What is Collective Grief, and How Does It Affect Me?
- Brainz Magazine
- 8 hours ago
- 5 min read
Written by Hannah Darby, Holistic Healer
Hannah Darby GMBPsP SMACCPH is an award-winning holistic healer, founder of the H.E.A.L.™ method that removes the blocks to success, love, money and happiness caused by grief. Hannah is a global bestselling author having co-authored multiple books and has been featured in many different international magazines.
Have you ever found yourself feeling extremely low after the death of someone you didn’t personally know? Maybe you've struggled to accept their passing. Maybe you are beginning to question why you can’t shift this low mood. Keep reading to discover how collective grief can leave you just as broken as when someone you knew personally has died.
What is grief?
Grief is what we experience when we go through any form of loss. That can be the loss of a person, a home, a job, a relationship, a pet, the loss of a child, never being able to have children, a significant life change, a diagnosis, an accident, or even parts of yourself. To summarise, it is a collection of emotions, feelings, and reactions we experience inside ourselves when we go through deep loss or trauma. It affects not only our mind, but also our body, our heart, and our soul.
What is collective grief?
Collective grief, or public grief, is described as the grief we experience when we grieve as a group, collectively over an event or the loss of a public figure. The recent passing of the incredible legend Ozzy Osbourne has touched many people's hearts. Why? He was not only a musician but a larger-than-life public figure. He appeared on our radios, in the magazines we read, and on the television we watched. He opened his life up for us to see.
Collective grief isn’t just about public figures. It is also about shared experiences, such as the COVID-19 pandemic, and there has been much research done on the effects of collective grief. Finding a way to mourn together is so important. For example, from the tributes left on the Black Sabbath Bench in Birmingham to the book available to sign at Birmingham Museum. London Metropolitan University produced a fantastic article on the collective mourning after the pandemic; read it here.
Models of grief
Many renowned individuals have studied grief, from Sigmund Freud to William Worden, and from Strobe & Schut to Louise Hay. They have all developed their own models of grief, describing the effects it has on our lives. One of the most notable, and one that you may recognise, is Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, who described the Stages of Grief:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
A sixth stage was added later by David Kessler, Meaning. I was honoured to train with David in his Grief Educator programme this year. I could write a whole article on the models of grief, so keep following me to find out more in a future article.
How does grief affect me?
Grief enters all parts of our lives. It affects our mind, heart, body, and soul. It’s a deeply personal experience, yet one in which we may share similar experiences. It is important to recognise your grief and honour it, especially when dealing with collective grief. Be kind to yourself. As Louise Hay described in her Positive Psychology work, we tend to judge ourselves harshly. We would never speak to others the way we speak to ourselves, so think about this next time your thoughts stray.
Noticing collective grief in the mind
You may find yourself feeling lower than usual, pulling away from your peers, and becoming withdrawn. You may feel lost or confused, unsure of what or where to go next. You may struggle with your emotions. Know that feelings are just feelings; they are neither good nor bad, and whatever you are feeling is valid for you.
When dealing with collective grief, this can be harder, as the heaviness is not just inside ourselves but all around us. So show yourself compassion. Remember, grief needs to be expressed, not repressed, in order to move forward.
Noticing collective grief in the body
You might become anxious or panicky, have sweaty palms, and experience body shakes. You may have a tightness in your throat or a dry mouth. You may feel a hollowness inside, as if a pit has formed in your chest. You may be struggling with your usual sleep patterns or even experience nightmares. You might feel an extra sort of tired, even exhausted. You may be off your food, and even experience muscle aches and pains.
With collective grief, we can often mistake these physical symptoms for something else, like a cold or just lack of sleep, as we do not tend to recognise that this grief has affected us as deeply as it can.
Noticing collective grief as a whole
Different forms of grief can affect us in different ways. So if you're feeling low and you can’t work out why, it could be collective grief you are experiencing. I advise you to keep a journal, note down what and when you notice different symptoms, and see if you can spot a pattern. Think about what you were doing at the time, what you were thinking about, and where you were.
A world in chaos
I don’t know about you, but I feel the world is generally heavy right now. From the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic to the climate emergency, from the ongoing multiple wars to the natural ending of lives, there is a collective grief that shadows us all at the moment. So be kind to yourself and kind to others. Allow grace and compassion to flow through whatever you do. We are all grieving in one way or another.
Hope for the future
The more we all speak about our grief, share our experiences, honour our feelings, and educate ourselves about grief, the better. The less it tears our worlds apart, the more we will become compassionate and empathetic. Grief is inevitable; we will all experience it in some form in our lifetime. I'm honoured to be here writing for Brainz magazine, and I shall be sharing an insight into the world of grief each month, so keep an eye out for my future articles.
Read more from Hannah Darby
Hannah Darby, Holistic Healer
Hannah Darby GMBPsP SMACCPH is a leader in the invisible world of grief. She has lived her whole adult life in grief after the death of her father as a young teenager, leading her to study the lasting effect of grief in adulthood. Hannah is proudly a certified grief educator and understands grief in all its forms. She has dedicated her life to her own personal healing journey and now shares this wisdom with her clients. Hannah is founder of Healing with Hannah a holistic healing practice with specialist trauma informed status. She believes in a world where the invisible becomes visible and no-one living in grief is left to deal with it alone.
