The Strength in Vulnerability and Redefining Positive Masculinity
- Brainz Magazine
- May 26
- 7 min read
Updated: Jun 2
Gillian is the Managing Director of Emerge Development Consultancy, which she founded 28 years ago. She is a Master Executive Coach working with many CEOs and managing Directors globally. She is also an international speaker and, in 2020, was named by f: Entrepreneur as one of the leading UK Female Entrepreneurs in the I also campaign. In 2023, she was named the Leader of the Year by the Women’s Business Club. In 2024, she was named Businesswoman of the Decade.
In a world increasingly aware of mental health, emotional intelligence, and the impact of gender roles, the conversation around masculinity has never been more vital, or more complex.
I have worked with both men and women for the last 30 years, and in the last 5 years, as the world has become increasingly tuned in to emotional wellbeing, authenticity, and the dynamics around the genders, the conversation about masculinity has become both more urgent and more nuanced.
In my work as a trainer, I deliver an Emotional Intelligence programme. What always strikes me is how powerful an experience can be when people are simply given permission to open up. Recently, I ran a session with a group of 12 people, including 9 men. As part of a vulnerability exercise, I invited them to speak about things that were affecting them but that they wouldn’t usually talk about at work. What followed was incredibly moving… the room shifted, and suddenly it was filled with honest, heartfelt stories. They spoke about coping with the death of parents, the emotional weight of fatherhood, the stress of modern life, and the loneliness of living in countries far from their families. It was raw, open, and deeply human. What stood out most was their surprise, not just at how open others were, but at how natural it felt once the space felt safe.
That experience pushed me to explore further. I began digging into the specific issues men are facing today, through conversations with men from all walks of life, and through reflections in my own circles.
I recently had the pleasure of interviewing Chris Britton, an author, podcaster, and men’s wellbeing expert on a LinkedIn Live, and he started with some shocking facts:
Suicide rates in men are up
Life expectancy is down
Education standards are down
Identity crisis is real
Chris talked about his own experiences of stress, mental health, supporting his wife through two miscarriages, and coping with the change that men go through when they become fathers. I realised how rarely we talk about how new fathers feel. As new mothers, we are coping with our whole lives being upturned, the physical recovery after birth, breastfeeding concerns, lack of sleep, coping with the responsibility of a new baby, hormones, and sometimes post-natal depression. Dads are rarely asked about how they are feeling. As a society, we expect them to get on with it and ‘be strong’. However, many men are also navigating their own personal issues: trying to connect with the baby, seeing their partner going through a difficult time, the sense of responsibility and worry, and the expectation that they will stay strong to support the mother, all of which can affect their mental health. And yet it was something that was still incredibly difficult to talk about.
Nowadays, there is so much in the media and on social media which encourages men to be open and begins to dismantle stigmas around masculinity. However, men still seem to find themselves in a confusing crosscurrent. Do they take the baton of being more emotionally available as the world seems to be urging them to be? And if they do, where do they express their struggles? For many men, it can feel as though someone has cast them in a role in a film where traditional male archetypes (tough, strong, stoic, always in control, self-reliant, emotionally restrained) are key character traits. Now with the shifting narrative around masculinity, the scripts that many men have been following are changing, but they are lacking robust guidance on how to replace the behaviours the script once promoted.
So, how do we define positive masculinity? It is a term that we hear discussed frequently in the media nowadays. Positive masculinity is an ethos that embraces emotional honesty, mental wellness, compassion, and the freedom to define masculinity on one’s own terms. It really encompasses the evolution of manhood, not rejecting traditional views, but by looking at them differently and feeling comfortable to reject parts of it which do not sit comfortably with men now.
Despite all of this, evolution is long overdue. According to the World Health Organisation, men are three times more likely than women to die by suicide in most parts of the world. In the UK alone, suicide remains the single biggest killer of men under fifty. This sadly resonates with me as my son experienced several suicides within his friendship group in his twenties and early thirties. Lives that were lost far too early, and that left the group with many questions. Men are in crisis, but not in ways that are always visible.
Data from the Mental Health Foundation reveals that nearly one in eight men has a common mental health condition, such as anxiety, depression, or stress-related disorders, though actual numbers may be higher due to underreporting. It is vital that we don’t just see these as statistics but as warning signs. These figures are signals. Signals that a growing number of men are suffering in silence.
But men’s mental health isn’t the only alarming issue. The data around physical health is alarming, too.
The most common cancer among men in the UK is prostate cancer, with more than 52,000 men diagnosed every year, and around 12,000 men dying from it. Even though the condition is highly treatable when caught early, many men still delay getting themselves checked, and Prostate Cancer UK notes that a large number of men will only seek help once symptoms become advanced. What causes them to delay? It could be fear or embarrassment, but more likely it is a result of conditioning that says, “Real men don’t complain or go to the doctor, they just get on with it”.
A crisis of quiet
So why aren’t men talking?
Right from early childhood, there is a deep-seated narrative that men are taught to “be strong, man up, and tough things out. It is drilled into them that vulnerability is a form of weakness. When men carry this through from childhood to adulthood, it can lead to them feeling emotionally stifled, not because they don’t have any feelings, but because they are rarely encouraged to express them and, if they do, can often find that other men laugh or tease them.
So many men tell me that they feel they have to choose between being the stereotypical “alpha male” and the ‘nice guy. It shouldn’t have to be a choice, and we should be creating systems that enable men to be their authentic selves. The problem isn’t masculinity itself. Masculinity, like femininity, is a cultural and personal construct – fluid, contextual, and capable of growth. What’s needed is not less masculinity, but more positive masculinity: qualities like accountability, emotional intelligence, reliability, self-awareness, and the courage to seek help when it’s needed. This will only happen from open dialogue.
A safe space for growth
In a recent Movember Foundation survey, 43% of men said they feel pressure to be “emotionally strong and not show weakness,” while 36% admitted they often feel lonely. This again highlights the importance of fostering community, not just online, but in real-world settings where men can see each other, hear each other, and grow together.
In recognising this space, we relaunched our men’s RISE empowerment programme. For years, our Women’s RISE programme has shown incredible results in helping women to change their lives, and whilst we were often asked if men could attend, feedback clearly stated that the participants would not have felt able to be as vulnerable if the sessions were a mixed space. This is clearly the same for men. The RISE FM programme is a space where men are encouraged to show up as they are – uncertain, overwhelmed, joyful, vulnerable, or somewhere in between. Sessions cover a range of topics relevant to today’s man, and it is wonderful to see men opening up about: mental health, managing stress, balancing ambition with wellbeing, building healthy relationships, navigating fatherhood, and yes, even the difficult conversations around sex and performance. But perhaps the most radical aspect of the programme isn’t what’s on the agenda – it’s the invitation itself. The idea that men deserve space to be open. That their pain, joy, and growth matter. That asking for help is not only brave, but necessary.
This is the new face of masculinity – not a relinquishing of strength, but a redefinition of it. Strength is the courage to be honest. To cry if they want to. To question. To reach out. To realise they are not alone. But most importantly, to say, “I need help.” A real shift for men who are tired of emotional isolation and hyper competition. It may feel a long way from the paradigm of the “stiff-upper-lip” that previous generations have been taught, and it certainly isn’t about abandoning tradition or masculinity, but it is about expanding its definition to include tenderness, self-reflection, and collaboration. And of course, most importantly, ensuring that men have the support systems they need to, whether that be to be listened to without judgement, a peer group that can continuously check in with them, or refer them to other channels that can support them.
Because positive masculinity benefits everyone, when men are mentally healthy, emotionally present, and self-aware, they become better everywhere, at home and at work.
Read more from Gillian Jones-Williams
Gillian Jones-Williams, Emerge Development Consultancy
Gillian is the Managing Director of Emerge Development Consultancy, which she founded 28 years ago. She is a Master Executive Coach working with many CEOs and managing Directors globally. She is also an international speaker and in 2020 was named by f: Entrepreneur as one of the leading UK Female Entrepreneurs in the I also campaign. In 2023, she was named as Leader of the Year by the Women’s Business Club and has just been named as Businesswoman of the Decade in the Best Businesswomen awards.
Gillian founded the RISE Women’s Development Programme, which is delivered both in the UK and the Middle East, and Saudi and is her absolute passion.
She is also the co-author of How to Create a Coaching Culture, 50 Top Tools for Coaching, and the author of Locked Down but Not Out, which is a diary of the first 3 months of the pandemic to raise money for the bereaved families of the NHS workers who died during COVID-19.
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