When Others Become a Mirror – How We Meet Ourselves Through Others
- Brainz Magazine
- Oct 6
- 3 min read
Updated: Oct 7
Alexis Lynch specializes in neurodiversity and encourages the community to incorporate a "difference, not a deficit" mindset. Lynch is neurodivergent herself and feels this assists in the therapeutic process and client relationship.
Have you ever met someone and felt an instant sense of familiarity? Sometimes this is warm and comforting, other times, it’s unsettling, even triggering. Why does that happen? Consider that the person in front of you may be reflecting something within yourself. They highlight a part of you that you’ve been hiding, avoiding, or thought was long gone. Perhaps it triggers old behavioral patterns. Maybe it reminds you of someone you’ve let go. Or possibly it awakens the memory of someone you deeply miss.
Psychology offers frameworks for understanding this phenomenon. Many therapeutic approaches suggest that we are not a single, unified being, but rather a collection of inner “parts” or sub-personalities. Jungian therapy speaks of archetypes, universal roles, and energies within the psyche. Internal Family Systems (IFS) highlights inner parts that carry our wounds, defenses, and protective roles. Both approaches emphasize the importance of strengthening your core self while integrating these parts, so you move toward wholeness rather than fragmentation.
When someone reflects these inner parts to us, the experience can be especially triggering. For example, meeting a person who mirrors your shadow (the aspects of yourself you unconsciously try to hide) can bring up uneasiness, irritation, or even defensiveness. In IFS language, this might be a wounded part being stirred. Protective parts quickly step in, such as the Manager, who becomes critical or controlling, or the Firefighter, who works to extinguish the emotional fire through quick, unhealthy fixes like impulsive behavior, overeating, or substance use.
The problem is that while these parts try to protect us, they often create more pain. Yet with therapy and daily self-reflection, these parts can be acknowledged, understood, and given healthier roles. When you build this kind of self-awareness, you’re less likely to be blindsided when someone triggers you. Instead of reacting with irritation or impulsivity, you gain space to notice this isn’t about them, but rather the parts of me I see within them.
As I often tell my clients, self-awareness is the most important practice. If you don’t know something, how can you work on it? However, once you do begin to face these inner dynamics, the next step is courage and self-acceptance. Without those, we risk staying stuck in defensive cycles. With them, we begin to see that others are not always just difficult people, they are mirrors, helping us discover and integrate the parts of ourselves we most need to know.
Every relationship is also a meeting with ourselves. When someone unsettles us, it is often because they stir a part of us that resonates with our own story. When someone inspires us, it may be because they reflect a strength or possibility that we have yet to discover within ourselves. In this way, others become living mirrors, offering us glimpses of our shadow, our light, and everything in between.
The challenge (and the gift) is learning to pause and turn inward. Instead of asking, “Why am I like this?” we can ask, “What has awakened in me, and why am I so resistant to this experience?” This shift opens the door from defensiveness to discovery.
Some helpful questions to ask yourself are:
Why am I feeling unsettled? What is this part of myself trying to show me?
Who do I feel comfortable around, and what parts of myself are reflected in them?
What parts of me feel they are still waiting for compassion, courage, or integration?
The people we meet are invitations to get to know ourselves with depth, to practice self-acceptance, and to live more authentically. When we embrace others as mirrors, life itself becomes a teacher, guiding us back, again and again, to the wholeness already within us.
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Alexis Lynch, Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Alexis Lynch is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in the State of Florida. She specializes in neurodiversity and encourages the community to incorporate a "difference, not a deficit" mindset. Lynch is neurodivergent herself and feels this assists in the therapeutic process and client relationship. Lynch empowers her clients to utilize their strengths to work toward self-discovery and find comfort in feeling uncomfortable to gain confidence when met with challenges. The client can feel more present in their lives and reduce their anxiety by gaining this confidence and a newfound sense of self.
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