Who Am I? – The Ever–Evolving Question of Belonging
Written by Gacia Tokajian, Life and Mindset Coach Gacia Tokajian is a certified life and mindset coach and founder of GT Coaching, where she empowers individuals through personalized 1:1 coaching to gain clarity, direction, and create a life aligned with their values.
“Who am I?” It’s a question most of us ask ourselves at some point in our lives. Since childhood, we have this innate urge to develop a sense of identity, a way to understand who we are and how we relate to the world around us. Psychologist Carl Jung called this process individuation. He described the self as “the totality of a person’s being, the central force guiding our development.”
But no one talks about the transitions that shake this identity. And sometimes, it’s not just one transition; it’s many: a career change, the loss of a loved one, a breakup, marriage, parenthood, moving countries, etc. These moments don’t just shift our circumstances; they challenge this very question: Who am I now?
Caught between two worlds
For me, this question started quite early.
I was born into an Armenian family in Jordan. I was raised to speak Armenian, learn its history, maintain its traditions, and follow its religion. I was told, and encouraged, that I must preserve my culture, heritage, and lineage. It was a moral responsibility, and I felt the weight of it from a very young age.
At the same time, I lived in a society that spoke, believed, and lived slightly differently, a world I also wanted to feel I was part of. And so, the identity split began.
Trying to fit in
This inner conflict deepened when I transitioned into secondary school. Most of my friends were not Armenian. Like many teen girls, I just wanted to fit in, but it felt like I was already behind in that game.
The confusion began:
I am not entirely Arab, yet I live in Jordan.
I am Armenian, but I’ve never been to Armenia.
I constantly found myself unable to fully resonate with either one.
There are things I absolutely love about Jordanian culture, and there are parts of my Armenian roots that feel like home. So, which one do I belong to? And how do I show up holding both these worlds?
I often felt like I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I obviously didn’t belong here.
That was the beginning of my inner quest:
Who am I? Where do I belong? And what does that feeling of belonging even look like?
Searching for belonging through freedom
Over the years, I found myself seeking these answers in many ways, hoping that one day I would finally find the place I truly belonged. And once I did, life would feel freer, easier, and in flow.
Then came the realization:
If I can feel free, at ease, and in flow, that must mean I’ve found myself.
Seeking freedom and ease became my obsession. I changed careers multiple times, switched jobs within the same industry, and even moved countries. But nothing quite landed—not the jobs, not the places, not even the things I was doing.
Wearing roles that no longer fit
By that point, I had crafted some form of an identity. I could now proudly call myself “the dancer,” “the teacher,” and “the go-to person”, the one who was like the mom of every friend group I was part of.
Then, five years ago, I moved again.
This time, my identity crisis hit differently.
I felt more lost than ever.
I found myself in a place where no one around me saw me through the lenses I had so tightly attached myself to.
The labels I’d carried with pride suddenly meant nothing.
So once again, I was left with the same question:
Who am I? And when will I finally find the place I belong?
The answer was within
After years of searching, I can finally say the quest has ended.
And here’s why:
I realized I was so disconnected from the very source that held these answers, me, myself, my inner being.
I was so busy looking for identity and belonging in places, titles, and things, only to realize it was within me all along.
All I had to do was go back and reconnect.
To listen inward.
To ask: Who do I want to be now?
Belonging is something we create
I now understand that who I am and where I belong are not external destinations.
They are inner experiences, feelings I get to create for myself by cultivating safety, understanding, love, and acceptance for all the different parts of me.
Every experience, every painful moment, every misstep gave me a piece of the puzzle that makes up who I am today.
And I get to shape and reshape that puzzle as many times as I like.
In any way I choose.
I realized, though I was looking for myself by chasing external freedom, hoping that expanding my material world would give me peace, I ended up finding something much richer:
A deeper connection to myself.
More inner freedom.
And a quiet, grounded sense of serenity.
If you're in transition, start here
And while I’m still figuring out more of the puzzle pieces, I know this:
If you’re going through a life transition.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, lost, or uncertain of who you are now, you’re not alone.
I see you.
I feel you.
And I invite you to start here, with these questions:
What do I desire most right now?
What 3-5 values do I want to live by?
How do I want to feel daily?
What truly matters to me right now?
What are some things I feel passionate about?
Becoming is the journey
Change and transition are an inevitable part of life. But instead of resisting them, we can learn to embrace them, grow with them, and expand our capacity to hold them with more grace and more compassion for ourselves.
Because ‘Becoming’ is not a fixed destination.
It is an ever-evolving journey, and we get to learn how to enjoy it.
As Carl Jung said:
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
If any part of this story resonated with you, if you're navigating your own transitions, identity shifts, or simply craving a deeper sense of clarity and connection, know that you don’t have to journey alone. Through coaching, I offer a grounded, heart-centered space to help you reconnect with who you are, clarify what matters, and move forward with more confidence and ease. If you feel called, I’d love to walk beside you.
From my heart to yours, I send you love, and I wish you a beautiful day!
Follow me on Instagram for more info!
Read more from Gacia Tokajian
Gacia Tokajian, Life and Mindset Coach
Gacia Tokajian is a Jay Shetty-certified Life and Mindset Coach. Her journey into personal development began nine years ago after experiencing anorexia, which led her to explore the deeper root causes beneath the symptoms. Through years of training, workshops, and inner work, she transformed her life, moving from a place of feeling stuck and frustrated to cultivating peace, self-love, and self-acceptance. Today, she guides others on their own path of reconnection, helping them rewrite life stories that feel aligned and empowering.
