How You Share Expectations Shapes You as a Leader
- Brainz Magazine
- 21 hours ago
- 11 min read
Jonathan Rozenblit is a Professional Certified Coach (ICF-PCC), author, and podcast host who specializes in helping corporate professionals discover and develop their unique practice of leadership. His focus is on the inner work of leadership, creating conditions for people to be, bring, and do their best.
Think about the last time you asked someone to do something, and when they came back, your response was "that's not what I was expecting." Now think back to how you initially shared what you wanted. The way you share expectations is one way to practice sharing information in ways that create conditions for people to be their best, bring their best, and do their best. This article explores why communicating what we're looking for is often a struggle and how to overcome that struggle. You'll discover how to share information in ways that set others up for success and how mastering this aspect of information sharing transforms both your effectiveness and theirs.
The "not what I was expecting" moment
We've all been there. You ask someone to prepare a presentation, write a report, or handle a client issue. They come back proud of their work, and your heart sinks. This isn't what you wanted at all. You find yourself saying, or at least thinking, "That's not what I was expecting."
Before you focus on what they did wrong, pause. Think back to how you originally communicated the request. Did you share what your vision was or the purpose of what you were asking for? Did you share what success would look like? Did you paint a picture of the desired outcomes?
More often than not, unmet expectations originate from unclear sharing of information. When we don’t share sufficient information about what we're looking for, we create conditions for assumptions rather than clarity, for guesswork rather than confidence.
Every time you ask someone to do something, you're sharing information. The quality and clarity of that information directly impact their ability to succeed. When you share expectations clearly, you create conditions for people to be able to do their best, they know what success looks like and can bring their full capability to achieve it.
How you share expectations is a choice, and it's one that shapes both their success and your effectiveness as someone who practices leadership.
Why do we struggle to share expectations clearly
Sharing clear expectations seems straightforward enough. Yet most of us struggle with it regularly. Understanding why can help us recognize these patterns in ourselves and start to shift them.
The pace of modern work creates the first challenge. We jump from meeting to meeting, task to task, with barely a moment to breathe. When someone asks for help or when we need to delegate, we're often already thinking about the next thing. There's no time to pause and think through what good looks like. We default to quick instructions, "Can you handle the Johnson account?" or "I need a deck for Tuesday's meeting." Then we wonder why the results don't match our mental picture.
We also fall victim to the curse of knowledge. Once we understand something, we forget what it's like not to know it. We assume others share our context, our experience, our way of seeing things. When you've been doing what you've been doing for years, certain things seem obvious. But what's obvious to you might not be obvious to someone else. This gap between what we know and what we communicate creates fertile ground for assumptions.
Much of what we expect lives in our heads as unspoken assumptions about "how things should be done." We might have strong opinions about report formats, meeting etiquette, or communication styles, but we never make these implicit expectations explicit. We assume there's a "right way" that everyone knows, forgetting that our right way is just one way among many.
There's also a challenge with clarity. Being specific about what we want requires us to think it through ourselves first. That takes time and mental energy we often feel we don't have. It's easier to give broad direction and hope for the best than to articulate exactly what success looks like.
We can also find ourselves failing to consider the full context of the person we're sharing expectations with. We don't account for their understanding of the broader picture, their values, their beliefs (mindset), or their skill level. We share expectations as if they are us.
Cultural and contextual differences add another layer of complexity. What seems standard in one organization might be completely foreign in another. Even within the same company, different teams can have vastly different norms. When we don't acknowledge these differences, our expectations can miss the mark entirely.
Sometimes we even fall into the after-the-fact trap, sharing expectations only when they haven't been met, "Why weren't you at the meeting?" or "This isn't the format I wanted." This reactive communication teaches people what not to do, but never gives them the information they need to succeed in the first place.
These struggles are human and universal. Recognizing them is the first step toward sharing information in ways that can truly set others up for success.
Sharing expectations as sharing information
When you choose to practice leadership, sharing expectations becomes an act of sharing information, an outer practice of the framework Marlene Ziobrowski and I describe in our book, The Essential Leadership Practitioner. We claim that when you're no longer issuing commands and instead are providing others with what they need to make good decisions, to understand context, and to see possibilities, you're giving people crucial information that enables them to do their best work.
This practice creates conditions for success in several ways. First, it respects that others have different mindsets than you do. Their values, beliefs, and ways of seeing the world shape how they approach any task. When you share clear information about desired outcomes, you give them what they need to succeed while honouring their unique perspective and approach.
Second, it shifts the focus from prescribing exact steps to painting a picture of success. Instead of saying "do it this way," you share "here's what good looks like." This crucial difference creates space for people to bring their best thinking and creativity to the challenge. They understand the destination but can choose their own path based on their strengths and insights.
Consider the difference between "Prepare a third quarter roadmap" and "We need a third quarter roadmap that will help the sponsors understand which will be delivered and what impact it will have on the organization." The first is a task. The second shares information about purpose, audience, and desired outcomes. It creates conditions for the person to bring their analytical skills, their understanding of the context, and their unique insights to create something meaningful.
When you view expectations as information to be shared rather than orders to be followed, you naturally become more thoughtful about what information would be helpful. You consider what context the other person needs, what success criteria matter, and what flexibility exists in the approach. You recognize that their mindset might lead them to see opportunities you haven't considered.
This is how those who practice leadership create conditions for others to be their best, bring their best, and do their best, not by telling them exactly how to be or what to do, but by sharing the information they need to succeed on their own terms.
How to share expectations that create conditions for success
The shift from unclear to clear expectations starts with language. When you catch yourself about to say what something isn’t, pause. Ask yourself, what could it be? What could success look like here? Then share that instead. This simple shift from correction to possibility changes everything.
Start by painting the picture of desired outcomes. "We need this presentation to inspire the board to fund our initiative," gives more useful information than "make it look professional." "The client should walk away understanding exactly how our solution solves their inventory challenges" beats "explain our product well." When people can see the destination clearly, they can chart a course to get there.
Use the language of possibility and experimentation that's central to information sharing. Instead of "The report must include X, Y, and Z," try "The report could include elements like X, Y, and Z. What else might help tell the story?" This invites people to think beyond your initial ideas while still providing helpful direction.
Connection and empathy make your expectations land differently. When you take time to understand someone's current mindset, workload, and context, you can share expectations in ways that make sense to them. A rushed "I need this by Friday" becomes "I know you're juggling that other project too. The board meets on Friday afternoon, so I need this by Friday morning to review. How does that work with your other commitments?"
After sharing, invite curious exploration and co-creation. You can ask, "What isn’t yet clear that I could share more about?" or "What might I be missing?" This acknowledges that they might see angles you haven't considered. Their questions often reveal gaps in your own thinking or opportunities to clarify further.
Be specific about constraints and freedoms. People need to know both the boundaries and the space within them. "The budget is firm at $50K, but you have complete freedom on the creative approach" helps more than the vague "stay within budget." "The CEO values data-driven arguments, but the format is up to you" gives crucial context while preserving autonomy.
Remember that sharing expectations is an ongoing conversation, not a one-time event. Check in early and often, “What’s your approach for this?” or “How are you thinking about this?” or “Walk me through your thinking.” This prevents the "not what I was expecting" moment by creating opportunities for course adjustment while there's still time.
Most importantly, stay curious about their interpretation. Their understanding, filtered through their own mindset and experience, might lead somewhere even better than what you originally envisioned. When you share expectations as information rather than commands, you create space for outcomes that could exceed what either of you would have imagined alone.
The ripple effect
When you master sharing expectations as information, the impact extends far beyond preventing those "not what I was expecting" moments. The ripple effect transforms how work gets done and how people show up.
First, you build trust. When people consistently receive clear information about what success looks like, they stop second-guessing themselves. They know you'll share what they need to know. They trust that you won't move the goalposts after they've done the work. This trust creates psychological safety where people feel confident taking intelligent risks and bringing creative solutions.
Second, you build capability in others. Each time you share clear expectations with context and purpose, you're teaching them how to think about the work, not just do the work. They begin to anticipate what information others might need. They start asking better questions. Over time, they require less detailed direction because they understand how to seek clarity themselves.
Third, the quality of work improves dramatically. When people understand not just what to do but why it matters and what success looks like, they make better decisions along the way. They catch potential issues you might not have anticipated. They find opportunities to exceed expectations because they understand the real purpose behind the request.
Your own effectiveness multiplies. Instead of spending time clarifying, redirecting, or redoing work, you can focus on higher-value activities. The mental load of managing decreases because people have what they need to manage themselves. You shift from directing to supporting, from controlling to enabling.
Perhaps most importantly, this approach creates a culture of clear communication. Others begin modeling what they experience. They share clearer expectations with their colleagues. They ask better questions when receiving assignments. The practice spreads organically because people experience firsthand how much better work flows when everyone has the information they need.
This ripple effect is how those who practice leadership create lasting change, not through mandates or policies, but through consistently creating conditions where others can succeed. Each clear expectation shared becomes a small lesson in what good leadership looks like, inspiring others to practice it themselves.
An invitation to practice
Take a moment to reflect on your recent interactions. When was the last time you experienced that sinking "this isn't what I was expecting" feeling? Now trace it back. How did you originally share what you wanted? What information did you provide? What did you assume the other person would know?
Consider your upcoming week. Where will you need to share expectations with others? Pick one specific situation, perhaps a meeting you're planning or a request you need to make. How might you share information differently based on what you've discovered here?
Here are some questions to guide your practice. Before sharing expectations, ask yourself:
Have I thought through what success actually looks like?
What context does this person need to understand the “why” behind this request?
What constraints and freedoms should I make explicit?
How might their mindset and context differ from mine?
After sharing, check in with those you shared the expectations with by asking:
What questions do you have?
What isn't yet clear that I could share more about?
How are you thinking about approaching this?
Notice the patterns in your organization or team. Do people often seem uncertain about what's expected? Do you frequently find yourself disappointed by outcomes? These might be signals that expectations aren't being shared as clearly as they could be.
The next time you're about to say "that's not what I wanted," pause. Use it as a learning moment. What information could you have shared differently? How might you approach it next time?
Remember, this is a practice. You won't get it perfect immediately. Each conversation is an opportunity to refine how you share information. Each clear expectation you set creates conditions for someone else to succeed.
Your effectiveness as someone who practices leadership isn't measured by how well you direct others. It's measured by how well you create conditions for them to be their best, bring their best, and do their best. And that starts with the simple act of sharing what good looks like.
Conclusion
The way you share expectations reveals who you are as a leader. Every time you choose to paint a picture of success instead of pointing out what's wrong, you create conditions for others to thrive. Every clear piece of information you share becomes a gift that enables someone else to bring their best thinking and creativity to their work.
This isn't about perfection. It's about practice. Start with one conversation, one expectation, one opportunity to share information differently. Notice what changes when you shift from assuming others can read your mind to genuinely sharing what success looks like.
As you practice this aspect of information sharing, you'll discover that clear expectations aren't about control, they're about liberation. When people know what good looks like, they're free to find their own path there. When they understand the why behind the what, they can make intelligent decisions along the way.
The ripple effects extend beyond better outcomes and fewer surprises. You become someone others want to work with because you set them up for success. You become a leader who creates conditions for people to be their best, bring their best, and do their best.
Your next opportunity is probably closer than you think. Tomorrow, next meeting, next request, each is a chance to practice sharing expectations as information. Each is a moment to shape yourself as the leader you choose to be.
The choice is yours. How will you share expectations differently?
Read more from Jonathan Rozenblit
Jonathan Rozenblit, Professional Development Coach
Jonathan Rozenblit guides corporate professionals through their journey of discovering and developing their unique practice of leadership so that they can create conditions for themselves and others to be, bring, and do their best at work. Jonathan holds Professional Certified Coach credentials from the International Coaching Federation, is the co-creator of the Leadership Practitioner program, a program that equips individuals with practical tools to inspire trust and cultivate collaborative cultures where people can bring their best selves to work every day, co-host of the Leadership Practitioner podcast, and co-author of 'The Essential Leadership Practitioner: A Framework for Building a Meaningful Practice of Leadership'.
