Choosing Connection Before It’s Too Late and Why Community May Be the Missing Key to Healthy Ageing
- 3 days ago
- 5 min read
Written by Nelum Dharmapriya, Doctor & Health Coach
Dr. Nelum Dharmapriya is a Brisbane-based GP with a special interest in metabolic health, menopause, and lifestyle medicine. She combines 30 years of clinical experience with a personal passion for helping women thrive in midlife and beyond.
As we age, the importance of social connection becomes even clearer. This article explores how community living and maintaining relationships can play a key role in healthy ageing, offering both physical and emotional benefits. It emphasizes that connection is not just a choice but a powerful form of preventive medicine.
The longevity we rarely discuss
As a GP, I think about ageing almost daily. Not abstractly, but intimately, in clinic rooms, during home visits, and in quiet conversations with families navigating difficult decisions. Recently, however, I have been thinking about ageing not just as a clinician, but as a daughter.
My parents are now in their early to mid-80s. They live on a beautiful one-acre property filled with trees, sheds, lawn, and years of memories. They manage it themselves. They always have. They are fiercely independent.
But in the past few years, my sister and I have noticed subtle changes. The mowing takes longer. Repairs are delayed. Physical tasks require more recovery, nothing dramatic, just the natural, gradual shifts of time. We have gently raised the subject of downsizing: moving somewhere smaller, easier, and closer to other people.
It is not an easy conversation, especially with my father. For him, the property represents autonomy, capability, and a sense of identity. To suggest change feels, understandably, like questioning independence. Yet alongside this personal experience, I carry something else, decades of clinical observation.
And it is this intersection between lived experience and medical evidence that has reshaped how I think about social connection and longevity.
The woman who lived to 98
Several years ago, I cared for a remarkable woman, a World War II veteran. She was intellectually sharp, deeply independent, and extraordinarily curious. Even in her 90s, she could discuss politics, literature, and history with clarity and passion. She lived at home until her death at 98.
Her family was spread across the globe. Her daughter, loving but busy, visited regularly. Paid carers attended daily. On paper, she was supported. Meals were prepared. Medications were managed. Household tasks were completed. Yet in the final five years of her life, I witnessed something I have since seen repeatedly in clinical practice. Her world narrowed.
Carers were kind, but time-limited. Conversations were practical rather than expansive. Social contact became scheduled rather than spontaneous. There were fewer shared meals, fewer intellectual exchanges, and fewer moments of natural belonging. Her physical ageing was expected. But her overall decline felt accelerated. Part of this was biology. Part of it, I believe, was isolation.
What the science says about social connection and longevity
Research strongly supports what many clinicians intuitively observe. Large meta-analyses show that strong social relationships are associated with up to a 50% increased likelihood of survival compared to weak social ties. Loneliness and social isolation increase the risk of premature death by approximately 26-32%, comparable to established risks such as smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity.
This is not merely about emotional well-being. It is physiological. Social connection influences:
cortisol and stress hormone regulation
inflammatory pathways
immune function
cardiovascular health
cognitive resilience
Emerging evidence also suggests that sustained social engagement may slow aspects of biological aging at the cellular level. In simple terms, connection protects. Isolation harms.
Ageing at home: Independence versus isolation
There is a powerful cultural narrative around “ageing in place.” Remaining in one’s own home represents dignity, autonomy, and continuity. And often, it is entirely appropriate.
However, ageing in place can gradually transform into ageing in isolation. Paid carers may come and go. Family may visit when possible. But what is often missing is the daily rhythm of shared life:
The spontaneous breakfast conversation
The neighbour who drops in unannounced
The incidental interaction in a hallway
The quiet reassurance of belonging to a community.
Physical needs may be met, but relational needs may not. And over time, functional and cognitive decline can accelerate.
The question so many families ask
Recently, my sister posed a question that countless families silently grapple with: “When is the right time to consider community living? We’re in our 50s now. When should this be on our radar?”
There is no single age. It is not 70. It is not 75. It is not after the first fall or hospital admission. The right time is not defined by a number. It is defined by awareness. Is my world expanding or slowly shrinking? If something changed tomorrow, would I still have daily human contact?
Am I intentionally building social structure into my future? Perhaps most importantly, am I making an active, conscious decision about how I want to age? In clinical practice, I often say to patients: Do not wait until the decision is taken away from you. Too often, relocation happens after a crisis, after a fall, cognitive decline, or hospitalisation. At that point, options narrow and stress rises.
When community is considered earlier, in one’s 50s, 60s, or early 70s, it is not a surrender of independence. It is an act of strategic foresight. It becomes a proactive choice to flourish, not a reactive move for safety.
Community as preventive medicine
When I consider my parents’ acre, I am not only concerned about the physical workload. I think about narrowing. What happens if driving becomes unsafe? If mobility declines? If the property becomes more burden than a joy?
Downsizing is often framed as a loss. Yet it can represent expansion, expansion of social engagement, daily interaction, intellectual stimulation, and peer connection. Over-50s communities, retirement villages, and shared living environments offer what no prescription can: shared meals, casual conversation, structured activities, peer companionship, and a sense of belonging.
Incidental connection may be one of the most under-recognised determinants of healthy ageing.
Choosing connection before it’s too late
We often speak about diet, exercise, and medication in the context of longevity. These matter. But in the ninth and tenth decades of life, connection may matter just as much. The patients I have seen thrive longest are not always the strongest physically. They are the ones who remain embedded in a relationship. The conversation about community living is not fundamentally about losing independence. It is about protecting the connection. The more meaningful question is not: “When is the right age?”
But rather: “Am I consciously choosing how I want to age, or am I waiting for circumstance to decide for me?” Longevity is not simply about extending lifespan. It is about preserving healthspan, and healthspan is deeply intertwined with social connection. In the end, the science is clear. Human beings are biologically wired for belonging.
And in ageing, belonging may be one of the most powerful forms of preventive medicine we have.
Read more from Nelum Dharmapriya
Nelum Dharmapriya, Doctor & Health Coach
Dr. Nelum Dharmapriya is a Brisbane-based GP with 30 years’ experience in women’s health and metabolic wellbeing. Founder of Whole Food Revolution, she empowers women 40+ to reclaim energy and confidence through the three pillars of science, lifestyle, and mindset.
