The Trap of 'More' – How to Win Without Losing Yourself

Written by Jenni (Benningfield) Black, Mental Performance Coach

Jenni (Benningfield) Black is a former professional athlete, a mental performance coach, and the founder of Inner Opponent Coaching. As a certified professional coach, Jenni specializes in working with high-performing leaders, athletes, coaches, and teams.

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As the youngest and only girl in my family, competition against my three older brothers was in everything we did. Whether it was a basketball game in the backyard, a football game in the street, playing video games, or even deciding who gets the last piece of food.

This competition instilled a work ethic and an awareness that I not only enjoyed sports, but I was also really good at it.

It wasn’t until I was in the 6th grade when I received my first college basketball recruiting letter, or in 8th grade when the WNBA had its inaugural season, that I truly understood the opportunities that I could access. With the support of my parents, I was given access to opportunities that helped me grow: multiple sports, club basketball, national travel for camps, and a front-row seat to what it would take to compete at the highest level.

In high school, I locked in. I set my sights on earning a college scholarship, and I poured everything into it: extra workouts, extra gym time, extra conditioning, extra film. Every ounce of energy went toward that goal.

When I achieved it and began playing at Vanderbilt, my goals evolved, now the dream was to reach the professional level. That meant even more effort. A higher level meant higher expectations and higher internal pressure. I learned that with each achievement came even tougher goals and even tougher mental battles.

That drive led me to success. But it also came with a cost:

Pressure. Doubt. Burnout. Blurred identity. Questioning what I really valued. Would I change any of it? Never. It has made me into who I am today.

And those experiences gave me resilience, discipline, leadership, and the mindset I carry today.

But if I could go back, if I could speak to my younger self, or to any young high achiever chasing big dreams, here’s what I’d say:

1. You are more than your stats, wins, or accomplishments

• Your performance does not define your identity.

• Being an athlete or (enter your role) is something you do, not who you are.

• You are enough, even on your worst day.

2. True toughness is balance, not burnout

• Real toughness is knowing when to press pause, not play.

• Rest, recovery, and stillness are part of peak performance.

• Burnout is a warning, not a badge of honor.

3. Let go of perfect in life

• The pursuit of perfection creates pressure, not peace; frustration, not fulfillment; and leads to burnout and self-doubt.

• Success is about progress, not perfection.

• Focus on getting 1% Better every day. Don’t underestimate the power of consistency.

  
  

4. Train your inner voice the same way you train your body

• Your self-talk shapes your reality. How you speak to yourself determines how you show up.

• Confidence is a skill, not a trait. It's built through mindset, repetition, and experience.

• Train your mind like a muscle. Mental reps matter if you don’t practice, it won’t show up under pressure.

5. Growth over outcome

• Mistakes are data and feedback, not failure.

  • They’re essential for learning, growth, and improvement.

• Control what you can: attitude, effort, and actions.

  • Let go of outcomes and outside opinions.

• Quality beats quantity. Extra without a purpose does not equate to “better.”

These five reflections aren’t just lessons, they’re guiding truths I now live by. They’re the wisdom I wish I could hand to every young athlete before the pressure builds, before burnout sets in, before doubt takes hold. Because success isn’t just about how far you go, it’s about who you become along the way.

That’s exactly why Inner Opponent Coaching was created:

• By a high achiever, for high achievers to share the real challenges and hard-earned learnings. So others can be prepared for everything that comes with the journey, the wins, the losses, the confidence, the doubt, and most importantly, how not to lose themselves in the process.

I know there will be lessons for my future self that I haven’t discovered yet, and that’s part of the beauty of life. Life doesn’t follow a straight line, and honestly, I’m glad I don’t have a crystal ball to map it all out.

Still, these lessons have shaped me into the person I’m proud to be today. And I’m excited to see what my future self learns and becomes next.

Before you go, here’s something to reflect on:

• What if the greatest gift you could give your future self is to thank your past self and learn from it, rather than judge or criticize it?

If you want to try this yourself, I’ve created a letter template to write to your past and future self:

• Create a copy of the letter templates here.

Here’s to the future you, full of possibility and growth!

If you ever feel stuck or want to share what you’ve learned, I’d love to connect. Reach out via email, follow me on Instagram and LinkedIn, or visit my website to schedule a call.

Read more from Jenni (Benningfield) Black

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Jenni (Benningfield) Black, Mental Performance Coach

Jenni (Benningfield) Black, a former professional athlete and mental performance coach, discovered the life-changing impact of mental performance during her final year of professional basketball, helping her overcome the mental and emotional challenges of retirement and inspiring her to earn a master’s degree in sports psychology. Driven by this passion, she founded Inner Opponent Coaching to help high performers break through mental barriers and create a game plan to succeed in what truly matters to them.