How to Communicate Effectively to Get Buy-In at Work
- May 18
- 5 min read
Written by Ben Robins, Life and Executive Coach
Ben Robins is a life and executive coach and keynote speaker who works with ambitious people ready to create extraordinary lives without sacrificing their ambition.
What this article covers? Why smart, capable people fail to get buy-in, and a practical framework for identifying what the person in front of you actually needs to hear before you speak. What you will learn? How to read any conversation quickly, which of three communication modes to lead with, and how to frame your message so it has the intended impact the first time.
The real reason most people lose influence is simpler than they think. They are speaking the wrong language for the person in front of them. Getting buy in consistently requires one skill above all others, identifying whether the person you are speaking to is primarily focused on the logic, the emotional impact, or the consequences of what you are saying, and then leading with that. Everything else is secondary.
We tend to believe it's about confidence, charisma, or being the smartest person in the room. So, we spend our time refining our presentation skills, learning how to tell better stories, or understanding how body language can improve things.
Now, this certainly helps. But often, we still don't get the buy in we want. Which means plenty of smart and ambitious people never have the influence they know they are capable of. So eventually, many resign themselves to the idea that they simply are not great communicators.
A former colleague of mine, a senior finance manager, couldn't understand why his partner never engaged with their household finances. He told me how he'd raised it dozens of times. When I asked how, he said he'd built a shared spreadsheet, walked her through the monthly numbers, and explained the logic clearly. She had a good income, understood money, and still switched off every time.
The issue was he was speaking an entirely different language. The spreadsheet was his version of the conversation, but it certainly wasn't hers. This mistake costs people promotions, influence, connection, and greater impact all the time.
We assume that if something is logical, important, and clearly explained, other people understand and resonate with it in the same way we do. Research consistently shows this. Poor communication is cited as a leading cause of workplace failure, yet most professionals focus on delivery rather than on what the other person actually needs to hear.
Just because you are in conversation doesn't mean you are having the same one. Until you understand that, it doesn't matter how polished your delivery becomes. Your impact will always lag behind where you want it to be.
Why influence depends on understanding what matters to people
So what can you do about this? Ask yourself one question before you speak, and keep asking it throughout the conversation.
What actually matters to this person right now?
In most conversations, the person opposite you is primarily focused on one of three things, the logic, the emotional impact, or the consequences of what you're saying.
If it's the logic
Stop explaining your reasoning and start showing your conclusion. Lead with the outcome, back it up with data, tell them what happens next. They don't need the journey. They need the destination.
If it's the emotional impact
Slow down. The facts are secondary. What they need to know first is that you've thought about the people involved, the stress this creates, and what support looks like. Get that right before you get to anything else.
If it's the consequences
Name them before they do. What happens if this works? What happens if it doesn't? They're already thinking it. Address it directly and you immediately have their attention.
One of these is dominating every conversation you have. If you're not communicating through it, you're losing people without knowing why.
How to tell which one it is
You listen. Not for what they say, but for what they ask.
Logic focused: Asks about outcomes and data. What works, what doesn't, and how do you know?
Emotionally focused: Asks about people. Who does this affect, and what does it feel like to be on the receiving end of it?
Consequence focused: Asks about risk and exposure. What happens if this goes wrong? What are we signing up for? Who is accountable?
You don't need to ask them directly. Most people will tell you exactly what they care about in the first few minutes of a conversation.
At this point, some people ask, isn't this manipulation? The answer is no. You are not trying to get someone interested in something they genuinely don't care about. You are simply taking the time to understand what matters to them, so that something important to both of you actually gets heard.
Under pressure, most people revert to their own preferred style and lose the room. Why good leaders fail to follow through explores exactly this.
Most people answer the wrong conversation
A client of mine was working on a significant deal. They needed to ask a CFO a straightforward question, one where a positive outcome was clearly in both of their interests. The answer they got back was short and prickly.
They were confused. A positive outcome was in both parties' best interests. But the CFO wasn't hearing the question they were asking. They were hearing risk, or why does this person need to know this about our finances?
The question was never framed in a way that addressed those concerns before they arose. So we worked on one thing. Before going into any conversation of this nature, my client added a few sentences upfront, why they were asking and what a good outcome looked like for both sides. They addressed the concern before the other person had a chance to form it.
This seemingly small change meant subsequent meetings ran completely differently. They led with what the CFO already cared about.
This is the shift in practice. Before any important conversation, ask yourself one question, how is the person I'm speaking to likely to interpret what I'm about to say?
If you think something is implied, assume it isn't. If you think the other person already understands your intent, say it anyway. This isn't just true for this CFO.
It is equally true for the early stage founder who hears a board member's constructive feedback on their go to market strategy as a vote of no confidence. Or the mid level operations manager who hears their company's AI rollout not as an efficiency gain, but as the beginning of redundancies.
Address what is important to them upfront, and you will find that it leads to a radically different conversation. If you found this useful and want to explore how these principles apply to your own leadership or career, you can read more about how I work with leaders and professionals.
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Read more from Ben Robins
Ben Robins, Life and Executive Coach
Ben Robins is a life and executive coach and keynote speaker who spent over a decade in leadership, including running EMEA for a global consultancy with clients such as Google and Meta. He knows firsthand what he now sees consistently in his clients: the limitation isn't capability or discipline, but what people believed they needed to succeed. His approach starts by removing rather than adding. Once what's blocking them is cleared, clients can see what's actually possible and start building intentionally across everything that matters, not just their careers. Ben works with clients across London, Dubai, Singapore, and the US.
