Written by: Helen Blen, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Here is a message to the new and upcoming leaders. To the business entrepreneurs. To the wild-hearted creatives, artists and visionaries. To the caregivers, healers, mentors and coaches. To those who have devoted themselves to be their own bosses of their life. And, to those who work hard for their dreams and aspirations.
We need to normalize that asking for help does not mean that we are less than. To define ourselves as less capable, able and gifted is cutting ourselves short of our potential. Somewhere along the line, we have blurred the line between what it means to struggle as a human being.
We have collectively made our struggles, including emotional and mental challenges as unspoken taboo.
We often make it mean that taking a step forward to be vulnerably honest and open about where are struggles lie ruins the reputation and appearance of how we want others to see us. We’ve collectively created the belief that if we ask for support, that if we be sensitively human in our struggles and blockages, it takes away from our own ability to achieve what we’ve set to do. We make it mean as if we are less than; less than what we believe or think we are or less than what others think and expect of us. That it would make us weak and fragile. That whoever we’re attempting to become and be will be taken away from us the moment that we ask for help. And so, we lead ourselves to hold the belief that we’re deeply failing ourselves the moment that we speak of our struggle.
We imagine it to feel like we’ve slipped through the crack of what used to be the ground that we solidly stood on. Like everything that we’ve built and how far we’ve come is now overlooked and unrecognized because of the tenderness and sensitivity that comes with our humanness.
And so, what do you do?
You isolate. You hide. You run. You distract. You numb. Whatever it is, it’s a form of avoidance, neglect and resistance.
There is a difference between struggling and suffering.
To suffer is a consistent choice and action. It is a continued decision to remain in the pain of struggle and adversity. This may be unconscious or with intent, either way, it’s choosing to stay victim to the circumstance and life around you.
We’ve often made our struggles mean as if it takes away from our own power and capability. We’ve defined our struggles as weakness. We’ve attached so many negative connotations to it to the point that society now collectively holds the belief that to struggle means to be fragile and weak. That struggling is a negative experience that we have to hush and hide away from even those who love us. Let me tell you a real fact, there is not one human being who is without struggle. Our definitions of what struggle has normally been depicted as is dysfunctional.
To struggle and face challenges along our journey is normal. It is simply a part of life, and we need to stop making it mean that facing adversity means that we are failing, weak and incapable. Without it, we wouldn’t become who we are now.
We need to stop clouding what it means to struggle and suffer because there is a huge difference between victimhood and being human.
My point here is that struggle and adversity is a portal to empowerment, greater self-responsibility and evolution. It is a gateway to limitless potential. It is also the key to your own self-liberation.
Our struggles and adversities are what seasons and molds our individual character with experience and grit. It is what colors our soul to grow a passion and drive that only we could ever understand because of what our experience of adversity and strife teaches us. It is what leads us to have the beliefs and values that we have, as well as the reason behind how we choose to stand for them. It is also a connection point to how we relate and interact with others and helps us dig deep into our own heart with empathy, compassion and understanding to those who may be going through similar challenges. Our soul will always carry a lifetime of wisdom and knowledge if we choose to learn from what we’re being taught in our strife and unease.
It is not what happens to you, it is not your unluckiness with life that defines you. It is what you do after that molds you. How you treat, support and encourage yourself will define whether or not your struggle will build you up or break you down.
It is a matter of self-awareness.
It is a matter choice.
It is a matter of responsibility.
And it is a matter of aligned action.
We need to stop trying to be self-made, acting as if we can do it all when we were never meant to walk this life alone. So, my question to you is, why shut and isolate yourself from anyone who cares about you in times of darkness and struggle?
We are inherently wired for deep connection, and so we need to stop lying to ourselves as if we never wanted or needed it. We need to be honest with what our human requires of us so that it can sustainably thrive.
Yes, you are independent. Yes, you are powerful. Yes, you are very capable. Yes, you are self-led. Yes, you understand the work that comes with pursuing your goals. Yes, you get what it takes to allow the seeds that you’ve sowed to come into fruition.
But we need to stop pretending as if we are super-humans who don’t need a break. We need to stop pretending as if we can hold it all. We need to be realistic with our own expectations of what we can achieve, as well as leave the expectations of others to themselves. Most of all, we need to especially stop dehumanizing ourselves. We are not man-made machines. We are not robots. We are beautifully human.
Life is messy. Being human is messy, but it also comes with a lot of magic, of miracles and unexpected answered prayers, if we simply choose to re-frame the angle of how we perceive what is happening within and around us.
I am here to remind you that asking for help when you are struggling should be seen as the glass half full rather than half empty. Accepting support when it is offered does not mean that you are weak, it means that you are incredibly aware and responsible of your own limit.
There needs to be a balance. It simply is not sustainable to keep living, doing and being as if rest should be put on the backburner of priorities. As if taking a break is less significant and of less importance with working. There has to be a balanced equation. It is exhausting to carry it all, and we need to begin by being honestly truthful with what we can actually take in the moment.
You are a powerful one, but you can be stronger with an inner circle and team who will have your back even in the darkest of times. This is not to limit your potential, but to remind you that being independent and self-led need not mean that you can’t be human. It also doesn’t mean that there will be times when you are in need of support.
We’ve got to embrace our humanness with grace and acceptance. We will falter. We will fall. We will make mistakes along our journey. At times, our emotions may feel as if it’s a tsunami and it may break the hold, we contain ourselves within, and that’s okay. What is inevitable will always be inevitable. We shouldn’t have to change or condition ourselves to the point that our own humanity is hidden, repressed and contained. We immediately stop ourselves from ever showing our humanity, but it is what makes us at the core. We need to stop feeding the culture of dehumanizing the human experience.
My hope for you here is to normalize that getting the help you need actually means that you are not only being responsible for your own well-being but accountable for your own life. That you are showing the devotion and courageous vulnerability that it takes to remain aligned as you take care of your own inner state of being. That you are holding the duty and commitment to what it takes to remain emotionally resilient and persevere through the ebbs of life as you walk the path towards realizing your dreams. That it is an opportunity to allow those who deeply love and care for you to hold you. Know that it is okay to lean on and be carried. Allow others to build you up, as you work to cultivate the strength within to rise above the challenges you are confronting. It need not mean as if asking for help means depleting your own cup or taking away your own power. You need not make it mean like that at all.
Allow the support, love and nourishment to flow into your cup. To stream into an overflow, so you don’t feel empty when you pour into the work that you do.
My hope for you is that you may you access the loving support that is always within the tips of your fingers. That you unblock yourself from receiving it and allow it to fill you rather than isolate yourself away from the world. Dissolve the negative connotations, stigma and beliefs that is surrounded with asking for help and support for your own sake and well-being.
Asking for help and support is a choice of self-empowerment. It not only helps you process what you need to faster but will re-align you back to where you need to be so that you can continue chasing your dreams. Most of all, it will build a sustainable foundation where you get to lean onto those you trust to lend you a hand in standing up after you’ve fallen flat. You must learn to cultivate the skill to ask for help when needed and receive support when it is offered because it is what creates exceptional and extraordinary leaders from great ones.
How to ask for help and receive support: Speak to those who you deeply trust. Be courageously vulnerable and allow yourself to be human. Dissolve the barriers and walls that you’ve put up that have blocked you from being connected to your inner circle. Be responsible. Lead yourself to your own empowerment. Be brave and take one step at a time to getting the support that you require to flourish. Trust in your knowing. Trust in your ability. Trust yourself to guide you.
You are worthy. You are loved. You are capable. You are powerful. You are beautifully human.
Helen Blen, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Helen Blen, will soon be a new and upcoming graduate in the Bachelor of Science in Nursing, and a future RN. She is a teacher, coach and guide in spirituality, healing and inner-work. She has dedicated her life into creating spaces that help others learn the tools, skills, abilities and systems to empower her clients in their life. Her work relates to create harmony between the body, heart, mind and soul. She combines mental health, spirituality, healing and energetic work together to provide a radical and holistic approach in teaching her clients how to heal and grow, with a focus on empowerment. Her mission is to help others feel free in being themselves.
