The Compassion Trap – How Empaths Get Stuck in Cycles of Service and How to Break Free
- Brainz Magazine
- 39 minutes ago
- 5 min read
Written by Joanne Louise Bray, Founder of Plantlife Joy
Joanne Bray is the proud founder of Plantlife Joy. Her journey began with a deep love of nature and the belief that plants have the power to bring happiness, tranquility, and a touch of magic to our lives. Plantlife Joy specialises in plant knowledge, and our mission is to connect people back to the beauty of the natural world.
In a world that often misunderstands sensitivity, empaths carry both a gift and a burden. This piece is for those who feel too much, give too much, and are ready to reclaim their energy.
The empath’s dilemma
Being an empath in today's world can be a world of pain. It can feel like you’re drowning in emotional noise. There is so much going on in the world that can trigger you, headline after headline that is made to drag you deeper into the depths of despair. Every injustice creates a wound, every conversation a potential drain. The more you give, the more the takers take, and the more you disappear. You walk into a room, and you can feel any tension or pain that is present. You possess the gift of listening deeply to people, a strong intuition that leads you to care for others, and heightened emotional attunement. Those gifts are accompanied by curses, too, over-identification, guilt, and energetic depletion.
The cycle of service
You feel responsible for others’ healing, but the truth is that you are not accountable. We each carry that responsibility and accountability for ourselves. You repeatedly offer help, going above and beyond for many people who do not appreciate it. You face constant resistance, and many question your authenticity because they lack your kindness, your loyalty, and your ability to feel others' pain. You are often sabotaged or manipulated. You usually feel guilty or ashamed for wanting to distance yourself from situations or people that drain you, and you frequently remain in situations you should have left long ago out of obligation.
The cost of staying
When an empath does not have firm boundaries, your creativity stalls, you experience physical and emotional fatigue, you lose clarity and confidence, and you sabotage your own personal growth, often for people or places who have done or will do you dirty continually because they know you are a sucker for a sob story. They know you are loyal. They know that they can manipulate you.
Breaking the cycle
To reclaim your energy, you must first recognise that empathy without boundaries is not compassion, it is self-erasure.
There is good news, you can break the cycles and protect your energy in several ways.
If there is no escape, as they are a family member or colleague, you can prepare yourself by imagining a protective ball of energy around your body, and every time you start to feel drained or they throw an insult, you can remember your energy ball.
Set energetic and emotional boundaries without guilt, it is not easy, especially when they keep dragging you back with their sob stories. If someone is draining you energetically, you can walk away, or you can take what they say (the put-downs) and departmentalise them. Their opinion of you is just that, an opinion, and if they are constantly trying to make you feel like you are less than, that is down to their own insecurities and is often nothing to do with you.
Redefine service as soul-aligned contribution, not obligation. If it does not resonate with your soul, it has no place in your life. Walking away can be painful, but it is necessary, or you will lose yourself.
Practice rituals of release. Write it down and burn it (I am massively into protecting the environment and planet, so this one I do not like because I love trees, but it works for lots of people, so I would rather recommend typing it out and deleting it lol). Try salt baths with drops of aromatherapy oil, take a shower and imagine all of the negativity that they threw your way leaving your body, escaping down the plug hole.
Cut the cords, move your hand above your head in a cutting motion and replace them with a golden light.
Call back your power and energy just by simply saying out loud, “I call back my power and my energy,” until you feel better (I find that this one really works for me).
You can say no (you do not have to shout it, you can still be kind in saying it).
Carl Jung and the archetypes
I have been learning a lot about Carl Jung and his theories lately. Carl Jung developed analytical psychology, focusing on the unconscious mind and its connection to the collective unconscious. Jung, like me, believed in synchronicity, which is events that seem connected but are not logically related. He was a pioneer of depth psychology who believed that healing comes from integrating the shadow, the parts of ourselves we have disowned. His work on archetypes has helped me understand why I have felt pulled in so many directions, the Caregiver, the Rebel, the Sage, the Ruler, the Magician, and the Creator. They are all alive in me now.
Archetypes are universal patterns of behaviour and energy. Carl Jung believed they live in our unconscious and shape how we relate to the world. When we recognise which archetypes are active in us, like the Caregiver or the Rebel, we gain clarity, power, and choice.
Empaths often embody the Caregiver, giving endlessly, but when boundaries are breached, the Rebel rises, demanding change. The Magician knows transformation is possible, but only if we stop pouring from an empty cup. Recognising these archetypes helps us reclaim our power and rewrite the script.
“If you are an empath who is tired of being drained, know this, your light is not meant to be dimmed by someone else’s shadow. You can love fiercely and still walk away.”
If this resonates, take a moment today to call back your energy, light a candle, take a shower, or whisper, “I choose myself.” You are not alone, and you are not wrong for wanting peace.
This article is based on personal experience and spiritual reflection. It is not a substitute for professional mental health support.
Read more from Joanne Louise Bray
Joanne Louise Bray, Founder of Plantlife Joy
Joanne Bray is a leader in plant life, she has been to the darkest depths of despair with her mental health. Nurturing plants and learning all about them led to her own healing journey. She discovered the immense joy and mindfulness that nurturing plants provides, so she began to write about them within her membership site, create courses, paint parts of nature that she fell in love with, and write books in the hope of sharing her passion and helping others to connect back to the beauty and wonder that nature supplies. Joanne is very passionate about eradicating the use of chemicals in gardening, and so she offers solutions using plants that either attract beneficial insects or deter pests.
