Burnout vs. Being Burned by the System – What’s the Difference and Why It Matters
- Brainz Magazine
- Oct 2
- 7 min read
Mary Eldridge, LISW, is the founder of Mind to Thrive, an organization that strives to support professional women who love their careers but hate their toxic jobs to regulate their nervous system, set boundaries aligned with their needs, and strategize to get compensated fairly. She does this through the Toxic Job Recovery Accelerator.
Nowadays, the word burnout is used as a catch-all term, including in cases where the symptoms are not just connected to high levels of chronic work stress that haven’t been resolved or addressed. So many professional women are being told they’re simply “burned out” when, in reality, they’re being burned by an unhealthy workplace that knowingly or not, is thriving in their lack of work-life balance and pressures to over-perform. High-achieving women often internalize burnout as personal failure, blaming themselves for low self-confidence, exhaustion, or disengagement. But burnout isn’t always about pushing too hard, it’s often a symptom of toxic systems that undervalue, exploit, and dismiss women. In this article, we’ll explore the difference between professional burnout and unhealthy workplaces, why that distinction matters, and what steps professional women who feel like the office punching bag can take to protect their well-being.
1. Let’s explore the real problem
Is burnout an inside job?
Burnout is commonly described as a state of exhaustion resulting from chronic stress, emotional fatigue, a loss of motivation, and reduced performance. For professional women, this often manifests as working long hours, a lack of work-life balance, and a constant sense of guilt for not doing enough. But focusing only on “burnout” frames it as an individual problem, implying that if you just practiced better self-care, you’d be fine. This approach fosters self-blame around an issue that is often systemic and not personal.
Being burned by the system
Being burned by the system means the problem isn’t you, it’s the unhealthy workplace itself. Professional burnout is often fueled by gender bias, lack of opportunities for career growth, microaggressions, office conflict, and a culture that rewards overfunctioning over work-life balance. High-achieving women aren’t struggling because they “can’t balance it all”, they’re struggling because the expectations in their workplace are unreasonable and unattainable.
2. Recognize the patterns
Conduct a workplace reality check
Are you really burned out, or is your workplace destroying your self-confidence? Look for patterns, such as coworkers taking credit for your work, managers excluding you from opportunities, being passed over for promotions that are given to people who don’t work as hard as you do, or expectations that you be “always on.” These are systemic red flags, not just personal stress. They help you identify the difference between having a demanding job and a workplace that is set up for burning employees out with unreasonable workloads.
Develop a lens of self-awareness
Professional burnout can manifest as procrastination, constant anxiety or dread, or emotional detachment. Being burned by the system often shows up as feeling invisible, overlooked for raises, or being dismissed when you speak up. Naming these experiences clearly helps distinguish between internal struggle and external harm. Additionally, a significant differentiating factor between these two is workplace wellness initiatives, such as your manager and colleagues being supportive, boundaries and time off being encouraged and respected, and opportunities for professional development. As you can see, we may experience burnout in supportive settings, but when the support is lacking, that is a critical red flag indicating that your workplace may be burning you out instead.
Analyze the cost of silence
High-achieving women are often socialized to stay quiet, minimize microaggressions, or work harder to “prove” their worth. They are also incredibly loyal to their employers and have a high sense of responsibility and commitment to their work. These values and strengths can sometimes be used against them by fostering guilt, self-blame, and shame. The cost? Deepening low self-confidence and reinforcing a cycle of overperformance or perceived failure. Recognizing when silence serves as self-protection in an unsupportive workplace is a crucial sign of being in survival mode.
3. Rebuild self-trust
Redefine self-worth
Your worth is innate. No one gets to give it to you or take it away from you. You were born with it, and it isn’t measured by your productivity or performance. High-achieving women often blend their value to their output, which fuels exhaustion and feelings of not being good enough. Shift the narrative. Your contributions, ideas, and leadership already hold weight, whether or not they’re recognized.
Practice nervous system regulation
Professional burnout isn’t solved by bubble baths or massages, it’s about helping your body handle pushback and stress. Breathwork, grounding, movement, and other nervous system strategies foster resilience and help break the shame spiral of “not doing enough.”
Seek community and mentorship
Isolation is a hallmark of systemic harm. Building networks of support with other high-achieving women helps validate your experience and offer strategies for navigating toxic dynamics without losing yourself. Feeling seen and heard helps us take a bird's-eye view of what is truly happening so that we can reclaim our power over the narrative.
4. Advocate without apology
Script and practice your boundaries
Saying no is not selfish, it’s self-preservation. Create clear scripts for declining unreasonable requests, setting email boundaries, reclaiming the spotlight when you’re interrupted in meetings, or negotiating workload and salary. Boundaries signal respect, not weakness. They are about including ourselves in the equation, which allows us to show up authentically in those relationships. Some examples may be:
“I cannot take on another project without compromising the quality of my work.”
“In hopes of avoiding confusion due to multiple emails, please email me once you have ironed out the details of the project.”
“I’m glad that you’re excited about this project, but I wasn’t done with my idea. Once I am, you’re welcome to share more about your perspective.”
Name the system out loud
Call out unhealthy workplace practices for what they are. Speaking truth, whether it’s naming microaggressions or pushing back on exploitative expectations, reframes the narrative from “I can’t handle this” to “this system is harmful.” It is also another example of setting healthy boundaries, as well as dismantling the gaslighting that so many unhealthy workplaces thrive on. Always prioritize your safety, of course, especially considering how a system that is unwilling to change may punish you for speaking up, causing even further harm. Get support in assessing your options, whether from a coach who specializes in harmful workplaces or an attorney.
Reframe confidence as clarity
Low self-confidence is often a reflection of systemic invalidation, persistent attempts to make you feel small or incompetent, and ways in which bad managers or toxic coworkers take away your power, rather than personal inadequacy. Confidence doesn’t mean being louder or more aggressive, it means being clear about your needs, values, and limits. You will likely receive pushback, as those who resist the most are often those who have benefited the most from your overperformance. However, remaining calm and firm sends the message that not even pushback will make you shift.
5. Redefine success
Stay future-oriented
Being burned out might tempt you to quit altogether. But for many professional women, leaving isn’t the only option. I always suggest identifying if you’re trying to quit because you’re escaping the harmful system, or because you have outgrown it. This allows you to determine if your decision is rooted in survival mode or rational decision-making. Reframing success could mean seeking promotions in healthier organizations, pivoting to new roles, or simply reclaiming a sense of balance.
Invest in growth and healing
Healing from professional burnout and systemic harm requires both personal strategies and structural shifts. Therapy, coaching, or structured programs can help high-achieving women rebuild self-confidence, resilience, and their voice while planning strategic career moves. You don’t have to do this alone, that’s why hiring a coach who can guide you through learning the skills you need to confidently verbalize your needs, transition out of survival mode, and release the guilt can be a career- and life-changing move. Coaching is specifically tailored to your situation and laser-focused on your goals. Research shows coaching isn’t just feel-good fluff. In a 2024 study, a virtual coaching intervention among women physicians reduced burnout from 77% to 33%, while increasing fulfillment and self-compassion.In another, women leaders credited coaching with enhancing their self-awareness, providing tools for managing gendered pressures, and adopting more deliberate work-life balance strategies. Coaching helps bridge the gap between internal recovery and external advocacy, it gives you structural tools to survive, not just mend
Build a system that serves you
At the end of the day, you are not here to survive an unhealthy workplace, you’re here to thrive. Rewriting your story from “burned out woman” to “woman who knows her worth and won’t accept unhealthy workplace dynamics” changes not just how you feel, but how you show up in the world. You have power. You deserve support. And you got this.
The difference between being burned out and being burned by the system matters because it shifts the blame away from professional women and toward the environments that are set up to fail them. Professional burnout is not a personal flaw, it’s a sign of systemic failure when high-achieving women stop internalizing blame and start naming the real issue. Healing, clarity, and meaningful change become possible. If you’re ready to reclaim ownership and power over your career path, book your clarity call. I would love to connect with you and hear more about your current circumstances, your goals, and offer insight into what transformation my program The Toxic Job Recovery Accelerator, can provide for you.
Read more from Mary Eldridge
Mary Eldridge, Empowerment & Strategy Coach for Women
Mary Eldridge, LISW, LCSW, is an Empowerment & Strategy Coach and the founder of Mind to Thrive, dedicated to helping professional women recover from toxic jobs and professional burnout. After experiencing the toll of a toxic workplace herself, she developed a signature program, the Toxic Job Recovery Accelerator, to empower women to see through workplace gaslighting, rebuild their confidence, and stop overfunctioning through nervous system regulation strategies and healthy boundaries. Her work blends neuroscience and psychoeducation on power and control dynamics, concrete tools for self-regulation and boundary-setting, and empowerment coaching to create lasting change for women who feel invisible in their careers.
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