Why You Don’t Need to Have It All Figured Out, You Just Need to Take the First Step
- 4 days ago
- 8 min read
Faraday is a coach, mentor, educator, and aspiring writer, fascinated by how trauma shapes human potential, believing that lasting change becomes possible when we work with the mind and body together. Through her coaching and practice, she helps people understand why they think, feel, and behave as they do.
Many of us are waiting to feel ready, confident, healed, motivated, qualified, or 100% sure before we start our journey. The problem is that those feelings often arrive after action, not before, and waiting for them will always be a “one day” scenario.
We are sold the idea via our social media feeds that to be successful, to heal, or to make a change, you need a clear plan, that you must have it all figured out, and that it happens easily (err, no!). In reality, away from the glare of our news feeds, most of us are figuring things out as we go, or trying to. I know that I am!
When I started my own healing journey in 2014, I did not have a clue what I was doing. I just knew I wanted to be well after a lifetime of trauma, and I started from there. I had to step away from my “one day”. I needed to take action that I had never taken before, so I did. I was terrified and had no idea where the path would take me. There were times when I was flailing around in the dark, hoping that it would land.
Admittedly, I made some mistakes along the way that cost me dearly, and I went back 10 steps with my health many times, but I learned, course-corrected, and kept putting one foot in front of the other because that was all I could do. Through the turbulence of healing layers of trauma, I discovered that the small actions I took had the greatest impact. It was the ripple effect of a pebble in the ocean.
We do not need to always rip off that plaster in one hit and take the huge leap. You do not have to figure it out in one go. You really don’t, so stop trying. You just need to put one foot in front of the other and allow it to unfold.
Walking your own yellow brick road
Our courage and bravery to take the first step do not stem from waiting to become brave. They come from doing the thing, even with fear, holding your own hand and having faith that it will work out, and if it does not, that is okay too!
We often imagine that confidence comes before action, and we sit around waiting for it to appear, but it never does. Confidence is built through the actions we take. It is evidence gathered from doing the thing, not thinking about doing the thing or talking about doing the thing. We do not think our way into clarity, we act our way into clarity.
Every small step provides new information that was not available while we were standing still and waiting for our “one day”. Throughout my journey, I have learned, gained knowledge, researched and read, used what worked for me, let go of what did not, and empowered myself to keep putting one foot in front of the next.
After all, Dorothy did not arrive in Oz in a single leap, nor did she get there by standing still. She walked the Yellow Brick Road one step at a time, facing challenges and obstacles, meeting unexpected companions, and discovering strengths she did not know she had. The wisdom, courage, and insight she gained were not waiting for her at the end of the journey, they were developed along the way. The same is true for us. We do not need to have it all figured out before we begin. We simply need to take the next step and trust that the path will reveal itself as we walk it.
When you look back at your life, the moments that shaped you probably were not the ones where you had everything planned. I can say with absolute certainty that my life has not gone according to my plan, and what has shaped me was definitely not on my bucket list. I knew what I wanted my life to look like, or so I thought, but the universe had other ideas. Despite all the hurdles and obstacles, the insights, lessons, and knowledge I garnered along my “yellow brick road” are what got me here today, writing this article!
When fear and growth collide
Growth and working towards something meaningful, while a positive aspect of being human, require us to tolerate a degree of uncertainty and discomfort. It is not all unicorns and rainbows. To move forward in life, we need to adapt and change, even when we do not fully believe we can. While we are built for survival, we are also built to heal and adjust to what life brings.
As we create change or pursue our dreams and goals, we do not know what will happen, so the nervous system becomes more alert. It would rather keep you in the familiar hell than move towards the unknown. Change equals uncertainty, and this activates the same threat systems that respond to physical danger, so the brain often interprets the unknown as a potential threat, even when it is not. Our system still thinks that the sabre-toothed tiger is coming at us. That is why acting on what you want can feel uncomfortable, even when the action itself is positive.
Your brain predicts based on your past
A lot of what keeps us stuck is not the unknown itself, but what our past has taught us the unknown might mean. Our brain is designed to keep us safe, not necessarily to help us grow. It is built for survival, not abundance. It is a prediction machine using past experiences to anticipate what will happen next.
The fears and anxieties about the future, while they are valid, are based on our past. Without our past, we would not be here now, but our past can also keep us stuck because we do not feel psychologically safe moving forward. If your experiences have taught you that change leads to disappointment, rejection, failure, criticism, loss, or emotional pain, then your nervous system learns to respond to uncertainty with caution and resistance. Whether we like it or not, our past experiences can keep us from making progress, even after they are over.
Feeling resistance is good
We cannot always act when our nervous system does not feel safe, so to ease the discomfort, we may seek certainty to feel secure and avoid failure. To alleviate our fear, we may tip into control, overthinking, and the “what if” spiral. From here, resistance, procrastination, and avoidance creep in, and before we know it, we are still in the same job we have outgrown, or in a relationship that feels stale. We are stuck in a cycle of repetition. Sound familiar?
If our system feels unsafe or overwhelmed, we risk shutdown or freeze, which is not conducive to long-term well-being. Not knowing what might be around the corner, but living with a predictive brain full of trauma, my life did get stuck, my system felt stuck, and I was repeating many aspects of my life that were harmful.
There were many occasions where I would throw myself in, push and force before my system was ready, and my progress would stop. My system would shut down, and resistance would kick in. It was too much too soon. So the key is learning to work with your nervous system. When resistance shows up, we need to allow space for it. If we hold it with curiosity and compassion rather than judgment or pushing it away, resistance tends to lose some of its charge. From there, taking action becomes easier.
One book that captures this struggle brilliantly is The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. Pressfield describes “Resistance” as the internal force that shows up whenever we try to do something meaningful, such as starting a business, writing, creating, changing careers, healing, or pursuing a goal that matters to us. It took me three weeks to write my bio and first article for this publication. The resistance was strong, and avoidance kicked in!
Feeling resistance does not mean you are on the wrong path. It often means you are standing at the edge of something important and about to make a breakthrough. When you feel resistance, instead of avoiding or disengaging from the task in front of you, see it as a sign. Lean into that resistance and get curious, with a side serving of compassion.
The next time you feel resistance
Pause, take a breath, get grounded. Feel into your body and notice where the resistance is showing up and what it might be telling you.
Where am I feeling this resistance?
What is this telling me? (You need to listen to your body.)
What am I afraid of?
What does it remind me of?
What is the next right move?
What small step can I take from where I am?
What will happen if I do take action?
What will happen if I do not?
If I do not take the action, how will I feel?
Ultimately, what are the consequences of not taking action? Do you stay where you are and continue to feel unhappy or unfulfilled?
When you understand resistance as information to be explored, it can help you stop seeing discomfort as a signal to quit and start seeing it as a normal part of the process of creating change. Resistance is not the enemy.
Trust the next step
Trusting the process can be challenging, I know this firsthand, especially when our past experiences have taught us not to trust or have led us to believe that life simply will not work out for us, or maybe, like me, you were told you would never be well. But if we can learn to recognise that it is often the small steps, the ones we barely notice, that move us forward, we can begin to see progress unfold in ways we never expected.
Remember that wisdom and growth are not always found before the journey. Like Dorothy on the Yellow Brick Road, wisdom is gathered along the way. Growth happens with each step you take. The courage, insight, and resilience you seek will develop as you move forward, rather than waiting until you feel ready.
Think of your journey as driving a car in the dark with only the headlights to guide you. You can see only a few feet ahead, but you are on your journey and have your destination in mind. You get there despite the bumps in the road and the resistance you feel.
So keep going. Just put one foot in front of the other and allow your path to open up and guide you with each step you take.
Are you ready to move through your resistance, get unstuck, and take the first steps? Get in touch and book a discovery call with me here.
Read more from Faraday Fearnside
Faraday Fearnside, Coach, Mentor and Educator
Faraday is a coach, mentor, educator, and aspiring writer with a deep interest in trauma healing and human potential. Drawing on her lived experience of PTSD recovery, her coaching, workshops, and writing offer compassionate support and practical tools to help others navigate growth, healing, and self-discovery. Using an integrative approach that combines coaching, somatic practices, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), and breathwork, Faraday helps people reconnect with themselves, release what no longer serves them, and build lives that are authentic, abundant, and fulfilling. When she's not working, you'll usually find her exploring trauma healing and the complexities of being human in this big, beautiful world.
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