Duane Haynes is an author and “fellow” of the inspirational poetry book “To Flourish, God is the Light, We are its Spectrum”. This inspirational poetry book is sold worldwide and is available in English, French, Spanish, eBook, and on an album “ To Flourish ”. He has over 1,119,317 reviews of 5 Stars of Excellent and “Most Popular Book” by Trustpilot. Duane Haynes, Ordained and Anointed Prophet and Poet Who is Duane Haynes? I was born in Denver, Colorado. I was born with a twin brother whose name was Darrell. I have two other brothers and a younger sister. I hold a BA in Technical Writing from Metropolitan State College in Denver, Colorado. Can you tell us about the key message in your book “To flourish, god is the light, we are its spectrum” and how it resonates with readers? I don’t consider my poems and pairables a message but a gift from God to help readers find their pathway to realizing their purpose in life and the way home. The inspirational poems and pairables in my book help readers find their reason for their life here on earth and the purpose God has for them. What inspired you to start writing at such a young age, and how has your journey shaped your work today? At the age of 12, I had a life-threatening accident that placed me in a coma for about 3 days. When I came to, I realized that I had changed. I remembered being in a place I knew in my heart as Heaven. “God showed me all of Heaven and Love. He then told me what I must do, and gave me a gift and said,” Go back into the world and give them this gift, tell them so that they can find their pathway to the way home”. About two months later, I began writing poems, and what I wrote confounded those close to me. The insight and depth in my writings were beyond their comprehension at such a young age. To some, my poems were prophecies, and to others, insights. For me, it was sharing my gift. I continued to write with a higher perspective and greater love for God. With my poems and pairables, I try to get readers to look at themselves and others through the eyes of God, hoping to make a change in their lives. How do you describe your unique approach to writing, and what makes your poetry stand out? My writings are inspired and written in a unique way. I would go to sleep, and late at night I would wake up, write a poem, and go back to sleep. My poems and writings are inspired by God. Each poem was written to be given to someone to answer their prayers and to guide them during their trials and tribulations. God instructs me to put the poem in an envelope, and later he tells me who to give the poem to when that person is put in my path. Each person knew in some way that this was supposed to happen and accepted the poem with anticipation. It’s like they knew. I guess my poetry stands out because it’s supposed to. Your works are often referred to as prophetic; how do you interpret this in relation to your mission? Writing my poems and completing my part by giving them to the person they were intended for, remembering what God told me. “Go back to the world and tell them, so that they can find their pathway to the way home”. Each poem was given to the person I believe God placed in my pathway, and I must stay obedient in God's will. Can you share a pivotal moment from your life that continues to influence your writing and personal philosophy? Everyday God shows me new revelations and insights on life, purpose, prophecies, pairables, and poems. This is the gifts God has given me to use as a part of the body of Christ. Because I’ve been to Heave and learned the way home, my poems and pairables can help others find their pathway to their way home. How do you believe your experience, including your near-death experience, has shaped your spiritual and literary voice? After meeting God and receiving his gift. I realized that it was a greater gift to actually meet and touch God in spirit, see Heaven, experience true love, and then be given the opportunity to come back and help others find their pathway to the way home. That is a gift in itself. What role do you see your writings play in helping others understand the deeper aspects of life and the divine? I believe my writings are inspired by God. These inspirational prophetic poems and pairables, when read by others, remind them that God knows what they are going through and gives them revelations and prophecies to help them. God reminds us that he has never forsaken us and shows us in my poetry. Too many times we feel God has forgotten us and lets us handle our problems on our own, forgetting who we are and whose we are. Then we believe that and feel lost with no identity or purpose in our lives, and give up. Reading my inspirational poetry book “To Flourish, God is the Light, We are its Spectrum” helps readers find themselves, their purpose, and reminds them that God is always with them. You’ve spoken at numerous schools and universities; how do you approach inspiring young writers through your lectures? My lectures at schools and university centers around my statement,” What You Write Matters”. I believe that writers are gifted because not everyone can be a writer. I inspire writers to use their gift to write what is positive and true, no matter what. Write to inspire others in hope, peace, and happiness. Writers can take an emotion. Write it on paper, and the reader can get that same emotion out of it. That is the gift writers have. I tell writers to use their gift to help others see and experience life in a positive way. Can you explain the impact your poetry and plays have on your audience and how it encourages personal growth? My inspirational prophetic poems and pairables in my poetry book “To Flourish, God is the Light, We are it’s Spectrum”, has impacted audiences and readers around the world. I have over 1,119,317 reviews of the “Excellent and Most Popular Book” by Trustpilot. My book is available in English, French, Spanish, paperback, audiobooks, e-books, and on an album [To Flourish]. The impact of these poems is expressed worldwide in positive ways. My inspirational poetry book has been nominated “Best Nonfiction Inspirational Poetry Book in the World,” “Best Nonfiction Poetry Book in the World,” and listed in “1000 Leaders of World Influence” by the International Biographical Centre in Cambridge, England. Readers have found answers to their prayers and helped them find purpose, meaning, fulfillment, and God's purpose for them in their lives. My plays give audiences the experience of the life of Christ and God’s greatness. My performances and presentations of my poetry at programs and functions leave audiences in “aha” moments and are overwhelmed by the revelations and insights revealed to them. What advice would you give to inspiring writers looking to connect their work with deeper spiritual meaning? My advice to inspiring writers is to use your gifts to encourage others to be the best that they can be with faith and hope. Seek and write the truth using the gifts given to you by God in poetry, prose, plays, novels, songs, etc. Leave your readers with encouragement, hope, peace, a feeling of belonging in believing better of themselves by knowing there is a purpose for their lives, and knowing that God is with them always. How can your teaching and writing help individuals and communities experience greater awareness and transformation? My inspirational prophetic poems and pairables inspired by God give readers and communities hope in knowing that God is in control and putting their trust in him. My writings inspire readers to not give up because God has not given up on them, no matter what. Your best days are not behind you but in front of you, and they are yet to come. Be who God wants you to be and do. For when two or more are gathered in his name. He will be with us all. Follow me on Facebook and Instagram for more info! Read more from Duane Haynes

Written by Alex Mellor-Brook , Co-Founder of Select Personal Introductions Alex Mellor-Brook is an Accredited Matchmaker, Relationship Coach, and leading media expert on modern relationships, featured across international TV, radio, podcasts, and press. With 28+ years’ experience, he is Co-founder of Select Personal Introductions and Vice Chair of the UK’s dating industry governing body. Family relationships are meant to provide safety, belonging, and unconditional support. Yet, for a growing number of adults, family ties become a source of emotional distress rather than comfort. Family estrangement, the decision to limit or completely end contact with a close relative, is one of the most painful and misunderstood experiences a person can face. With recent media attention on high-profile family rifts involving well-known public figures, including ongoing speculation around the Beckham family, the topic has entered mainstream conversation. These stories often spark strong opinions, but behind every public narrative lies a deeply personal psychological reality. This article explores family estrangement from a balanced, evidence-based perspective, offering insight, understanding, and practical tools for those navigating fractured family relationships, whether they hope to repair them or need to step away for their own well-being. What is family estrangement? Family estrangement refers to the physical, emotional, or psychological distancing between family members, often involving prolonged or permanent loss of contact. Unlike temporary fallouts, estrangement typically follows long-standing relational difficulties and unresolved emotional pain. Estrangement can occur between parents and adult children, siblings, or extended family members. It may be mutual or initiated by one party, and it is rarely impulsive. Most people report making repeated attempts to repair the relationship before deciding that distance is necessary. How common is family estrangement? Despite its taboo nature, estrangement is far from rare. Research consistently suggests that approximately one in four adults is estranged from at least one close family member. In the UK, family estrangement charities report a rise in adults seeking support for long-term parental and sibling estrangement. Importantly, estrangement cuts across age, gender, class, and culture. It is not a modern phenomenon, but social media and public discourse have made it more visible, particularly when celebrity families experience conflict in the public eye. Why do families become estranged? There is no single cause of estrangement. Instead, it develops through cumulative emotional experiences that erode trust over time. Common contributing factors include: Long-term emotional invalidation or criticism Controlling or boundary-violating behaviour Unresolved conflict and repeated misunderstandings Differences in values, identity, or lifestyle Perceived lack of emotional safety Often, estrangement occurs not because of one dramatic incident, but because a final interaction becomes the moment when one person realises they can no longer sustain the relationship without harm to themselves or their wider family. Narcissism, control, and power dynamics In some families, power imbalances play a significant role. Psychological research highlights that relationships marked by excessive control, lack of empathy, or rigid authority can become increasingly damaging in adulthood. While the term narcissism is frequently used in popular culture, clinically it refers to patterns of behaviour characterised by an excessive need for control, difficulty tolerating independence in others, and limited capacity for emotional reciprocity. In parent-child dynamics, this can manifest as resistance to a child’s autonomy, guilt-based manipulation, or emotional withdrawal when control is challenged. It is important to note that labelling is not always helpful, what matters most is how behaviour impacts emotional wellbeing. The cumulative effect: When one moment tips the scale Many estranged adults describe a buildup of emotional injuries rather than a single cause. Over time, repeated boundary violations or unresolved conflicts can lead to emotional exhaustion. Eventually, one interaction, a phone call, a comment, a refusal to listen, becomes the point at which continuing the relationship feels more harmful than ending it. This moment is rarely about anger alone, it is often about self-preservation. Different narratives within the same family One of the most painful aspects of estrangement is that each family member may hold a different version of events. These narratives are shaped by personal experiences, emotional needs, and long-standing family roles. It is common for people on both sides to feel they have been hurt the most. From a psychological perspective, multiple truths can coexist. Understanding this does not require agreement, but it can reduce hostility and allow space for compassion, even without reconciliation. The impact on wider family relationships Estrangement rarely affects just two people. Siblings, partners, children, and extended family members often feel caught in the middle. Some may take sides, others may withdraw, and some may pressure reconciliation without fully understanding the emotional cost involved. This can create secondary losses, where people grieve not only the estranged relationship but also changes in family gatherings, traditions, and support systems. Mediation: Listening to understand, not to respond When reconciliation is attempted, mediation can be valuable, but only when all parties are emotionally safe and willing. Effective mediation focuses on listening to understand rather than listening to defend or retaliate. Without this mindset, attempts at reconciliation can reinforce existing wounds rather than heal them. Social media, boundaries, and when to block In the digital age, estrangement is complicated by online visibility. Social media can reopen emotional wounds, invite comparison, or expose people to public commentary on private pain. Blocking or muting family members online is not necessarily an act of hostility. For many, it is a temporary or permanent boundary that supports emotional regulation and healing. Is reconciliation always the goal? There is a widespread belief that family reconciliation is always the healthiest outcome. Psychologically, this is not always true. While some estranged relationships do find a way back through accountability, changed behaviour, and mutual respect, others remain unsafe. Healing does not always require reunion. For some, peace comes from acceptance, boundaries, and building chosen family relationships elsewhere. Can there be a way back, and should there be? When reconciliation is possible, it usually requires: A willingness on all sides to reflect and take responsibility Respect for boundaries Realistic expectations, rather than a return to how things once were There is no universal rule about who should make the first move. What matters is not who reaches out, but whether any contact prioritises emotional safety and genuine understanding. Moving forward with clarity and compassion Family estrangement is not a failure of love. Often, it exists because love was present but could not thrive under the conditions imposed. By approaching estrangement with nuance rather than judgement, people can make informed decisions that protect their well-being, whether that means rebuilding bridges slowly or closing a chapter with dignity. Moving forward If you are navigating family estrangement, know that your experience is valid. Support, therapy, and reflective work can help you process your grief, set boundaries, and move forward with confidence, whatever path you choose. Understanding family estrangement equips us all to respond with empathy rather than assumption, and to recognise that sometimes, walking away is not giving up, it is choosing to survive. For those navigating complex family dynamics or the impact estrangement can have on relationships, support can be valuable. Relationship coaching can offer space to reflect, rebuild trust, and move forward in a way that feels healthy and intentional. Follow me on Facebook ,   Instagram , and visit my LinkedIn for more info! Read more from Alex Mellor-Brook Alex Mellor-Brook , Co-Founder of Select Personal Introductions Alex Mellor-Brook is one of the UK’s leading voices on love and modern relationships. He is the Co-founder of Select Personal Introductions, a multi-award-winning dating and matchmaking agency supporting elite singles across the UK and worldwide. With over 28 years of experience, Alex is an Accredited International Matchmaker and Science-based Relationship Coach, known for blending empathy, strategy, and science to help professionals, entrepreneurs, and public figures build lasting relationships. His expertise is regularly featured across international TV, radio, and press. As Vice Chair of the UK’s dating industry governing body, he also champions higher standards, ethics, and professionalism. Support and help resources: Mind 0300 123 3393 StandAlone Email: contact@standalone.org.uk Samaritans 116 123 (24/7, free) Email : jo@samaritans.org PEAK Support Network Further reading: What Research Tells Us About Family Estrangement How a Narcissist Can Push a Family to Estrangement

Written by Cherie Rivas, Transformational Therapies & Coaching Specialist Cherie Rivas is a Transformational Therapies and Coaching Specialist who guides her clients to reconnect with their purpose, reignite their passion, and reclaim their power. By blending psychology, breathwork, NLP, hypnotherapy, and somatic healing practices, her clients are able to break through limitations and unleash their highest potential. Transforming reactivity into revelation, and pain into power. There’s a moment we all know too well, that quick rush of heat in the body when something or someone hits a nerve. Words blur, the breath shortens, and logic dissolves into a tide of emotion that feels impossible to stop. It’s in those moments that it’s easy to think we’ve failed some invisible test of emotional control, but what if these reactions aren’t signs of weakness at all? What if they’re messages, sacred messengers guiding us toward parts of ourselves we’ve long forgotten to love? To live consciously is not to avoid being triggered, it’s to learn from what our triggers reveal. Every emotional flash, every surge of defensiveness or withdrawal, is an invitation to deeper self-awareness. Beneath each reaction lies a story, one that, if understood, can expand our emotional intelligence, our empathy, and ultimately, our capacity for authentic connection.   The hidden curriculum of emotion We are not born emotionally intelligent, we become so through experience. Emotional intelligence grows in the soil of self-awareness, and few experiences fertilise that soil more richly than our triggers. These moments expose the gap between who we believe ourselves to be and what still lives unhealed beneath the surface. This hidden terrain is ‘the shadow,’ the collection of traits, emotions, and desires we repress to fit in, stay safe, or remain loved. It’s not our darkness but our unintegrated humanity, the anger we were told was unacceptable, the sensitivity we learned to hide, the power we were afraid to claim. Over time, these exiled parts take on lives of their own, waiting for moments of vulnerability to reappear. When something triggers us, it’s often the shadow stepping forward, saying, “Please, see me now.” The person who dismisses us might awaken an old wound of invisibility, or the colleague who exudes confidence may mirror the self-assurance we abandoned. These aren’t coincidences, they’re opportunities for integration.   From reactivity to awareness The bridge between shadow and emotional intelligence is awareness. Yet in the heat of the moment, awareness is rarely our first instinct. Our nervous system, conditioned by past pain, leaps to defence before our higher reasoning can intervene. The body remembers what the mind forgets. This is why nervous system regulation is the foundation of emotional growth. When we’re triggered, our physiology floods with signals of threat, our heart races, muscles tighten, and focus narrows. In this state, emotional intelligence temporarily shuts down empathy, and reflection requires safety. The first step, therefore, is not to analyse the trigger but to anchor ourselves. Breathe, ground, soften. By restoring safety in the body, we create space for awareness to re-enter. Once calm, we can begin to explore. What is this reaction showing me? What part of me feels unseen or unsafe?  Curiosity dissolves defensiveness, and what once felt like an attack begins to feel like a revelation, a conversation with the self we’ve been too busy to hear.   The teacher within the trigger Every emotional reaction contains information. Anger can point to where our boundaries have been crossed or ignored. Jealousy might reveal where we’ve abandoned our own potential. Shame often guards the threshold of authenticity, a signal that something in us longs to be met with compassion rather than critique. When we approach triggers as teachers, we shift from self-judgment to self-inquiry. Instead of suppressing or performing composure, we begin to engage our emotions consciously. This is where emotional intelligence deepens, not in the absence of emotion, but in the ability to interpret its wisdom. Shadow work makes this possible by turning the mirror inward. We stop asking, “Why did they make me feel this way?” and start asking, “What is this showing me about myself?” That single reframe transforms reactivity into reflection, and reflection into growth.   Perception, projection, and the mirrors we meet Our triggers often appear through other people, and it’s here that shadow work most clearly refines emotional intelligence. Every perception is a reflection of what we react to in others, often revealing what remains unresolved within ourselves. Perhaps the friend who seems too needy mirrors the vulnerability we suppress. The partner who avoids conflict might echo our own fear of confrontation. The colleague who takes up too much space may remind us of our own silenced voice. Each judgment, each irritation, each emotional spike offers a mirror not to shame us, but to illuminate the parts still seeking reconciliation. This recognition expands empathy, the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. When we see that everyone is reacting from their own unhealed stories, compassion naturally replaces judgment, and what once triggered defensiveness now invites understanding. Emotional intelligence, in this light, is less about control and more about connection.   Integration: Where awareness becomes wisdom Awareness alone is not enough, it must be integrated. Integration means welcoming home the parts of ourselves we once rejected, not to indulge them, but to understand them. It’s the moment when the trigger no longer hijacks us because the wound beneath it has been met with love. Growth through our triggers is not a one-time revelation but a cyclical process of self-awareness, acceptance, reconciliation, integration, and embodiment.   Self-awareness: recognising when we’re emotionally activated. Acceptance: meeting that reaction without judgment. Reconciliation: exploring the story or wound behind it and restoring inner harmony. Integration: insight becomes lived understanding, embracing the lessons and gifts. Embodiment: emotional intelligence expressed effortlessly through presence and behaviour. Each time we move through this sequence, our emotional capacity expands. We become less reactive, more discerning, more attuned, not because life stops challenging us, but because we no longer lose ourselves in the challenge. Integrated emotional intelligence is not about staying calm at all costs. It’s about staying conscious in the midst of emotion, feeling deeply without drowning, expressing honestly without harm, and responding with choice rather than compulsion.   The spiritual thread: Wholeness through awareness Although shadow work is anchored in psychology, its destination is spiritual. To meet our triggers with presence is to walk the path of wholeness, the reunion of the fragmented self. Each time we turn toward our discomfort with compassion, we reclaim lost energy and return to authenticity. This is emotional alchemy, transforming the lead of unconscious emotion into the gold of awareness. From this perspective, emotional intelligence is not just a skill but a state of consciousness, the recognition that every emotional wave, no matter how turbulent, can return us to stillness if we meet it with awareness.   The gift beneath the reaction In time, we come to see that our triggers were never enemies, they were invitations. Each one pointed us toward something sacred, the parts of ourselves that wanted to be understood, loved, or liberated. When we engage with our emotional life this way, we stop chasing perfection and start cultivating authenticity. We listen more deeply, respond more thoughtfully, and meet life with an open heart rather than a guarded one. That is emotional intelligence in its truest form, not polished restraint, but embodied awareness. Our triggers teach us where love has not yet reached. They guide us from reaction to reflection, from separation to connection, from self-protection to self-mastery. And as we learn their language, discomfort becomes a doorway not to who we should be, but to who we’ve always been beneath the noise. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Cherie Rivas Cherie Rivas, Transformational Therapies & Coaching Specialist Cherie Rivas is a Transformational Therapies and Coaching Specialist with a passion for shadow work. With nearly 20 years of corporate leadership experience and expertise in psychology, breathwork, NLP, and energetic healing, she helps her clients reclaim their power and purpose. Through her unique blend of traditional and complementary modalities, Cherie guides her clients to break free from limitations, step into their fullest potential, and create a deeply fulfilling life. She has also been a featured speaker for the Women Thrive Global Online Summit, sharing her insights on empowerment and transformation.

Written by Taiye Aluko, Relationship Coach Taiye Aluko helps individuals and couples find purpose in life and happiness in marriage. An excellent encourager, she is passionate about seeing people unlock their personal power and attain the best version of themselves. It's 2026. The year is underway. Plans are set. Goals are recorded. Some resolutions remain, while others have met real-life tests. Between intention and reality, many face an uncomfortable truth. The year is not unfolding exactly as planned. This is where emotional decisions begin to matter. Because your 2026 will not be shaped by your goals alone. It will be shaped by the emotional decisions you make daily, quietly, repeatedly, and often without conscious awareness. In my work with individuals, couples, and families, I see this clearly, people rarely struggle because they lack vision. More often, they struggle because their emotional habits are misaligned with the future they desire. The more important question, then, is not what you want to achieve this year, but who you are becoming emotionally. Six emotional decisions that will quietly determine the quality of your 2026 1. Choosing pause over reaction Many regrets are born not from bad intentions but from emotional urgency. Speaking too quickly. Responding while triggered. Making permanent decisions in temporary emotional states. The ability to pause creates emotional space, the space between what happens to you and how you respond. That space is where emotional intelligence lives. In 2026, growth will depend less on speed and more on self-regulation. 2. Choosing courage over comfort Comfort keeps life familiar but stagnant. It shows up as avoiding difficult conversations, staying in patterns you have outgrown, or remaining in situations that quietly drain you. Courage asks, what am I tolerating that is costing me peace? What truth am I avoiding because it feels uncomfortable? Emotionally honest people, those willing to sit with discomfort long enough to grow, will experience deeper transformation this year. 3. Responding instead of absorbing Not every emotion around you belongs to you. Other people’s moods. Other people’s projections. Other people’s expectations. One of the most important emotional decisions you will make in 2026 is learning to distinguish what is yours to carry and what must be released. Know that boundaries are not emotional walls, they are a source of clarity. And clarity preserves energy, self-respect, and healthy relationships. 4. Healing instead of hiding Unresolved emotional pain does not disappear with time, it repeats itself in patterns. Old disappointments, lingering resentment, unspoken grief, and quiet self-doubt all shape how we show up. Healing is not about endlessly revisiting pain. It is about choosing growth over avoidance. When you heal, patterns change. When you hide, they repeat. 5. Choosing yourself without guilt Many people have been conditioned to equate peacekeeping with self-erasure. Staying silent to avoid conflict, over-functioning to feel valued, and suppressing needs to keep relationships intact. Yet no healthy future can be built while emotionally disappearing in the present. Choosing yourself is not selfish, it is necessary. Only a whole person can build healthy relationships and sustainable success. 6. Acting in alignment Alignment is emotional integrity. It is when your actions match your values, when your “yes” is honest, your “no” is respected, and your choices reflect who you say you are becoming. This is where confidence is built. Not through applause, but through self-trust. A final reflection Now that the year is already in motion, pause and ask yourself: How am I responding when things don’t go as planned? What emotional habits am I ready to release? Who am I becoming when life feels uncomfortable? Your future is not shaped solely by goals. It is shaped by the emotional decisions you make every single day. And that is a choice you are making right now. If you find yourself reflecting deeply as you read this, you may not need more motivation, you may need space. Space to slow down, process what’s coming up, and make intentional emotional choices with support. For those who would like a guided conversation around emotional clarity, alignment, or relationships, you’re welcome to book a session if this feels like the right next step for you. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Taiye Aluko Taiye Aluko, Relationship Coach Taiye Aluko is your guide to personal and professional transformation. With over two decades of counselling experience, she understands that our personal and professional lives are deeply intertwined. Taiye helps individuals navigate these interconnected spheres, empowering them to achieve clarity, fulfilment, and lasting success.

Written by Dr. Michael Copeland, CEO/Owner/Author Dr. Michael Copeland is an educator, author, and consultant who empowers individuals and communities through storytelling, leadership, and purpose-driven work. He is the founder of Copeland Consults LLC and a 15-time Award-Winning author. Over the last two years, I have had the honor of walking alongside Kim Copeland as she has grown her wellness and healing business into a powerful, purpose-driven brand rooted in faith, community, and transformation. What began as a calling has now become a movement, a sacred space where healing, restoration, and empowerment meet. Kim’s work is not just yoga. It is not just meditation. It is not just ceremony. It is a divine assignment. Her business was created for those who are seeking more than surface-level self-care. It is for women who desire deep restoration, spiritual grounding, emotional release, and a reconnection to their authentic selves. Through restorative yoga, guided meditation, journaling experiences, sacred ceremonies, retreats, and community gatherings, Kim creates environments where people feel seen, safe, and supported. Over the last two years, I have watched Kim step fully into her calling. She has led powerful retreats, facilitated healing ceremonies, taught in iconic spaces like Bryant Park, partnered with national organizations like The Links, Incorporated, supported Black women through sacred travel experiences, and built a thriving local and online community. Her work continues to touch hundreds of lives across cities, states, and now internationally. What makes Kim’s business so special is her heart. She brings elegance, wisdom, and deep spiritual discernment into every room she enters. Whether she is leading a restorative class, hosting a cacao ceremony, facilitating a journaling experience, or guiding women through a sacred rite of passage, Kim holds space with grace, authority, and compassion. People leave her experiences feeling lighter, clearer, and more aligned. Her business offers: Restorative yoga for stress relief, healing, and nervous system regulation Meditation and mindfulness for clarity, grounding, and emotional balance Sacred ceremonies for release, renewal, and spiritual connection Retreats for deep restoration, sisterhood, and personal transformation Community-centered wellness experiences rooted in culture, faith, and purpose Kim’s work is especially impactful for women who carry a lot, leaders, mothers, professionals, caretakers, and high-achieving women who rarely slow down for themselves. Her spaces invite them to exhale, soften, and return home to their bodies and spirits. Watching Kim build this business over the past two years has been nothing short of inspiring. She has remained faithful to her vision, obedient to her calling, and committed to serving with integrity. Her business is growing not because of trends, but because of truth. Not because of hype, but because of healing. Kim Copeland is not just building a wellness brand, she is building a legacy of healing. And for anyone seeking restoration, peace, and spiritual alignment, her business is exactly where your journey begins. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website to learn more. Read more from Dr. Michael Copeland Dr. Michael Copeland, CEO/Owner/Author Dr. Michael Copeland is an educator, author, and leadership consultant dedicated to empowering individuals through storytelling, mentorship, and purpose-driven work. Drawing from lived experience in education and community advocacy, he helps others transform adversity into impact. He is the founder of Copeland Consults LLC and the author of several books. Dr. Copeland’s work centers on leadership, resilience, faith, and social responsibility. His mission is to elevate voices, strengthen communities, and help others build lasting legacies through education and storytelling.

Written by Dr. Leslie Davis, Clinical Counselor and Relationship Expert Dr. Leslie Davis is the heart behind Eva Empowered, a movement dedicated to helping women around the world to break free from the cycle of toxic relationships and reclaim their worth.  Hookups in jiu jitsu gyms are not necessarily unethical. However, when intimate relationships brew within power-imbalanced training environments, they can mirror familiar dynamics of power, control, and dependency, patterns that are well-documented in intimate partner violence. These dynamics are often subtle, normalized, and easily dismissed as “consensual,” particularly within gym cultures that prioritize loyalty and silence. Why this conversation is uncomfortable but necessary Periodically, the jiu jitsu community is rocked by public allegations of coaches sexually assaulting their students. As with many forms of intimate partner violence, these stories rarely surface at the first instance of harm. They emerge when patterns have escalated, and victims have reached a breaking point, refusing to remain silent. But why is the jiu jitsu community stuck just talking about this and not taking meaningful action? This article is written from the inside. It draws from my insights as a female purple belt with nine years on the mats, as well as my clinical expertise and work as a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor. I challenge us all to examine how power, intimacy, and silence intersect in jiu jitsu spaces and why our choice to examine these dynamics is essential to creating safer training environments, especially for women. The gentle art Jiu Jitsu is known as the gentle art, and for many women, jiu jitsu has been portrayed as a safe space. Many of these women find jiu jitsu after seeking refuge from toxic relationships or experiences with sexual assault. They are met with community and encouraged to “keep showing up,” especially on days when they feel uncomfortable. For victims of assault, this can feel just like the grooming they experienced in relationships. But no one talks about this because it threatens the culture of the jiu jitsu community, the reputations of high-ranking coaches, many of whom have created legacies through martial arts, and it damages the sense of belonging. Power dynamics in jiu jitsu gyms Jiu Jitsu is built on hierarchy. From the lowest to the highest-ranking belts, white, blue, purple, brown, black, every practitioner fills a clearly defined place within the system. Rank determines one's authority, access, and influence in the gym. In some jiu jitsu gyms, students are required to bow to their coaches or higher belts or ask permission to train, further reinforcing the formal power structure. Jiu Jitsu coaches hold significant power and authority, as they are in control of promotions, training opportunities, access to competitions, and social position within the gym. While jiu jitsu is predominantly male-dominated, when women are provided opportunities to coach, they are often positioned as the Women’s Coach, a title that appears empowering yet holds less decision-making power and authority. Over time, students observe that certain athletes (both male and female) become favored, receiving faster promotions, increased attention, or preferred training with higher ranks. In some gyms, there are individuals who position themselves as mentors to new or lower-ranked students, teaching the introductory classes or offering private lessons. When these patterns raise concerns, they are often dismissed or overlooked, not because they aren’t true, but because they are normalized behavior within the culture. Hierarchy is framed as tradition, and one’s discomfort is dismissed as personal insecurity. When attention becomes influence: Love bombing Love bombing in jiu jitsu is a common experience for women on the mats. Love bombing is a form of emotional manipulation where a partner provides excessive attention, adoration, affection, gifts, etc., with the intention to gain control and eventually isolate the victim. It feels exciting until it begins to feel like too much, too soon. Women who are new to the art are often warned by more experienced female practitioners to expect guys to send them private messages after training sessions. The messages are not only sent by same-ranked students but also by higher-ranked coaches, who send messages with subtle flirtation. Women have often reported receiving comments on their performance in class or how their training gear looks. For a woman with low self-esteem who has a history of toxic relationships or one who has been abused, the attention can feel reassuring and spark curiosity. But it’s simply a trap. The compliments turn into suggestions to train together in class or meet for private lessons with promises to make their jiu jitsu better. For new students, particularly lower-ranked females who feel the need to prove themselves worthy of their rank or the desired rank, love bombing can provide affirmation and open the door to victimization. Why women are disproportionately affected Women who join jiu jitsu gyms are often brand new to the art. They walk in lacking awareness of the culture and the rules, making them vulnerable to being easily groomed by higher-ranked individuals. These women are also typically younger, under the age of 40, and seek mentorship. As previously mentioned, women in jiu jitsu often share a common experience of trauma. I’ve had many mat chats with women in various gyms who shared their history of being abused or fearing being abused at some point in their lives. Vulnerable women are quickly targeted, not only by individuals within their gyms but also by men who approach them online after they proudly make a post about their jiu jitsu journey. Unknowingly, with her posting, she becomes a target. Women who struggle with attachment wounds may often seek affection and attention, even when it’s toxic, and jiu jitsu gyms become a place where they can attain both. Raising the standard for leadership in jiu jitsu Leadership in jiu jitsu carries influences that extend far beyond the mats. Consider the coaches in your life who made a lasting impact on you, not only through their technical instruction but by their words, conduct, and how they carried themselves. This dynamic does not disappear in adult training environments. When coaches dare to consider the weight of their influence and intentionally consider the impact on the women in their gyms, harm reduction becomes possible. The following suggestions are offered, and any policies established should be viewed and approved by legal counsel. Communicate clear coach-student boundaries Gyms should establish healthy boundaries through clearly written and consistently communicated policies regarding dating in the gym. These policies should not only address coach-student relationships but also student-student relationships. Too often, when a romantic relationship ends, it is the woman who quietly leaves the jiu jitsu community out of shame or discomfort in a space she once sought out and deemed safe and secure. Policies should be communicated regularly, particularly when new students join the gym. Newcomers should not be expected to walk in the door knowing the gym culture, as each gym has its own culture and expectations. Make coaching visible Toxic behaviors often begin subtly and persist behind closed doors. To reduce the risk of misinterpretation or boundary violations, coaching should be conducted publicly and in group settings whenever possible. When private lessons are provided to students, regardless of age, it is recommended to have at least one coach, staff member, or member of gym leadership present on the premises. Coaches should encourage training in environments where both technique and leadership are open for observation. This approach creates accountability, increases transparency, and reduces the risk of blurred roles. Provide mandatory sexual harassment training to all coaching staff and conduct background checks Most professionals are required to complete state-mandated sexual harassment training. Yet, this expectation is lacking in the jiu jitsu community, despite a documented history of students being harmed by coaches and other jiu jitsu community members. A 2020 survey on sexual harassment and assault in jiu jitsu, Shut Up & Train, provides critical insights into the demographics and statistics of individuals within the jiu jitsu community who are affected by sexual harassment. The study indicates that 91% of individuals who reported harassment were women, and 93% of reported sexual harassment was committed by men. Notably, at least 62% of the reported abusers held a higher rank than the harmed individual, highlighting the power imbalance in the art. As a precaution, at a minimum, a background check should be completed on all coaching staff. Domestic violence experts know that a background check will not tell the whole story, but it can provide insight into an individual’s historical behavioral patterns. It is also important to note that a background check only reveals what has been reported, and oftentimes victims of abuse are reluctant to report their abuse to law enforcement for several reasons, which requires further explanation during formal domestic violence awareness and sexual harassment training. Provide multiple pathways for reporting concerns Victims of abuse may not always directly report their concerns if they don’t trust the head coach. When the head coach is the alleged abuser, the incident may go unreported entirely. Individuals who experience sexual abuse, grooming, or any inappropriate intimate behavior must be able to report their concerns without fear of retaliation, which can show up as delayed promotions or being asked to leave the gym. Coaches and gym owners can support a safe environment by designating multiple leaders as points of contact and multiple methods to report concerns. These may include requesting to schedule a meeting with leadership who is not involved in the incident, submitting concerns via email or text, or encouraging reporting concerns in person when immediate support is needed. Coaches and gym owners should not discourage victims from contacting law enforcement and should provide support as needed when legal violations may have occurred. Create visibility for women in leadership and provide women’s classes Women often find safety and belonging alongside other women. Many women are more likely to not only start training jiu jitsu but to stay on the mats when they see other women actively and consistently training too. Retention and longevity increase when a female coach is visibly respected by the head coach, other gym leadership, and students. If the goal is to create a safe environment for women, elevate the women who already train in your gym. This includes promoting the women’s class on the school’s website with accurate and up-to-date information about class availability. Share and promote photos of women training in your gym to reflect the strength and security women can experience collectively in jiu jitsu. Additionally, understand that female victims of abuse may be more comfortable reporting abuse or questionable behaviors and receiving adequate support when a woman holds a leadership position in the gym. Partner with a local domestic violence agency or licensed counselor Abuse and harassment often go undetected and unaddressed when leaders are not trained to know the signs of abuse. Without this awareness, abuse can be minimized, overlooked, or normalized. Jiu jitsu gyms can be proactive in collaborating with a local domestic violence agency or licensed counselor to provide domestic violence awareness training to coaches, staff, and when appropriate, students. Reducing harm and creating a safe environment is a collective responsibility and should never be placed on the shoulders of the victim to protect themselves. Pay attention. Don’t minimize. Don’t blame her. Victims of abuse may have attempted multiple times to express their concerns, only to be met with dismissal or victim-blaming by coaches and other students. When their voices are silenced, changes in behavior often follow. She might start arriving to class late, missing classes, or dodging specific training partners. She might also unexpectedly terminate her membership. These behavioral shifts should never be ignored. Her experience deserves to be heard, not only because her safety matters, but it’s likely that she is not the only victim in the gym. Additionally, it is important to recognize that without a clear understanding of power and control dynamics, victims may not recognize the signs when they are being victimized. Maintain a standard of accountability Jiu jitsu leadership must maintain a standard of accountability that applies to everyone in the gym, not only the leadership. Coaches, regardless of gender, should be held to high standards of respect and model appropriate behavior for each other and all students. Students, both male and female, should also be held accountable for their actions. Let’s be real, not all sexual attention in the gym is unwelcome. And yes, there are individuals who seek validation through physical contact and verbal attention received through their training. However, when the attention is unwanted and a clear boundary has been communicated, it must be stopped. If it continues, appropriate and legal action must be taken to protect the vulnerable. To be clear, victims should not be asked to leave jiu jitsu gyms in order to protect the higher-ranked coach who is popular and admired by the jiu jitsu community. Victims should not be removed because they represent a single membership fee while the abuser enhances or maintains the gym’s financial or public status. Victims should not be dismissed because no one believes her, and leadership claims there’s “no proof” that the abuse occurred. True accountability requires listening to victims, taking the report seriously, and taking action to protect her. Anything less adds to the imbalance of power she has already bravely tried to rebalance. Let’s stop the toxicity Intimate relationships within jiu jitsu will happen, but they don’t have to be toxic or harmful. If you are a jiu jitsu gym owner, jiu jitsu coach, or a practitioner navigating or impacted by the power dynamics in your gym, I welcome the opportunity to connect. As a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, I provide mental health awareness training focused on power and control and healthy boundaries. Together, we can reduce harm, challenge the toxic norms in jiu jitsu, and preserve the art as it was intended to be, gentle. Read the Shut Up & Train Report here. The U.S. Center for Safe Sport provides online courses available here. Domestic Violence Resources are available here. Follow me on  Instagram,   LinkedIn,  and visit my website  for more info! Read more from Dr. Leslie Davis Dr. Leslie Davis, Clinical Counselor and Relationship Expert Dr. Leslie Davis is the heart behind Eva Empowered, a movement dedicated to helping women around the world to break free from the cycle of toxic relationships and reclaim their worth.  Dr. D is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and award-winning Relationship Therapist who specializes in guiding high-achieving women and single mothers toward emotional freedom, deep healing, and healthier connections.

Written by Jeff Cairo, Author Jeff Cairo is a well-known sales coach who specializes in pattern recognition and mental health awareness. He is the author of two books. Recipe of a Stepdad, and Scars Wide Open. When we enter this world and first open our eyes, our story begins. No two people are the same. The doctors immediately check to make sure everything is okay, our hearts, our lungs, our brains, ten toes, ten fingers, etc. When people first see the baby, they tell the parents, “Wow, what a perfect baby.” And that is where society failed. We created a false perception of what perfection really is, a standard that may never exist for some. What is perfection? Definition: Perfection is the state of being complete, flawless, or supreme in quality, leaving nothing to be desired. It signifies the highest degree of proficiency, accuracy, or excellence, often representing an ideal, unsurpassable standard. Well, some people are not born perfect. Some are born with health issues, deformities, missing parts, or mental health issues. Some are born into financial struggles or live in poverty, broken homes, orphans, abuse. I could write pages of a list of the struggles people have. Yet, we all chase this level of perfection. Is that a bad thing? Objectively, no. Personal development is a journey that takes us from one place to another. If we are trying to better ourselves, we seek influence and inspiration from others. We learn from people who have achieved results as a guide to better ourselves. I am sorry, but at this very moment, reading this, you are a direct reflection of how you were raised. I am not judging. What I mean by that is, in your life, you have a chance to make a choice, to make a change. Period. It does not matter where you come from. What issues or disabilities do you have? It does not matter if your parents did not support you or teach you right from wrong. You must try. If you are reading this, you have a choice. Have you ever watched the Special Olympics? Or seen people with severe disabilities or missing limbs, giving everything they have? They are trying, aren’t they? How about the song, “Started from the bottom, now we’re here”? Yet there are people in this world who sit on the couch, won’t change, and blame the world for their lives. Just stop it. Maybe your parents gave you every opportunity in the world, the proper schooling, the proper cheerleading, and the proper guidance. You owe it to them and to yourself to try. Again, you are not chasing “perfection.” You are following the path of choices to make a change in your life. YOU ARE WORKING HARD FOR IT! That’s all you can ask for yourself. There is a difference between following a mentor and comparing yourself to others. A mentor will show you the way to become a better version of yourself. Read that again, yourself. Again, there are no two people the same, so never compare yourself to anyone. When you know who you are Since the day I was born, I knew I looked at things differently than everyone. I diagnosed myself with ADHD, and I’m fairly sure it is a fact. To easily explain, I have multiple things going on in my head at once. BUT to me, I consider it a strength. Think of a pinball machine. Once the ball is released, my brain can connect the dots quicker than most people. If you were to ask me, "What is my strongest body part?" I would say my heart and my ears. Let me explain. First, my ears, because anytime I have a conversation with anyone, I listen. And I listen with empathy and compassion. I can put myself in your shoes quickly and give immediate advice or direction. And my heart, well, I will do anything for those closest to me, and I actually care. Discipline vs Motivation I was very into martial arts in my life, which taught me absolute discipline. It was a catalyst as I was developing into my sales career. Discipline is how we learn about ourselves. It tells us what our bodies and minds can do. We create daily habits, and with that consistency, we will achieve results. Motivation is something that drives us toward the goal. It can be internal or external. But with motivation, there are many variables that could go wrong. Think of motivation as the stars and the moon needing to be aligned to work. Motivation will fail us every time, discipline will not. The more successful I became, the more I wanted everything to be “perfect.” The way I spoke. The way I looked. The way I dressed. Everything had to be a certain way, or I would obsess over it until it was right. I would go above and beyond for anyone. This was all internal. I am very humble and never have an ego. I just held myself to such a high standard that I felt like a failure if it wasn’t perfect. I never talked about anxiety, stress, or even depression because I thought successful people did not experience that. I thought if you wanted to win in life, perfection was the only way. I never went to college. School and academics were not my thing. I barely graduated high school and had no idea what I was going to do. Sales seemed to fit, not because I liked to sell, but because I liked people. I listen and I care, two big components if you want people to trust you. I worked sixty-plus hours a week to learn everything I could. The further I pursued development, the closer writing came to me. Again, I hated school, but my brain and heart always had something to share. I felt my purpose in life was to help as many people as I can with mental health because, like I said, I never “dealt” with those things. So, I took a chance and wrote two books. One was a children’s book about being a stepdad. The other was a darker book about dealing with death, loss, and the mental health around it. How our perception can change in a split second A few months after my book was released, I came back from a jog. Again, discipline made fitness part of my life. I experienced some chest pains, so I went to the hospital. Long story short, everything was okay, except when the doctor came in. She said, “Your results are normal, but did you know you only have one kidney?” “Excuse me,” I said. “I’m 43 years old, why am I just hearing about this now?” She said, “Oh, and you have a mass near your prostate. You’re going to have to have surgery so we can do a biopsy.” Well, how ironic, I just finished a book about dealing with grief and loved ones who passed in your life, and now I’m hearing this? Well, hello anxiety, stress, and depression. Because I was always focused on perfection, I now felt abnormal because I was only born with one kidney. I felt like I now had a struggle in my life. I became a complete hypochondriac. And now, I believed I was “different.” What a change in reality for sure. All the tests came back fine. I came out of the darkness with what I should have known all along. We are all different. I have made it this far with one kidney and never had any problems. All my prior successes were still there. So, who cares? All this time focusing on everything being perfect, and now realizing it is okay if it is not every single time. Success is a process towards which we are working. Since I was very into music, I was a huge fan of the band GODSMACK. The lead singer founded The Scars Foundation. They help raise awareness of mental health issues that so many face today. They have a tagline, “Imperfectly Perfect.” I collaborated with them a few years ago to raise money with my book signing. The words almost punch you in the gut with a calming feeling. If you think about it, the biggest thing that makes people anxious is the fear of what other people think. Or the fear of failure from this false standard that the world has created. We get crippled with stress, and it ultimately slows our journey. If everything were perfect, there would be no growth because no one would put the work in. Marriage takes work. Friendships take work. Your career takes work. School takes work. Anything you set out to do takes work. None of it is perfect. Our bodies and health are not perfect. Not everyone is in shape. Not everyone is good-looking. We are setting ourselves up for failure if we think everything is going to work out all the time. The only person you have to answer to is yourself. Even if you raise the bar to the extreme. Everyone has their own purpose in life. Their own goals to achieve. Not every decision we make will be the right one. Good or bad decisions teach life lessons. We cannot live up to other people’s expectations. The real strength is in the rebound. The people who lose everything and get it all back. The ones who beat cancer for the third time. The fighters who battle addiction and one day say, “I cannot do this anymore. I am done.” The average Joe who did not believe in themselves and takes a leap of faith. We all have “scars.” It is proof we healed from something painful. Every one of us is perfect in their own way. So, stop trying to be something that you already are. You are made of one body, one heart, and one mind. Use what you have and do not let any “imperfections” stand in your way. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Jeff Cairo Jeff Cairo, Author Jeff is a leader in personal development and sales. He became obsessed with learning how people think and what makes them make decisions based on emotions or logic. His mantra is “he doesn’t have all the answers for you but rather inspire you to ask yourself the right questions.” His purpose is to help others overcome anything in their personal, professional, and mental health journey.

Written by Craig Cooke, Mentor, Author, Speaker & Conscious Entrepreneur Craig Cooke is a 5x Inc. 5000 CEO and Founder. He is an award-winning, bestselling Author of Business Kung Fu and a sought after success mentor.. Craig combines mindset, mastery and energetics with his Five Elements of Success framework to inspire and empower people to accellerate business growth and personal success. Success isn’t just about talent or tactics, it’s about energy, how you mobilize it, direct it, and rebalance it when life and business apply pressure. In Business Kung Fu , I introduced the “Five Elements of Success,” a modern success framework inspired by the Chinese concept of wuxing, often translated as the Five Phases or the Five Elements, an interdependent, cyclical framework used for understanding patterns, relationships, and balance. In this article, you’ll get a practical, step-by-step guide to applying the Five Elements as a diagnostic and execution tool so you can identify where you’re thriving, where you’re stuck, and what to do next. Are you ready to embark on a new journey of success? Then I invite you to continue reading. How to use this guide in 10 minutes Before you read the five elements, do a quick self-audit. Rate yourself on each element listed below from 1–10 based on your current reality (not your aspiration). Just be intuitive about it. Then, read on to gain further understanding. Passion (energy + meaning) Discipline (structure + consistency) Expertise (skill + refinement) Confidence (decisiveness + execution) Faith (resilience + trust through uncertainty) The five elements of success Here’s the model: Passion: the spark that ignites and fuels your journey Discipline: the structure that builds and holds your momentum Expertise: the refinement and mastery of your unique skills Confidence: the power to act on your mastery Faith: the trust that carries you through uncertainty Passion: The spark that ignites and fuels your journey When you're aligned with your passion, something remarkable happens, you wake up energized. You’re excited to get up and go to work. While working, you enter what I call deep “Rhythm States,” which are flow states. This is where time disappears, and action feels effortless. It is not forced but rather completely natural. Typical psychology describes flow as an optimal experience arising from intense involvement in an enjoyable activity. However, passion is more than excitement. It’s the energetic driver that ignites and fuels discipline. It gives your work meaning. It aligns your spirit with your craft. The two faces of imbalance: Excessive passion and deficient passion Excessive passion: When passion runs too hot, it becomes chaotic. You say yes to everything. You chase shiny objects. You overcommit, creating motion without meaningful progress. This leads to negative emotions that trigger reactive behaviors, such as anxiety, scattered focus, feeling lost, or experiencing “busy” seasons with shallow wins. This leads to a feeling that you do not know where you are going, creating more anxiety and potentially even panic. Deficient passion: When passion is depleted, you drift. There’s no north star, only a feeling of obligation. This also leads to a feeling of being lost. Common symptoms that surface are low motivation, a disconnection or total lack of purpose, decision fatigue, and avoidance. Ultimately, this can also lead to feelings of anxiety. How to rebalance passion Define the “why” in one sentence. If you can’t explain why this work matters, you’ll eventually outsource your motivation to caffeine and urgency. If you can’t find your “why,” then be introspective. Explore your existence. Find what brings you joy and fulfillment. Create an “energy boundary.” Pick one thing you will stop doing for 30 days that drains you, something that blocks your focus and prevents progress on the things that matter to you. Engineer one rhythm trigger. Use clear goals, protected time, and reduced interruptions. If you lead a team, consider how the work environment can foster flow. Look at your environment. Is it conducive to energy flowing freely, or is it cluttered and obstructive? What can you change in your environment from a multisensory experience to trigger a higher rhythm state? Discipline: The structure that turns intention into results Passion initiates, discipline converts. This is where you transform inspiration into a reliable execution rhythm. Discipline is not to be confused with rigidity. It’s governance, creating methods that keep you moving forward when motivation fluctuates. When it’s working, discipline looks like the following: You have a realistic daily and weekly rhythm. Your priorities show up on your calendar. You execute consistently, even when you’re not “in the mood.” You show up, you’re productive, and you’re effective. The two faces of imbalance: Excessive discipline and deficient discipline Excessive discipline: Yes, there are times when you can employ too much discipline. It often shows when you become mechanical, and creativity drops. You may confuse intensity with effectiveness. You start to ignore your own self-care, which then leads to feeling and exhibiting symptoms of burnout. Deficient discipline: You start and stop. You renegotiate commitments with yourself daily. You start to operate in reactive mode. There is a lack of effectiveness in your work. Your productivity diminishes, and there may be times when you don’t even show up. Signs of apathy and laziness are displayed. It may sound harsh, but it is what it is. How to build discipline without burning out Make habits obvious, easy, and satisfying. Reduce friction in your work and day. Define small wins and achieve those on a regular basis. Use those wins as stepping stones to build upon. Take time to examine your work. Are you passionate about it? Are you committed to achieving what you set out to do? Work towards successfully implementing the three levels of discipline that I define in Business Kung Fu: Showing up Being productive Being effective (producing value with your work) Expertise: The refinement of your unique skills Expertise is where you stop being merely competent and start becoming undeniably valuable. In business terms, this is your capability moat, the skill stack that differentiates you. Think of it this way, when you fulfill your potential of expertise, you build mastery of your craft, which leads to the attainment of wisdom. This wisdom is the understanding of how you can produce the maximum value in the marketplace for your products and services. The two faces of imbalance: Excessive expertise and deficient expertise Excessive expertise: It may sound odd, but yes, there can be an excess condition of expertise. There is a pattern that can be identified with this state of imbalance. It displays itself as perfectionism, over-iterating, and waiting for the perfect moment. Every day starts to feel the same. You’ve grown bored with your craft. Your work lacks novelty, challenge, or meaning. Your skills, once a competitive advantage, haven’t evolved with the market. This is the trap of expertise, believing mastery is a final destination, instead of an ever-evolving path needing continuous micro-adjustments. Left unchecked, this creates apathy, stagnation, and eventually, irrelevance. Deficient expertise: The pattern of apathy looks similar to an excess condition, but the cause is different. You’ve developed solid skills, but not mastery. You’re good but not great. This is the plateau stage. You’ve hit a brick wall. Progress feels slow. Frustration builds. You feel stuck. You even question your path or your potential. How to remain a master of your craft Commit to the breakthrough. Mastery lives on the other side of the wall. Push through the boring reps. Invest in mentorship. Do the work others stop doing. Research how you can evolve your skills. What are the newest emerging trends in your industry? Research and discover a new approach. Experiment. Most people quit when the work gets dull. The master doubles down. Confidence: The power to act on your mastery Confidence is execution energy. It’s your willingness to place bets on decisions, on conversations, on moves that create leverage, and most importantly, on yourself. Your confidence enables you to execute behaviors necessary to produce outcomes. It builds trust with your team and customers. It inspires people to follow you. Your confidence is radiant and shines like the sun, attracting the right people and opportunities to your light. (H3) The two faces of imbalance: Excessive confidence and deficient confidence Excessive confidence: This is when confidence becomes self-centered. It’s all about you. You don’t credit your team, and you ignore feedback. You stop listening to others because you believe you’ve got all the answers. You even take reckless risks. This kind of arrogance blinds you. You don’t realize what you don’t know, and you stop growing. Eventually, life humbles you. Deficient confidence: This is the opposite extreme, a life led by fear. Fear of failure. Fear of judgment. Fear of not being “enough.” This typically shows up as procrastination, hesitation, and negative self-talk. Unfortunately, this can lead to missed opportunities before they ever have a chance to bloom. You tell yourself, “Who do you think you are?” “You’re not good enough.” “You can’t pull this off.” This is one of the most dangerous enemies of success, internal sabotage. How to radiate real confidence and shine like the sun Understand your value. Know the value you bring to the room, to any situation. Utilize positive affirmations. Study personal development. When balanced, confidence becomes grace in action. You execute without force. You lead without ego. You speak with clarity. You listen without defensiveness. Balanced confidence is magnetic. It doesn’t shout, it shines. It doesn’t convince, it invites. Faith: The trust that carries you through uncertainty Faith is the stabilizer when outcomes aren’t immediate, when you’re doing the work but the scoreboard hasn’t moved yet. This isn’t passive positivity. Faith is strategic resilience, the ability to keep going, learn, and re-engage without collapsing into doubt or cynicism. Faith is not wishful thinking. It’s not blind hope. It’s not naïve optimism. Faith is the power to move forward when logic, evidence, and emotion all say you shouldn’t. It is the element that carries you through the unknown. It’s what keeps the warrior standing when the battle seems lost. I define two levels of faith. They are: Faith in self: This is where it begins. The belief that you are capable. The conviction that you can overcome. That you can build something from nothing. That you can rise again. Faith in something greater than yourself: This is where you trust in a higher power, a divine intelligence. A certainty that you have a team in the spirit world that loves, guides, and supports you. An understanding that there is a universal rhythm that conspires for your success. The two faces of imbalance: Excessive faith and deficient faith Excessive faith: You think positively. You set intentions. You trust the universe will provide, but you don’t act. You’re meditating, journaling, vision boarding, yet avoiding what needs to be done. There’s no movement. No momentum. Does this sound familiar? Often, people question, “Why isn’t this law of attraction stuff working?” You may even fall into the trap of relying on hope, which is not a strategy. Deficient faith: This is the darkest state. Faith is gone. Hope is lost. You’ve hit the bottom. You are seconds away from quitting. This is the most dangerous place to be. This is where you can give up, and despite all your time and effort, walk away from the opportunities that are within reach but that you just can’t see through the fog of despair. How to retain a healthy balance of faith Like a single candle in a pitch-black cave, one tiny flame of belief can begin to light the way. With the element of faith, keep in mind that you need a healthy balance. This means believing with certainty but also remaining grounded and practical in the world. A healthy and practical way of balancing your faith includes the following habits: Look for signs and symbols Clear your mind and listen for guidance Hear the inner voice to guide you forward Employ a meditation practice Conduct daily affirmations to co-create the reality you desire Take action on any insights you derive from seeing and listening Even a flicker of faith can ignite the fire of transformation. Reach for one reason to believe again. Find one truth, one ally, one insight, and follow it. Remember, the warrior spirit endures through faith. And once you overcome, faith reignites passion. The cycle begins again, stronger, wiser, and more aligned than before. Maintaining the balance with the 5 elements of success Even when you have successfully balanced each of the elements, life has a funny way of knocking you out of balance. This occurs through unexpected events, usually through interactions with people, places, and things in a variety of environments. The trick is, "How quickly can you get back to balance and maintain that balance over time?" The best way is to employ practices that engage the entire being, mind, body, and spirit. The practice that has had the biggest, most profound impact on me is qigong. If you’d like a guided path to apply the Five Elements through an embodied practice framework, my program Qigong for Business Professionals integrates energetic regulation, performance mindset, and the Five Elements model. And if you want the full strategic foundation behind the model, you can explore Business Kung Fu , which details how to navigate the chaos of the professional world using this approach. If you’re ready to identify which element is currently constraining your growth and build a personalized rebalance plan, I invite you to reach out for one-on-one guidance and support. Start here, contact Craig Cooke . Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website  for more info! Read more from Craig Cooke Craig Cooke, Mentor, Author, Speaker & Conscious Entrepreneur Craig Cooke embodies success. He founded a digital marketing agency in 1996 with $1,300 and grew it towards a successful exit to a world-class strategic buyer. He is also a Doctor of Chinese Energetic Medicine (medical qigong) and an award-winning Author of the national bestselling book, "Business Kung Fu." Craig serves as a "Success Sifu," inspiring and empowering people, helping them reach what he calls their "divine potential." You can find Craig working with people online and in person through group and individual engagements.

Written by Jenni (Benningfield) Black, Mental Performance Coach Jenni (Benningfield) Black is a former professional athlete, a mental performance coach, and the founder of Inner Opponent Coaching. As a certified professional coach, Jenni specializes in working with high-performing leaders, athletes, coaches, and teams. Values are our internal compass. They guide our decisions, ground us in what matters, and shape how we show up in the world. When we’re connected to our values, we act with intention and authenticity. When we’re disconnected from them, life often feels harder than it needs to be. At their core, values create direction, but they also build self-awareness. They become especially important when we feel stuck, conflicted about major decisions, or are trying to change our behavior. Values help us pause, check in, and choose in a way that feels true to who we are. When our values are lived, expressed, and respected, life tends to feel more grounded and meaningful. There’s a sense of clarity, purpose, and energy that comes with alignment, often experienced as a deep, whole-body yes. When we’re out of alignment, the experience feels very different. Misalignment often shows up as ongoing tension or stress, frequent doubt and second-guessing, drained energy, or a sense of burnout and exhaustion. It’s also noticeable in our language when “I want” quietly turns into “I should.” That discomfort isn’t a sign of failure, it’s information. Friction is one of the clearest indicators that something important (one or more of our values) isn’t being honored. Our values become most visible when we’re under pressure. When we act in alignment with them, trust and energy grow. When we don’t, we begin to feel disconnected from ourselves and from others. Values are not goals, roles, or outcomes. They’re the how, not the what. You can achieve a goal and still feel misaligned if the process violates your values. If I asked you, "What do you value and how does it show up daily in your life?" What would you say? If you hesitated, this article is for you. It’s a starting point to understand what matters most to you. Activity: Clarifying your values You can begin by taking a free values assessment online, looking at a list of values, or by asking the three people closest to you what values they see you consistently living by. From there, identify the top ten values. Your challenge is to narrow that list down to your top five values that truly matter most. Use the questions below to reflect and confirm whether these values are genuinely yours. Reflection questions What values must be present and expressed for you to feel authentically yourself? Think about a time when life felt really good, when you felt happy, proud, fulfilled, or satisfied. What value was being supported? Think about a time when you were struggling or feeling stressed. What value was being challenged? Is this value something you use as a filter when making difficult decisions? What are the warning signs that show up when your values aren’t being honored? Also, consider this, "Are these your values, or values you feel you “should” have? Do they come from society, family, or someone else’s expectations?" Why does this matter? These questions help you identify core values tied to your identity, not preferences, goals, or things you simply admire. Values become clearest in moments of alignment and misalignment, and understanding them allows you to recognize friction earlier rather than later. This awareness helps separate true values from habits, roles, or external expectations. This exercise is ultimately an awareness tool. It helps you pause and ask, "Why am I making this decision? What value is being honored here?" That clarity keeps you aligned with what you truly want and supports you in becoming who you want to be. So now what? Before making a decision, ask yourself, "If I say yes to this, what value am I honoring? If I say no, what am I protecting?" Values aren’t meant to live on paper, they’re meant to guide real choices in real moments. And remember, your values may evolve as you grow. That doesn’t mean you were wrong before, it just means you’re paying attention now. Values don’t demand perfection. They ask for attention. The more often you listen, the more aligned and empowered your choices become. If this reflection stirred something for you and you’re ready to move from awareness to action (especially in moments that feel hard), I’d love to connect and explore how coaching can support you in living your values in a way that truly honors who you are.   Follow me on   Instagram ,   LinkedIn , and visit my   website  for more info! Read more from Jenni (Benningfield) Black Jenni (Benningfield) Black, Mental Performance Coach Jenni (Benningfield) Black, a former professional athlete and mental performance coach, discovered the life-changing impact of mental performance during her final year of professional basketball, helping her overcome the mental and emotional challenges of retirement and inspiring her to earn a Master’s Degree in Sports Psychology. Driven by this passion, she founded Inner Opponent Coaching to help high performers break through mental barriers and create a game plan to succeed in what truly matters to them.

Written by Kylie Gallaher, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Strategic Psychotherapist Blending innovation with compassion, Kylie Gallaher brings cutting-edge expertise in clinical hypnotherapy to empower lasting change. Grounded in evidence-based practice, her professional journey is dedicated to helping clients overcome challenges and thrive with confidence. ARFID is having a moment. Visibility has arrived. ARFID is now present in mainstream media, across social platforms, and in public conversation. Recognition has brought relief, validation, and language where there was once only confusion. But visibility alone does not automatically lead to progress, and for many living with ARFID, awareness has not yet translated into meaningful change. When recognition brings relief, but not resolution For many, recognition brings genuine relief at finally being seen. What once looked like defiance, fussiness, attention-seeking, manipulation, resistance, or “just a phase” is now understood as something far more serious. Behaviours that were labelled difficult, dramatic, controlling, irrational, too sensitive, or overly anxious are increasingly being viewed through a different lens, rather than judged by appearance, compliance, or assumption. ARFID is no longer invisible, even if it is not yet fully understood. Parents and adults who have spent years feeling confused or blamed are finally encountering language that reflects their lived reality. Having a name for what has long been misunderstood can ease shame, validate experience, and make sense of patterns that previously felt isolating or inexplicable. And yet, as ARFID becomes more visible, an uncomfortable reality is harder to ignore. Visibility does not automatically bring understanding, and what is illuminated is not always seen clearly. Recognition can end confusion without necessarily opening pathways forward. For many families and adults, being named does not change the daily reality of ARFID. The complexity, restriction, and exhaustion of living with an ongoing food-related threat often remain much the same, even after the relief of recognition has arrived. Why ARFID exposes a deeper problem This is not a failure of awareness, it is because ARFID, by its very nature, exposes gaps in how health, risk, safety, and recovery are currently understood. Part of what makes ARFID so difficult to understand is that people do not simply grow out of it. What does change, over time, is the way a person learns to live with it. As children become adolescents, and adolescents become adults, relationships with food inevitably evolve. Coping strategies become more sophisticated. Avoidance can become quieter. Accommodation can look like adaptation. And for some, that adaptation can conceal a deep sense of shame. From the outside, this can resemble resolution. But adaptation is not the same as safety. For many people, the underlying sense of threat remains, even as life moves forward. What appears as improvement may reflect survival within constraint, rather than a genuine shift in how the nervous system experiences eating, or how a person feels within themselves. This is one reason ARFID can be mistaken for a passing stage, particularly when the cost of adaptation to a person’s sense of self, psychosocial wellbeing, relationships, and health is hidden or normalised over time. In online spaces, media narratives, and even some advocacy conversations, ARFID is increasingly framed as a lifelong condition to be managed rather than a state that can meaningfully shift. Coping strategies, accommodations, and acceptance rightly feature as essential tools, particularly when safety has been absent for a long time. But alongside this, an implicit message often remains that this is permanent, and hoping for more may be unrealistic or even harmful. What is far less visible in public discourse is any clear explanation of how meaningful change might occur without repeating the harms that led to this caution in the first place. No one is to blame for this narrative. It has developed in response to very real harm and heavy costs. Many families have experienced coercive treatment approaches. Many adults have been dismissed, misunderstood, or retraumatised by systems that focused on behaviour without addressing what was driving it. Over time, these experiences can narrow participation and increase withdrawal from care and everyday life. In that context, accommodation becomes protection. Permanence can come to feel safer than false hope, particularly when past attempts at change have only ever been offered through the same narrow lens. For some, progress has been defined by small behavioural gains that, while hard-won, feel vanishingly small when set against the scale of eating itself. Eating is an ongoing, inescapable part of daily life rather than a single challenge to overcome. Eating is not a single task or an outcome, it is something required multiple times a day, every day, across nearly every setting of life. When the underlying sense of threat remains, even meaningful gains can feel tentative, fragile, or unsustainable, overshadowed by the ongoing physical, emotional, and social demands that eating places on a person’s nervous system, health, and sense of self. ARFID is distinct from other eating disorders in ways that matter deeply here. ARFID is distinct in its primary drivers, even though it can intersect with or sit alongside other eating disorders over time. For people with ARFID, food avoidance is not about weight, shape, or control. It is about threat. A nervous system that has learned, often early and implicitly, that eating, swallowing, certain textures, sensations, or internal bodily cues are dangerous. When this distinction is flattened, ARFID is pulled into frameworks that were not originally designed to hold it. When ARFID is understood in this way, its complexity becomes harder to contain within neat categories. The nervous system threat that sits at its core does not exist in isolation from development, context, or experience over time. This is where the boundaries between diagnostic labels begin to blur, and where ARFID’s distinct drivers can intersect with other patterns of eating difficulty in ways that challenge simplified models of both disorder and recovery. When ARFID intersects with other eating disorders Acknowledging ARFID’s distinct drivers also requires holding the complexity of how eating difficulties can evolve or layer over time. This does not mean ARFID simply becomes another eating disorder. More often, layers are added. The underlying nervous system threat remains, while additional meanings, behaviours, or coping strategies develop around it, shaped by prolonged restriction, social pressure, medical risk, or repeated experiences of misattunement in care. For some people, patterns of restriction driven initially by fear, sensory threat, or bodily mistrust can intersect with concerns more commonly associated with anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, or orthorexia. In these cases, weight, shape, control, or body image may begin to influence the relationship with food alongside the original threat-based avoidance. Over the past few years, ARFID has moved into a clearer public view. Mainstream reporting from outlets such as ABC News has drawn attention to its prevalence and frequent misunderstanding, while other Australian media coverage has highlighted that ARFID affects far more people than previously assumed. This growing recognition is not limited to Australia. Internationally, similar patterns are emerging, with UK health services reporting increasing numbers of ARFID-related presentations and growing pressure on eating disorder services. At the same time, research across Australia and New Zealand has noted rising clinical attention to ARFID, alongside persistent gaps in prevalence data and treatment clarity. Before ARFID was formally recognised, many children and adults were diagnosed with atypical anorexia and treated within anorexia-based frameworks because restriction and weight loss were the most visible risks. In those contexts, treatment often focused on weight restoration or behavioural compliance, without adequately addressing the fear, sensory processing differences, or bodily danger that were driving the restriction in the first place. When treatment does not align with the mechanism, it can unintentionally reinforce the threat rather than reduce it. For some, this has not only failed to help but has compounded fear, eroded trust in care, created a cavernous distance between their lived experience and treatment, and made recovery more complex rather than more accessible. As a result, progress is often measured externally. Can the person eat enough? Can they tolerate exposure? Can they comply with expectations? When those benchmarks are met, the condition is considered managed. When they are not, families are frequently told to lower expectations or accept long-term limitations. More than food: How ARFID shapes life What gets lost in this framing is that ARFID is rarely confined to food alone. It shapes participation in life. Medical care becomes complicated. Schooling, work, travel, and social connections are carefully negotiated or avoided altogether. Parents reorganise entire family systems around safety. Adults learn to narrow their worlds quietly, often with remarkable ingenuity and resilience, but at a cost that is rarely visible from the outside. From the outside, this can look like preference or rigidity. From the inside, it is often about survival. When hope becomes culturally unsafe The current information ecosystem around ARFID reflects this tension, particularly in online support spaces and lived-experience-led communities. Social media and mainstream platforms have played an important role in validation and visibility. They have helped people feel seen and less alone. But they can also, unintentionally, reinforce the idea that coping and accommodation are the end of the road. In one large online support group, I once saw a parent ask, cautiously, whether anyone had seen improvement beyond accommodation. The responses were immediate and protective. Many reassured them that acceptance was the goal, that ARFID was lifelong, and that pushing for change could do harm. What was striking was not the advice itself, but the emotional charge around the question. Hope, even gently expressed, felt unsafe. That reaction makes sense. When recognition has been hard-won, anything that sounds like “fixing” can feel like a return to force. When people have been harmed by treatment, permanence can feel more honest than optimism or even hope. But when a culture quietly communicates that meaningful change is not to be expected, something important is lost, and possibilities are limited to a very small window. Part of the difficulty is that ARFID sits at the intersection of systems that do not align well. Eating disorder models tend to prioritise behaviour. Anxiety models often prioritise cognition. Medical systems focus on risk management. Social narratives emphasise identity and acceptance. Each offers something valuable, but none fully accounts for what happens when a nervous system is organised around an ongoing threat. When safety is misunderstood, risk is misjudged. Well-intentioned interventions can inadvertently reinforce danger rather than reduce it. Accommodation becomes both necessary and limiting. Awareness increases, but pathways forward remain unclear. For many people, this is not a lack of willingness or effort, but a reflection of how approaches that begin with safety, agency, and nervous system regulation remain underrepresented in public-facing discussions of ARFID care. Rethinking recovery without oversimplifying it ARFID challenges us to rethink what recovery actually means. Recovery does not have to mean erasing sensory sensitivities, pretending food is neutral, or forcing bodies into compliance. These framings have caused real harm, and the caution that has followed them is understandable. But neither does recovery have to mean a lifetime of shrinking around threat. There is a wide, largely under-recognised space between coercion and resignation, between “just eat” and “this is as good as it gets.” This is not a theoretical or mythical space. It is the space I work in every day, informed both by clinical practice and by the lived experience of recovery, where safety is treated as the starting point rather than a reward for compliance. It is a space that already exists in clinical practice, where work is oriented toward restoring safety, agency, and trust in the body, rather than simply increasing tolerance or compliance. In this space, change is understood in relation to the scale of eating itself, as something that occurs multiple times a day, every day, across almost every context of life. It is therefore approached with care for sustainability, not just short-term gains. Many families and adults are already expending enormous effort to live alongside ARFID. They are often highly resourced in coping, accommodation, and protection, having learned how to manage risk and reduce harm in daily life. What is often missing is not effort, insight, or willingness, but a shared understanding between those living with ARFID and the systems meant to support them of just how meaningful change might be possible. The difficulty is not a lack of effort or willingness. It is that while approaches grounded in safety, agency, and nervous system regulation are already being practised, they remain largely underrepresented in public-facing conversations about ARFID treatment. Where specialist services do exist, they are often oriented toward children and families, with far fewer clearly articulated pathways for adults. More intensive or residential care tailored to ARFID’s distinct mechanisms remains scarce or unavailable in many regions. As a result, even when this work exists in practice, it can be difficult for many people to find, access, or recognise as relevant to their situation. This gap between what exists in practice and what is publicly understood helps explain why increased awareness has not yet translated into meaningful change. Why awareness alone isn’t enough This is why ARFID matters beyond itself. Because it reveals the limitations of frameworks that equate management with healing and compliance with recovery. It exposes how often we stop at recognition and mistake naming the problem for solving it. What the research currently tells us about ARFID treatment is still emerging, uneven, and incomplete. There is no single answer, and no universal pathway. But what is already clear is that awareness alone is not enough. Recognition without meaningful change leaves families and adults suspended in a state of informed uncertainty. This uncertainty is magnified when eating remains a daily, embodied source of threat rather than a neutral background task. And while information is abundant, validation is widespread, coherent pathways that bridge safety and change remain largely out of public view. This article is not about offering solutions or protocols. That conversation belongs later. For now, it is about naming the gap between visibility and impact, and why that gap matters. ARFID deserves more than a spotlight. It deserves ways of thinking about safety, risk, and recovery that allow it to be seen clearly, rather than simply seen, without collapsing into force on one side or permanence on the other. It deserves a discourse where seriousness and hope are allowed to coexist, and where imagining change is not seen as a betrayal of lived experience, but as a continuation of it. For those living in the space between recognition and resolution, this is not a question of waiting for better answers someday. It is about finding approaches that already begin with safety, respect complexity, and allow change to unfold at the pace the nervous system requires. This is the space I work in every day. For those seeking support that moves beyond coping alone, this work is already happening in practice. Future articles will explore what current research tells us about ARFID treatment, how nervous system-informed approaches are being used in practice, and what recovery can look like when safety is treated as foundational rather than optional. Future articles will continue to explore what it means to approach ARFID treatment and recovery and related experiences through the lens of safety, complexity, and lived experience. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website  for more info! Read more from Kylie Gallaher Kylie Gallaher, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Strategic Psychotherapist Kylie Gallaher leads Newcastle Clinical Hypnotherapy, the region’s only specialised hypnotherapy team, offering comprehensive support in all areas where hypnotherapy is beneficial. With advanced qualifications and a focus on evidence-based methods, she has established herself as a leader in the field. Kylie specialises in ARFID, eating disorders, trauma, anxiety, and related conditions including gastrointestinal disorders, and is committed to reshaping treatment approaches in Australia. Her professional journey reflects a dedication to blending science with compassion, delivering measurable results and raising the standard of clinical hypnotherapy nationwide. Further reading: What the research currently tells us about ARFID treatment

Written by Ella Thomas, Bookkeeping & Accounting Strategist Ella Thomas is a Bookkeeping and Accounting Specialist and the founder of Strategic Bookkeeping Specialists. She helps business owners gain confidence, control, and peace of mind with their finances so they can fully focus on growing the business they love. In today’s fast-paced, highly digital world, customer service is often associated with call centers, help desks, and front-facing roles. But in reality, customer service is not a department, it is a mindset. It is reflected in the smallest, most consistent actions we take every day, regardless of our job title. Whether you are an entrepreneur, a manager, a bookkeeper, a teacher, or a team member in any industry, the way you interact with others defines your professional reputation. True excellence in service is built on simple habits that communicate respect, care, and professionalism. Here are five customer service skills that are highly valuable in every profession and why they still matter more than ever. 1. Saying good morning: The power of acknowledgment A simple “Good morning” may seem insignificant, yet it is one of the most powerful tools for building connection. Greeting others shows that you see them, value their presence, and recognize their role in the shared environment. When you acknowledge someone first thing in the day, you set a positive tone. It communicates openness, approachability, and mutual respect. Over time, these small interactions create workplaces where people feel welcomed rather than invisible. In leadership and business, this habit fosters trust. In client relationships, it reinforces warmth and professionalism. And in daily life, it reminds us that kindness requires very little effort.   2. Knocking before entering: Respecting personal and professional boundaries Respect is the foundation of strong professional relationships, and one of the simplest ways to show it is by knocking before entering. Whether it is a physical office, a meeting room, or even a virtual space, asking permission before entering someone’s space communicates consideration. It shows that you recognize others’ autonomy and boundaries. In a world where urgency often overrides courtesy, this small act stands out. It demonstrates emotional intelligence and reinforces a culture of mutual respect, one where people feel safe, valued, and trusted.   3. Giving your full attention: The gift of presence One of the greatest forms of customer service is presence. Giving someone your full attention without distractions, multitasking, or interruptions signals that their time and concerns matter. When someone speaks to you, and you listen actively, you are not just gathering information. You are building connections. Eye contact, thoughtful responses, and genuine engagement create trust and clarity. In professional settings, attentive listening prevents misunderstandings, improves problem-solving, and strengthens collaboration. For clients, it reassures them that they are not just another task on your to-do list, they are a priority. In an era of constant notifications and divided attention, being fully present has become a rare and valuable skill.   4. Owning mistakes: Accountability builds credibility Mistakes happen. No matter how experienced or careful we are, errors are part of growth. What defines professionalism is not perfection, but accountability. Acknowledging a mistake, offering a sincere apology, and taking responsibility show integrity. It demonstrates maturity, humility, and commitment to improvement. Even more important is taking action to prevent the same mistake from happening again. This follow-through builds confidence and trust with clients, colleagues, and leadership. When people know you will own your missteps and make things right, they are more likely to respect you, support you, and continue working with you.   5. Making personal connections: Eye contact, handshakes, and introductions First impressions still matter. Looking someone in the eye, offering a firm handshake, and introducing yourself with confidence create an immediate sense of professionalism. These gestures communicate presence, sincerity, and respect. They signal that you are engaged, prepared, and comfortable in professional interactions. In business relationships, these small courtesies lay the groundwork for trust. They humanize interactions and remind us that behind every title, role, and transaction is a person. Even in increasingly virtual environments, the same principles apply through tone, attentiveness, and clear communication. Exceptional customer service is not found in grand gestures. It is found in daily discipline. It is built through small, repeated choices that reflect respect, accountability, and genuine care for others. When you greet people warmly, respect their boundaries, listen attentively, own your mistakes, and connect with confidence, you elevate not only your own work, but the entire environment around you. No matter your profession, these habits position you as someone others trust, respect, and want to work with. In the end, success is not just about what we do. It is about how we show up every single day. Follow me on Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Ella Thomas Ella Thomas, Bookkeeping & Accounting Strategist Ella Thomas is the founder of Strategic Bookkeeping Specialists, dedicated to helping business owners simplify their finances and build confidence in their numbers. With years of experience in bookkeeping and accounting, she understands the challenges entrepreneurs face and provides practical strategies to bring clarity and peace of mind. Ella’s mission is to empower business owners to focus on what they love, growing their business, while she takes care of the financial details. Discover more insights and tips by visiting her profile page.

Taiye Aluko is a relationship and marriage coach specializing in emotional intelligence. She works with couples and high-achieving individuals to address emotional disconnection and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Taiye’s method helps transform relationships from surviving to thriving, focusing on emotional awareness, communication, and practical tools for reconnecting. Taiye Aluko, Relationship Coach Who is Taiye Aluko? Taiye Aluko is a relationship and marriage coach, emotional intelligence practitioner, and the founder of Raregems Coaching & Counselling. I work primarily with couples and high-achieving individuals who appear “fine” on the outside, yet privately feel emotionally disconnected, misunderstood, or exhausted within their relationships. At home, I’m intentional about quiet rhythms and genuine connection. I enjoy exercising, relaxing with friends over unhurried lunch dates, and the simple but powerful joy of being fully present. I’m not drawn to noise; I’m drawn to depth and that value deeply shapes my work. Something interesting about me is that I am a twin and also a twin mama. Growing up with a twin sister was joyful, but it also came with constant comparison. For a long time, I struggled with fully owning my individuality. As I grew older and became more emotionally aware, I learned to embrace my uniqueness. It has been and continues to be a beautiful journey of self-acceptance. What pivotal life or career moment led you to become a relationship and marriage coach? It wasn’t a single dramatic moment; it was a pattern I kept seeing. I observed that many people genuinely love each other and deeply desire healthy homes. They often have wonderful courtships, yet after marriage, they begin to feel lonely inside the same relationship. They weren’t failing because they lacked love; they were struggling because they lacked emotional skills. This insight is also deeply personal. In my own marriage, we experienced seasons of intense conflict moments that almost caused us to give up on each other. It wasn’t until we learned to pause, regulate our emotions, and respond differently that we began to experience real shifts in our connection. Working with couples, I consistently see how stress, unspoken expectations, emotional triggers, and unresolved hurts quietly shape the emotional climate of a home. That observation made me deeply curious about what actually makes love sustainable. That curiosity led me into emotional intelligence work and eventually into relationship coaching, where I could merge empathy, structure, and skill-building. I discovered that beyond romance and chemistry, it is emotional awareness and emotional regulation that truly sustain relationships. How would you describe the core problem most couples come to you with, even if they don’t realize it yet? The core problem is almost always emotional disconnection. Couples may say, “We don’t communicate,” “We argue all the time,” or “We’re no longer close.” But beneath those complaints is a deeper pain: I don’t feel emotionally seen. I don’t feel safe. I don’t feel understood. It is possible to live together, parent together, and build a life together, yet still feel emotionally alone. That silent loneliness is what many couples struggle to name. Even infidelity, in many cases, begins where emotional disconnection has been left unattended. What makes your approach to relationship coaching different from traditional counselling methods? My work is emotionally intelligent, practical, and skill-based. Traditional approaches can sometimes keep couples stuck in explanation without transformation. There may be a lot of talking and analysis, but not enough tools for real-life moments when emotions escalate, when tone shifts, when someone shuts down, when resentment surfaces, or when trust feels fragile. I focus on emotional awareness, naming what is really happening. Emotional regulation, responding without causing damage. Communication that builds safety rather than control. Repair, learning how to return to each other after rupture. My goal is not to help people win arguments. It is to help them build relationships that feel emotionally safe to live in. Can you explain what you mean by helping couples move from “enduring” marriage to truly enjoying it? Many couples are not planning to divorce. They are simply enduring their marriages. They manage responsibilities, share bills, co-parent, and maintain appearances. Yet the warmth is gone. The home feels tense or emotionally distant. They function like teammates rather than companions. That, to me, is deeply sad because relationships are meant to be enjoyed. Enjoying marriage means feeling emotionally secure with each other, being able to talk without fear of escalation, experiencing affection that feels natural rather than forced, and knowing that even when conflict occurs, repair is possible. I help couples move from “we’re managing” to “we’re connected again.” That shift changes everything about the emotional climate of a home. What are the most common mistakes couples make that quietly erode intimacy and connection? The most damaging mistakes are often the quiet ones. Avoiding difficult conversations and hoping time will heal what honesty and skill should address. Shutting down emotionally, becoming “fine” instead of being truthful. Assuming your partner should instinctively know your needs. Allowing resentment to accumulate without repair. Replacing intimacy with productivity, building a life while neglecting the relationship within it. Taking each other for granted through over-familiarity. Most couples don’t lose intimacy overnight. They lose it through small, unresolved moments repeated over time. How do you help high-achieving individuals balance personal success with a thriving home life? High achievers often have strong external competence, but relational success requires a different kind of strength. Emotional presence, vulnerability, and intentional communication. I help high-achieving individuals build habits that protect their relationships. These include creating emotional transitions from work mode to home mode, understanding how stress spills into tone, impatience, and withdrawal, expressing needs without harshness or control, and establishing consistent rituals of connection rather than occasional grand gestures. A thriving home is not built on intention alone. It is built through emotional skill and repeatable relational habits. What transformation do your clients typically experience after working with you? Transformation usually begins with clarity, followed by reflection and self-awareness. From there, change becomes practical and visible. Communication feels calmer and more effective. Conflict is handled without emotional explosions. Emotional intimacy begins to return. Both partners feel safer and more secure. Clients often describe feeling lighter, more understood, and more hopeful about their relationships. How do emotional awareness and communication play a role in rebuilding trust and harmony? Emotional awareness helps people recognize what they are feeling before they react. That single skill changes arguments, because many conflicts are not about the issue being discussed, they are about the emotion underneath it. When couples learn to name emotions, regulate responses, and communicate without blame or assumption, trust begins to rebuild. Partners feel less attacked and more understood, and harmony gradually returns. Who do you feel your work is especially meant for, and why do they resonate with you? My work is especially meant for couples and individuals who want more than simply going through the motions of marriage. They are often high-functioning, responsible, values-driven, and committed, yet privately feel emotionally stuck, wondering why they are doing everything “right” and still feel disconnected. They resonate with me because I combine warmth with structure. I don’t shame people for struggling; I help them build emotional skills they were never taught. What does a successful and healthy relationship look like through your lens? A successful relationship is emotionally safe, mutually respectful, and resilient. It is not perfect, but it includes honesty without fear, conflict with repair, accountability without shame, affection that feels natural, and a shared commitment to growth. A healthy relationship feels like a place where you can exhale, not a place where you constantly brace yourself. For someone reading this who feels stuck or disconnected in their relationship, what would you invite them to do next? I would invite them to make one powerful shift: be curious, not critical. Ask yourself what pattern keeps repeating here. What emotion shows up beneath our conflict or silence. What do I need to learn to respond differently. Disconnection is not a life sentence. It is a signal. And with the right tools, emotional repair is possible. If this resonates with you, I invite you to follow my work by subscribing to my YouTube channel . You don’t have to keep enduring what can be healed, especially when support and skill are available.   Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Taiye Aluko