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End The Blame Game

Written by: Nancy Tepper, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.



Blaming Makes You A Victim

Things in life will go wrong at some point in time. It’s just a fact of life that things don’t work out the way we plan sometimes. Blaming other people or external factors is an easy way to abdicate our own responsibility in a situation where things go wrong. Blaming, instead of taking ownership of a problem, is a short-term fix, but has lasting negative ramifications. Being a blamer will almost always be damaging to yourself if you continue the pattern and not take responsibility and learn from your mistakes. Blaming gives you victim status because you fail to maintain any sense of personal accountability for situations that go wrong. In our lives, we all hope to feel empowered, not victimized.

Blamers Don’t Take Responsibility For Their Own Actions

As a life coach, I often work with habitual blamers who don’t take responsibility for mistakes they have made. Blamers end up performing worse in life and often struggle with relationships. By learning how to reframe a situation so you can learn and grow and not make the same mistake repeatedly, you can stop the same problem or a bad dynamic from recurring. People who learn from uncomfortable situations earn a sense of control over the outcomes in their lives and feel empowerment instead of anxiety and stress. A simple example is when someone is late all the time and blames traffic. That is the blame game. This individual isn’t leaving enough time in their schedule and is inconveniencing others but doesn’t account for their own role of not leaving enough time. If these individuals recognized that their actions contributed to this issue, they wouldn’t be stressed about being tardy all the time and upsetting others who are counting on them.

Blamers Need To Gain Perspective For Growth

It takes inner wisdom to gain the insight you need to learn and grow; working with a coach can provide the perspective on how to limit self-sabotaging behaviors like the blame game. When you gain perspective on a negative situation and learn a lesson, you also can hopefully avoid making the same mistakes in the future. It is also common for a blamer to suffer from low self-worth. It can make someone feel better about themself if they put someone else down. However, that is at a cost because you end up alienating people and straining your relationships. A coach can help you figure out to build your self-esteem and give you the tools that you need to feel good about yourself so you can move forward and develop as a person.

Blamers Feel A Lack Of Control

Blaming also happens if you feel like you have lost control of a situation. When you yell at someone and are mean and spiteful, the tendency is for you to blame your reaction on the fact that someone else triggered that response. However, in reality, if someone says something that you don’t like, the correct response is to pause, collect your thoughts, and manage the intensity of your feelings before you respond. The dynamic of blaming others for your own behavior is often why relationships suffer. If you say hurtful things to someone, it is your own fault, not someone else’s. Learning how to communicate and discovering the root cause for your reaction (rather than blaming your partner for your reaction), will often improve a relationship. Blame is very common in marriage, especially when stresses occur that cause fighting and upset.

A Coach Can Give You The Tools You Need For Change

With any self-sabotaging behavior, your chances of gaining more self-awareness and changing will improve significantly with the help of a coach. Why is this? Change is hard, especially when we get used to our unproductive ways of thinking. Once you identify your goals and decide to work with a coach, you can find out what is “blocking” you from moving forward and ultimately from feeling more fulfilled. With coaching, goals are almost always based on actions and solutions and not remaining stuck in old habits.

The pandemic has not only made many people reassess their lives in the present but also has raised our consciousness about our intentions and goals for the future. For two plus years, our normal lives have been altered and we have had a lot of time to think about the present and reassess for the future. We should all strive to live a life based on our own definition of happiness and contentment and should continue to work on our personal development.

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Nancy Tepper, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Nancy Tepper is a Personal Development Life Coach. Nancy works with individuals who want an accountability partner in their quest to build confidence, transformation, resilience, and stronger coping skills. Nancy is adept at helping people reframe situations for personal growth and better stress management. Working together, Nancy can help you achieve your goals, so that you can move forward and live the life you want. Coaching is about doing better and feeling better and finding the best version of yourself. Nancy has helped many people find confidence and balance through her perceptive and positive coaching sessions. By working with Nancy, your relationship with yourself and others will be brought to a higher level.



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