The War Inside Your Brain
Saaid Radwan is a Behavior Analyst, Neurodiversity and Family Consultant, and CPD Certified Trainer with 20+ years of international experience across the UAE, MENA, Europe, and Central Asia. He specializes in ABA, communication support, emotional regulation, and family-centered care, advocating inclusive, lifelong development.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and this year I wanted to do something different. Instead of speaking about teenagers, I asked one to speak for herself. Parthnia, my co-author, is 14 years old. She has moved schools multiple times, navigated family changes, and learned to read rooms before most children learn to read chapter books. What follows is not a case study, it is a voice. One that deserves to be heard, not because it is unusual, but because it is far more common than we admit.
The many layers we wear
"Mental health affects everyone differently, depending on their age and their experiences. Even the way they respond to specific situations, everyone reacts differently to certain things."
For me, it started early. It caused me to build different layers of personality depending on who was around. I became someone who could shift and adapt to whatever room I walked into. It sounds like a skill, and maybe it is. But when you're 14 and you've already forgotten which layer is the real one, it feels more like survival than strength.
The brain and the fear that never leaves
"The fear of being judged never fully leaves. Whether it's about your looks or your personality, the words you use, the way people perceive you, the fear of judgment never leaves you."
It becomes automatic. You develop habits you don't even notice, checking what you're doing, if someone laughs behind you, trying to blend into the crowd as much as possible because you don't want to be the center of attention. People always notice what you're doing and what you're saying. At least, that's what your brain tells you.
Everyone reacts differently. Not everyone wants to hide their emotions or build walls. Some people do the opposite, they crowd, they perform, they try to fit in with specific people. Some people just hide everything they think to themselves. There's no single way to carry it.
The cost of reading every room
"For me, I always had to plan every move and every word before I said it. It helped me grow my emotional intelligence a lot, which honestly helped me in so many things and in so many situations."
This is the part people praise. Adults call you "mature for your age." Teachers say you're "wise beyond your years." They're not wrong, you do notice every detail. You see people's reactions to things others miss. You always know the right advice to give, what they want to hear, how to guide them through the right path.
But they don't see the cost. "It can also impact you negatively because you give everyone an excuse for treating you badly. Because you think of everything that goes on in their head, you put yourself in their shoes, it’s almost hard to fit back into yours."
You focus on everyone's life and overthink every word you say to them. Even the people you're most comfortable with. Something small happens, and it repeats in your head for hours. You think about every next move and how it affected others, even if they affected you more.
You always know how to say the right thing, which honestly can make you feel different. Because not everyone thinks the same way you do. Sometimes it feels like no one will ever understand you the way you understand them.
The loneliness of being the problem solver
"When you try to open up to people, you wish they could comfort you the same way you comfort them. It's extremely lonely."
You never want anyone to feel the same way you did in their situation. So, you become the problem solver in everyone's life. You never allowed yourself to make a simple mistake, which sounds good, but it means you never gave yourself the chance to just be normal, to be a kid. It caused me to have more stress than I should have.
It feels like you're constantly fighting with your own mind. You stop trusting people the same way because you don't want them to have a chance to hurt you again. You apologize just to keep the peace, even for things that weren't your fault. You start believing love has to be earned instead of deserved.
Sometimes we hide our feelings so well that we even stop feeling them. Stop recognizing them. We stop noticing them. Silence feels safer because speaking about my feelings never seemed to make things better.
Independence by default
"I became independent because I felt like I had to handle everything myself. Maybe I was just scared to do small things like order food or be in social situations or talk to people or be judged, but I learned to carry everything else alone because I felt like no one would worry about me the way I worry about others." It can be really upsetting. Lonely sometimes.
What I'm learning
"Everyone finds their own battles, which is why it's important to have a healthy mindset, take time to heal and learn to love yourself. It's okay to ask for help and there's nothing shameful about it."
Don't let people control your thoughts, opinions or decisions. Set goals for yourself and do everything you can to achieve them. Even if the goal is something as simple as learning to say no, or asking a question in class, or just getting out of your comfort zone and the things you're used to.
"It's okay if not everyone likes you. It may not feel like that, but you need to understand that even if you may not notice it, there's always going to be someone who's not going to like you and it's okay."
You need to love yourself so you can accept that. Having a few friends is better than surrounding yourself with people who constantly make you feel like you're not enough, or misunderstood, or like you don't belong.
As a behaviour analyst with nearly three decades of experience, I can tell you that what this young woman describes is not rare and it is certainly nothing to be ashamed of. The emotional intelligence she developed is not a flaw, it is a genuine strength, one that will serve her throughout her life. The ability to read a room, to sense what others need, to guide people through difficulty, these are remarkable capacities that many adults never fully develop.
What she is experiencing is not "bad" or broken. It is what happens when a sensitive, aware mind learns to protect itself in a demanding world. The hypervigilance that travels alongside that intelligence? It is not a weakness, it is simply the other side of the same coin. Like any learned pattern, it can be adjusted with the right support.
Here is what I want her and every teenager like her to know: Your emotional intelligence is a gift. Your sensitivity is not something to fix or outgrow. What needs attention is the balance of learning to turn that remarkable awareness toward yourself with the same kindness you offer everyone else.
Practical steps forward
Begin by naming the pattern when it happens. When you notice yourself over-planning every word or absorbing someone else’s mood, pause and label it, “This is my caretaking pattern showing up.” Naming creates distance, and distance creates choice.
Another helpful practice is the “reverse check-in.” Before asking someone else how they are doing, ask yourself first. This helps you build the habit of becoming your own first responder instead of always placing others’ needs ahead of your own.
You can also start setting micro-boundaries. Begin with one small “no” or one honest “I need a moment” each day. These are not rejections of others, they are affirmations of yourself and your own needs.
Finally, find one safe outlet. This could be one person, one journal, or one space where you do not have to perform, protect, or plan your next move. It is simply a place where you can be yourself.
Asking for help is not a confession of failure. It is an act of self-respect. The same courage that allows you to carry so much for others can be turned toward allowing someone to carry something for you.
Her final words are perhaps the most important: "Learn to love yourself." For a 14-year-old who has already learned to carry so much, this is not a cliché. It is a goal. It is one worth supporting starting now.
Saaid Radwan, Behavior Analyst and Family Consultant
Saaid Radwan is a Behavior Analyst, Neurodiversity and Family Consultant, and CPD Certified Trainer with over 20 years of international experience across the UAE, MENA, Europe, and Central Asia. He specializes in ABA, communication support, emotional regulation, and family-centered care across the lifespan. Saaid is passionate about inclusive education, early intervention, and empowering families and professionals through practical, compassionate strategies. His work bridges evidence-based practice with real-world impact.
