most. They tend to love in the wolf what they have rejected in themselves. The most striking lesson we highlight is that most people walk around with an invisible question mark, awaiting cues from others to determine their own worth, not fully aware of who they are. Wolves have no such question mark. They are who they are. They do not question it. They are truly, authentically themselves and it is unmistakable. The more someone wants to embrace these qualities, the pain starts to subside. Contact with the wolves is a once-in-a-lifetime embodiment of knowing your true self. Maybe for the first time.

What shifts do people usually experience after spending time in one of your Wolf Wisdom Healing programs?

The wolf visit tends to help people feel safe enough to open themselves up to us and to each other. We share stories about the wolves – including their own traumas and the origin stories Paul and I have patiently walked them through to healing. We share our own recovery journeys as well. These moments bring awareness that HOPE exists: Hearing Other People's Experiences moves mountains.

Our pack family home, Freedom Ranch, sits in the Angeles Crest Mountains of Los Angeles County – a true safe haven where communing with the elements is inescapable. We offer a Medicine Wheel Ceremony: a healing prayer inside a sage-purified circle representing all stages of life. When the circle is closed, participants receive guided messages, clearing of adverse energies, and insight into memories, blocks, and unexpressed grief. Every person leaves with tangible healing tools for their emotional, physical, and psychological well-being and the promise that we are here for them.

You often say healing is about "recovering yourself." What does that look like in everyday life?

Creating new neural pathways is key. As I mentioned before, it is vital to trace back the origin of the pain that created the disconnect – how old you were, uncovering the mystery, and looking at it from an adult, cognitive point of reference. Clarifying what went wrong and why goes a long way toward forgiving your original response to a deep wound. Sometimes traumas happen during preverbal stages of development, which are harder to understand. A family member who remembers for you can ease that pain, if it is still available.

We, humans, have an insatiable need to understand what, where, when, and how – especially after making the courageous decision to choose ourselves for the first time. Yes, courage is what it takes to shake the very foundation you've been standing on and let go of the version of yourself you needed in order to survive.

True healing is finding meaning and connection through living authentically. You need tools that work for you. For me, I had a realization that I talked to myself in horrific ways. It was suggested to me to frame a picture of myself when I was a child and ask myself if I would talk to her the way I talk to myself. I ended that unconscious behavior quickly. Exercises that activate the senses and keep you present and connected are the best. Sitting up against a tree, feeling the veins in a leaf, lying in the grass listening to the birds, walking and brushing your dog, keep you present in your body. Start small. Journaling, meditating, and healing sounds can work their way into your daily routines as rituals as you discover what feels best for you.

If someone feels emotionally lost or disconnected right now, where should they begin reconnecting with themselves?

Embrace a touchstone you already depend on. The only place I felt safe as a child was at the top of a Live Oak in a field near my home in Houston. For others, it might be pounding the pain out in the waves of the ocean, putting your hands in the dirt of your garden, or holding a piece of jewelry gifted by someone you love. Close your eyes and ask, "Tell me what I need to know." Trust whatever surfaces as your first step. For some, the journey from the heart to the head can take a lifetime.

No matter what you hear, reach out to someone you know who is safe. If you don't know who that is, close your eyes and ask, "For my highest good, who is safe for me to call?" Then reach out. It may be someone you know, a therapist, a group, a hotline, or an author whose writing made you feel truly seen. I wrote Wolf Wisdom for Recovery and Companion Workbook just for you. At Shadowland, the wolves are our teachers, inspiring transformation in a loving, gentle, and powerful way. We want to give to others what was unavailable to me and Paul as children. The wolves see you and so do we.

Discover More:

• Shadowland Foundation 

• Creating New Neural Pathways

  
  

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