The Problem With Gratitude
- Brainz Magazine
- Aug 26
- 4 min read
Written by Rebecca T Dickson, Leadership Coach
Rebecca T Dickson is recognized as one of the most transformational leaders in the world. She is the founder of The Yes Method, teaching leaders how to feel and process emotions; an intuitive author, a horse medicine practitioner, and a huge fan of nature-based therapies.
Most people believe gratitude practices are beneficial. Write three things you're thankful for. Notice the beauty around you. Practice mindfulness. Meditate daily.
What's wrong with that? Everything.
When you prescribe these approaches to traumatized people, you're not helping them heal. You're teaching them to blame themselves for normal human responses to abnormal experiences.
Here's what happens: A traumatized nervous system can't meditate because it's scanning for threats. It can't feel grateful because depression or dissociation has flattened emotions. It can't maintain daily practices because survival takes all available energy.
But instead of recognizing these as normal trauma responses, we label them as "resistance" or "lack of commitment." So now the person isn't just dealing with trauma, they're dealing with shame about not being able to heal properly.
The self-blame cycle
The wellness industry calls this "resistance." I call it a Tuesday.
Your nervous system isn't broken because it can't meditate away trauma. It's doing exactly what it's designed to do: Keep you alive in a world that feels dangerous.
But nobody tells you that. Instead, they sell you another app, another journal, another course on doing mindfulness "right."
Gratitude, meditation and affirmations all require something traumatized nervous systems don't have: consistent capacity.
When you're triggered, you don't have bandwidth for gratitude lists. When you're dissociated, mindfulness feels impossible. When you're hypervigilant, meditation feels like torture.
But the wellness world insists these are daily practices. Miss a day and you're "not committed to healing." Miss a week and you're "self-sabotaging."
So now you're not just dealing with trauma symptoms. You're dealing with shame about not being able to heal the "right" way.
The gratitude lie
Let me be brutally honest. Telling someone to be grateful for their trauma is fundamentally dangerous.
"Your abuse made you stronger." "Your betrayal taught you who to trust." "Your loss showed you what really matters."
No.
Your trauma didn't happen to teach you lessons. It happened because bad things happen to good people in a chaotic world. Full stop.
Gratitude practices for trauma are like putting a Band-Aid on a bullet wound and calling it healed. You might feel better temporarily, but you haven't addressed the actual damage.
The wellness industry profits from your repeated "failures." If gratitude journals actually worked for trauma, you'd buy one and be done. But they don't work, so you keep buying them. New formats, better prompts, more guided questions.
Same with meditation apps. If they actually resolved your anxiety, you'd cancel your subscription. But they don't, so you keep paying monthly, convinced the next technique will be the one.
The business model depends on you never actually getting better. Just getting better enough to keep trying.
What actually works
But what if there's something that actually works without daily maintenance?
Awe experiences. Those moments when you witness something so beautiful or profound that you forget yourself completely.
Standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon and feeling utterly insignificant yet connected to everything at once. Watching a perfect 10 gymnastic routine that seems to defy physics. Seeing footage of the first moon landing. Holding a newborn and realizing you're looking at a complete universe in miniature.
But here's the key: awe only works when it's timed precisely. During memory reconsolidation - that 6-hour window when traumatic memories become changeable. This isn't just "go look at a sunset when you're sad." This is a strategic intervention during the exact neurobiological time when healing can actually happen.
That's The Impact Method™, and it's patent-pending because nobody else figured this out.
Awe doesn't ask you to be thankful for your pain. It offers you something more beautiful than your pain.
Awe doesn't require you to overcome your trauma responses. It bypasses them entirely by engaging wonder instead of willpower.
Awe doesn't demand daily practice. One genuine moment of transcendence at the right neurobiological moment can shift your entire nervous system.
Most importantly, awe doesn't make you wrong for having trauma. It meets you exactly where you are and offers you something bigger than where you've been.
The gratitude industrial complex has convinced us that healing is a character issue. If you can't maintain a practice, you lack discipline. If you can't find things to be grateful for, you're choosing negativity. If you can't quiet your mind, you're not trying hard enough.
That’s crap.
Healing isn't about becoming a better person. It's about becoming yourself again.
If you've been torturing yourself with wellness practices that feel impossible, you can stop now.
Your inability to maintain gratitude journals isn't a personal failing. It's a sign your nervous system is prioritizing survival over self-improvement.
Your meditation "failures" aren't evidence that you're broken. They're evidence that your brain is working exactly as designed.
Your resistance to mindfulness isn't self-sabotage. It's self-protection. You don't need more discipline. You need different approaches.
Trauma doesn't heal through daily mindfulness practices. It heals through experiences powerful enough to compete with the original wound.
Not maintenance. Not discipline. Not forcing yourself to be thankful for what broke you.
Just awe. Just beauty. Just moments so profound they remind you that the world contains more than your pain when they're timed to interrupt your brain's processing at exactly the right moment.
That's not a practice. That's a remembering.
And remembering doesn't require a subscription.
The Impact Method™ is a patent-pending, trademarked approach that uses strategically timed awe experiences during memory reconsolidation windows to reshape trauma. Early data has shown clients feel validated without ruminating. If you're tired of wellness practices that require superhuman discipline (that feels like punishment), reach out here.
Rebecca T Dickson, Leadership Coach
Rebecca T Dickson is recognized as one of the most transformational leaders in the world. She is the founder of The Yes Method, teaching leaders how to feel and process emotions, and rise. During her 16 years in the coaching industry, she has served tens of thousands of clients globally. The mission: Be yourself.
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