What Our Secrets Say About Who We Really Are
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 2
- 5 min read
Tarrent-Arthur Henry, known by the pen name Tarrent ‘Authur’ Henry, is a devoted husband and stepfather to two exceptional young men. The founder of 'Righteous Uplifting Nourishing International, Inc.,' a 501c3 Non-Profit Organization, he passionately leads its global mission to empower individuals to achieve their dreams.
We live in a world where silence can speak louder than words, and where what we try hardest to hide often shapes us more than what we choose to reveal. Late at night, when our minds drift and defenses fade, the unspoken truths we’ve locked away often whisper back to us, reminding us that we can run from our secrets, but never fully escape them.
This article explores why we keep secrets, what they cost us emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, and how, even through the lens of modern psychology and ancient biblical wisdom, freedom often begins when we dare to bring what’s hidden into the light.
“I hear the secrets that you keep / When you’re talking in your sleep.” – The Romantics
The universal weight of secrets
Every person alive keeps secrets. Some are small and harmless; others are heavy and deeply personal past mistakes, hidden fears, regrets, or unspoken longings.
In The Secret Life of Secrets, psychologist Michael Slepian reminds us that secrets don’t just sit quietly in our minds; they live in us. They aren’t passive facts but experiences that actively shape our thoughts, emotions, and sense of identity.
Slepian explains something profound: the harm of secrets doesn’t usually come from having them, but from the mental burden of holding them. The act of constantly suppressing them can create stress, isolation, and even physical exhaustion.
So, secrets become less about what we hide from others, and more about what we carry within ourselves.
When the mask slips: Talking in your Sleep
The lyric by The Romantics captures this vulnerability: that even when we intend to keep silent, our subconscious keeps speaking.
Slepian describes how secrets often emerge in unexpected ways through our body language, emotional reactions, or even in dreams and slips of the tongue.
These aren’t accidents; they are reminders that the mind naturally seeks coherence and wholeness. Even the parts of us we try to silence eventually find ways to be heard.
Late at night, when we’re half-awake or talking in our sleep, the truths we’ve tried to bury might rise to the surface, reminding us that what we repress still shapes us.
The psychological cost of hiding
One of Slepian’s most striking findings is that the act of concealment, not necessarily the secret itself, is what weighs us down.
Keeping a secret can make us feel alone, distracted, and mentally exhausted. The constant vigilance it requires steals our attention and joy.
And it doesn’t stop there. Even secrets we keep from ourselves, truths we deny or refuse to confront, can silently erode our mental health.
As the psalmist wrote centuries ago, “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long” (Psalm 32:3). Long before psychology, spiritual wisdom recognized that silence can wound us deeply.
Why we keep secrets
Slepian’s research shows that people keep secrets for complex reasons: to avoid shame, protect relationships, or preserve self-image.
Often, it feels safer to carry a burden alone than risk exposure. But ironically, this isolation increases the weight of the secret.
What begins as protection becomes a prison.
And over time, what we hide doesn’t just remain hidden; it starts to define us.
The Bible’s perspective on hidden things
Biblical wisdom doesn’t shy away from the reality of secrets. Instead, it invites us to see them differently not as evidence of unworthiness, but as opportunities for healing.“For nothing is hidden that will not be revealed, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light.” (Luke 8:17)These words aren’t meant as threats, but as an invitation to freedom. Light doesn’t shame; it heals.
And Psalm 139 beautifully reassures us: “Before a word is on my tongue, you, Lord, know it completely.” Even what we fear to speak aloud is already known, and still, we are loved.
Secrets and self-awareness
Slepian suggests a surprising truth: our secrets can reveal what matters most to us.
For example:
If you hide your struggles, you likely value strength and independence.
If you conceal a deep longing, it shows what your heart truly desires.
If you suppress doubts, it means faith is deeply important to you.
Listening to what we hide can become a path to self-discovery. It helps us understand our fears, values, and deepest needs.
When we dare to listen
Imagine, instead of fearing what might slip out in the dark, we dared to listen.
Slepian encourages reflection: simply acknowledging a secret, even privately, can lift its weight. The burden is lessened when we move from constant suppression to gentle acceptance.
These whispers in the dark aren’t threats; they’re invitations:
To face wounds we’ve hidden.
To name desires we’ve denied.
To speak truths we’ve silenced.
The role of confession and connection
Both modern psychology and ancient faith traditions affirm this: honesty with others can transform us.
James 5:16 teaches: “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”Slepian’s research aligns with this: people who share secrets with trusted confidants feel lighter, more connected, and less burdened.
What we think will isolate us often becomes the bridge that deepens connection.
The freedom of light
Imagine carrying a stone in your pocket everywhere you go. Over time, you barely notice it, but it still weighs you down.
Secrets are like that stone. The longer we carry them alone, the heavier they feel.
Slepian describes the relief people experience after sharing a secret, not because the situation changes, but because they’re no longer alone with it.
Bringing secrets into the light frees our minds and opens our hearts.
Practical steps to begin
If you’re ready to explore your own secrets, consider these gentle steps inspired by Slepian’s work and spiritual reflection:
Reflect privately: Ask, “What am I afraid would happen if others knew this?”
Write it down: Putting it on paper makes it concrete and less overwhelming.
Pray or meditate: Offer your truth to God, trusting His love exceeds your shame.
Share with someone trusted: Choose someone compassionate, not critical.
Be patient with yourself: Self-acceptance is a journey, not a moment.
A final reflection
The lyric “I hear the secrets that you keep when you’re talking in your sleep” points to a universal truth: even when we try to hide, our hearts keep speaking.
The Secret Life of Secrets reminds us that what we keep hidden shapes our minds and hearts more than we realize.
Scripture reminds us that light brings healing, not condemnation.
So tonight, when your mind is quiet and your heart whispers its hidden truths, dare to listen.
You might find that what you feared would break you is the very thing that can set you free.
Tarrent-Arthur Henry, Mental Wellness Specialist and Advocate
Tarrent-Arthur Henry, known by the pen name Tarrent ‘Authur’ Henry, is a devoted husband and stepfather to two exceptional young men. The founder of 'Righteous Uplifting Nourishing International, Inc.,' a 501c3 Non-Profit Organization, he passionately leads its global mission to empower individuals to achieve their dreams. He is also a best-selling author and poet. Henry serves as a Pastor, Chaplain, Mental Wellness Specialist, and advocate. And holds certifications as a Coach, Speaker, Teacher, Trainer, and Facilitator with Maxwell Leadership.
