The Moment I Chose to Wake Up
- Brainz Magazine
- May 7
- 3 min read
Updated: May 15
Camilla Wellton, creator, mother, reality explorer, somatic educator and author is the founder of The Sensual Institute. She guides soul-led individuals in embodied transformation through the I AWAKE system, weaving depth psychology, somatic healing, and sensual intelligence.
It didn’t happen in a yoga pose. Or during a coaching breakthrough. Or while writing in a journal by candlelight.
It happened in the mess. The rupture. The tangled aftermath of almost losing everything I’d spent years building.
The investor pulled out. Teammates I trusted revealed their true faces. An intense, long relationship came undone. My carefully constructed life, rooted in design, yoga and strategy, began to collapse from within.
And something else emerged. Not panic. Not drive. Something older. Something wordless. Something wild.
I danced. I played. I went to underground parties, surrendered into Shibari, lived to the rhythm of Techno, Dark disco and my own breath. I allowed myself, for the first time in years, to be aimless. To be sensual. To be free.
People called it a break. But it wasn’t a break. It was a breaking open. And then, unexpectedly, I got pregnant.
I remember standing alone in my apartment in Stockholm, hand over my belly, pulse rushing through me like tidewater. The question came, not from fear, but from something deeper:
Who will raise this child?
Not what kind of mother I would be. But who would be doing the raising? The version of me who had achieved through overcompensation? Or the one who had begun to soften, to feel, to dismantle the architecture of old beliefs?
That question changed everything. In that moment, I chose to wake up.
Not just spiritually. Not just emotionally. I mean, Somatically. Systemically. Symbolically.
I began to rewire my nervous system. I began to listen to the language of my body, not as an obstacle to overcome, but as a teacher I had ignored.
I started mapping what I was experiencing. Archetypes. Patterns. Themes. Symbols. Not to control them, but to understand the deeper shape of transformation.
And what emerged, slowly, humbly, through hundreds of voice notes, sketches, meditations, and rituals, became what is now the I AWAKE system.
It’s not a brand. It’s not a method. It’s a symbolic technology for remembering who you are beneath strategy, success, and survival.
It’s rooted in three symbolic worlds:
The house: where your beliefs, identities, and internal architecture live
The garden: where your emotions, tenderness, and longings take root
The sky: where your mind, your awareness, your breath become clear again
Later, The Circle came to me too. The space of the threshold. Of rupture. Of the liminal unknown, where real change happens.
I AWAKE is now a workbook, an oracle, and a school in the making. But more than anything, it’s a map for those of us who choose to wake up not in the retreat, but in the ruins.
Because this isn’t about fixing yourself.
It’s about remembering what was always there, buried beneath performance and pattern.
So this is the beginning. The story of a choice. The moment I said:
The awake one will raise this child
And in doing so, I chose to reach out to the version of myself I had never dared to fully embody.
The one who is fully present. Fully alive.
I am walking toward that version of me now. I'm tracing her steps, remembering my future.
I'm on my way home.
I Awake. Join me.
Read more from Camilla Wellton
Camilla Wellton, Creator, Somatic educator, Founder and Author
She guides soul-led individuals in embodied transformation through the I AWAKE system, weaving depth psychology, somatic healing, and sensual intelligence.
