The P.A.C.E.D. Method To Managing Up
- Sep 23, 2024
- 4 min read
Written by Mark W. Guay, Men's Coach
Mark Guay is an Integral Certified Coach and IFS practitioner. He is the founder of Fathers Without Compromise, a group coaching program and community for business-owning dads to be great fathers and build a great business without compromising one or the other.
Managing up isn’t just about impressing your boss—it’s about showing leadership when the power dynamics aren’t in your favor. Managing up effectively is a sign of a strong executive presence. It’s about navigating complex relationships and leading calmly under pressure, whether at work or home.
The challenge in managing up often lies in the parts of us that feel anxious or threatened by authority. These parts might carry the fear of not being good enough or the tension of being misunderstood. And when these parts get loud, it becomes harder to communicate clearly or remain confident. So, how do you manage up effectively while working with these internal dynamics?
Use the P.A.C.E.D. process for clarity and presence in challenging moments
Pause – Before reacting, take a breath and recognize any internal tension.
Acknowledge – Identify the part of you that feels pressure or fear. Give it space without letting it take over and listen to what it has to share with you. Connect this to your life story, see how it is trying to protect you, and work to gain compassion toward this protective part of you.
Clarify – What is the real message you need to communicate? Focus on clarity and staying solution-oriented.
Engage – Confidently approach your supervisor or authority figure using concise, purposeful language.
Deliver – Present your thoughts with calm authority. Stand firm without being defensive.
By using this method, not only do you improve your executive presence, but you also model leadership that’s grounded in emotional awareness—whether you’re leading a meeting or guiding your child through a tough moment.
Leadership at work and at home isn’t about control; it’s about connection and clarity. Managing up, when done well, strengthens both.
There was a man named Alex who led a product team at a mid-sized SaaS company in Silicon Valley. He was sharp, creative, and driven, and his team always delivered. But when it came to his relationship with the CEO, Emma, things were different.
Emma was sharp too—blunt and demanding. She had a way of making Alex feel small in meetings. No matter how well his team performed, he always left feeling like he hadn’t done enough. It gnawed at him. The tension built up, and with every new meeting, the anxiety got worse.
Alex came to me for coaching, frustrated and tired. He wanted to improve his communication with Emma, or he’d be finding a new job. What he didn’t realize was that managing up was not just about what you say—it’s about mastering yourself first.
We talked about P.A.C.E.D. It’s a simple process: Pause. Acknowledge. Clarify. Engage. Deliver. I told Alex he wasn’t just preparing for a conversation with Emma—he was preparing for a conversation with himself.
He paused before his next meeting, felt the familiar anxiety rise up, and this time, he didn’t shove it down. He acknowledged it. This part of him wasn’t just afraid of Emma—it had a long history. It feared judgment. It feared failure. But instead of letting that fear run the show, Alex sat with it. He understood it. Then, he focused.
When the meeting came, Alex was clear on his message. He knew what he had to say. When he spoke, he engaged directly, without apology. He didn’t rush. He didn’t defend. He delivered his point clearly, with authority.
And something shifted. Emma, for the first time, listened. She asked questions, not to undermine him, but to understand more. The tension between them softened. It didn’t happen overnight, but over time, their meetings became easier. More productive.
But the real change wasn’t just at work. At home, Alex noticed he was more patient with his kids. More present with his wife. The same clarity he brought into the boardroom, he brought into his living room.
Managing up isn’t just about navigating power. It’s about facing the parts of you that feel powerless. And when you do that, you stop reacting. You start leading.
Alex did, and it changed everything.
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Read more from Mark W. Guay
Mark W. Guay, Men's Coach
Mark Guay is an Integral Certified Coach and IFS practitioner. He is the founder of Fathers Without Compromise, a group coaching program and community for business-owning dads to be great fathers and build a great business without compromising one or the other. As an adoptee and survivor of childhood domestic violence, he leads with this approach: To really change our lives, we must heal the past and embrace the unknown. To do this, we need self-accountability, the courage to take decisive action, a community of support, and trust that doors will appear, leading us on our path.
