Are You Paying Attention to Your Child’s Friendships?
Sarah Fernandez, a distinguished Psychologist and Certified Youth Mental Health Specialist, is known for her work in empowering young minds. She is the founder of S. Fernandez Center for Wellness and the author of the journal books, Mindful Moments (2023) for children and Understanding Me (2025) for adolescents.
Have you ever stopped to think about your child’s friendships? Are they kind to their friends, and are their friends kind to them? Are these relationships healthy and supportive? How can we tell?
Some parents actively engage in conversations with their children about friendships. They encourage kindness, empathy, and respect, hoping these values will carry over into their social interactions. Others may not think to have these discussions; it might not have crossed their mind, or perhaps it’s been overlooked in the busy routine of daily life.
Some may even wonder, “Why wouldn’t my child be kind?” but kindness isn't always enough to navigate the complexities of friendship, especially for young minds still learning about relationships.
Navigating human interactions, even adults struggle
Even as adults with fully developed brains and years of experience, we still struggle with human interactions. Certain relationships can hurt, misunderstand, or overwhelm us. How others treat us affects our moods and thoughts sometimes deeply.
Now, imagine what it must be like for children.
Their brains are still developing. They’re trying to make sense of the world around them, and they’re constantly exposed to new information, especially through technology and social media.
How do friendships affect children’s mental health?
Friendships can be a source of joy, support, and belonging, but they can also be a source of anxiety, low self-esteem, and stress. For example:
Exclusion or bullying can lead to feelings of rejection or worthlessness.
Peer pressure may push children to behave in ways that conflict with their values.
Toxic friendships can create confusion and emotional exhaustion.
In contrast, healthy friendships foster self-confidence, emotional resilience, and a sense of security.
How can you tell if your child’s friendships are healthy?
Ask yourself the following questions to get a better sense of your child’s social well-being:
Does your child seem cheerful and energized after spending time with friends? Positive friendships tend to lift a child’s mood and leave them feeling good about themselves.
Do they feel comfortable being their true self around their peers? Children in healthy friendships don’t feel the need to act differently to be accepted.
Are they open to talking about their friends and what happens when they’re together? If they’re willing to share details, it’s usually a sign they feel safe and valued.
Is the friendship helping them grow in a positive way? Good friends encourage personal growth, confidence, and healthy habits.
Do they show respect for each other’s thoughts and opinions? Mutual respect is a strong sign of a balanced and supportive friendship.
Have there been any noticeable changes in their mood, sleep, or daily behavior after social time? Sudden shifts may be a sign that something isn’t sitting right emotionally.
Are they avoiding certain people, acting withdrawn, or becoming anxious about social events? These behaviors could point to stress or discomfort in a current friendship.
Being observant and maintaining open, non-judgmental communication is key. Create a safe space for your child to share their experiences, both positive and negative.
Encouraging healthy friendships and mental well-being
Parents and caregivers can help guide children toward building and maintaining healthy relationships by:
Modeling respectful and empathetic behavior in their own friendships.
Teaching children how to set boundaries.
Encouraging open conversations about emotions.
Helping them understand what makes a good friend and how to be one.
Friendships are more than just playdates or shared laughter. They are a core part of your child’s social and emotional development. Paying attention to your child’s relationships and guiding them through challenges can make a world of difference not just in their friendships but in their overall mental health and well-being.
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Sarah Fernandez, Psychologist | Youth Mental Health Specialist | Advocate for Children and Adolescents
Sarah Fernandez, Psychologist, discovered her passion for youth mental health after witnessing her younger sister struggle with anxiety and panic attacks. Seeing her sister suffer in silence ignited Sarah’s desire to understand what was happening beneath the surface. She dedicated her studies to exploring mental health and brain development in children and adolescents. Today, she is committed to giving a voice to young people like her sister, ensuring they are seen, heard, and supported.
