The Digital Paradox and Finding True Connection in a Hyper-Connected World
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 9
- 5 min read
Jessica Chesterman (HG, Dip.P) is a psychotherapist dedicated to transforming workplace mental health. As a distinguished Human Givens Ambassador, she specialises in helping individuals conquer depression and guiding couples through relationship challenges.
We live in an era of unprecedented connectivity. Our pockets hold devices that grant us instant access to a global network of information and communication, yet, paradoxically, feelings of loneliness and social isolation are on the rise. Up to 85% of adults across the UK have experienced loneliness in some form within the past 12 months. (Men's Health UK).
And this is a global issue. According to the World Health Organization (WHO) Loneliness is now recognized as a significant global public health concern. A Meta-Gallup survey across over 140 countries found that approximately 24% of adults worldwide (over a billion individuals) reported feeling very or fairly lonely. See here.
Why is virtual connection disconnecting us?
While technology offers tools for connection, it doesn't inherently fulfill our fundamental human needs for meaningful relationships and a sense of belonging.
The Human Givens approach emphasizes that we are all born with a set of innate emotional needs that must be met for us to thrive. Among these crucial needs include attention (giving and receiving) and feeling part of a wider community. These needs, of which we have 9 core emotional needs* and 6 core physical needs, act as the strong foundation to our wellbeing yet when these needs are unmet we are more susceptible to emotional distress, including loneliness. See here.
The digital world, while offering the potential for connection, can sometimes create barriers to fulfilling these needs in a healthy way. Let's consider how:
Attention and connection
Social media platforms often provide a superficial form of attention – likes, comments and fleeting interactions. While these can offer a temporary boost they may not satisfy the deeper need for genuine interest and understanding from another human being. The curated and often idealized portrayals on social media can lead people into that ‘Comparison Trap’ - where you start to compare your life to someone else's highlight reel. Over time this creates a distorted reality where the perception of yourself and others becomes skewed and your life starts to feel inadequate. True connection involves being present, listening actively and empathizing with another person's experience – qualities that can be diluted in digital interactions.
And what is the downside to our mental health? As Theodore Roosevelt originally quoted, “Comparison is the thief of joy,”
Decreased self-esteem and self-worth
As highlighted through a study by Butler Hospital, constantly seeing and comparing yourself to these picture perfect lives can over time make you feel like the life you are living is inadequate, unworthy or like you're simply not achieving enough.
Increased anxiety and depression
A study reinforced by the Paul Menton Centre. Stated that the feeling of constantly falling short can fuel and negatively impact someone's existing anxiety or depression.
Envy and jealousy: Seeing others' successes can trigger feelings of envy, which corrodes your own happiness.
Fear of missing out: Observing others' exciting experiences can lead to a pervasive anxiety that you're missing out on something important or fun or that you are being ostracised, excluded or are simply not worthy of having such fun.
Negative body image: Exposure to highly edited or unrealistic body types can worsen body image issues for both men and women as reported by the University of Alabama.
Reduced life satisfaction: Focusing on what others have can make you feel less grateful for and less satisfied with your own life.
The double-edged sword of online belonging
Online communities can be incredibly valuable, especially for those with shared niche interests or who are geographically isolated but unfortunately the downsides do exist. What are they?
Lack of depth in connections: While offering global connectivity, online interactions can sometimes lack the depth and nuance of face-to-face relationships, leading to more superficial connections.
Reduced in-person interaction: Spending excessive time online can reduce opportunities for genuine in-person social interactions potentially leading to social isolation in the real world.
Escapism: Over-reliance on virtual worlds can lead to a disconnection from real-world responsibilities, relationships and the development of essential social skills.
Cyberbullying, trolling, and hate speech: The anonymity or semi-anonymity within communities can embolden individuals to engage in aggressive, abusive, or hateful behaviour that they wouldn't in face-to-face interactions.
Lack of empathy: The absence of non-verbal cues (facial expressions, body language, tone of voice) can lead to misunderstandings and a decrease in empathy, making it easier for people to be rude or dismissive.
Disagreements: Heated arguments and personal attacks can be commonplace and almost normalised, which can make online spaces unpleasant and even unsafe for participants.
Online hate communities: Some communities are specifically formed to spread negative and dangerous views, targeting individuals based on ideology, sexual orientation, ethnicity, or appearance, leading to the spread of extremist views and potentially real-world violence.
Bridging the digital divide
The Human Givens approach offers practical guidance for navigating this digital paradox and fostering genuine connection: if this article resonate with you and you feel you could benefit from making some tweaks to strengthen your real life connections then here are some suggestions as to how
Prioritize real-world interaction: Consciously carve out time for face-to-face interactions with people you care about. This could be meeting friends for coffee, joining local groups, or simply having meaningful conversations with family members. These interactions provide the rich sensory input and non-verbal cues that are essential for building strong relationships.
Cultivate mindful digital engagement: Be intentional about your online usage. Limit passive scrolling and focus on active engagement that fosters genuine connection. This might involve participating in meaningful discussions, sharing authentically, playing some cards and reaching out to individuals directly. Be aware of how social media makes you feel and take breaks when needed.
Focus on quality over quantity: A few deep and meaningful relationships are far more fulfilling than a large number of superficial online connections. Invest your time and energy in nurturing the relationships that truly matter to you.
Develop your social skills: Human Givens emphasizes the importance of having the emotional resources to connect with others effectively. This includes skills like active listening, empathy, assertiveness, and the ability to manage conflict. These may sound like obvious skills but by not engaging with the world, the skills can be lost so practice these skills in your real-world interactions.
Seek out shared experiences: Engaging in activities with others who share your interests is a powerful way to build connection and a sense of community. This could involve joining a hiking club, taking a class, volunteering, or participating in local events. These shared experiences provide a natural context for building relationships.
Recognize and meet your own needs: Loneliness often arises when our fundamental emotional needs for connection are unmet. By understanding your own needs and actively seeking healthy ways to fulfill them – both online and offline – you can build greater resilience against isolation.
While the digital age offers incredible opportunities, it's crucial to remember our fundamental human need for genuine connection. By understanding these needs through the lens of the Human Givens framework and consciously prioritizing real-world interaction and mindful digital engagement, you can navigate the digital paradox and cultivate the rich, meaningful relationships that are essential for your mental well-being.
The key lies in using technology as a tool to support genuine connection rather than allowing it to replace it.
Read more from Jessica Chesterman
Jessica Chesterman, Psychotherapist HG, Dip.P
As a Human Givens Ambassador with 15+ years in corporate enterprise sales, Jessica Chesterman (HG, Dip.P) is passionate about empowering individuals to manage their mental health. Her therapeutic approach, grounded in the latest psychological and neurobiological research, is focused on understanding how emotional needs are met across all aspects of life. By addressing these needs, she aims to help as many people as possible thrive in the workplace and beyond
