The Power of Pausing Before Reacting and Why One Breath Can Change the Outcome of Conflict
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
Jenna McDonough is a trauma-sensitive emotional regulation specialist who supports adults and children through meditation, mindfulness, breathwork, somatic resets, and sound healing. She is the creator of the PEACEFUL: Mindful Moments for Every Age app and author of Kind Kids. Her mission is to make emotional well-being accessible to all.
Most reactions happen before we even realise we’ve made a choice. In a world that rewards urgency, teaching ourselves and our children to pause may be one of the most powerful emotional skills we can develop. The space between trigger and response is where emotional regulation, connection, and kindness begin.
What happens when we react instead of respond
Many of us were raised in environments where emotional reactions were either ignored, punished, or rushed through. We learned to “get over it,” “calm down,” or push forward without understanding what was actually happening inside our bodies. Modern neuroscience tells us something important: when we become emotionally overwhelmed, our nervous systems shift into survival mode. In those moments, we are far less capable of thoughtful communication, empathy, or problem-solving.
This is especially true for children. When a child is dysregulated, they are not giving us a hard time, they are having a hard time. That understanding has become foundational in my work, from my years as an elementary ESE teacher to my work in mindfulness, emotional regulation, and my children’s book Kind Kids: The Adventures of Hurley, Pearl, and the Pink Soldiers of Kindness.
As I shared in a previous Brainz Magazine article about emotional regulation in education, Why Emotional Regulation Should Be Taught in Every Classroom, the goal is not perfection. The goal is awareness.
The pause is where emotional intelligence begins
One of the most powerful things we can teach children and ourselves is that there is space between stimulus and response. A pause may only last a few seconds, but neurologically and emotionally, it changes everything. That pause gives the nervous system time to settle, creates awareness around emotions, interrupts impulsive reactions, allows access to the thinking brain again, and supports healthier communication and repair.
Often, we assume pausing means suppressing emotion. It doesn’t. Pausing means noticing: “I feel angry,” “My chest feels tight,” “I need a breath before I respond.” That awareness is emotional intelligence in action.
Why children need modeled regulation
Children do not learn regulation primarily through lectures, they learn it through observation. If a parent or teacher immediately escalates during conflict, children absorb that response pattern. But when adults model pausing, breathing, and reflective communication, children begin to internalise those same tools.
This is one reason the conflict scene in Kind Kids felt so important for me to write. Instead of yelling or punishing, the mother pauses with the children. She helps them breathe, reflect, and communicate their feelings before finding solutions together. That moment reflects how I believe emotional regulation can be taught in everyday life, not through perfection, but through practice.
The nervous system always comes first
One of the biggest misconceptions about behaviour is that logic alone changes it. But a dysregulated nervous system cannot effectively access logic. This is why strategies such as deep breathing, grounding exercises, mindfulness, somatic movement, and co-regulation are so impactful. They help bring the body back into a state where connection and learning become possible again. As I often say, you cannot pour calm from a dysregulated cup.
Small pauses create big ripple effects
What fascinates me most is how one regulated moment often impacts far more than the situation itself. A parent who pauses instead of yelling changes the emotional tone of the home. A teacher who regulates before reacting changes the classroom environment. A child who learns to breathe before speaking changes peer relationships. One pause creates another.
This same principle inspired the Soldiers for Kindness initiative, the idea that one small act can ripple outward in ways we may never fully see. Kindness and regulation are deeply connected because regulated people are more capable of empathy, compassion, and intentional action.
The space between reaction and response
Perhaps emotional resilience does not begin with having all the right answers. Perhaps it begins with one breath, one pause, one moment of awareness before reaction. Because in that space between impulse and response, we often find the version of ourselves we most want our children to learn from.
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Read more from Jenna McDonough
Jenna McDonough, Emotional Regulation Specialist
Jenna McDonough is a meditation and mindfulness teacher, children’s book author, and emotional regulation specialist dedicated to helping people of all ages live more peaceful and present lives. She supports adults and children in recognizing, understanding, and moving through their emotions with meditation, mindfulness, somatic resets, breathwork, and sound and energy healing, all offered through a trauma-sensitive approach that ensures safe and empowering experiences. She is the founder of the PEACEFUL: Mindful Moments for Every Age App and the author of Kind Kids: The Adventures of Hurley, Pearl, and the Pink Soldiers of Kindness, and the creator of meditation and healing arts courses designed to foster emotional intelligence, resilience, and compassion.
