Written by Kelsey Irving, Licensed Clinical Therapist Kelsey Irving is a licensed therapist and recognized specialist in OCD and anxiety disorders. She is the founder of Steadfast Psychology Group and author of the children’s book Jacob and the Cloud. Relationship OCD (ROCD) is an overwhelming condition that causes individuals to doubt their romantic relationships constantly. Unlike the occasional doubts that most people experience, ROCD leads to intrusive, relentless thoughts that demand certainty. This article explores how ROCD affects relationships, common compulsions associated with it, and the effective treatment options, particularly Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy. Learn how ERP can help break the cycle of anxiety and uncertainty, allowing individuals to engage more fully in their relationships. Is he the right one? Do I love her enough? Shouldn’t I feel more excited when I see them? If I notice someone else, does that mean I’m unfaithful?   Questions like these are almost a rite of passage when starting a romantic relationship. Most of us want reassurance that we’re making the “right” choice. We want to avoid heartbreak, mistakes, and regret. A little doubt is normal and sometimes even healthy. But for some people, these thoughts don’t come and go. They take over.   For individuals with Relationship OCD (ROCD), doubts about a partner or relationship can become relentless, intrusive, and deeply distressing. Instead of serving as passing curiosities, these questions feel urgent and threatening, demanding answers that never quite satisfy.   What is Relationship OCD? Relationship OCD is a subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder centered on the fear of being romantically involved with the “wrong” person or of not loving a partner “enough.” The issue isn’t the relationship itself, but the obsessive need for certainty about it. People with ROCD don’t simply wonder about their feelings, they become stuck trying to prove them. The mind insists that there must be a definitive answer, yes or no, right or wrong, and until that answer is found, anxiety remains high. To cope with this discomfort, individuals often engage in compulsions (also called rituals): behaviors meant to reduce anxiety or gain clarity. Unfortunately, these strategies tend to backfire, keeping the cycle alive.   Common ROCD compulsions Compulsions can be subtle or time-consuming, mental or behavioral. They may include:   Ruminating endlessly about whether the relationship is “right.” Replaying conversations or moments for hidden meaning Imagining future scenarios to predict happiness or regret Constantly checking emotional connection or physical attraction Avoiding interactions with others out of fear of “cheating.” Seeking reassurance from friends, family, partners, spiritual leaders, or even psychics Comparing one’s relationship to those of friends, coworkers, or fictional couples   While many people experience doubts occasionally, for someone with ROCD, these behaviors become increasingly impairing, time-consuming, and emotionally exhausting.   Treating Relationship OCD Research consistently shows that Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is the most effective treatment for OCD, including ROCD. ERP works by helping people face their fears without performing compulsions. In therapy, an ERP specialist helps identify the beliefs driving your anxiety, often rigid ideas about what love “should” feel like or what a “perfect relationship” looks like. Together, you gently challenge those beliefs and learn to sit with uncomfortable thoughts without trying to neutralize them. Just as important, ERP focuses on reducing compulsions. With practice, you gain confidence in your ability to tolerate uncertainty and discomfort. Over time, fear loses its grip.   Learning to live with uncertainty At some point in the spiral of overthinking, the same questions start looping like a broken record, the mental equivalent of “The Song That Never Ends.” By then, it’s clear, no amount of thinking will bring absolute certainty. The truth is, none of us has a crystal ball. There is no way to know, with 100% certainty, whether a relationship will last forever. And waiting for certainty before living your life only keeps you stuck in your head, missing what’s happening right now. ERP teaches a powerful shift: instead of living according to fear, you begin living according to your values. You show up for the relationship, not because you feel perfectly certain, but because connection, commitment, and presence matter to you. And paradoxically, when you stop chasing certainty, life and love has more room to breathe. If you’d like to learn more about Relationship OCD or get treatment, contact me today. Follow me on Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Kelsey Irving Kelsey Irving, Licensed Clinical Therapist Kelsey Irving is a licensed therapist specializing in the treatment of adults with OCD and anxiety disorders. Inspired by a close family member’s diagnosis and the widespread misunderstanding of OCD, she became deeply committed to providing informed, compassionate, and effective care. Kelsey serves individuals through her private practice, Steadfast Psychology Group, and extends her impact through her children’s book, Jacob and the Cloud.

Written by Ladys Patino, Book Reviewer and Writer Ladys Patino is a distinguished writer and book critic with a specialization in organizational behavior, management, leadership, and community dynamics. Dr. Mitch Abrams doesn't mince words, and that's precisely what makes  I'm Not F*cking Angry!   such a refreshing entry in the crowded self-help landscape. Drawing on over 25 years as a psychologist working with everyone from prison inmates to professional athletes, Abrams dismantles our misconceptions about anger with the blunt force of a Brooklyn native who's seen it all. His central thesis is deceptively simple: anger isn't the problem. Nobody gets arrested for being angry. People get in trouble for the destructive things they do when they can't control that anger. This reframing from "anger is bad" to "anger is a tool that requires skill" provides the foundation for a book that's equal parts psychology textbook, street wisdom, and tough-love coaching session. The book's greatest strength lies in Abrams's ability to make complex psychological concepts accessible without dumbing them down. His "adjust the flame" metaphor runs throughout, positioning anger as fire essential for survival and achievement in the right measure, catastrophic when uncontrolled. He distinguishes between instrumental aggression (healthy drive toward goals) and reactive aggression (lashing out to cause harm), explaining how the former fuels success while the latter destroys lives. Abrams supports these frameworks with practical tools: breathing techniques, visualization exercises, trigger recognition, and cognitive restructuring. The chapter on "prediction of consequences," essentially learning to think three moves ahead like a chess player, offers particularly valuable guidance for anyone prone to heat-of-the-moment decisions they later regret. Abrams's unflinching use of profanity will either deeply resonate or immediately alienate readers, and he makes no apologies for it. The language isn't gratuitous, it matches the intensity of the emotion being discussed and reflects how people actually talk when they're furious. His personal story, growing up poor, losing his sister at seventeen, working as a bouncer while earning his doctorate, gives him credibility that extends beyond his professional credentials. When he writes about the "explosion threshold" or admits his own struggles with feeling unappreciated, readers recognize someone who's walked through the fire rather than merely studied it from a distance. This authenticity elevates the book above typical anger management guides that can feel sterile and disconnected from real human experience. The book does have limitations. Abrams's focus on sports psychology, while fascinating, sometimes overshadows broader applications that general readers might find more immediately useful. The extensive discussion of athletic performance and coaching strategies may lose readers who have no connection to competitive sports. Additionally, while his chapter on gender dynamics and "men's fragility" offers important insights into how society shapes male anger, some readers may find his generalizations about masculine insecurity too broad-brushed. The book would also benefit from more structured exercises or worksheets that readers could return to repeatedly, rather than concepts embedded in narrative form. I'm Not F cking Angry!!!* succeeds because Abrams treats anger with the respect it deserves, not as a character flaw to be ashamed of, but as a fundamental human emotion that, when properly understood and channeled, becomes a source of strength rather than destruction. His message that "the toughest guy in prison never fights" and that true power lies in being unflappable will challenge readers to reconsider their relationship with this most volatile emotion. For anyone tired of being told to suppress their anger or feeling powerless when it overtakes them, Abrams offers something better: a roadmap to mastery. This isn't a book about becoming calm and serene, it's about becoming strategically dangerous, someone who can summon anger when needed and put it away when finished, rather than being controlled by it. In an era of road rage, keyboard warriors, and perpetual outrage, that kind of emotional mastery isn't just valuable, it's essential. Visit my website for more info! Read more from Ladys Patino Ladys Patino, Book Reviewer and Writer Ladys Patino is a distinguished writer and book critic with a specialization in organizational behavior, management, leadership, and community dynamics. Her expertise lies in dissecting and evaluating literature that delves into the intricacies of organizational structures, the nuances of leadership styles, and the complexities of community interactions. Patino's reviews and writings offer insightful perspectives on how these themes play out in various settings, providing valuable analysis for those interested in understanding and improving the functioning of groups, businesses, and societies.

Written by Beth Rohani, Entrepreneur, Speaker and Creator Beth Rohani leads the No. 1 moving company serving the Houston Multi-Family Industry, and her company is considered one of the Top 3 Best Rated Moving Companies in Houston. As a first-generation Iranian-American, former TV news assignments editor and CEO of a transportation and logistics-based business in a male-dominated industry. In this article, Beth Rohani, President and CEO of Ameritex Movers, reflects on her journey from self-doubt to confidence. As a leader in a male-dominated industry, she reveals how clarity, planning, and accountability have helped her overcome internal struggles, turning doubt into an opportunity for growth. Learn how to stay focused and move forward, even when the path seems uncertain. This morning, I walked into the office questioning everything.   Am I capable? Am I making the right decisions? Am I even doing this right?   If you’ve ever had those thoughts, welcome to being human. We all doubt ourselves. The difference is whether you let that doubt paralyze you or push you toward growth. Doubt is a constant in the world of entrepreneurship and leadership. As the CEO of a multi-city moving company and the current President of a speakers community, I have learned that the moment you stop questioning is the moment you stop learning. The initial feeling of doubt is normal. The mistake is giving it control. By the time I walked out of my office today, my mindset had completely shifted. I didn’t leave with doubt, I left with confidence. And not because the questions magically disappeared, but because I leaned into intention. Planning. Strategy. Taking the time to think through my decisions instead of reacting emotionally. That deliberate process is what truly builds confidence. It’s not instant, it’s something we create by being intentional with how we move forward every single day.   The weight of the unspoken question For years, I allowed that initial feeling of doubt to drive me toward co-dependency. I looked for external approval, a partner’s nod, a client’s affirmation, a mentor’s sign-off to validate my choices. The problem is, when your stability relies on someone else’s opinion, you’ll always feel unsteady. You give away your own power. The real challenge of doubt isn't the question itself, it's the mental space it consumes. That energy spent cycling through "what if I fail?" or "am I smart enough?" is energy stolen from action. As a leader, you don’t have the luxury of extended emotional reactions. You need to identify the doubt, process the fear, and move on to the solution. When I started Ameritex Movers, I knew the industry was tough and male-dominated. Doubt was loud. But I learned early that the only way to silence it was to focus on the things I could control: my effort, my preparation, and my consistency. Doubt fears accountability because accountability shows proof. Clarity over paralysis: The role of planning The antidote to emotional doubt is logical planning. Planning is the factual counter-argument to your fear. When I face a massive decision, whether it’s launching a new branch in a competitive market or designing a new pricing structure, the initial fear is always there. But instead of letting that fear paralyze me, I use the structure I have built. I check the data. I review the processes. I rely on the framework of integrity and accountability we use in the business. We preach structure at Ameritex Movers because structure creates confidence. When a moving crew knows the precise checklist for a packing job, when they know the safety protocols for the loading dock, and when they have clear communication lines, they execute the job with confidence. That confidence comes from trusting the system, not just their gut. The same principle applies to your personal journey. Planning isn’t about predicting every outcome, it’s about reducing the variables that lead to guesswork. It’s about building a foundation of hard work that you can stand on when the inevitable mental storm hits. It gives you the evidence you need to tell your doubt, "I already did the work."   The loudest voice: Internal noise Interestingly, that same lesson about planning and trust hit me in the most unexpected place, a loading dock at a convention center. We had just finished offloading for an expo, and as I tried to make my way inside, I kept turning corners and second-guessing myself. I felt lost. The hallways were confusing, and the logistics seemed off. I finally stopped an attendant and admitted, “I feel like I’m going the right way, but I’m also doubting myself. Can you confirm?” He looked at me with a calm, no-nonsense look and said, “Why are you doubting yourself? You’re going the right way. Keep going. That’s the path.” That was my lightbulb moment. The path was clear, but the noise in my head, the internal loop of "am I missing something?" was slowing me down. How many times in life do we know the path we’re on is right, but we let doubt creep in and slow us down? We waste time second-guessing ourselves instead of trusting the direction we’ve already worked so hard to build. That wasted time is more costly than any actual mistake we might make. It’s the cost of letting internal drama run the show.   Confidence is just moving What I’ve learned as a business owner and a leader is that confidence isn’t the absence of doubt. It’s the decision to keep moving even when the doubt is loud. It's the Do It & Prove It™ mindset in action. Here’s the reality:   Doubt is normal, paralysis is a choice: Don't try to eliminate doubt. Just make sure it doesn't stop you. Use the fear as a signal to review your plan, not to stop the car. Planning and process matter: They give you the foundation to trust your own judgment. If your process is sound, trust the process. Find your confirmation: Sometimes, all we need is a simple reminder from a friend, a mentor, or even a stranger at a loading dock that we’re already on the right path. As the current President of NSA Houston, and as someone who runs a moving company built on creating stress-free experiences, I’ve learned that confidence comes from clarity. Clarity in your values, your direction, and the intention behind every choice you make. So the next time you find yourself doubting your steps, pause. Ask yourself: Am I really lost, or am I just afraid of trusting myself? Chances are, you’re already on the right path. You just need to keep going. Trust the direction you set. Trust the work you put in. That is your proof.   Beth Rohani is the President and CEO of Ameritex Dallas Movers and Ameritex Houston Movers. A first-generation Iranian American and resilient entrepreneur, Beth has built thriving businesses in a male-dominated industry while navigating profound personal and professional transformation. Her unique ability to recognize what no longer serves, whether in business or in life, enables her to declutter, reorganize, and strategically move forward. Through navigating death, divorce, and moving, Beth has learned that true growth is built on accountability, mindset, and intentional living.   For similar content, consider following me on any of my social media platforms: TikTok X Threads YouTube Follow me on  Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website  for more info! Read more from Beth Rohani Beth Rohani, Entrepreneur Beth Rohani leads the No. 1 moving company serving the Houston Multi-Family Industry, and her company is considered one of the Top 3 Best Rated Moving Companies in Houston. As a first-generation Iranian-American, former TV news assignments editor, and CEO of a transportation and logistics-based business in a male-dominated industry, Beth embraces the stereotypes while inspiring and mentoring others to build a successful business with a balance to live their best life.

Carla Madeleine Kupe, a transformational leader and "Transition Midwife," shares insights into her unique approach to guiding organizations and leaders through times of change. With a background in law and extensive experience in leadership, Carla discusses how true transformation emerges when leaders embrace uncertainty, slow down, and focus on responsibility. In this interview, she emphasizes the importance of presence and authenticity in leadership, especially during complex transitions. Carla Madeleine Kupe, Executive Leadership Advisor How do you describe your work and way of being in the world today – and what life experiences most shaped how you lead, guide, and serve? I describe my work as guiding people and systems through moments of transition – especially when something familiar is ending and something unnamed is trying to emerge. At its core, my work is about helping leaders and organizations stay present with complexity, responsibility, and change without collapsing into fear, control, or denial. My path here has been shaped by standing at the intersection of law and leadership, structure and soul, power and humanity. I’ve worked inside institutions of various sizes, held formal authority, and seen firsthand how decisions ripple through people’s lives. I’ve also spent years observing, listening deeply, identifying patterns – to what isn’t being said, to what is being carried quietly, and to what breaks open when truth is finally named. I don’t approach leadership as a performance or a set of competencies. I approach it as a practice of presence: how we hold power, how we relate to others, and how willing we are to be changed by what we are responsible for. What moments or reckonings – personal, professional, or societal – most influenced the path you’ve taken into leadership and transformational work? My work has been shaped less by a single defining moment and more by a series of reckonings – moments when I could no longer unsee the gap between how institutions say they operate and how power is actually experienced by people. Working in law, philanthropy, higher education, and government exposed me to both the promises and the limits of formal systems. I saw how good intentions can coexist with harm, and how change efforts fail when they bypass truth, history, or lived experience. Personally, I’ve also navigated my own thresholds – times when identities I had built no longer fit who I was becoming. Those experiences taught me that transformation isn’t something you impose. It’s something you accompany. That realization continues to guide how I work with leaders today. You describe yourself as a “Transition Midwife” and “Possibilities Anchor.” What do these roles mean in practice, and why are they especially relevant for leaders and organizations right now? I use the language of “Transition Midwife” because much of the work I do involves accompanying people through endings – of identities, roles, strategies, or ways of operating – that can no longer hold what’s being asked of them. Like any true transition, these moments are rarely clean or linear. They involve uncertainty, grief, resistance, and often a profound loss of certainty. Being a “Possibilities Anchor” means I help leaders stay grounded while moving through that uncertainty. I don’t rush people toward solutions or premature optimism. Instead, I help them remain steady enough to listen to inner wisdom and prompts, to tell the truth to themselves about what’s no longer working, and to sense what wants to be born next. Right now, many leaders are being asked to navigate change at a pace and scale they were never trained or prepared for. Old maps no longer apply. My roles are about helping leaders meet this moment without bypassing it – so that what emerges is not just new, but more honest, authentic, and sustainable. In this current moment of uncertainty and rapid change, where do you see leaders and organizations struggling most in how they hold authority and responsibility? What I see most often is not a lack of intelligence or effort, but a lack of capacity to stay present with discomfort. Many leaders are under immense pressure to move quickly, appear certain, and avoid mistakes. In that environment, authority easily becomes defensive rather than responsive. Leaders struggle most when they feel they must choose between control and care – between decisiveness and humanity. This false and binary framework leads to either overreach or paralysis. Important conversations get delayed. Harms go unaddressed. Change is announced without being metabolized. Holding authority well and authentically in this moment requires something different: the ability to slow down internally even when things are moving fast externally; the willingness to acknowledge what has ended; and the courage to lead without having all the answers. That kind of leadership isn’t about certainty – it’s about responsibility. When leaders or organizations engage your work sincerely, what kinds of internal shifts and structural changes tend to emerge over time? The first shifts are usually internal. Leaders begin to notice how their own fear, urgency, or unexamined assumptions shape their decisions. There’s often a softening – an increased tolerance for complexity and a greater willingness to listen rather than react. Over time, this internal work shows up structurally. Communication becomes clearer. Accountability becomes more relational and less punitive. Decisions are made with a deeper awareness of impact, not just intention. Trust by employees in leadership expands. The transformation I witness is less about dramatic overhauls and more about alignment – between values and actions, authority and care, responsibility and humility. What principles or ways of working guide your approach to leadership and organizational transformation, particularly in moments of transition or disruption? I work from the belief that what is unacknowledged will eventually surface – often in more disruptive ways. So I prioritize honesty, pacing, and presence over quick fixes. I also believe that transformation requires containers that are both structured and humane. People need clarity, but they also need space to feel, reflect, and make meaning of what’s changing. Finally, I center responsibility – not blame. My work helps leaders see where they have agency, where repair is needed, and where courage is required to act differently. How do you support leaders and organizations in letting go of identities, roles, or ways of operating – without bypassing grief or causing harm – so something new can emerge? I help leaders slow down long enough to recognize what is actually ending. Often, harm occurs not because something ends, but because it ends without acknowledgment. We name losses explicitly – of certainty, status, belonging, or legacy. We make space for grief and resistance without letting them stall movement entirely. When endings are honored, renewal becomes possible. New ways of leading and relating can emerge that are grounded in truth rather than avoidance or control. For leaders or organizations sensing the need for change but unsure where to begin, what is the first internal shift that makes meaningful transformation possible? The first shift is moving from performance to presence. Before strategies or initiatives, leaders must be willing to examine how they personally relate to power, difference, and responsibility. Without that internal reckoning, change efforts tend to replicate the very dynamics they’re trying to undo. With it, even small actions can begin to create meaningful movement. How has your legal background shaped your understanding of power, accountability, and responsibility within leadership and organizational systems? Legal training sharpened my understanding of how power operates – who holds it, how it’s exercised, and how harm is addressed or ignored. It taught me the importance of clarity, due process, and accountability. At the same time, I saw the limits of purely legal solutions. Compliance alone cannot create trust or repair harm. That realization is what led me to focus on the human and relational dimensions of leadership alongside structural accountability. What is one reflection or practice you invite leaders to sit with right now that could fundamentally change how they relate to authority, change, and responsibility? I invite leaders to ask themselves: “What am I protecting – and at what cost?”Sitting honestly with that question can reveal where fear is driving decisions, where truth is being avoided, and where courage is needed. From there, leadership becomes less about image and more about integrity. Follow me on LinkedIn for more info! Read more from Carla Madeleine Kupe

Written by Debbie Bryan, TEDx Speaker | Visibility Strategist | Founder of The £100K Speaker Club Debbie Bryan is a Leadership Visibility Expert and TEDx Speaker with over 25 years of experience helping entrepreneurs, executives, and high-level teams speak with confidence, build authority, and communicate powerfully in business, on stage, and in the media. This article explores why many exceptional women in leadership go unrecognized despite their proven success. It highlights how visibility, not performance alone, is key to leadership impact. Women often struggle with self-positioning, minimizing their contributions, and failing to articulate their value. Discover three strategic shifts women leaders can make to increase their visibility, embrace their expertise, and step fully into the next phase of leadership. If you’re a woman in leadership, this may sound familiar: You’re trusted. You’re relied upon. You’re often the one people turn to when things matter.   And yet when it comes to visibility, recognition, or influence, your impact isn’t always reflected in how you’re seen. Not because you aren’t performing. But because performance alone is no longer enough.   Over the past year, I’ve had conversations with senior women across business, education, healthcare, consulting and entrepreneurship. Women with decades of experience, significant responsibility, and proven results. What’s striking is not a lack of confidence, it’s a consistent blind spot. Many say things like: “I’ve just been doing my job.” “I wouldn’t know how to articulate what I bring.” “I don’t think my story is particularly important.”   One woman said this after 35 years in Learning & Development. Another had never spoken openly about her leadership journey because she didn’t want to be judged. Another admitted she’d lost perspective on her own value after years of carrying responsibility quietly. These are not junior professionals. These are senior women. The leadership blind spot no one talks about Here’s the truth most leadership conversations avoid:   The higher you perform, the more likely you are to normalise your own expertise. You stop seeing your judgement, insight and decision-making as distinctive, because it has become second nature. But leadership culture doesn’t reward what is merely done well. It rewards what is clearly articulated, confidently positioned, and strategically visible. When experienced women minimise their contribution: Their voice carries less weight Their influence plateaus Their opportunities narrow   Not due to lack of capability, but lack of positioning. Visibility Is a Leadership Skill, Not a Personality Trait Many women believe visibility requires self-promotion or becoming someone they’re not. That’s incorrect. Visibility at senior level is not about volume. It’s about clarity and authority. The leaders who are most respected are rarely the loudest. They are the ones who: Speak precisely Frame their thinking clearly Understand the value of their perspective Allow others to see how they think   This is not ego. It’s leadership maturity. Three strategic shifts for women leading into the next phase If you are moving into a new level of leadership, formal or informal, these are the shifts that matter. 1. Treat your experience as an asset, not background noise Your judgement has been shaped by years of decisions, context and consequence. That is strategic capital.   2. Learn to articulate your value without apology If others cannot quickly understand what you bring, they cannot fully value it, no matter how capable you are.   3. Stop waiting to feel ready Readiness is not a feeling. At senior levels, it is a decision to occupy space intentionally. A different standard for women in leadership The most effective leaders I know are quietly authoritative. They don’t chase attention. They don’t over-explain. They don’t shrink. They understand that leadership is not just about delivery, it is about presence, perspective and voice. As we move forward, the women who shape influence will not be those who work harder, but those who are willing to be seen more clearly for what they already bring. A final thought If you are a woman in leadership and you sense there is a next level, this is not about becoming someone else. It is about stopping the habit of editing yourself down. You earned your place. You earned your voice. And leadership requires that you use it. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Debbie Bryan Debbie Bryan, TEDx Speaker | Visibility Strategist | Founder of The £100K Speaker Club Debbie Bryan is a Leadership Visibility Expert and TEDx Speaker known for helping entrepreneurs and business leaders speak with confidence and clarity. With over 25 years of experience, she has worked behind the scenes with 6- and 7-figure founders to transform fear into presence and story into strategy. A former hairdresser turned international speaker, Debbie believes visibility should feel personal, not performative. She’s the go-to for those who are brilliant at what they do but still feel like the best-kept secret. When she’s not coaching clients or speaking at events, you’ll find her curating luxury retreats, mentoring rising talent, or recording at Swindon 105.5, where she serves as a director.

Written by Julia Mae Corotan, Motivational Speaker and Content Creator Julia Corotan is a Papua New Guinea-raised Filipino, giving her a unique perspective on life and people. After feeling lost and burnt out in the middle of college, she started writing as a way to express and process her feelings. She then started her blog, Amica Mea, as a means to connect with others who were struggling with the same issues. Welcome to 2026, everyone! The holiday season has breezed past us in a flurry of food, celebrations, and decorations. We’re officially in the new year, and with it, we bid the festive season (and the decorations we painstakingly put up) farewell. Reality, also known as work and classes, beckons us ever closer and demands our full attention. And the end of one year is usually a reason to reflect on the life we lived during it. Our social media feeds are flooded with throwback posts, recap videos, and long captions. We think back to the moments, both big and small, that defined our 2025. Was your 2025 a year of self-discovery? Of stillness? Or of survival? There’s no shame in the way we took on the past year because the most important part is that we’re still here. Trying. Living.   For me? 2025 was the year of growth. It demanded so much from me, both personally and professionally. I faced numerous challenges that, at some point, I wanted to raise the white flag, crawl into a ball, and hide under my blanky. But with me feeling like the universe’s punching bag also came with it a deeper understanding of myself, and an inner strength I didn’t know I possessed.   35 flights. 5 countries. 10 cities. 2025 was the year I spent the most time inside an airplane. It was in one of these cities, while having lunch with a friend a day before my flight back to Papua New Guinea, that I got asked a question I’ve received too many times to count. I’ve answered it so many times that I barely gave any thought to it.   “What is home to you?”   I’m unsure why it even stood out so much. It was one topic we jumped to after hours of conversation. I gave the standard answer I gave people. Almost flippant.   “When asked before, my answer would always be Papua New Guinea. That’s where I was raised, where I grew up, and where I’m most comfortable.”   Catching the first part of my answer, he asked a follow-up question, “So, what is home to you now?” I paused. The follow-up caught my attention. Barely anyone questions my answer. I usually get a nod of understanding or another topic altogether. This wasn’t the script I was used to. So, I decided to give the question the attention it deserved.   “Home to me isn’t really a place anymore. It’s the people. The people make a place feel like home.” That sparked his interest enough to say, “Good answer. Not many people think that.”   That conversation wouldn’t leave me. I found my mind wandering back to it and to my newer and deeper answer. Funnily enough, we had this exchange in the city I was slowly starting to see as my home: Melbourne.   I’ve shared in my other articles how difficult my 2025 was. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted from the different challenges that pushed me to my limit. I became the stereotypical eldest daughter someone who took on too much responsibility to my detriment. I gave so much of myself to other people that it started compromising how I viewed myself. My one respite became the constant travelling I did. It was a chance to breathe and recenter myself.   I was lucky enough to be given the opportunity to stay in Melbourne a few times last year with my siblings. I’d live there for weeks at a time. The longest was a two-month stay where I was able to reconnect with old friends who immigrated there, and met a bunch of new ones, too. The friend I met for coffee and asked about my thoughts on home was one such person. I slowly started feeling like I could breathe. I was feeling freer than I did before. My friends helped me feel that I shouldn’t be confined to the choices I’ve made in the past. That I could grow past them and learn to trust others again.   I flew back to Papua New Guinea (PNG) after those two months. I expected to feel that sense of home again because I was back. But the town that nurtured me and saw me grow into the Julia of today felt foreign. Three weeks after my arrival, I was sitting on the swings in our front yard, taking the time to reflect on the changes I’ve experienced. It’s where I realised that while PNG felt familiar, I no longer felt like I belonged. There was no big difference from the PNG of my youth. Just the gnawing sense that I’ve outgrown the one place that felt constant. I still have so much love in my heart for it, but at the risk of sounding like a cliche, it wasn’t home anymore.   After three months in PNG, there were some personal matters I had to attend to, which required that I leave. I found myself, once again, in Melbourne. In an instant, the feeling of belonging and familiarity washed over me. The baggage I carried from the cities and towns I’ve lived in during my youth was non-existent in Melbourne. It was a fresh start when I badly needed one. The connections I’ve made felt natural and helped make me feel part of the city. An idea that took root during the past conversation felt more and more true: I’m home.   My family has a tradition where we write our wishes, prayers, and resolutions for the incoming year, and then burn this on New Year’s Day to release it into the universe. Growing up, I always wrote bullet points. Quick. Efficient. But three years ago, I started writing actual letters. 2025’s letter was the most emotional one to date because the me who wished for good things at the start of it was so vastly different from the one writing new hopes for 2026.   2025 was the year I discovered who I was outside of my family and the tribe that raised me. The one where I was just Julia. Who I could be and who I could become when I started focusing on myself. When I started showing up for myself and discovered how much more I can be. Don’t get me wrong, the process hurt. But with the pain came a strength I’ve come to realize that I possess and rely on. And the most important part of it all? I was finally choosing myself. I wish that all of you reading this have the chance to choose yourself this 2026. It isn’t easy, and may even feel selfish at times, but it’s something we have to do to show up better for the people we love. As the saying goes, we can’t pour from an empty cup. May we all find the place that gives us peace and allows us to feel most ourselves.   May we all find our way home. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Julia Mae Corotan Julia Mae Corotan, Motivational Speaker and Content Creator Julia Corotan has always been passionate about studying and learning about different cultures. As a Filipino born and raised in Papua New Guinea, where her parents worked, she was nurtured in a community with diverse cultures and instilled a desire to help others. She took this a step further when she joined and worked for AIESEC, an international leadership organization with a presence in over 100 countries. She also began her blog, Amica Mea (my beloved or my companion in Latin), as a way to connect with others struggling with burnout and feeling lost about their path in life. Her mission, connection through stories.

Written by Dr. Mansi S. Rai, Public Sector Finance Researcher Dr. Mansi S. Rai is a public-sector finance researcher, author, and educator whose work spans digital taxation, economic policy, and public storytelling. She also shares insights on finance, career, and personal growth through her growing YouTube platform. In every structured society, systems exist to create consistency, fairness, and accountability. When understood with clarity, they become instruments of progress rather than sources of hesitation. The ability to move through such systems with confidence is never incidental, it is cultivated through knowledge, discipline, and composure. Peace is often mischaracterized as emotional or passive. In practice, peace is operational. It is the condition that enables individuals to think strategically, communicate with precision, and make decisions with intention. In complex environments, peace is not the absence of responsibility: it is the mastery of responsibility. In regulated environments where decisions carry legal, financial, and reputational weight, clarity becomes a leadership necessity rather than a personal preference. Those who lead with peace lead with clarity. Clarity reshapes how authority is exercised. It replaces reaction with deliberation and urgency with discernment. Professionals who operate from this position recognize that sustainable success is built not through force, but through alignment between action and principle, structure and judgment. Knowledge plays a central role in this alignment. When individuals understand how systems function, engagement becomes intelligent and purposeful. Processes are navigated with confidence. Standards are interpreted accurately. Outcomes become foreseeable. With understanding comes assurance, and with assurance comes steadiness. Peace enhances performance. It strengthens judgment under pressure. It supports ethical consistency. It enables long-term thinking in environments often driven by immediate demands. Peace allows leaders to remain grounded while managing complexity, scale, and accountability with precision. Importantly, peace does not diminish ambition: it refines it. It directs effort toward what is consequential. It fosters resilience without rigidity and progress without imbalance. Ambition guided by peace is both sustainable and effective. Systems can regulate activity. They can establish requirements. They can enforce compliance. But peace operates at a different level. Peace governs perspective. It sustains clarity. It anchors leadership. Those who protect it lead with greater effectiveness, earn enduring trust, and generate impact that extends beyond immediate outcomes. Peace becomes not merely a personal attribute, but a professional advantage. It is cultivated through understanding. Maintained through discipline. Demonstrated through consistent excellence. And because peace is internally governed, it remains beyond assessment, beyond levy, and beyond taxation. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , and LinkedIn for more info! Read more from Dr. Mansi S. Rai Dr. Mansi S. Rai, Public Sector Finance Researcher Dr.Mansi S. Rai is a public service finance researcher, author, and speaker whose work focuses on digital taxation, financial governance, and the transformation of modern economic systems. Her research, published on platforms such as SSRN, explores how emerging technologies reshape nexus, apportionment, and public sector compliance. Dr. Rai is also an educator and storyteller through her YouTube channels, where she shares insights on finance, career developments, international student pathways, and personal growth. With an academic background in finance and accountancy, she is dedicated to making complex economic and policy concepts accessible to ga lobal audience. Her mission is to empower individuals with clarity and knowledge.

In this interview, Zeljka Cacic-Escalera, a Senior Manager at Accenture and transformation coach, discusses how her coaching philosophy – Awaken, Align, Activate – helps high-performing women navigate personal and professional transitions. With a focus on self-awareness and emotional regulation, Zeljka guides her clients through meaningful, sustainable change. Learn how she empowers women to break free from limiting beliefs and create lasting transformation in their lives and careers. Zeljka Cacic-Escalera, Transformation Coach Who is Zeljka Cacic-Escalera? I am a transformation coach with a strong corporate background, currently working as a Senior Manager at Accenture. I combine strategic thinking with deep inner work to support people through meaningful personal and professional change. Outside of work, I enjoy spending time in nature, traveling, and continuous learning. Reflection plays an important role in my life – I regularly assess where I am and where I want to go. I am highly goal-oriented and motivated by progress and growth. Music is another important anchor for me; I enjoy listening to it and attending concerts. I also value business events for women, where I connect with like-minded individuals and engage in meaningful exchange. In business, I am solution-oriented and strongly client-focused. As a leader, I am passionate about empowering others and supporting them in becoming the best version of themselves. I am part of a female leadership program and actively support young female professionals in their career development. Something interesting about me is that I genuinely enjoy being a host – bringing people together and creating spaces for connection. I also strongly believe in reciprocity: when you act with integrity and do good for others, positive outcomes tend to follow.   What inspired you to transition from your corporate background to becoming a transformation coach? My transition was not a departure from the corporate world but an expansion of my impact. While continuing my role at Accenture, I felt a growing desire to invest more time in work that is deeply meaningful and purpose-driven. I have personally navigated significant personal and professional challenges and sought the support of a coach during critical phases of my life. That experience reshaped how I view growth and change. Although coaching and mentoring have always been part of my corporate work, I felt a strong calling to support people outside of that environment – individuals who feel stuck or powerless, yet know they want to change their lives. I see myself as a bridge maker. I can relate to where my clients are because I have stood there myself. I understand both sides – the uncertainty before change and the clarity that follows once aligned decisions are made. My role is not to provide answers, but to guide people back to their own.   How does your corporate experience inform your current coaching philosophy and approach to transformation? My corporate experience gives me a grounded, realistic perspective. I understand pressure, complexity, leadership responsibility, and performance expectations. This allows me to coach in a way that is both empathetic and pragmatic. My coaching method – Awaken, Align, Activate – reflects this balance. First, clients "Awaken" awareness around limiting beliefs, emotional patterns, and unconscious behaviors. Then, they "Align" by building habits and an identity that support the life they want to live. Finally, they "Activate" through consistent, aligned action. This structured approach ensures that inner transformation translates into real, sustainable change in daily life and leadership.   What is your core coaching philosophy, and what makes it effective for creating meaningful, sustainable change? My core belief is that lasting transformation occurs when self-awareness, emotional regulation, and intentional action work together. Change does not happen through force or motivation alone, but through alignment. This approach is effective because it respects both the emotional and rational dimensions of change. Clients learn to challenge themselves while staying connected to themselves – creating progress that is both meaningful and sustainable.   Who do you primarily serve, and what are the biggest hurdles they face before working with you? I primarily work with women between their twenties and mid-forties who are navigating transitions in their personal or professional lives. Many are high-performing and outwardly successful, yet feel disconnected or unfulfilled. Common hurdles include limiting beliefs around not being “good enough,” people-pleasing tendencies, and the pressure to meet expectations that are not truly their own. The fear of disappointing others often keeps them stuck in situations that no longer align with who they are.   Can you share a story or example of a client who experienced a significant transformation working with you? One client came to me feeling emotionally exhausted and defined by performance. Her sense of self-worth was closely tied to external validation. Through our work, she developed awareness of her patterns, learned to regulate her emotions, and began making decisions aligned with her values. Over time, she experienced greater confidence, clearer communication, and a more stable inner foundation. The most significant shift was how she related to herself – with clarity rather than self-judgment.   What is the most common misconception people have about transformation or personal development? A common misconception is that happiness will follow once a specific goal is achieved. In reality, true transformation requires deeper self-inquiry. It means asking difficult questions: Who am I without my role, my relationship, or my achievements? Many people avoid these questions because the emotions they evoke can be uncomfortable. Yet meaningful transformation often requires emotional courage, honesty, and the willingness to make difficult decisions – even when they involve loss or disappointment.   How do you help clients build the trust and credibility necessary to sustain their changes long-term? Trust is built through consistency. I support clients in setting realistic commitments, reflecting on progress without judgment, and developing accountability toward themselves. As self-trust grows, clients naturally strengthen their credibility in how they make decisions, communicate boundaries, and show up in their personal and professional lives.   What role does personal branding play in the transformation process for your clients? Personal branding is the external expression of internal alignment. When clients are clear about who they are and what they stand for, their presence becomes authentic and consistent. Rather than creating an image, we focus on embodiment – allowing values, clarity, and confidence to shape how they are perceived.   What is one key piece of advice you would give to someone looking to make a significant change in their life or career right now? Do not wait for certainty. Clarity is created through action, reflection, and honesty with yourself. Start with one aligned decision. Sustainable change begins with courage, not perfection. Follow me on Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Zeljka Cacic-Escalera

Alexandria, VA: Heal Thrive Dream Holistic Care Inc. will host the Finding Your Purpose After Trauma Summit, a free virtual event to help trauma survivors move beyond survival and reconnect with meaning, hope, and direction. The summit will be held online on January 15-16, 2026, from 10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Eastern Time, and is open to participants worldwide. It is designed for adults affected by trauma. It brings together trauma-competent professionals, thought leaders, and speakers with lived experience to offer education, encouragement, and practical tools for rebuilding life after adversity. Registration and event details can be found here . “Trauma can interrupt our sense of purpose, but it does not erase it,” said Karen Robinson, founder of Heal Thrive Dream Holistic Care Inc. “This summit exists to remind survivors that healing is possible, personal meaning can be reclaimed, and survivors can create a hopeful future, one compassionate step at a time.” Over two days, participants will explore how trauma affects identity, purpose, and confidence. They will learn practical strategies to heal, grow, and imagine a meaningful future. Sessions will cover nervous system regulation, self-compassion, clarifying values, and taking empowered steps toward purpose.   Keynote speakers The summit will feature two keynote speakers who are also event sponsors, showing their strong commitment to survivor healing and transformation. Stacy Pellettieri, a trauma-competent therapist, will speak about resilience, emotional healing, and reclaiming purpose after trauma. Tracie Root, a community leader and advocate for personal growth, will focus on hope, empowerment, and moving forward with intention after adversity.   Sponsors supporting healing and access The summit is possible thanks to the generous support of sponsors who are dedicated to healing and community well-being. Kat Mitchell, founder of Path to Discovery, helps survivors reconnect with purpose through coaching, hypnosis, and energy healing. Michelle Parker, a trauma-competent therapist, offers clinical wisdom based on safety, compassion, and evidence-based care. Tina Andrews, owner of ADORE Family Services, supports resilience and stability for children and families affected by trauma. Tonya Tyus, an experienced event organizer and advocate for trauma survivors, works to make the summit accessible, welcoming, and supportive for everyone. Carolyn Pistone, a motivational speaker, encourages survivors to take confident steps toward meaningful change. Caterina Rando, a business and speaker coach, supports purpose-driven leadership and growth after adversity. Together, these sponsors help provide high-quality healing resources to survivors everywhere. Participants will also have opportunities to connect, access downloadable resources, and experience a supportive environment that respects each person’s healing journey. Registration is now open To reserve a free spot and learn more, visit here .   Media contact Heal Thrive Dream Holistic Care Inc. Karen Robinson, MSW, ACSW, LCSW, CCTP-II; Trauma Recovery Expert HealThriveDream@gmail.com 571-409-0998

Written by Tammy Payne, Business Mindset and Performance Coach Tammy Payne is an executive coach and founder of INTREPiDLI, supporting high-performing leaders to enhance clarity, resilience, and sustainable performance through neuroscience-informed coaching and leadership development. As another year closes, many high performers find themselves doing what they’ve always done – reviewing goals, setting new targets, and planning for the next level of success. And yet, despite clarity on what they want, many enter the new year feeling depleted, distracted, or strangely stuck. The issue is rarely ambition, capability, or a lack of goals. The real constraint for high performers today is not direction, it’s regulation. The hidden cost of always pushing forward High achievers are often rewarded for overriding internal signals. We push through fatigue, normalize pressure, and override intuition in favor of speed. Over time, this creates leaders who are: Highly capable but chronically tired Clear on vision but slow to execute Productive, yet increasingly disconnected from purpose When the nervous system is under constant load, clarity erodes, decision-making narrows, and even simple tasks feel heavier than they should. This is not a motivation issue. It is a self-regulation issue. Why more goals don’t fix the problem Traditional goal setting assumes that performance improves when direction is sharpened. In reality, performance improves when the system making the decisions is regulated. Under stress: The brain defaults to urgency over importance Creativity drops Perspective collapses Reaction replaces intention In this state, setting more goals can actually increase friction, adding pressure without restoring capacity. Many high performers don’t need new goals. They need fewer priorities, cleaner decision filters, and a regulated internal state from which to act. Clarity is a state, not a strategy Clarity is often treated as a cognitive exercise, another thinking problem to solve. In practice, clarity is a physiological and emotional state. When regulated: Leaders see patterns more easily Decisions feel simpler Execution accelerates When dysregulated: Everything feels equally important Progress slows Self-trust erodes Trade-offs become obvious This is why so many capable leaders report, “I know what I need to do, I just can’t seem to move it forward.” The capacity to act is compromised, not the plan. The shift high performers must make The next evolution of leadership is not about doing more. It’s about regulating pressure before it accumulates, making fewer, higher-quality decisions, aligning ambition with sustainability, and building performance that enhances life, rather than consuming it. This requires a different focus, one that integrates neuroscience, psychology, and lived leadership experience, rather than relying solely on motivation or willpower. A different way to approach the year ahead Instead of asking, “What do I want to achieve next year?” high performers may benefit more from asking: What conditions allow me to perform at my best? Where am I leaking energy through overcommitment? What decisions am I avoiding because my system is overloaded? What would success look like if it were sustainable? From this place, goals become cleaner, execution becomes lighter, and progress accelerates naturally. Final thought High performance does not require constant pressure. It requires: Self-awareness Regulation Clarity under load And the discipline to build success that lasts As leaders, founders, and high performers, the most valuable investment we can make is not in another strategy, but in the system that executes it. Today, we’re just talking about the personal systems and frameworks, but the same is true organizationally. Strategy is worth nothing if the systems to implement and scale are not created first. Follow me on Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Tammy Payne Tammy Payne, Business Mindset and Performance Coach Tammy Payne is an executive coach, speaker, and founder of INTREPiDLI, working with high-achieving leaders who look successful on the outside but feel flat, restless, or quietly burned out beneath it. With over 20 years of experience across corporate leadership and business ownership, she understands the pressure and responsibility of high performance because she has lived it. Tammy helps logic-driven leaders regulate their nervous systems, loosen over-control, and reconnect with intuition, creativity, and clarity. A certified breathwork facilitator, she integrates neuroscience, psychology, and embodied leadership into her work. Her mission is to help capable people stop running on empty and start leading lives they actually want to live.

Written by AnneMarie Smellie, Neurodevelopmental Practitioner, Kinesiologist, and Hypnotherapist AnneMarie Smellie is a UK-based neurodevelopmental practitioner, kinesiologist, and hypnotherapist with over 20 years’ experience helping children and adults build resilience, regulate anxiety, and strengthen brain–body foundations for learning and life. Parents often describe it the same way, "It was like my child disappeared." A child who was once emotionally steady suddenly becomes anxious, rigid, aggressive, withdrawn, or obsessive. Meltdowns escalate. Sleep deteriorates. Separation anxiety appears out of nowhere. School refusal follows. And no one can quite explain why. When behavior shifts rapidly and dramatically, it is not a parenting failure, and it is rarely "just a phase." For some children, these changes are driven by a little-known but profoundly impactful condition: PANS/PANDAS. What are PANS and PANDAS? PANS (Pediatric Acute-onset Neuropsychiatric Syndrome) and PANDAS (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal Infections) describe a sudden inflammatory response in the brain following infection or immune activation. In simple terms, the immune system becomes confused and begins attacking areas of the brain involved in: Emotional regulation Behavior Motor control Executive functioning This is not psychological in origin, it is neurological and immunological. The key feature that distinguishes PANS/PANDAS from other developmental or emotional difficulties is acute onset. Parents often pinpoint a specific moment in time when everything changed. How PANS/PANDAS can shape behavior Because inflammation affects the brain, behavior becomes the outward expression of an internal biological storm. Children may show: Sudden, intense anxiety or panic Obsessive thoughts or compulsive behaviors Rage episodes that feel "out of character" Extreme emotional volatility Regression in speech, learning, or independence Sensory sensitivities to sound, light, or touch Tics or changes in movement Sleep disruption and fatigue Importantly, these behaviors are not willful. The child is not being defiant or manipulative. Their nervous system is overwhelmed, and their brain is struggling to process information safely. From the child’s perspective, the world has become unpredictable and threatening. Why PANS/PANDAS is so often missed Many children with PANS/PANDAS are initially labeled with: Anxiety disorders OCD ADHD Behavioral difficulties Autism-like traits While these labels may describe what is seen, they do not explain why the behavior appeared so suddenly. If we only address behavior through rewards, consequences, or talking therapies, without addressing inflammation and nervous system dysregulation, children often worsen rather than improve. Behavior is communication. In PANS/PANDAS, the message is clear, "My brain is under attack, and I don’t feel safe." The nervous system connection One of the most overlooked aspects of PANS/PANDAS is the state of the nervous system. Children in this condition are often stuck in: Fight (rage, aggression) Flight (avoidance, panic) Freeze (withdrawal, shutdown) Expecting emotional regulation from a nervous system locked in survival mode is unrealistic. Until the body feels safer, behavior will remain dysregulated, no matter how much logic or reassurance is offered. Why a whole-child approach matters Supporting a child with suspected PANS/PANDAS requires looking beyond symptoms. Key areas to consider include: Immune triggers (including recurrent infections) Inflammation and detoxification pathways Nutritional deficiencies that affect brain function Sensory processing and auditory overload Retained primitive reflexes that keep the nervous system on high alert Emotional stressors that may amplify immune responses No two children present in exactly the same way, which is why a one-size-fits-all approach rarely works. Progress comes from reducing the load on the system, not demanding more from the child. What parents need to hear Perhaps the most important message is this: Your child is not broken. Your parenting has not failed. Their behavior is a signal, not a character flaw. When inflammation is addressed, the nervous system is supported, and the child’s foundations are strengthened, many families begin to see glimpses of the child they remember, sometimes quite quickly, sometimes gradually. Hope does not come from forcing change. It comes from understanding what the body is asking for. A final thought Children do well when they can. When they cannot, we must ask better questions. PANS/PANDAS invites us to move away from blaming the child, the parent, or even ourselves, and towards curiosity, compassion, and informed support. And sometimes, that shift alone changes everything. Follow me on Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from AnneMarie Smellie AnneMarie Smellie, Neurodevelopmental Practitioner, Kinesiologist, and Hypnotherapist AnneMarie Smellie is a UK-based neurodevelopmental practitioner, kinesiologist, and hypnotherapist with over 20 years of clinical experience. She specialises in anxiety, neurodiversity and learning differences, working at the intersection of brain development, nervous-system regulation and emotional resilience. Through her work at Quester Therapies, AnneMarie helps children and adults uncover and address the root causes behind behavioural, emotional, and cognitive challenges. Her writing focuses on practical, compassionate insights that make complex brain-body concepts accessible and empowering.

Written by Ebi Sheila Diete-Spiff, Lifestyle Strategist Ebi Sheila Diete-Spiff is a leading self-love and transition coach, speaker, and mentor. She is the founder of Ebi’s Powerhouse, where she equips women worldwide with the tools to break free from self-doubt, reclaim their worth, and step into their power with confidence. Imposter syndrome is often framed as a confidence issue, this is a misconception. Imposter syndrome may be a mindset glitch that can be corrected with positive thinking, visibility practices, or another reminder of your achievements. There is a nagging sense of self-doubt that can be quieted with reassurance, visibility practice, or a reminder of past achievements. This explanation, however, has never quite fit. The question is, how is it that so many of the women who experience imposter syndrome most acutely are already confident, capable, and accomplished? They are articulate, capable, and trusted. They lead teams, meet milestones, manage businesses, and are trusted by others. From the outside, they look grounded and assured, yet they may still, privately, believe that they are one step away from being “found out.” This paradox reveals an uncomfortable truth. Through my own experience and the work I do with women, I have found that imposter syndrome is rarely about confidence. Imposter syndrome is all about self-worth and, more specifically, about what we learned we had to do to be allowed to be. The confidence myth around imposter syndrome Fact: Confidence is situational. A woman can feel confident giving a presentation and still doubt her right to be in the room. She can also perform well and still feel undeserving of recognition. Thoughts about this. Confidence answers the question, “Can I do this?” Self-worth answers a deeper one, “Am I allowed to be here without proving myself?” Most advice aimed at imposter syndrome tries to build confidence. But confidence alone cannot resolve a worth deficit. For example, speak up more, collect evidence for success, challenge your thoughts, act “as if.” While these strategies are great in the short term, they rarely address the underlying issue. When self-worth is fragile, confidence becomes performative. It is important that self-worth is maintained and embodied, not inhabited. The woman is acceptable and not just capable. Why success doesn’t silence self-doubt For many high-achieving women, success actually intensifies imposter syndrome. Why is this? Because achievement often becomes the condition for belonging. When worth is unconsciously tied to performance, every new level brings a new risk: “What if I can’t sustain this?” “What if this was luck?” “What if I disappoint people?” Success raises the stakes rather than settling the nervous system. The woman feels watched by others, but also by herself. Every achievement must be maintained. Every mistake feels like proof that she never truly belonged. This is why imposter syndrome in successful women often appears after promotions, visibility, or recognition, not before. Imposter syndrome in successful women is not irrational. It is a logical response to a system in which worth has been made conditional. Self-worth vs. self-esteem: An overlooked distinction So, what does self-worth really mean? What is the distinction between self-esteem and self-worth? Are they the same? In much of our thinking, we use these concepts interchangeably. The difference may seem subtle, but it has a profound effect on our nervous system. Self-esteem is how you evaluate yourself, your skills, competence, and performance, while self-worth is more fundamental. Self-worth is the belief that we are inherently enough, not because of what we do, but because we exist. Check out this article: From self-doubt to self-assurance: Saying goodbye to imposter syndrome Many women have strong self-esteem and fragile self-worth. They know they are competent, but they do not feel secure. This explains why praise, credentials, or reassurance provide temporary relief. This is an external affirmation that may soothe self-esteem, but it does not address the question, "Who am I when I am not achieving?" As long as worth remains something to be earned, imposter syndrome has fertile ground in which to grow. How over-responsibility trains women to doubt themselves What happens to us and how we perceive things that happen to us in the first seven years of our lives impacts our self-worth in adulthood. From an early age, many women are praised for being: Reliable Capable Emotionally steady Low maintenance Over time, worth becomes linked to holding everything together. This creates a quiet internal contract, "I am valuable when I am useful, composed, and needed." Imposter syndrome often emerges when a woman begins to outgrow this contract, when she wants ease, rest, or visibility without self-sacrifice. The doubt isn’t weakness. It’s a signal that an outdated worth structure is collapsing. The role of the nervous system Imposter syndrome is not purely cognitive. It is also physiological. For women who learned that safety came from being competent, agreeable, or invisible, visibility can activate the nervous system as a threat. Praise may feel destabilizing rather than affirming. Success may bring vigilance rather than relief. In this context, imposter syndrome is not a failure of mindset. It is a body-based response shaped by years of adaptation, which is buried in the nervous system. This is why telling women to “just be confident” often backfires. The body does not respond to logic alone. It responds to safety. True change occurs when worth is felt somatically, when the body learns that it is safe to rest, to be seen, and to belong without performance. What actually helps imposter syndrome dissolve Who are we as women? What is our true identity as women? Imposter syndrome does not dissolve through more doing, it dissolves through remembering the authentic self. Here are a few things that help: Separating identity from output Allowing rest without guilt Setting boundaries that protect energy Reconnecting with the body’s sense of safety Choosing honesty instead of perfection Most importantly, it requires a shift from earning worth to embodying worth. When self-worth becomes internal rather than conditional, confidence stops feeling fragile. Visibility no longer feels dangerous. And success no longer carries the weight of self-surveillance. This is not about becoming more self-assured. It is about becoming more rooted. Reclaiming worth as an act of leadership When a woman reclaims her worth, her leadership changes. If you feel like a fraud despite your achievements, it does not mean you are lacking. It means you have reached the edge of an old way of measuring your value. Imposter syndrome is not asking you to try harder. It is inviting you to come home to yourself. This shift does not make the woman less effective, it makes her sustainable. In a world that still equates value with output, choosing a worth-led approach is quietly radical. It challenges systems that benefit from women’s self-doubt and exhaustion. It models a different way of being, one that does not require self-abandonment. When worth is reclaimed, confidence becomes calm rather than performative, and leadership becomes sustainable rather than exhausting. She no longer leads from over-functioning or fear of failure. She leads from presence. Decisions become clearer. Boundaries become kinder and firmer. Relationships become more authentic. Closing call to action If this reflection resonates, it may be time to explore success from a worth-led foundation rather than performance alone. My work focuses on supporting women to reconnect with self-worth, reclaim inner authority, and lead without self-abandonment through writing, reflective practice, and community spaces designed for depth rather than hustle. You can find me. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Ebi Sheila Diete-Spiff Ebi Sheila Diete-Spiff, Lifestyle Strategist Ebi Sheila Diete-Spiff is a self-love and mental fitness strategist who empowers women to reclaim their worth and embrace their potential with confidence. Born in Hertfordshire, England, she transformed personal struggles with toxic relationships, divorce, chronic illness, and single motherhood into a journey of resilience and growth. A pivotal awakening in 2014 inspired her to embrace self-love, fueling her mission to guide women worldwide past self-doubt. Through her signature blueprint, The WORTHY Woman Framework, Ebi offers tools for healing and empowerment. Today, she stands as a beacon of hope, inspiring women to live boldly and authentically. Source: https://bit.ly/3Yl1Yi3